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I am struggling so bad with relationship ocd. I am so scared and filled with anxiety. I just wanna talk to someone who also deals with this 😞

Just need to vent. Yesterday I saw a post here that asked “why not” to OCD thoughts. I thought because it’s not right in Gods eye. But I began to spiral from there thinking that I’m a good person even if I don’t want to be and It makes me feel like I want to harm others just to prove I have free will. I have been in panic mode since because this feels so real. I have been praying for God to show me his goodness because I know that will make the thoughts go away but it feels like I’m not being sincere when asking. Why am I rejecting being a good person? I must have accepted the evil thoughts because I feel numb. But why am I in so much distress then?

Anyone got concessional OCD where it just eats up at you. My mind feels like I need to confess every minute detail to my current partner. Any time I may have wronged him , compulsively look for a time I've lied , want to talk about past people so he knows everything about me. But the thing is he does know everything about me. I'm just ill. If I have something I want to confess I think of something else. Then I'm sitting lying next to him feeling riddled with guilt even though I don't have to feel guilty . Help anyone ?

Today is an afwull day. I hate Harm Ocd. I am stuck with intrusive thoughts, and they are extreme. For exemple: stabbing, decapitating, making photos, drinking blood. I can't enjoy anything. And I fucking hate the feeling that I would enjoy it, that I might like it. Why is this happening? Since a little kid I watched horror movies and I never ever have thoughts "maybe I could do this or that". I feel so drowned by the thoughts that I was thinking I should cut my hands off so I am sure I'll never hurt someone. I am also stuck with thoughts like "you'll lose your empathy" , "if you kill you'll enjoy and do it again" "you actually don't care about anyone and in the future you'll be lonely and start killing people and animals", "your life is most likely like that serial killer", "so you want to become like that serial kilker since you have these thoughts", "they won't care if you kill them since they are dead", "secretely, you would like to watch people and especially animals being tortured" and many more. I feel like I can't continue my life with these thoughts. I tried everything. I tried to let them come and go. I tried to not give them meaning. I tried to say that this is just my harm ocd talking. I tried to give myself time and be patient, I tried to not br too hard on myself and understand Harm Ocd. I really tried but I think I am just a bad person and I'll be the opposite of what I always wanted. My dream was to have a family, especially a baby that I could show her love and buy her all the things I never had, I feel like I am stuck and I'll never escape, it's like I don't know who I am anymore. I know they are just intrusive thoughts, but I hate myself for having them. It's like I am living inside my head and reality doesn't even matter.

i saw someone triggers me A LOT. Looking at beautiful looking people has always triggered me. I feel horrible and i feel like i cheated. Finding someone handsome in a relationship is not normal to me i don't know i feel horrible and i feel like i cheated. I didn't feel attracted, but i feel like i cheated so much i hate myself i hate my eyes thats wht i don't look at anyone. I hate looking at people and finding someone beautiful. I feel so guilty. Please help me im begging i need to talk someone. I had this in past, i hate that when that happens. I DON'T want to find anyone good looking. I DON'T want to anyone come to my mind except my partner. I won't act on that thoughts but i feel like im betraying my partner anyway

Another day feeling anxious about a memory that deep down I know isn't real. I don't know how to talk to people anymore, I can't find the words to describe the feeling and try to feel relief. My only desire is to cry out of guilt for something that didn't happen. I'm ashamed to be feeling this way because I know that people don't know how to deal with it, so what I'm left with is this terrible feeling and a thread of hope that I can't hold on to because it's too heavy. I feel so alone, I wish I didn't have this.

I've done 6 months of just letting my intrusive thoughts come and go without any attention and they still fire off every 10 seconds. Usually when I do the opposite of the thought like "I don't deserve to enjoy a hug with my girlfriend". No matter who I speak to about intrusive thoughts nobody has seemed to reduce the severity of them and I'm starting to question if it's even possible...

I have not been diagnosed with OCD, but, just to find out who does, have you ever developed a phobia that is made worse by your OCD symptoms? Since a robbery occurred in my house in the night while i was inside, i have a very intense phobia of spiders. I know it sounds strange, but somehow i related them to that event and not being able to be secure in my own house when i'm sleeping. I often check the corners of the room to see if there are spiders, and when i find them, i am unable to kill them because i am very afraid of them, whether they jump, or more appear. There are times when i don't even want to check the corners because i'm very afraid of encounter another. My anxiety is quite bad with this issue, quite large spiders appear in my house and they look threatening, when i find spiders like that, i start crying and screaming, much worse If i find them in my bed or they come up at night, in that case i have a giant panic attack. There have been times when i have had night terrors, very bad nights that have caused physical symptoms. These terrors and nightmares come from the same fear of a spider crawling while i'm sleeping; I have been so afraid that i have not slept in a comfortable or extended position to prevent a spider to crawl on me. Fortunately that doesn't happen to me often anymore, but it happened recently.

A new fear has developed with my OCD. I'm terrified of the thought of accidentally eating an edible or something thats laced. It gets to the point where I'm afraid to eat sometimes, or trigger panic attacks. Earlier I ate two slim jims, one of them tasted fine but the other looked weird and had an odd texture, it felt dry and a lot harder than usual slim jims, but i was having a binge eating episode where I was just shoving snacks into my mouth after coming home from school, we also don't have a lot to eat at the moment. I'm freaking out a little because I'm afraid that I just ate something that could've been contaminated, and I still ate it even when I thought it looked weird?? How stupid. The thought of it being contaminated didn't pop into my head until recently while I was laying in bed, it was like a "what if" "oh thatd be crazy lol" thought and then triggered my OCD. I have other stories of this topic but this is what I'm currently dealing with now n super anxious I hope someone responds. I have an awful experience with drugs (just marijuana) that were all mainly bad traps and have obviously triggered this new obsession.

Anybody feel ashamed or frustrated that you need to take meds for OCD? I’ve struggled with this off and on for years. I envy people who can do without meds. I’ve tried a few times to wean but felt awful and tried to just accept it that’s it’s a medical condition like diabetes etc. I don’t know I was just curious what others thought if they go through the same dilemma.

Hi friends does anyone have any tips for dealing with uncertainty? I’m dealing with “do I have schizophrenia theme”. And it sucks because it feels very real. I’m avoiding compulsions and doing ERPs and scripting but I just thought to ask for some extra support. And if anyone has insight or encouragement to share with me. Thanks, N

So my thoughts are getting a little tied to my mind. An event that happened a year ago that involved me being in school still. As class was ending I zipped up my bag and everything was going about the usual way. I was in a tight space in a right corner so as everyone was making their way to the door. I was zipping up my bag and I knew someone was coming from behind me. They were planning to pass by while I was zipping up my bag. I got thoughts saying that I should tuck my arm so I don't make contact with them, but I tried to tell myself that even if we do have contact, it shouldn't matter and it won't be a bad thing. But then it got so much worse when it did happen: This person passed through and faced themselves to where they were facing the left so my elbow made contact with her behind... She noticed this and it got awkward. I wanted to say sorry but it was too awkward.. I left class and as soon as I got to the stairs, my heart sank, my thoughts kicked in, and I started worrying extremely about the thought that I just sexually assaulted or harassed this woman and it tore me apart. I hated this day because I was doing so good prior to this and I didn't want to go through something like this. A year later, this still bothers me greatly when I get triggers in regards to harassment or assault of any kind. I see it in workplaces at times and it makes me very unsettled. I feel like I should have just listened to my thoughts because if I don't bad things happen. And this bad thing did happen.. This is the one time a compulsion could have saved me potential trouble.

Does anyone else think that they would just never act on it if turned out to not be OCD? Because I feel like that would be me. I just don't want it even if the ocd makes me feel like I do.

I just want to say I don’t know who reads this but I def can say ocd has ruined evuthing I have from friendships, my mind, education, and just myself I really can’t believe how destructive this disorder is and how manipulative it’s hard because I really don’t want to live like this and I know they aren’t real but tell me why does my body feel that way I’m scared but I don’t want to loose myself or have annoying and depressing thoughts .

my brain is telling me i have feelings for someone else rather than my boyfriend, i actually feel sick because why does it feel real , i’m taking a second and thinking do i actually because these thoughts are constant . should i say something to my boyfriend?? i have no idea what to do

So OCD is a new thing for me and I’m completely unsure about how to navigate this. I’ve been struggling a lot recently with intrusive mental images/thoughts and these have been affecting my life for about a month now. I can’t do anything without it being triggered. Literally anything triggers these thoughts and I can’t stop it. I tell my boyfriend about these as he says he wants to know. I know that these thoughts upset him as they’re sexually inappropriate and I hate them. Some of the thoughts are of people from my past which I have always felt guilt and shame over or people i have seen on social media or shows. Sometimes they are just random too. I suggested one time that I try and not tell him the thoughts as I think that gives it more power and why they’re coming back. He also asks questions about the thoughts which I understand where he’s coming from but that also gives it more power I think. But he said he would want to know and doesn’t want me to start hiding them. I’ve tried so many times to get him to understand and he knows that it’s not in my control he just can’t understand why it’s happening. He always asks “why now” or “why” when I tell him a thought has come up. But to be honest I don’t know and if I did I would stop it from happening. He tells me to fix it and to sort myself out. Im trying my hardest and sometimes it’s tough to be positive about it but I know it’s what my partner needs. He’s usually so supportive of me and there for me but recently he’s just been getting angrier with me. I get that for him it’s a lot but it makes it worse for me as I feel like I’m completely alone with this. I hate having to tell him a thought has come up as I see how much it hurts him. And I do adore him and only have eyes for him so I want him to feel like he is the only one (because he is) but I know the thoughts aren’t helping. I tried explaining to him a mental compulsion I guess that I do and he was trying to understand but he basically said that it sounds like I’m purposefully thinking of something else as well. I know it’s a lot for him and I can’t help the thoughts and I wish I could for him. I’m just really scared about what’s going on in my head and finding help isn’t easy as I’ve moved to the UK to be with him so don’t have my normal doctors or anything. My boyfriend is an amazing guy, I don’t want to paint him as horrible because he isn’t. I know it’s hard for him to understand I just wish that sometimes he’d be a bit more supportive. But I understand that not everyone is capable of being there all the time especially when they’re struggling too. I just want it to stop. I feel so alone with this and like no one else is there for me or wants to be there for me. I’m trying so hard each day to make it better and to be positive about it but it just feels constant in my mind. I want to just sleep all the time. I don’t want to go out, I hardly leave the bedroom anymore. I just know that whenever I wake up I dread the day and wish I could sleep forever.

I've always liked woman I'm 20 years old and I always 100% believed I was straight. can I just become gay? It just came out of nowhere 5 months ago and now it seems like I like guys and I'm becoming gay. How can that just happen?

Hello guys. Is there anyone like me whose intrusive thoughts is caused by fear of not getting sleep? I read in some articles that when we have ocd thoughts, we should let it go and feel the anxiety to increase our tolerance to that thought. But what if you’re trying to sleep? Will the anxiety not let you sleep? Should I push through the anxiety and try to sleep? Or just postpone the thoughts to my next worry time schedule? Please help.😢

During really bad moments of soocd do you guys ever feel demasculated, like less of a man, more feminine etc.?

So earlier my sister layed on top of me like horizontally I guess and then I got a groinal response but it felt like very real and then I looked at her but and got an even more intense feeling and I’m like wtf wtf wtf but at the moment it felt so real and like I was just thinking no way this isn’t real and I’m like wtf now and I’m scared and I’m like actually like WTF And I haven’t like been having anymore like intrusive thoughts or feelings that have to do with my sister anymore but I’m having them again and I’m so scared cause this time it felt like real and like I wanted those feelings but I’m like freaking out