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Can OCD make you think that you don't love people? my thoughts perssuade me that I don't have feelings. It's not true. sometimes everyone feels aphathy right? but because I have felt it too, now I think that I can't love amd feel in general and etc. Is it relatable to you?

Do people with ocd also have obessesive thoughts of friendzoning their boyfriend/girlfriend? It's been bothering me so bad it doesn't stop. I repeat myself that my boyfriend is my lover my soulmate the one I want to be with romantically. It made me view my relationship as friends and it's bothering me alot. I don't want my boyfriend as a friend I want him as a lover. That's why he's my boyfriend duh. I told him and he said don't worry! It didn't stop it still stuck with me. I have been arguing and trying to fix these thoughts for the hours and hours. I become relief than I end up spiraling then relief than spiraling. It made me feel like a bad girlfriend because I love my boyfriend as a lover! I want to marry this him. After a few hours of ruminating, I decided to play a game and teamed up with this friend who is a boy and ik it was gonna be a issue for me because I'm gonna end up having obessesive thoughts soon but I only view this friend as yk friend obviously. But then I started to have thoughts of liking him or secretly liking him and it made me panicked because I felt like I was cheating on my boyfriend and stuff and I started to have these unwanted feelings and I hated it. I left and has a anxiety attack. I was crying because I really didn't want to friendzone or cheat on my boyfriend. Then my obessesive thoughts just made me believe I was crying for the boy I was playing with and making me think I had these secretly feelings for him and I started to panick more because that's not true!!!. I don't have feelings for that boy I never did I only have feelings for my boyfriend and I only love my boyfriend!!!. I don't care about that friend I have a boyfriend!!!! But it's making me believe it so much and I feel like I did have this false crush on this boy and now I'm scared that my boyfriend is gonna end up having a crush on his friend. I feel like I messed up I'm trying to tell my mind that I was crying for my boyfriend and I was crying because I was scared of leaving my boyfriend or cheating on him and also crying because I didn't want to have these false crush on a boy again.

Is anyone a checker? It’s one of my biggest compulsions. So exhausting. How do you deal with it?

Whenever I start talking to a guy if I don’t know if I like him or am not excited when he texts me it automatically makes me think I’m a lesbian. My mind starts telling me that I wouldn’t feel like this if it was a woman. And I get images and scenarios that feel real and like I like them/want them. I’m so confused all the time and feel like I’m going to be alone forever

I have Rocd and I keep on getting a bad feeling in my chest about my bf like to where I have anxiety! The feeling is telling me he’s doing something behind my back but I have his insta and snap passwords and everything! I don’t know what to do I almost wanna look thru everything which I kinda have already! I don’t know what to do bc I hate this pit in my chest feeling and I’m scared it’s not OCD

I often fear hurting my fiancé but I often don’t avoid because I can’t we live a in a small home but my first instinct was to go back to my dads because I didn’t want to hurt her. But I know that’s not something I really want and that I love her. I do tend to tuck away in my game room a lot and I don’t know if that’s my way of getting away from her but we sleep together so I don’t know if I have just gotten used to being around her no matter how much the thoughts bother me. Is this a normal thing?

As I grew older I really loved the person I had become. I was a loving caring person and felt like I had a good head on my shoulders. But one night I woke up in a panic attack out of no where and haven’t been the same since, I now have constant anxiety and have developed crippling harm OCD. I have intrusive thoughts and images that give me terrible anxiety. I don’t even feel like the same person I was a year ago, I’m sure it had caused me to have depression now. 6 months later I have done lots of research on how to handle OCD and it has helped a bit but I’m still so stuck. I just really want to feel and think like I used too. My OCD has made it hard to think like I used too and has numbed my emotions which makes me so sad. Had anyone else had Similiar experiences OCD? It really is like living in a nightmare and makes every day a struggle and fight to push forward. *It also makes me extra sad and frustrating becuase my life is exactly what I dreamed it would be like as a kid, it should be some of the happiest moments of my life and it just isn’t.

Past Event from High School: • When I was in high school, I met this guy named Ryan. • I happened to like and comment on a picture from his Instagram. • After we began talking and found out we went to the same high school, we decided to get to know each other. • In the talk, I really liked him and everything he was saying but one thing really triggered me and my OCD. • He was transgender. • At the time, I barely knew what that was or what the word meant. • So, I asked him to explain it. To which he did. • This led me to letting him know that I thought it wasn’t best to date because I wasn’t sure that could handle him being transgender; an important note here is that I had just come out. • Later on, as our friendship developed, I developed feelings and we decided to date. • For the short two weeks I tore my insides out fighting my brain (OCD). My anxiety was at an all time high: I didn’t have any appetite or will to do anything else; I was hyper focused on figuring this out. • Some of thoughts I had were: o Am I attracted to him? o Does this mean I’m not gay or some other sexuality? o Do I like or am I attracted to his parts? o He isn’t normal. Don’t you just want a normal boy? o What will mom, dad…family think of him? My family won’t love him and accept him. o Focusing on this one part of him over the total person. o You can’t talk to mom or anyone about this. • I am not proud of this next part; I shared some of my thoughts with him. • It really hurt him. I apologized like crazy. I told him I’d have a therapy session with my therapist the day after our date that we planned. • After therapy, I left the decision in his hands, “Know this stuff about me, and my unsureness, would you be okay with letting me figure this out while I date you?” His answer was “No.” Thinking back on it I don’t blame him in the slightest. After “Past Event”: • We eventually returned to being friends. • Every time I saw him my anxiety would spike; I saw him every day walking to and from classes; we didn’t interact with each other, but I ALWAYs knew he was there. I saw him on social media. • Once graduated and unfollowing him from socials, I mostly forgot about him. • When college started, I was fine, for the most part, until his birthday in December to which I went, and my anxiety, loss of appetite, returned. • It left a couple days after. • On my birthday, he reached out to see if I wanted to “Explore and try things for fun.” To which I replied no and proceeded to have an anxiety attack with the symptoms above but shaking included. • I talked to him about it and told him that he deserved to experience stuff with someone who really cares for and was sure about him; I also found out later that his ex-girlfriend was also unsure of him being transgender, just like me. • It was then that I decided I needed to attend therapy with a new therapist; one on my campus. • My first session, I balled my eyes out about everything I was going through aside from Ryan and with Ryan included. • We had many therapy sessions thereafter. I also was able to talk about it with some close college friends that I had made. It took me about 1-2 years to move on from this. • During those 1-2 years I spent a good amount of time learning about gender, transgender issues…so that I could gain knowledge and fill in gaps of information. • Jump ahead to know, I have a decent understanding with room to learn; but I’ve also developed my own perceptions/beliefs/definitions about it all. Last Night: • I’m on dating apps again and I really hit it off with this one person I was talking to. • We decided to exchange numbers to plan a date. • Through our talk via cell phone text, non-planning, we had a really deep and great conversation. • In it, he revealed that he is non-binary (using he/they pronouns). He did it in a very informal way to which I didn’t address it because… • My anxiety went through the roof. Rating = 100. It was like I was back in the situation with Ryan. • So, after ending the conversation for the evening, I googled, “nonbinary,” to understand it; it confused me. • I journaled so I could sleep. Then I proceeded to think about it here and there throughout the night. • This morning, he sent a text letting me know he is free this evening to discuss a plan for our date. • Before responding I had similar thoughts to the one’s I had when things happened with Ryan: o Am I attracted to him? o Does this mean I’m not gay or some other sexuality? o Do I like or am I attracted to his parts? (I don’t know what they are yet) o What will mom, dad…family think of him? My family won’t love him and accept him. o Focusing on this one part of him over the total person. o You can’t talk to mom about this. • Unsimilar thoughts: o Am I attracted to masculinity/femininity? o What if I hurt him like I did Ryan? o It’ll be better to end this to protect him, and myself, from any of the harm I’ll put both of us or my family will put both of us through. • More hopeful/positively-connotated thoughts: o This is different than it was with Ryan. o I’m a different person than I was back then. o I’m more open-minded. o I’m not really letting him decide either. o I’ve learned a lot and I am still learning. • I was going to send this message: o “Hey *Name*, This is gonna come off abrupt and I apologize. I don’t wish to continue talking/dating… I know we hit it off last night, well at least I think so. And I think we mesh well. I’d like to give you a reason but I can’t share the specific details except that our dynamic reminds me of a person of the past. You and him share a similar identity characteristic. I wound up hurting him and myself (emotionally/mentally) because of it. I don’t wish to put you or I through the same. I know I’m a different person from back then and I’ve grown a lot; It just happens to be something I’ve learned won’t end well. If you want to ask questions or wish to know more lmk. I can try my best to explain and we can talk it out but that may or may not require me to bring some of my baggage out. Idk if you want to do that; we just ‘met’. Again, it’s nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. Please don’t take anything personally, you’re amazing and deserve a beautiful life and partner. You deserve someone who is sure about you. -Nicholas • But I didn’t because I didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel like I was making a choice. It felt like I had to do it to feel any sense of relief or ultimate relief. • I decided to talk to my mom about it. Oddly enough, she was very non-judgmental and helpful. Her suggestion was to reach out to my therapist. But also, to talk about and ask questions to the guy about his identity and what it means for him and how he expresses himself. We also discussed how this is different than the Ryan situation and that I am, in fact, a different person than I was in high school.

I’m crying at work while typing this. Today has been one of my worst days since last Tuesday. I’m just so tired of these thoughts always worrying about dumb intrusive thoughts. It’s starting to affect things at work, I just messed something up at work and it’s sent me. The constant what ifs is horrible. Most recent one is what if my family are clones and not real… the existential thoughts and harm ocd never lets up. It’s always new thoughts and I just want to be normal again. I pray every night that I please got back to how I was this summer. I don’t want to hurt a person and I’m sick of these thoughts. I’m taking vitamin D and B complex in hopes it will help, I don’t have a supportive family that will understand. I haven’t been given shit in this life, no physical health, no height, weight and no mental heath. I just want something and I’m really depressed. I just need someone to relate to and talk to because I feel alone and it’s killing me.

I don't want to get into too much detail, but did anyone do something wrong (sexually) as a child, something that was inappropriate and might have made the other person feel weird / uncomfortable? in my case, I don't know if I did; she certainly was quiet after, but she's usually quiet when things are weird or strange, and it was clear that she was mainly doing it because i wanted to. I know that i was young, so young that I didn't get my actions. She also says she barely remembers and doesn't care. But what I did would be considered wrong in any circumstance and might have made her uncomfortable in the moment, based on her facial expressions. I just want to know how to handle this, if anyone could give me an idea.

I promised someone to do them a favour but I didn’t, my father’s friend’s daughter asked me to take her with me to university but I just texted her that I won’t be able to take her with me tomorrow, I know what I did is shameful and wrong but I’m really tired physically and mentally from OCD, when my father knew he got really mad and said that the girl has no one to take her to university tomorrow and she was counting on me and told me that I’ve never pleased him and I’ve never obeyed to him, this really hurt me, I told that I really would wanna help her but I’m too tired and I don’t want to put more pressure on myself, but he never understands, now I’m feeling guilty, shameful, and useless, the girl didn’t even respond to me yet and I think she’s now panicking about how to uni tomorrow and it’s all my fault for promising her from the beginning just because I was shy of saying no, I’m feeling miserable and I’m too ashamed to face the girl and her parents especially that they always have this image of ne for being mature and perfect, I know what I did is shameful and childish but I did to protect my mental health, is it wrong??

Hello, I joined this app because for about a year and a half my life has been turned upside down by my constant fear of peeing my pants when I’m anywhere but my house and I fear that if I can’t get rid of it then I’ll kill myself eventually, it’s embarrassing to have my parents family and people around me see how panicked I get sometimes. I have to use the bathroom about 2-4 times an hour at school and I get really stressed when going in the car for 30 minutes or longer and I’m afraid that if I let myself relax my body then I’ll pee my pants so I just pinch myself and tense my body up until I let my flight (flight or fight) win, it’s really hard for me to perform with my band for more than 5 songs because it would be so humiliating to pee my pants on stage, I can barley walk down the street without thinking about where the nearest bathroom might be and when I’m out for dinner with people I get stressed out about what if they think it’s weird that I leave the table too much anyways. It started when I was in class one day and I just got a random thought of what if I pee my pants while the teachers talking and that really scared me I can still remember how I felt afterwards sitting in the bathroom thinking what just almost happened and I haven’t been the same since. I’ve consulted doctors and I think it’s mainly psychological. I’m just tired of always having to think about my fear and being scared to let it go ,

I'm having extreme anxiety right now about the fact that someone kissed me or "gobbed me" without my consent in February and I have a boyfriend and the thought is that I cheated. For someone to “gob” you it means they basically stuck their mouth on you to kiss you without your consent and it’s just a word everyone I know uses. In February I was in a bar with my friend and they have these small mixed gender bathrooms with like two cubicles. I don’t remember exactly what happened because I was really drunk and blacked out for some of the night but i remember having a vision of someone coming towards me and sticking their mouth on me. The next morning I was in hysterics crying thinking I cheated and felt dirty and disgusting and my friend told me we were in the bathroom and talking to this guy and then she left thinking I was right behind her, I came out a few seconds later in a panic saying he had just “gobbed” me and later in the night I pointed out to my friend who did it. I was having a meltdown the next day and my friend was assuring me I did nothing wrong I would never cheat on my boyfriend and we were not speaking or flirting with any boys the entire night. But my thoughts are blaming myself like how could I have let that happen? Since I was sort of blacked out I don’t remember if i pulled away or if I said I had a boyfriend or what happened did he come towards me so fast and unexpectedly that I didn’t get the chance? I am also only 5 foot so I am presuming this boy was bigger than me and just came out of nowhere. If someone did this without my consent is it cheating? I am also getting thoughts what if I wanted to do it or enjoyed it or what if I forgot I had a boyfriend but my friend said there’s no way as she only left the bathroom two seconds before me so it must have happened so fast because I came out freaking out saying that it had happened and I never flirt or have any interest in boys when i am out and it is not something I would do. I have rocd long before this situation and my biggest fear is being cheated on or if I cheated I would be such an awful person and I would never do that to someone as i think it is the worst thing someone could possibly do so this situation has exacerbated my rocd. My therapist said this could have happened anywhere and my mam also said if someone smacked you across the face would you say it is your fault? And I said no. My doctor also said that is crazy, how in any way do you think that is your fault? But my thoughts are still making me feel so guilty and so upset for my boyfriend. My therapist has since told me to not engage with the thoughts but I just find it so difficult. The thoughts that are always in my head are convincing me that there's a possibility that I cheated or that I wanted it and if that's the case that I cheated I am a horrible person and I have to confess to my boyfriend and break up but my therapist also said that confessing to my boyfriend would just be seeking reassurance that it is ok to make myself feel better when it is not my fault.

I genuinely feel like not carrying on I feel different, I feel lost, about 11 months ago I walked home intoxicated and I have an urge that I done something awful to a female, nothings came of it but unless I find out I can’t see me ever moving on. Plz help

I’m currently in a very happy relationship and i love my partner. The problem is, he has a very attractive friend that is also my friend now! I keep getting fears of me liking his friend and now i dont know how i’m supposed to act around him. I wish i could avoid him forever but i cant. And me not avoiding him makes me feel so guilty because i feel excited when he’s there and it feels so wrong. Also, Im so scared i would wanna go to an outing just because he’s there. I cant tell whether those fears are real and might actually happen or if they’re intrusive. I dont even know if i like him or i just see that he’s attractive and it’s messing with my head making me think i actually like him. It’s haunting me!

I… I looked at homosexual explicit anime content a couple times when i was 14… I had no idea what sexuality was at the time… and my hocd has triggered me with it… I had no idea what sexuality was at the time and i was also addicted to explicit content at the time… i dont ever want to be homosexual or bisexual at all… in any way… and this is POCD related too because this was a very wide known explicit anime that involved very young characters… i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo at all in any way… I remember when i pleasured myself to explicit content involving a man and a woman when i was 12-13… and i finished at the same time the dude did… my hocd is saying im in denial for this… I had no idea what sexuality was or anything like that… my first ever crush was a woman and i always want it to be women… i dont ever want to be attracted to men in any way shape or form… It was an educational video, so it was showing his privates finishing inside of the woman... i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… Its making me feel like im not anxious of triggering thoughts when i try to check my reaction too… i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… When i think about beautiful attractive women, i feel happy and relaxed… actually comfortable… when i see guys, get intrusive thoughts about guys, or intrusive feelings, it makes me feel so anxious and uncomfortable… Its making me think i wanted to finish at the same time as the guy in the video… i dont think i was attracted to him because when he moaned in the video i remember feeling turned off by it… i dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all… I remember finishing when the guy did… his privates were shown when he was finishing… i dont ever want to ever be attracted to guys in any way shape or form in my lifetime… I also remember that i wasnt attracted to the guy at all… I just wanted to finish when he did because I wanted to keep up the same pace… I dont ever want to ever be homosexual or bisexual at all…I also have pocd and real events OCD regarding explicit anime/explicit cartoon content too… (14,17,18) i didnt know what the content was or what it represented and some of them said the characters that were underage in canon, were 18+ in the content, so I thought they were safe to watch… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… The explicit anime characters looked and were really young… and i avoided most of the content… but i thought some of the content wasnt Pediphilic because they were on public explicit sites and had millions of views… I didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented… I assumed that some of the content was safe to look at because it was on public sites and had millions of views… i didnt know that this content was or what it represented… but doing my research made me gag and puke… i dont ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… they were anime characters that looked extremely young… i didnt know how horrible the content was or what it represented…

a quick statement about myself, i have pretty bad contamination ocd to the point where it takes hours out of my day and changes the course of my daily plans entirely... I needed a job at the beginning of summer so i applied around and got a call back from a grocery store not too far from my house. i interviewed and it went great, and the manager had said that this job was fairly simple and easy and if i wanted the job it was mine. I took the position not thinking much of it at the time. now that i look back i would be a lot happier of a person right now if i hadn't accepted the offer. things started off well, i would do what i was asked and didn't have any problems or restrictions completing my tasks. people would buy raw things (one of my fears), and most horrifying to me, raw chicken. people would buy those items and i would avoid touching them or being around them.... easy enough. (before yall say i sound crazy or anything, the chicken packages sometimes leak juices and i in general cannot get over my fear of those packages because they do that, even though most are sealed properly.) ok sorry onwards as time went on though, i began to watch more carefully at who touched what and what they touched after. customers would grab chicken without bagging it or sanitizing their hands afterwards as recommended. they would them touch the cart, the other groceries, shelves, self checkout screens, hand scanners, mini fridge handles, and the clean bags. in my head, that deems that everything else is unclean and extremely unsanitary, so i now am cautious to touch anything i had seen someone with "chicken hands" touch. working register is even worse as to where i would have to touch, scan, and bag their chicken, so i am afriad to work on register. (im not even including touching the carts and baskets because lord knows when these people last washed their hands) it has gotten to the point where i cannot complete the simplest tasks required of myself in my job without having a breakdown or a traumatic experience. to combat these fears, i now purchase a container of 40 hand wipes before every single shift and usually use all of them by the end. i also try to wash my hands every so often but the bathrooms are so gross and the people using them are even more gross i end up feeling more dirty leaving than i did entering. since everything i touch is the epitome of disgust in my mind, the minute i get home i have to do a deep scrub shower, wash my uniform, and scrub everything i brought with to work until i think it is clean enough. while that doesn't seem like all that much of a difficulty, keep in mind that cleansing and calming down can take hours and i am a stem major college student that has no time whatsoever. because of this job, my hands are now destroyed, cracking, bleeding, and more dry than ever (i already had dry hands but this made it ten times worse), my mental health is at an all time low, and every time i work i am miserable the rest of the day because of how triggering work is for my ocd. moral of the story is don't work at a grocery store if you have contamination ocd like mine. you will be miserable. your mental state will hit rockbottom. it is not fun. (if you read this thank you!.... a quick psa, i can't just like quit either, it pays well and it is my best option for getting hours with my current life schedule, although i don't even get to enjoy my weekends because i work every single one to the point where i have no social life whatsoever, just misery.)

I struggle with harm ocd ( and other themes) but hocd is ruining my life!!! It’s directed towards my kids mainly my 6 year old son. I literally have intrusive thought all day!!! I feel so disconnected, this happened to me before when I look at him it’s like don’t “recognize him” I also feel that way towards myself when I look in the mirror. This past week every time I look in the mirror I just have hate towards myself. I’m absolutely miserable!!! The smallest things trigger me!!! I’m trying erp and “accepting thoughts” I feel like at first it was working but now I’m back in this vicious circle!! I feel lost I feel hopeless I feel scared I feel worthless It just feels like I’m losing my mind!!

I don’t have OCD but I think my son has it. Yesterday he totally snapped because I assumed a bag of chocolates could be shared by the entire family. This triggered so many reactions on him that evolved into him throwing the bag of candy to me….. I got upset and told him that his OCD didn’t give him the right to be disrespectful specially to a caring and understanding parent. Now he says he hates the whole family and that he won’t talk to us in 2 years. I don’t pressure him. He finished a GED but he hasn’t done anything in about a year and a half. I understand life is difficult for him and I give him time. It’s so difficult for me to understand why such small issues take priority over other life changing issues such as being productive, finding a job, friends, etc. He told me so many bad things yesterday . He also changed his name and has had different obsessions throughout the years like spitting, calories intake obsessions, exercise obsessions. Etc. Can somebody help me as to what to do? Should I ignore and wait for this to pass or try to communicate and possibly make it worse ? This situations also affect his brother and the entire family, I have tried everything but nothing seems to work. If I recommend this website to him I’m afraid it will unlock more obsessions that he currently doesn’t have…… I’m lost and my hope is almost gone Not even sure if his condition is OCD or something else ….. he won’t go to a doctor face to face (just via video call) nor take therapy and during the calls he completely disengages with the doctor…… I need yo do the talking.

I was diagnosed with ocd at the age of 21. I notice its gotten a bit worse than better the last couple of weeks. I'm unemployed and not in school so my mind isn't stimulated with things that are important like that. But I've been unemployed for a number of years and I haven't had it to this extent. I become frustrated with myself because I used to tell myself with time my control over ocd will become more and more easier. What's been on my mind in the past couple of months is a video that was circulating on the internet of a cat getting killed in an extremely disturbing way and the description of the video is whats been constantly repeating in my mind. I love animals and especially cats so I've been a bit haunted by this description and even the quick still images I've seen. I deleted social media and blocked social media from my phone on an app called stay focused which makes it impossible for you to Google certain words or open certain apps. This has been helpful for a long time, but in my ocd mind I realized that the terms wouldn't be blocked if I spelt things different or didn't use a space. My mind is going a little crazy thinking of ways to google this even though it's something I would never look at or even read about because it's so upsetting and disturbing. I usually get over things like this in the long run even though it's upsetting in the moment. But, there's something about this particular incident that keeps repeating in my head, as if my mind is LOOKING to be upset over something. Than I go through guilt of wanting to get over it and move on (if that makes sence) what my fears are are "what if I google this to MAKE sure its fake and I watch the video that will traumatize me" or "what if looking at it will put this to bed in my mind finally and I can move on" or "am I a bad person and bad animal lover for wanting to get rid of this memory of this description of this video that's absolutely terrible." The idea of exposure therapy in this incident doesn't help but would traumatize me worse. I would also want to know if anyone deals with these kind of thoughts of "what if I google this and look at this terrible thing" how do you work through these thoughts without an app that controls what you see or google. How do you gain control of it where the internet feels safe and loving and not a smorgasbord of disturbing images and scary things. I thank anyone who takes the time to read this and gives me advice on letting this go and moving on.