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it just feels true right now but I just feel numb and like I don't even care to do compulsions. My boyfriend also isn't treating me well right now which makes stuff worse wahhh

I keep thinking about a decision I made while under the influence of alcohol and to this day it still hurts me to think I’d do something so stupid. It went against my morals, my life and the way k belive and think. At the time I was in this depressive state where I didn’t care about myself, I didn’t care about anyone else and the thought of allowing myself to let people in was scary because they’d just leave again so I looked for a release of connection through short periods of time, getting it anywhere and with anyone without a care and once I woke up from who I’d become I sort to change it and I have. I’ve learnt from my mistakes I take responsibility and I’ll never do such a disgusting thing again. I’ve met the absolute love of my life during the wake up call, it was the day of the wake up call/ biggest mistake of my life and now I can’t associate meeting him and this day as the same thing, it’s like because they both happened at the same time I’m not allowed to say meeting him was the best thing in the word, even though it was and had forever changed me. He’s like exactly who I’ve been dreaming of and I’m becoming a better person alongside him. But these mistakes still hurts to think about and I don’t know how to move past it, I’m scared I’ll never be allowed to

I guess I ask this because people say if you are facing distress and anxiety, its HOCD. So i got this when i turned 20, i remember I got a panic attack from it and was very upset about, before I knew about HOCD i would look up how to be straight and not gay. Ive been dealing with this for over a year now, but it feels like i dont face anxiety or stress, or worry, or distress anymore, and now im questioning if i ever felt it. The actions that I do and have done every single day for over a year, is looking, googling, researching(usually on the same website and topic) talk to my mom and sister about it ask for reassurance, they have told me that this has caused me distress and anxiety ect. Whenever i use to take the are you gay quiz, and it told me I was straight, I would get happy and excited(even tho at times it felt like I was forcing it). I post questions, I debate, argue, and analyze my thoughts all the time even though it feels hopless and feels like I lose. Compulsions and ruminate I believe I do a lot, my ocd tries to make me doubt it, but whenever I do compulsions or rumination, it feels worse, like the gay feeling feels more real and true, I dont want to be gay but it feels very real.

SometimesI feel like my brain functions differently than others, I receive information in a different and more analytical way, which makes my understanding of social interactions and the way I react to is kinda weird and slow, so lately I keep ruminating about how I might look to others and what if I’m actually looking like a creep for my weird reactions to them, I try to act natural and to blend in with them but I can’t help but feel like a creepy weirdo who doesn’t know how response well, does OCD makes it hard to interact with people?

Please tell me some Prozac success stories I’m starting it tomorrow! Feeling hopeful because I was doing ok on Zoloft and have been much worse since I’ve been off so we’re trying a new med.

Please forgive me in advance. I do not want to offend anyone on this platform so if I'm not politically correct, I am sorry. My bf of almost 2 years comes from a lower economic status than I did growing up. His father has intellectual disabilities from childhood trauma and abuse. His nieces and nephews have some disabilities as well. My bf and I have talked about marriage in the future. My OCD makes me focus on the possibility that if we marry, we may have a child with disabilities because of it running in the family. I know I sound judgemental and that does bother me. I know I'm not perfect so I shouldn't seek perfection in others or judge ppl but it worries me. I look for things wrong in my bf too, worrying that maybe I missed something and maybe he has something I didn't notice. It sounds ridiculous as I write this. Am I alone in this issue?

The thoughts feel so real. I feel like I'm denying everything just to hold onto what I'm comfortable with. The depression is crazy too; it feels like none of my ERP work matters because I'm just in denial.

So I’ve been struggling to write this down. The truth about OCD is that it sucks. I get weird thoughts and they stick. And because I can’t confirm their weird thoughts i get stuck in a cycle of rumination. That’s my compulsion. I avoid people and situations because I think I’m a bad person. Which ultimately drove me into depression and more. The verdict is this: you can’t make a thought go away. You can accept it as a thought even if you feel doubt about accepting it and letting it be there. Fake it till you make it. I’m faking it everyday and I’ve grown so much since staring my exposure therapies. Don’t avoid your exposures. They become so easy like water. The hardest part is starting. Rumination is a choice - believe it or not. I go, wait a minute wait a minute, I don’t want to keep figuring this out. And I feel the train tracks move and my mind goes else where. This is with therapy. This is with holding on to my last string of hope. And to make this easier for all of you. I’m a mother. My ocd has made my life harder because I have a tiny human who relies on me. I had a horrible childhood with the main billion still in my life. I’ve accepted it. Accept and move on. Work out for 5 min a day. Buy a new gym outfit that makes u feel hot!! Eat something different like a good quality chocolate bar ( a piece ) enjoy it!!!! Chew it slowly. Drink some water. Listen to your heart not your OCD . We don’t need compulsions, you will get there and one day believe it. Live with ocd like you don’t care! You’ve gotten this far. Rewrite your story this year. Start again everyday. And take it day by day… Build your peace and remember, nobody has the motivation to get out of bed, it’s about building good habits and discipline. Start preparing your meals for thanksgiving. Give charity, pray to god once a day. Tell him your letting him take over. Now get up and , 1,2, ready set GO.

Hello, I am 20 years old and I believe I’m suffering from ROCD. I’ve had these issues on an off in my 2 year relationship and it’s been a big struggle for me. My boyfriend is the best, kindest soul I know and I just never want to lose him. The story is kind of confusing but bear with me. My childhood crush from when I was a sophomore in high school is still really close friends with my cousin, so I see him a lot. I am always worried and freaking out that I still like this childhood crush, Im constantly checking my feelings, looking things up, and just ruminating all day. It’s been very triggering for me and stressful. I constantly feel like I need to breakup with my boyfriend because “what if i still like him” (my childhood crush). I need opinions on what you guys think I should do. I don’t know if i’m just insecure and scared of losing my boyfriend or if I’m genuinely still having feelings for this past person. I will say I have had a history with sexual orientation ocd so I have had many experiences like this before.

I’ve just been so sad. It’s been almost ten years of SOOCD. Ten years. I was twelve when it first started and now I’m 22, and I’m no closer to an answer now than I was when this began. Don’t get me wrong— it’s been on and off. There have been times where I’m very confident that I’m straight and other times where I feel like I have no choice but to be a lesbian. There’s so much evidence pointing towards me being bisexual at the very least, and after ten years, it feels like that must be true. I don’t think I will ever have a normal, happy life because of this. I will never be able to pursue my dream career because in my mind it’s a “lesbian” career, I’ll never get to fall in love with a man without scrutinizing it the entire way through, I’ll never know what it is to be at peace. To know myself. Sometimes I feel like I’m okay with being bisexual. Really, I do. But then I realize that feeling comfortable with being bisexual might mean I actually am. I just don’t know what to do. Ten years is too long. My life has been robbed from me. If it doesn’t stop by next year, I might just end it.

I’m running this by this ND community because Google is useless. I feel threatened all the time and feeling threatened is making me constantly irritable. Am I overdoing it? I may be tbf. I meditate nightly and I’m on permanent vacation but I do a lot of studying and I’m trying to expand a business. I need a way to wind down that isn’t drugs. I’ve been clean for 8 years and my instincts tell me to use drugs to unwind but the whole idea gives me a panic attack and I often get defensive if I feel threatened like this and lose my temper.

Hi guys this if my first post here on my quest to a better life The last 2 years have been massively stressing to me and I lost my marriage to an affair, my dream of becoming a father, my home and have to completely reset my entire life after 13 years of hard work I've now spent almost a year with a new partner who is absolutely wonderful in every way and on paper. My life is the best it's ever been and I know I'm happier then ever So why do I continue to ruminate, and have cropping doubts that I'm not good enough for my new partner on a daily basis. That's the next thing I want to understand about myself These thoughts are obsessive and intrusive and massively effect my mood and emotion on a daily basis. Like today's sprang from a photo of my new partner on an NHS id badge where she had different hair. And after sprial to special it ended up in my head as do I even know the real her and is she happy with me Apologies for the word blirt I guess I'm looking to understand if I'm not crazy. And where/ how I can get help and get this crap under control. And live a happy life Cheers for reading

New to all of this. Medications that didn’t make you lose your mind? I’m so nervous about taking medication. Suggestions?

Is it normal for me to focus all day everyday on my mental health? Checking to see if I am going to have thoughts and get anxious before I even do? Always looking up stuff to find more information about OCD? I’m in recovery of OCD and I always check my symptoms around my daughter, before I even have thoughts I get anxious I’m going to have them or something will trigger it, all day I’m looking up stuff about OCD , why am I so focused on my mental healthy every single day! What can I do!? Practice mindfulness? Nothing on the internet says anything about this

How do you deal with soocd trying to convince you that you had crushes on your friends in the past. I keep having thoughts about my female friendships and my brain is like “you actually wanted to date her” or “if she said she liked you, you’d want to be with her instead of your boyfriend”. These thoughts are so distressing because I don’t think they’re true but I also can’t ignore them because I just hate myself for even thinking it in the first place. If I ever told my boyfriend I was thinking these things he would never want to be with me. I don’t know how to spend time with my female friends who I’m seeing over this weekend without this totally overwhelming my brain. Has anyone dealt with this?

Has anyone taken any medications that completely just removed the ocd? Or did you still have issues with it?

It was too much for her and I don't blame her. She was freaked out about it. My OCD is really bad with unbearable themes. We planned our whole life together and I lost it all because I can't control my stupid brain. I've hit rock bottom and I don't know if there's any saving me

Who of you are Christians and have had to learn to live with OCD as a Christian? It’s one heck of a ride!!! How does it affect you?

Hello, I do not have OCD but my boyfriend does. We’re both in our early 20s, we have been together for almost a year. I’m making this post seeking advice , thank you for taking the time to read. He’s always had issues obsessing over my past and asking me questions and things of that nature. I talk to him about it and answer when he wants to ask me stuff, but the problem is i don’t want to talk about these things because it’s really traumatic for me. He tends to obsess over my past romantic history which brings up bad feelings for me (SA, DV trauma etc) I want to help him but it’s VERY hard to stay patient when it’s triggering me. Every time he asks me about these things i either end up having a panic attack or getting so upset with him which ends up making him feel worse because he can’t control his obsessions and it’s a really hard cycle for both of us. I don’t understand much about OCD and it confuses me how one minute everything is fine and the next he is upset. and he hasn’t been diagnosed yet but is working on getting into therapy. He has his own trauma which i think is where this all stems from. But in the meantime I want to find better ways to help but also keep my own mental health in check. I’m willing to do whatever I can to help him with his issues. It’s also really isolating because it’s a difficult situation and i’m having difficulty finding anyone who relates and can help. Thank you for reading this. 🥺 And anyone who has advice would get greatly appreciated.

I keep getting intrusive thoughts of men and their privates when i pleasure myself and i hate it so much... plus i have this intrusive urge to smell my hand during and after i pleasure myself, and when i do because i dont want to smell weird, my hocd goes "YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF YOUR HAND AFTER PLEASURING YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU LIKE MENS PRIVATES AND LIQUIDS" when i really dont want to be attracted to men or their privates in any way...