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TW - religious and social issues I'm just venting. Besides, people won't understand, so I'm not asking anyone to read, but if you wish to I won't stop you. Don't try to understand too hard, because again, you probably won't. (Nobody has in the last few years) I just don't know what to do. Every time I bring up a few particular things I'm upset about -- things that are more than simply OCD (which is a pain to try to talk about when you have OCD) -- people try to disagree with me; and sure there's no problem in disagreement, but they bring it up every time I talk about it without fail and it's so frustrating, especially since they don't seem to understand why I'm really bringing it up or what I'm trying to say and they keep talking about it as if they understand. Then people are hypocrital about it, arguing against me, but when we aren't talking about it I hear them and others say all the time the exact same thing I'm upset about. It's so frustrating! And I don't really feel like they understand me or want to listen to me. It's gotten to the point that whenever I journal about it or pray about it or even just think about it, my mind automatically assumes the defensive position and makes my thought process be as if I was arguing about it and trying to explain what I'm saying, I guess because nobody listens. This has been an absolute nightmare, I can't find any way to explain it, and people don't seem to want to hear the explanation anyway, on top of the fact that these things are soul-crushingly depressing. On top of that, these are really obscure feelings and thoughts that I really feel like I'm the only one to have. (Nobody, not even others with OCD, have seemed to understand them.) The only solution I can really see is to just keep it to myself. I've learned more about it when I stopped talking to people than when I was. And hearing people suggest that "talking about your feelings is the right way to go" doesn't help. And I often feel like maybe I'm ALL WRONG about how I feel others are reacting, but every time I see the same pattern and then it just comes right back to me.

I feel like I’ve lost myself completely. I don’t know who I am or what I want anymore. This disorder is making me feel like I’ve lost everything.

I'm wondering if I should be worried about a dream I had where I enjoyed snuggling someone other than my girlfriend and the thing that stopped me from getting on top of him was my morality, or if I'm just ruminating because dreams are weird as crap? I'd really appreciate some help cuz I don't really want to stress out my girlfriend with this.

I go through brief moments where I gain my attraction back to men, and I’ll feel good for a brief second and then feel like I hear OCD scream at me I don’t want that. It’s like it won’t let me have a moment of enjoyment in peace. I hate this so much. Beforehand, I’d be able to create whole storylines and daydreams about guys and now I can’t. I know daydreaming is an unhealthy coping mechanism. But can I please have a moment of peace and not panic?

So, everytime I have a spike, I have the exact same pattern: panic attack, followed by DPDR feelings, followed by depression and then it goes into a loop of anxiety, DPDR, and depression. I've had DR feelings ranging from "what if everyone else is fake? What if it's all a dream? Or a hallucination? How do I know if my thoughts are my own? What even is autopilot if I'm on autopilot? Are good and evil made up concepts? What is our inner voice? How can we see things in our memories?" Now my mind has decided to try this on for size: "what if I'm making everything up? People and all? What if the things I read in articles or even on here are things I've made up just to reassure myself?" Even typing this out is causing cold sweats, so I know it's just my OCD and anxiety, but OCD persists telling me that it's not. I'm exhausted. I'm worried if someone replies "I've felt this before" I'll be like "of course you have because I'm making this all up." And that freaks me out. It all does. I'm so upset.

I can't tell if it's my intuition or ocd at this point. I'm praying to God not to let these voices/fears manifest into reality. I'm so scared, I feel miserable

I swear to all that is holy, it feels like OCD will kill me. 😭🤦🏼‍♀️ I primarily have health OCD, that is connected to physical symptoms I have. Right now it’s focused on stomach pains. But not just ANY stomach pains, it’s these certain stomach pains in one specific area of my stomach up by my right rib. When I feel them, I absolutely freak out thinking that I have some kind of awful c*ncer. As in, panic rising, most terrified feeling I’ve ever had. And that feeling will hang out for HOURS. I respond with go away ocd, maybe it’s true maybe it’s not. Focus on something I value. The rumination is really hard to control but I’m really trying. Nothing seems to make this awful feeling go away. I have an appt with my doctor on Jan 12 to get it checked out (though I’ve been to urgent care recently for it). My partner and dad both say that they also have very similar pains that I describe and in the same area (yes I know, that’s reassurance but when I’m in a full panic attack…I don’t know what else to do…) But I just can’t stop worrying about it since it’s present just about daily. It impacts all aspects of my day because I’m worried that I’ll trigger it. I’ve stopped eating certain foods. Stopped any kind of hard workout. Don’t wear certain kinds of clothing. And I don’t think I’ll be able to get past this until I have some kind of test that proves I don’t have c*ncer…but that’s also reassurance and ffs, what happens when I switch to the next symptom? So far since June I thought I had breast cancer, throat cancer, colon cancer and now this. I just can’t get past that a symptom IS PRESENT. Therefore something must be wildly wrong (or so my OCD tells me) All of this is super connected to the fact my mom died from breast cancer 6 years ago. She went to the doctor for a drooping eyelid and it was breast cancer like wtf (granted, she hadn’t had a mammogram or been to the gynecologist in 23 years….and ignored 3 breast tumors for YEARS). So the trauma for me is real that the same will happen to me. I feel like a complete crazy person and reading through this post makes me see how much the OCD has taken over 😭 I really don’t think I deserve the conquerer badge AT ALL. 😭

So, i'm trying to accept that sexuality maybe can change? But it still scares me way too much. I know that if that was to happen to me, everything would be okay, and that obviously, you can still lead a happy life. But i'm more than happy with just the idea of boys. It's always felt natural and right for me, and I have never and still do not force myself to like boys. I would just feel happier. Or atleast I want to with a man. Any way to deal with this idea that it could change? Does anyone else deal with this? This definitely seems to be the thing that has scared me the most throughout having soocd. X.

Any advise on how to over come cannibalism thoughts. I have thought about it to much where I feel like there is no return. It made me question everything.

I couldnt celebrate this Christmas fully, i wanted to really be thankful that Jesus came to this world to save us, yet i found myself questioning what was the purpose of that, cause i didnt know why, i started questioning whats the reason of all of this, why God made us if He knew that we will betray Him, why we have to suffer because of Adam and i felt angry because its unfair. I still didnt found the answer to this yet now i realized what can be behind this. Maybe its not that and after i deal with this feeling that its not fair we are here cause of Adam and Eve will still be here. But i know the problem is that i feel shame that its the part of me that i can betray God. That its in me to think that i can be better than God. We christians just normally say that we are sinful creatures and bad people but this just makes me have a really bad relationship with myself. When i try to understand something i always feel like im trying to be in Gods place, like im trying to be like Him. And this "we are bad and sinful" just makes me feel bad and i want to say its not true but thats the truth. And yeah Jesus died for us but that still makes me feel bad that im sinful, and then im angry cause i didnt choose this, noone did, i didnt choose to eat that fruit from the three... its just makes me feel that its unfair. I dont really understand the story of Adam and Eve.

Does anyone who has pocd struggle or has struggled with suicidal thoughts everyday just feels like a constant endless suffocating loop that will never end I can’t be around my baby I can’t get rid of groinal responses I can’t get rid of these thoughts I can’t abandon my child but it feels like that’s the only solution I don’t want to die but it feels like nothing is getting better.

Just a question, what is the definition of checking someone out? I have sexual ocd so it’s always saying I’m checking everyone out if I take my eyes off their face for even a second… I have a bf who I never want to betray… is it inappropriate if you think someone is attractive and look at their body? Not in a way of oogly googly eyeballing them or sexualising them, but my mum and partner both tell me it’s normal to see people as “a whole person” like not just concentrate on their face the whole time you’re aloud to look at the persons face and body without it being sexual - my brain doesn’t allow me to understand the difference :( I’m trying to do little exposures and even if I find someone attractive just trying to look at their face, their outfit, their body, etc, without paying attention to the thoughts. I guess I just am concerned about ever being inappropriate. My partner can look at a movie and not be worried if the girl is in a bikini for example he just looks wherever on the screen…. Is checking out when you have intent and you’re looking the person up and down trying to sexualise them?? I want to just be normal and have a hard time understanding what normal is - because a lot of my thoughts are unwanted sexual ones… I’m scared what if I had a thought saying “that person has an attractive body” then I looked down at their body, is that checking them out? Or is that just me going “fuck off ocd idc what you say” I just am genuinely confused and hope someone can give me some insight into what is normal and what is not, and what it means to actually check someone out… sorry for the rant, hope someone can help me cause I’m just worrying alot. Never wanting to be unloyal or disrespectful to my partner or relationship. I know everyone has different opinions on things but if a couple people could maybe give me some advice that would be appreciated? 🎄 merry Christmas everyone

My name is Luciana, I'm 22 years old from Argentina. I'm currently battling with generalized anxiety disorder and a really intense period of panic attacks. It all comes from my uncertainty in regards to my relationship. I never knew such a thing as ROCD existed, but when I read about it I couldn't help but feel like it really matched ALL of my symptoms and worries. I haven't been diagnosed with OCD though. I'm currently taking 50mg Zoloft, 1mg Klonapin and I recently (2 days ago) finished taking my last Risperidone (anypsychotic needed for my self-harming thoughts and actions). I would like to get to know more about the whole ordeal, as I'm succumbing to the panic and feeling like I might have to leave the beautiful relationship I have (for the last 5 years) and ruin everything. I know my unconscious is being dominant right now, and the pressure in my heart is unbearable. Please, help.

i’m so paranoid about my MIL/FIL/SIL overstepping with my baby! I’m due in 2024 and I literally don’t even want my MIL to hold my child at all because she is so wicked. for several years while my husband and I were dating (started dating at 16 years in old) she constantly bullied, berated, insulted and talked shit about me to everyone. a 16 year being targeted by a 36 year old grown woman. Then even after getting married after 7 years of us dating she still belittles and patronizes me and is so incredibly negative! It’s gotten better since the beginning but she still lies, manipulates, and tries to control everyone around her. But now that i’m pregnant It sickens me the idea of her even looking at my daughter and it bothers me so bad that my child will have her DNA in her. I’m also prematurely annoyed that she’s going to make comments about my daughter if she has any features of her or her family, “Oh she has my fingernails” “she has my great aunts ears”, like stupid shit like that. Ugh. I have several messages prepped and ready to set mine and my husbands boundaries when our daughter is born but i’m also preparing for the backlash. I just keep preparing over and over again what I’m going to say, how i’m going to respond (or not respond), how to avoid, etc. I’m just so prematurely angry about all of the things she will likely do or say in regards to my child and our parenting. She thinks she knows best! She already tells me what I will and will not do with MY CHILD?? and gets so rude and defensive if I say my husband and I say we plan to do XYZ she immediately says “well that’s just not possible, but good luck with that.” she’s just so negative and mean. It’s so exhausting constantly being spoken down to. I am 26 years old, I am not a child. not even MY own mother speaks so down to me! and of all people to see me as a little girl it would be my own mom, not my husbands mom!! She doesn’t see either of us as adults who own a home, have full time careers, have been married for almost 3 years, and have a child of our own on the way and yet she still treats us like we’re incompetent. If we were reliant on them in anyway I can see how that’d taint her view, but my husband and I have never asked for or received any support from either of our families because we don’t want anything be held over our heads so we have always been 100% independent since we turned 18 and refused any assistance offered. It sucks worse bc we live in the same town and we can’t move for at least 1-2 years due to my husbands work! And my husband is very much firm in protecting me and shutting her down but he isn’t always in proximity when she says some of the shit but it’s not the kind of stuff you go back and address later, if that makes sense? My husband constantly reassures me that my fears won’t come true because he won’t let it but I still can’t stop obsessing over it!!!

I’m having a pretty bad relapse on my ocd and I feel insane. It makes me think I’ll ruin my relationship or that I’m disappointing God. Sometimes with the repeated thoughts and nightmares for a week or two and then being fine next , does this insinuate bipolar???

my libido has been extremely low since i started antidepressants about a year ago. if i become aroused, it lasts for a very short amount of time and causes cramp-like pain. i’ve had a bad experience with a tampon that caused me to begin to blackout and almost throw up, and now the idea of penetration makes me extremely anxious and uncomfortable; sometimes it’ll cause me to feel these symptoms. my mom had endometriosis, so i know that i may have that as well, but i want to know if anyone has experienced anything similar.

If anyone has anything they want to talk about, or if you'd like to vent/talk about something getting you down, or if you just want to chat, or anything, I'd love to listen! :) It can or doesn't have to do with the holidays. If you need something specific out of a conversation (i.e. you just want me to listen and don't want me to comment or give my opinions or thoughts), let me know and I'd be happy to oblige! And, of course, I'm no therapist. Just thought I'd give that disclaimer. Also, if I respond in a way that seems like the conversation would logically be over but you still want to talk, I'll still be ready to listen! Sometimes I don't have a bunch to comment, but I'll listen for as long as you want to talk. And here's a fire for a fireside chat if you want 🪵🔥🪵

Today I met a good friend. I woke up with compulsive thoughts (suicidal, and I am NOT suicidal, so it's completely horrible; it takes over in every thought I am trying to think about my tasks- I am deeply sad and disturb about it, but ok- so used to it, so extremely used to it)- it's been happening every day for three decades as I at the same time been running a " normal life" so my friends find me entertaining, interesting, and they are all full of confidence in my plans, they take my sanity for granted - as I have trained myself to do- but after my cresendo in 2022 and finally breakdown January 2023 I been quite open about the diagnose I got from my doctor-I have OCD. Today I said honestly that my compulsive thoughts are more active again, and my friend, which I love and think she is wonderful- and then she suggest if I maybe have ADHD- and I answer that no, I have OCD, I have the correct diagnosis, and I an not doubting this. One of the good things in my life is that I am 100 prosent sure I have the right diagnosis- but- how to tell the truth?? My compulsions are internal ,and today I am struggling in every shift of the day, getting dresses triggers my compulsions, going to swim triggers, even if exercise helps after some minutes I have some good minutes in the water, then coming back home, starting to work on my projects that I am doing alone as I work alone, then getting dressed to meet my friend- all actions, getting dressed, getting a taxi,waiting at the restaurant, thinking about my future plans, every single thought triggers the compulsions ad if they where an Ecco, and then she arrives and I am enjoying it, but simultaneously my compulsions are Constantly in the background and they continue after we say goodbye. I go from the restaurant to my yoga studio- it's a 15 minute walk- each step I take comes with the suicidal thought: go shoot yourself, go hang yourself- arriving at the yoga- and it's so intense that I must stay flat on the floor the entire class and try to calm down my mind as I am feeling more and more afraid I will never get well, my life is over, it's getting worse and I am convinced my friend thinks I am making up my OCD. Now I came home and my significant other which I still hide 90 prosent from ask what's wrong and I start to cry, I can not tell, I feel certain he will think I am so nuts that it's not possible to live with me and as I write this I know how far fetched I am, and the fact that I write this and post it is my best moment today- because I am determined after I got my diagnosis: I want ro be completely OPEN- I refuse to drown in my shame and worry, I understand I can't help this, and I will do whatever it takes to become better abs better and rise awareness so it's possible for me to maintain my friendships, my relationship, my life. Thank you all for reading and sorry for my misspelling- I am just so greatful I came back to this app, to have somewhere to put this terrible life experiences is crucial now. Don't give up my friends with OCD! Keep going , we are getting there!

Does anyone here struggle with faith? How do you manage it?