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For those of you who struggle with severe HA, how do you balance being your own advocate for your health with health anxiety. In my particular situation I have been to see a specialist who felt my situation was normal and recommended no tests or follow up. I have spiraled down the what if rabbit hole- what if they didn’t feel what I am feeling, what if they aren’t reading the same journal articles I am, what if something was missed and it’s going to fester. My friends and family feel I should accept the medical knowledge given and not seek a second opinion as that would be reassurance. So how do you find the balance?

I’ve been dealing with OCD for quite some time, and have had plenty of themes come and go. Some lasting years and some months. I have three major themes that still haunt me. They’re this constant dread of death, my moral dilemma of if I’m a good person, and recently my gender identity as a man. They all tie into each other and I more or less look at them as evolved forms of “conquered” themes. Like my self harm, Sexual Orientation, and pedophilic/assault themes. Death is a hard thing to accept though and I no longer have too many intrusive about harming myself or others for that matter because I’m constantly afraid of death. I don’t feel like a good person for my constant compulsions and compulsive behavior. I feel weak to them. I give in to my constant googling and forum browsing. I know for a fact I ask for reassurance constantly. I question my own sexuality and gender identity quite often because I’m not sure if I’m a good man and how could I prove that I am? I have a lot of compulsive regrettable and more importantly unproductive sexual encounters to make me feel like 1. I’m not gonna die 2. I can do something with my life that isn’t destructive 3. I’m a man doing my duty. Now for the gender identity portion of this I wanna make it clean that I love people from the LGBTQ+ community and support them 1000% but I feel like I’m a horrible person for being anxious and uncomfortable with these thoughts because nothing’s wrong with being gay or trans y’know?It’s either what if I’m in denial or what if I’m being too feminine y’know the whole “what ifs” thing? I don’t wanna die, I wanna be a good person. I am genuinely just scared, I just wanna live and not have the noise so loud. I mean I have panic attacks constantly. I try not to ruminate but it’s an ugly battle. It seems to me that my OCD flares up moth to month like I’ll have a good month of manageable intrusive thoughts but then the next moth I just decay. You know how many times I’ve scanned my mind just to find proof for and against all these themes? I’m sure some people can relate. OCD has made my life so isolated and I hate myself for that. I’m sorry for all the words, I’m just a mess right now. If you read this far I appreciate you so much.

I don’t know what to do anymore. Anytime I feel the highs OCD ruins it and I feel like I can’t be happy. Im 20 and I can’t imagine living the rest of my life like this. I have no idea what to do, im so hyper aware of my actions (blinking, etc) a complete hypochondriac and I cannot enjoy life anymore. There is no quality of life with horrible OCD.

This isn’t OCD related, but i need to anonymously vent as well as have someone offer advice, or personal experiences. I am obsessively in love with my best friend. I have never been in love before, and she drives me crazy because she’s never clingy. For me, clingy people are safe, but they are also a major turn off. She drives me crazy and I am sick and tired of being controlled by my addiction to her. Im sobbing because its been years that I’ve been obsessed with her constantly. She is the source of my pain but she is also a relief and distraction from my pain. She causes me so much anxiety but it’s hard to think that this is not love. My feelings for her are so strong that everything else in my life is just bland and I don’t really seem to care about anyone but her. I value her as a friend and she is also the only person I have which means I wouldn’t be able to handle cutting ties. I also know that she loves me a lot too, so I don’t want to abandon her. I sometimes get hints that she might like me too, so I get my hopes up. But then i remember, even if she did, us being together would just be painful and hard. She’s emotionally unavailable and is traumatized from her childhood. All of my past friendships it felt like I was constantly being smothered and running away, ultimately ending up ghosting everyone. With her, i have never felt smothered, and so In turn I am the one chasing for the first time in my life. What should I do??? I am terrified and lost, i am frozen because I know I need to take a step, but I don’t know what to do. I have this ravenous urge to fix her and be perfect for her so we can fall in love and be together. I also have to urge to just ghost her and never talk to her again. Any advice or thoughts or conversations is welcome.

Hi…I don’t know whenever I eat anything I feel heavy in my stomach and chest….i also feel tightness and heavy breathing is followed by….i Don’t know if it’s anything related to ocd or anxiety but every time I have a meal I feel this way. Does anybody has any advice on this?

After 16 years of letting OCD control my life and experiencing how treatment wouldn't help if I still did compulsions before, during, or after exposures I learned my lesson. I went to treatment for 3 years. It helped, but it was not as effective because I didn't fully embrace ERP's principles and didn't fully commit to it. That was my reality until recently. I finally decided to surrender to OCD. I restarted therapy, this time aiming to face this the right way: resisting my urge to fight, resist, neutralize, and any other compulsion to the best of my humanity. I even reduced my workload in preparation for probably needing time off in case OCD got worse. I really expected this to get bad... seriously bad... the biggest fight of my life. To my surprise. I HAVE BEEN KICKING OCD's ass!!!!!!! And I mean I'm kicking it bad!!! ERP (done well) really works!!!!!! I can't believe it. I can finally see a way out of this, and it is through our fears, not around them. So far, my biggest and most important learnings have been: (1) that this is really not about the content of our fear. Regardless of your type of OCD, the best therapists I've learned from always said it, and its true: it's the same disorder (OCD) leading the charge against us. And (2) this is not about proving our brain is lying to us. You may (and most likely will) reach that conclusion anyways. But it's not the goal of ERP. Actually, you learn to live with the possibility of your fears becoming true. Ever since I learned this, I've seen my anxiety levels come and go on their own, without me needing to do anything about it. It leaves on its own, and it comes weaker with as time progresses. I don't have to do anything, just resist compulsions and move on with life. That has been true for every single trigger I've had and every unique and creative "what if" my brain has created to lure me into the rabbit hole. I'm defeating triggers I developed as far back as 15 years ago!!!! And you know what? I'VE ONLY GROWN STRONGER! Never in my existence with OCD have I felt this hopeful, strong, and courageous. Never have I been more proud of myself! And I can only wish every single one of you experiences this too. ERP works! Please, do it! Seek help and if not available, use self-guided available resources. There are plenty of great books! Do it right!! ERP will bring more anxiety, but then you will see the beauty behind facing your fears and just how strong you are!!!! I never thought I could get to this point!

Hello , I’m diagnosed with OCD as well as ADD and anxiety and short term memory issues . It’s so much sometimes, I don’t even like going out in public because being around people gives me me anxiety, if I see something out of place wherever I go I have to fix it because it will bother me . I never pick the first thing g from the shelves at the grocery store I will literally reach for the third one from the back . Sometimes I feel crazy and no one understands me . Just want to feel like everyone else .

So with my ocd I have realized that over the years my obsessions switch out like one week I’ll obsess over this and the next week I’ll obsess over that. I have one obsession that really scares me and it’s zombies because I’m severely terrified of them. I know it sounds childish but it’s making it hard for me. I feel embarrassed being scared of them. I’m currently obsessing about them now. I’m so scared of them and the walking dead show. A couple years ago I watched it till season 4 and I was fine the entire time. Then I realized how terrified I was getting so I stopped. Now it’s just a cycle that I can’t get to go away. And I have this cycle with many other obsessions too. I just wanted to talk about it to let it off my chest. I think it scares me because I also obsess over death and sounds like alarms. Alarms scare me as well. It’s just really taking a tool on me so I wanted to share. :)

I’m having very bad anxiety/ocd about myself as a mom. I struggle with harm ocd but have gotten SO much better. But of course, it always finds a way to show up. I have a 3 year old and sometimes when he gives me a hug, I don’t get the “warm and fuzzies” and that’s bothering me so bad. I asked my husband if he does every time and he said yes. So now I’m really freaking anxious that it must mean I’m a bad mom or I don’t love my son because I don’t always feel that way when we hug. Now because I’m paying attention to that, when we hug.. I focus the whole time on if I feel it or not which then I feel like ruins it. I know all of this probably sounds silly. But I’m just bothered that I don’t feel that.

So I’ve had this recent obsession that has made me upset. It’s basically an obsessing about blushing… when you’re young and see your crush people tend to blush for example, but people can also blush in situations of feeling embarrassed, anxious, joyful, excited, happy, nervous, feeling flattered etc… I am in a committed relationship and love my man immensely, ocd has been putting these thoughts/ideas of what if I blushed at someone and trying to make it seem like it’s a romantic/sexual/crush type thing… which I feel is making me very hyper focused on blushing… like it’s just making me uncomfortable because though I know we have no control over blushing, ocd saying to me I’m going to or have blushed over people because they’re attractive while I’ve been with my partner - makes me extremely uncomfortable!!! As I said blushing comes from lots of different emotions, it does not always mean you’re romantically/sexually interested in someone? I know this is kind of reassurance but can someone explain to me it is possible to experience blushing from multiple emotions and just because I see an attractive person doesn’t mean I’m going to blush over seeing someone attractive?? Like I blush when I smile (I have naturally very pale skin and redness in my cheeks a bit, and I find even smiling can trigger blushing)… I also go quite red from being anxious or embarrassed. I’m not in highschool and don’t have “crushes” on anyone, I am in a committed relationship and don’t want to feel I would be “blushing” over someone that’s not my bf in the way I would blush over my bf??? If that makes sense? Sorry I know this is so far fetched but I’ve been obsessing for days and trying to work on not confessing to my partner. Wanted to come on here to ppl who know what I’m going through and maybe see if anyone has any advice for me in this situation? I have started therapy but only see him once a fortnight and he isn’t an ocd specialist…

I often convince myself I have some kinda of life threatening illness… currently colon/ rectal cancer is what I’m obsessing over… anyways I struggle on when seek medical attention because I don’t know when there’s a real medical issue or if it’s just ocd telling me there’s something wrong. Does anyone else struggle with this, and if so how to decide when so see a doctor or when to ignore it

Hi guys, iam on my lowest point of my life,iam only 20years old and i have Zero motivation,energy nonstop feel exhousted i have depresion bcs my friend are enjoying life but i cant. Currently iam working far from home and cant do it anymore bcs of my head. I feel happy only when im going to Sleep bcs i dont need to deal with my head and life. Do somebody expirience it too? And can you give me some advice what to do and how can i change it iam taking medication for it

i’m having a really bad episode rn. i have a very bad theme of not understanding life kind of. right now it’s not understanding the concept of talking. how i don’t really even need to think to respond to something? like i just automatically can say something and it just comes out without having to think about it. it’s making me think this isn’t real and there someone on the outside or something controlling me because i don’t have to think to talk it just happens so someone or something else is just controlling what i say or thinking for me. i’m so deep in this loop hole i feel like i’m going crazy and can’t get out of it. it’s making everything feel fake. idk what to do. i literally cannot understand the concept of speaking and how it works like how do i just talk and it comes to my brain without even thinking about it. it’s happening right now as i type this. how do i even know to say this stuff how is it coming to my head without even thinking about it. idk what to do. this is so scary.

I don’t really know what to do anymore I feel bad all the time and when I take my medicine I feel bad for not feeling bad all these memories are on repeat in my head and it doesn’t stop. I’m convinced i’m the worst person ever and I deserve everything bad that happens to me and I think I do. I did things that are actually bad and I don’t know how to fix them and the guilt eats away at me i feel like i’m living a lie and hiding my dirty secrets from everyone. It’s like how could I have not realized these things were wrong. I feel disgusted with myself and I don’t know what to do

i was extremely scared today, a bunch of little kids were around me and i was scared to be near anyone because i would do something horrible. i feel like a terrible person that no one would want to be around. i don’t deserve this support, i just want to be rid of these terrible disgusting thoughts.

I have no feelings anymore. The only things I can feel Is anxiety and depression. I'm never Happy, i'm miserable all the time. Nobody cares, nobody understand. My therapist pretty much gave up on me. Why should I continue to live like this?

Up until who knows when, i was always straight and showed no signs of being gay, and this is what i know for sure. I do not remember what its like being attracted to girls anymore, it has been so long, i do not know what i want at this point. I do not know what is hocd or what isnt anymore, i feel like i have been so worried about being gay for so long that i dont even feel the symptoms of hocd anymore. People say “if you feel like being gay ruins your image” or “if you get anxiety when thinking gay thought or feeling gay feelings, then you are not gay and that is false attraction” but i dont feel anxiety anymore with those, i feel anxiety when thinking about being in relationships with women now, idrk if it is being gay that does that or being hurt by past relationships so much that it does. I cant tell what feeling is what or anything. I know i was feeling what people say are signs of being straight at some point but i do not anymore. The feeling of being gay and gay feelings or thoughts are overtaking me and its like i am gay at this point but i just dont want to be and i dont know why i dont want to be anymore. I just need advice and i dont know what to do.

I can’t find anyone that can help me and I feel hopeless

Hoping to find others that suffer with similar issues.

I had another OCD dream related to the death of a loved one and I’ve been in bed for 6 hours ruminating or trying to neutralize my thoughts and anxieties. I want to get out of bed but I feel so. Stuck. I know I can do it but it feels like I can’t! My brain thinks it can solve the puzzle but now I know that’s a lie. But it still feels so hard!!!