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How am I suppose to get better when OCD makes me doubt if I want to get better 😭. It feels like I just want to live in my OCD thoughts. It’s so scary!

the last 2 months have been really hard on me about this and i feel like every time i'm in distress, i read other stories, too afraid to post my own, but i need advice for myself and i can never get it in the moment i need it. i'm soon getting on antidepressants and starting therapy (hopefully erp) but i'm still scared it won't solve what feels like my biggest problem rn. i started contemplating if i lost feelings for my bf or not and right now, we're not together but that's because of him and not me, but we're still in contact almost always doing the same stuff we used to do (i know it might be toxic but just bare with me), but i've been so afraid that i lost feelings because every time we do well together i start overthinking all that. when i think this stuff, i immediately lose all emotion and can't romanticize anything. i can't enjoy the idea of a relationship, or look at him the same, or be intimate with him or anything without thinking about this or feeling like i'm not at all attracted to any of it. now that part resonates with rocd but i started overthinking abt some other guy i used to think was really cute and now its bothering me because i'm scared i have some newborn crush on him and every time i think about it, i get so scared and stressed because i feel like i'm super attracted to him and can romanticize certain things about him but when i do, i feel horrible right after because it felt like indulging in some guilty pleasure but i don't know if it brought me pleasure at all but at the same time it feels so real and genuine because of how much I DON'T WANT IT TO BE TRUE. i want to still love my ex and not like this guy, but it feels like i'm really scared my feelings are reflecting something else and idk what to do. theres so much more i could say but i'm just so sad about this because i don't want it to be real and i want it to be my ocd but it feels so painfully real idk what to do. please give me advice or help if possible.

How were you able to finally take the risk that you could be a horrible human being or could have done horrible things? How were you able to do it? That’s where I am struggling. I totally get the concept of a thought is a thought and it’s not dangerous. But if what I fear is true, it would be horrendous and I’m so scared to let go. I’m so scared to take the chance that I could be a monster. So if you have any advice for how you were able to let go and take the risk, I would love to hear it. Each time I try, I just get more scared and revert back.

Has anyone else been in therapy for over a year and still struggling?

i don’t want to be gay as i’ve always imagined life with a husband and have been attracted to guys since elementary. i don’t think i had any ocd tendencies before this. i just woke up one day and was like what if im not straight. i just want to know for sure if i am. does this sound like ocd

Has anyone gotten sick and/or started antibiotics and your OCD suddenly flared up? It is the weirdest thing. I was fine and then Boom a flare up. Although not as bad of a flare up, it’s there.

Im constantly being terrorised at night by thoughts like „what if I’m just gonna hurt somebody at night?“/ „what if I wanna act on my thoughts?“/ „what if my thoughts mean I actually want them and am capable of committing them?“ and like this has driven me to lock my room and store my key in Amy wardrobe and having to tape my wardrobe shut so that k can be sure I hadn’t opened my room. I don’t know what to do, does anybody have any good tips? Because it’s always that if I don’t lock them, the next day I’ll wake up being scared tk have hurt sb and that keeps feeding into my false memory obsession that I currently have :/

How to do this when others trigger you too cause they tell you it'a true. I know some will say here too that it's true... I don't take meds now, cause i want full recovery and that requires to live without meds, i said before that now im om a setback and my mind wants to make me believe its because i dont take meds and it constantls says that i didnt felt this when i took meds, and i know this is anxiety and going back to meds would be a compulsion. I remember i didnt felt good while i was taking meds either i jist didnt had this fear(ofcourse cause i took meds and i was atleast im on meds) but now my mind triggers me like im on danger i should go back taking meds to feel alright again(basic anxiety). Its hard cause i told this many times here and people just streghten my fear cause they tell me "yeah its because of that, go back to your doctor and take meds again, or ask your doctor" guys they will not say "keep it up, you can do it" its their job to prescribe medicine...they will never encourage you to do it without meds... So how to show my brain that its not because i dont take meds, i had feelings like this while i was taking it, ans no mather what others say, i know its not bc of meds? I can say this but the thought just gets stronger... everytime i experience a negative emotion the thought comes back and says "i will be back where i was before i took meds" and it scares me

Truthfully i am just so exhausted from being obsessed with how I affect others in my life. I am constantly questioning if I make their lives better or worse and why. I'm an extrovert and if it seems like I'm positively affecting people when I socialize, I feel on top of the world. But when I can't improve someone's mood when I talk to them I feel depressed and drained. I have this belief that I am intrinsically awful and harmful to be around and I have to be extra helpful and cheerful to make up for it. I think about the problems that everyone in my life struggles with and convince myself that I am the cause of it or making them worse. I isolate, believing I am harmful to others and I am sparing them. When they feel neglected, I panic because I caused them harm when I was trying to save them. I don't want to live like this anymore. In some ways it was easier when I was alone. I just can't stop obsessing about my loved ones in this way. I almost begin to crave abandonment because at least the thoughts would stop coming. Does that make me a bad person? I don't really actually want to be abandoned by my loved ones, but at least I know how to handle abandonment. I don't know how to handle normal loving relationships.

my mind keeps saying i was cheating and i just need help. a while ago me and my partner went on a break because i was unsure of my feelings. i saw this guy at lunch that was alone and i thought was cute and i thought i had feelings. me and my friends invited him over and we all became friends. i realized later i didn’t have feelings for him and i did truly have feelings for my partner. i never flirted with this guy, the only thing i ever said was i didn’t have anyone to go to hoco with meaning i wanted to go with everyone in that group- including him. that part makes me feel so gross and like i did something wrong. i can’t tell if what is true because my mind can’t remember- it mix’s up the story to think i wanted to go hang out with him at hoco with everyone. did i wanna be with him? i don’t think so because i obvi realized i didn’t have feelings but idk what’s true from the past. what if i did?? me and my partner are together again obvi and i cannot be around him without these thoughts of wanting to “confess”. i’m still friends with that dude and i no longer think he is that cute tbh and i figured out i didn’t have feelings for him. help??

Here's my story, I'm just your typical 33 year old, going through life, started feeling depressive/anxiety symptoms starting about 29.5. Benefitted from CBT immensely. I am also avid podcast listener and did a lot of diligent work on this path to self discovery, overcoming my people pleasing, learning to set boundaries, saying guilt free nos', standing up for myself without it wrecking me after, so on. My symptoms on most days are non existent, just the usual stuff, the seasonal depressions, and so on. The only thing I haven't fully mastered/managed/learned to manage has been my somatic symptoms. I get hyper aware of some sensation, or symptom, try to ignore it, goes away on its own, the mental triggers, I got that down, ignore/observe/let it fade away. Few years ago, I developed somatic breathing, where I suddenly become aware of my breathing, or feeling like there isn't enough of it, this started post pandemic. Think it had to do with a lot of anxiety, not having seen my family in years, so on. There was also some swallowing related somatic feelings too, I used to check my O2 sat. That was probably the trigger. It went away over the course of the years and became manageable and even one I totally overcame. Recently, I've been feeling kinda stuck, wanting some change, feeling like there is a permenence to the impermanence, coupled with a rather depressing and low sunlight winter, I am going through a bout of seasonal depression. My darling body and mind are taking care of me, being over protective, etc etc. Few weeks ago, I had a near fainting episode, with the trigger being fear itself. Coupled with dehydration, some exertion by taking too many stairs, I even remembered thinking, oh this is happening, it was brief, and I went to the ER, they were amazing, took so much care of me, did all kinds of tests, and determined that I was all good, just an unfortunate incident. Now my depression is making me not feel motivated to workout or anything, but I am high functioning and I get through it without much of a change in how I show up in the world. I was able to invariably conclude that the trigger was fear itself. And I recently heard a podcast where the doctor/speaker mentioned that for somatic symptoms, the distraction on onset of symptoms itself is the trigger. Much like when we shine a light on a strange thought. Although it's only been a week and a half. I'm already mostly back to normal, and grateful for all the support and kindness I've found during this time from family, friends, and the amazing doctors. Here is my little insight: there is a catch 22 about somatoform, the fear of the fear or fear of reoccurrence, or reading about the symptoms, even to educate yourself, are triggering. Much alike pure o. My only suggestion, compassion to yourself, and do your exposures when you are ready, don't rush. Love and wellbeing to you all.

Why do I have no emotion towards this. I want to cry about this but I feel as if there’s no emotion there. This is such a difficult time for me especially as I’m a school teacher. I’m struggling daily. My ocd of being very nasty and I’m being triggered all the time. Can anyone please talk to me and educate me more on POCD and how it can latch on to anything or even anyone

Does anyone else have mental rituals to check whether your friends still have u on social media and if they don’t then they hate you? I have to check multiple times a day that they still follow me , even people I haven’t spoke to in years . Today one unadded me from a private story even though I haven’t spoke in over 2 years but now it’s triggered me and made me feel like they hate me and I’ve done something wrong. Could anyone offer advice on how to feel in a situation like this. Like should I be panicked and concerned? Thanks

A big worry for me is that the thoughts are 24-7, no matter what I’m doing. Sometimes the thoughts are more in the background and sometimes really noisy, but they are always there. I worry that because the thoughts are constant it means they aren’t OCD as i read a lot about thoughts coming and going. They also keep evolving, it’s like when I get more used to one lot of thoughts, new ones come to create more anxiety and that feeds another thought and another thought. Anyone relate? I’m exhausted and broken.

I feel so lacking in confidence, both in dealing with OCD and everything else in my life. So much has happened in the last few weeks, I just wanted to find a stable path but no one seems to believe I can do it. I'd like to get a job, have my own things, go out with friends, live my life, but it seems so difficult. Maybe I'm weak, but I've been through so much, I just wanted some victory

I’m just curious if anyone else has ever dealt with this specific bit of what I assume is ROCD. This is the second time I’ve dealt with this, but I wasn’t in a relationship the first time it became an issue, and now I am. Basically I’m having intrusive thoughts that I’m meant to be with someone from my past who treated me terribly and is someone I was never able to see a future with, and whom I absolutely don’t want a future with. I’m currently in the healthiest and happiest relationship I’ve ever been in, but these thoughts just won’t stop flooding in, and the last few months they’ve come with coincidences that make it even harder to deal with (a patient of mine having the past guy’s birthday, the past guy’s name showing up more frequently, etc) I’m literally marrying the love of my life in just over a week, and this just seems so unfair, and it’s causing some guilt as well. I’m just curious if anyone else has ever experienced these thoughts too, and what you did to overcome them. Thanks for reading all this!

My husband expressed that his top frustration lately is the cycles I’ve been going through. One week I’m happy and wanting to stay and work it out and then the next week I’m sad and depressed and telling him my needs aren’t met and I’m unhappy and thinking about moving out. Is this part of the condition? I’ve started to unpack my OCD so I don’t have much info on mood swings. What can I be using or doing to not be on off all the time. He’s pulling away because of it

This is my first time on here, and I’m just hoping to find a community that understand what I’m going through. I struggle with severe existential thoughts that cause me to dissociate near daily. Does anyone else go through this?

It's so hard for me to stop arguing with my thoughts?

but does anyone else’s intrusive thoughts and false memories get worse during the night or like as soon as the sun sets? it’s gotten to a point now where i dread the sun setting because ik it’s gonna be worse. i don’t know if this has anything to do with ocd??