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working to conquer OCD
How’s everyone doing? I’ve had 2 really great days followed by today where the intrusive thoughts and anxiety have come back a little. Sigh. It’s such a non-linear journey. Curious how everyone else has been?
Do y’all fake being happy? There’s days I’m happy but others not do much. Sometimes I feel I’m not really happy.
Hey, So I was supposed to finish school in 2020 but Covid kinda messed that up so I graduated in 2021. I always had the plan to study nursing but with my OCD and the pandemic I opted to wait and take a sort of gap year. Fast forward to the present day with exception to a job or two here and there I have no career. I’m 21 unemployed and feel completely lost and isolated. I have no direction in life. OCD caused me to ghost all my friends in 2022, I have nobody except my dogs. Leaving the house to go to the shop gets more intense and scary each time I do it, my ocd is only getting worse
I am not educated that well with the different types of OCD. But being here opened me up to it all. I am struggling with intrusive thoughts and i can’t stop thinking of those thoughts until i physically feel ill or nauseous. I struggle with getting over things that has hurt me especially when I see the people who have hurt me the flashbacks always come. I am not sure if this is a form of OCD. I just can’t stop thinking of the certain thing and I feel as if I am self sabotaging myself when I have good things in-front of me because my intrusive overthinking thoughts will not stop.
Why it does? Like i understand anxiety and ocd, it wants us to keep us safe. But what about intentionally gives sou thoughts that makes you feel guilt or discust, or just crying, and it knows its bad for us but it keeps giving the story. Like if something shameful happened to you and it keep making you thinking about it and makes you crying... how to stop that?
I am going a weekend away for trainings for my sports with the team that I coach. We might barbeque and I am really nervous for that, as I have been avoiding meat. I am not sure the guys will wash their hands properly, really nervous that I will feel contaminated or accidentally get bacteria on me or contaminated contact lenses :(
My depression is really hitting me hard lately due to an episode i had in November im on antidepressants to help treat my obsessive thoughts which is working but it’s doing nothing for my depression if not making it worse??? (not sure if that’s possible) Im still in school which is making things complicated for me, i just want to rest but i have to finish school. I was supposed to start ERP on Tuesday but i cancelled so i can “prioritize graduating” which probably wont even happen for me because im drained and have very low motivation. I speak with my psychiatrist next month about upping my dosage of antidepressants but until then i just have to manage with what i have. I keep getting rude remarks from people even when they know im suffering saying things like “you’re giving up” im not if it was really up to me i would isolate and sleep but im fighting and sometimes its not easy and all i end up doing all day is sleeping but sometimes i cant help it. Its exhausting and the episode i had in November was traumatic, i don’t need pity from these people but some surface level understanding of what im dealing with would be nice. It feels like my mom is the only one who sees how much im fighting everyday to not let my brain consume me, it’s a constant battle that i don’t always win. Sorry for this rant im just so tired.
Anyone else scared to stop compulsions incase the thoughts come true? This is why I’m reluctant to do ERP 🙈!
2 years ago when I saw the news about Russia and Ukraine i almost became psychotic. I never leaved my room. And I never stopped crying with the fear that I was going to die. I live in the UK and there’s loads of stuff on the news (I’m not allowed to watch anymore because of my anxiety) and on tik tok saying ‘UK going to war’. I have this debilitating sense of doom. I’m hysterical right now. Please can anyone help me? Some information or anything?
I miss getting midnight snacks but now I refuse to do it because of the germs in the kitchen and don’t want to bring it into my room after I’ve showered. Or I miss being able to go outside and come back home and not worry about germs in my home or my room. I miss being able to hangout in my room calmly. Now, whenever I leave my room I can’t come back inside until I’ve showered because I don’t want it to become contaminated. This is mostly just me missing hanging out in my room like before. I remember having friends over a lot and never worrying about where they’ve been cus I didn’t care. I miss how pretty my room used to be. Now it’s empty because I’m scared to add posters due to germs being on my posters and spreading all over my walls. I miss having fairy lights all over my room.
Does anyone else have those nights where you come home from a long day at work, or being around people all day with a social battery and energy that is depleted? You are exhausted but when you try and sleep just cant seem to do so? Like your brain filled with thoughts, worries, OCD negativity etc. just keeps playing over and over in your head like a broken record on repeat? You toss and turn or sometimes just cry yourself to sleep in exhaustion and sadness and frustration? Anyone have any advice to help with this or calm the brain to help for a better sleep? Could use some sleep and rest.. Thanks 🫶
Today I feel Stressed, un-worthy, ignored , and forgotten. What’s worse when your feelings are invalidated.
I am having surgery on Friday and I am worried while I am loopy from anaesthetic that I will expose myself or start saying my intrusive thoughts out loud. I am so scared of this and scared I’ll say stuff and not remember then everyone will know. Help
Any tips on stopping the rumination that comes with the thoughts? Existential rumination mostly
I hate this I hate this I hate this..I just finished therapy and I couldn't even say the story right. Along with that my thoughts switch to my boyfriend being the intrusive thoughts and the ex being "the partner" LIKE NOOOOOO I want my boyfriend and I want to get rid of this girl in my head. I don't want to be gay, I don't want this ex..I don't ever want this ex I want my boyfriend I always wanted my boyfriend. Please I just want my boyfriend I don't wanna lose my boyfriend I don't want to be a cheater I don't want this ex. I was 13... JUST 13 WHEN I DID THAT MISTAKE THAT DOESN'T MEAN I WAMT THE EX. I blame my head it's so unfair.. first it told me I was gonna cheat on my boyfriend because of this friend of his...after spiraling and telling myself I would never do such thing to my lover, I was feeling great and oki knowing I would never EVER do that to my boyfriend..it made me remembered what I did when I was 13 thinking I was a cheater all along and quickly said "do you feel bad for the ex? Do you want the ex then? Should you go back? You should" like bro I just GOT OUT OF A HELL HOLE YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME. I only was feeling bad for my past mistakes that doesn't mean I want the person back. I don't want them back I was just scared of how that would change my now relationship slightly knowing what I did when I was a PRE TEEN. Now this person has become my intrusive thoughts and it has been worse than ever. I really don't want this ex ik I don't. It's just making me feel bad for this other person and telling me what to do. I don't want this ex. I just had a thought because I saw the ex account and it triggered me then a thought said "I wish I was with the ex like all the time" | felt panicked and it felt real. I just want my boyfriend Ryan he's better way better.
I don't think about other people a lot, and when I do it's usually OCD bad stuff. Gift giving times are the worst because I'm expected to go out and get people things, which is a really nice thing to do, but what if I get the gift wrong? I could ask, and that's ok, but why am I so against this gift giving? I find it so hard to give anything. Giving attention, giving love, feeling love. I'm so empty, and in this time I need to get people things to show that there's something in here when I'm just so selfish and nothing. I'm lonely, but I just want to keep to myself. I want to care and feel love but everything hurts and I'd rather go the full day not talking to anyone. This sucks. What's wrong with me. Why do people expect so much of me. Or is it just me? My mom pisses me off so much because she always makes me feel guilty for not being the perfect happy person so I can be pleasant for others and not a rude inconvenience. I'm tired of thinking. The only reason this is happening right now is because my life long friend that I'm not so close with now thanked me for a gift I never bought him. My mom probably gave it to him with my name on it, how nice. I feel bad for not gifting him anything for two occasions, and he gifted me something really nice, but we're so different now. Times have changed, we're far apart, I have other friends, sometimes he says things that makes me uncomfortable. He's going through it, so I stick around to give him someone to talk to, but we just aren't close anymore and I don't know if I can be close. What am I? What is this? Why is this happening?
How am I suppose to get better when OCD makes me doubt if I want to get better 😭. It feels like I just want to live in my OCD thoughts. It’s so scary!
the last 2 months have been really hard on me about this and i feel like every time i'm in distress, i read other stories, too afraid to post my own, but i need advice for myself and i can never get it in the moment i need it. i'm soon getting on antidepressants and starting therapy (hopefully erp) but i'm still scared it won't solve what feels like my biggest problem rn. i started contemplating if i lost feelings for my bf or not and right now, we're not together but that's because of him and not me, but we're still in contact almost always doing the same stuff we used to do (i know it might be toxic but just bare with me), but i've been so afraid that i lost feelings because every time we do well together i start overthinking all that. when i think this stuff, i immediately lose all emotion and can't romanticize anything. i can't enjoy the idea of a relationship, or look at him the same, or be intimate with him or anything without thinking about this or feeling like i'm not at all attracted to any of it. now that part resonates with rocd but i started overthinking abt some other guy i used to think was really cute and now its bothering me because i'm scared i have some newborn crush on him and every time i think about it, i get so scared and stressed because i feel like i'm super attracted to him and can romanticize certain things about him but when i do, i feel horrible right after because it felt like indulging in some guilty pleasure but i don't know if it brought me pleasure at all but at the same time it feels so real and genuine because of how much I DON'T WANT IT TO BE TRUE. i want to still love my ex and not like this guy, but it feels like i'm really scared my feelings are reflecting something else and idk what to do. theres so much more i could say but i'm just so sad about this because i don't want it to be real and i want it to be my ocd but it feels so painfully real idk what to do. please give me advice or help if possible.
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OCD doesn't have to
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