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i have my first therapy session on here in a couple of weeks. i was going to wait until i had my first session to stop doing compulsions and stuff but i decided to try erp on my own and see what happens.

One more question for y’all! I’m sure this is many of us, but I literally cannot sleep. If I do fall asleep, I maybe drift off for an hour or two. Then, I’m startled awake….intrusive thoughts running wild, heart racing….and then I lie awake the rest of the night. Just stuck in panic mode until the sun comes up. Then I have to start the day…already being in the rabbit hole for hours. I’ve tried every natural “remedy” nothing works. I’ve tried the pharmaceutical route…that also doesn’t work! Sleep has now become the enemy and I’d rather just stay awake all night. Does anyone have anything that helps them?? I’m desperate. The body/mind can’t heal without proper sleep. Also…and maybe folks can speak to this too. I’m back on my SSRI (3.5 weeks in) after being off for a few months (mistake). It’s torture waiting for the effects to kick in.

I don't know if I've always struggled with OCD in one way or another and never realized it or if this is simply a recent development from a lot of stress suddenly put on me all at once... At the start of this semester I had registered for a "Death and Dying" class thinking it would be an interesting elective. I went in expecting a more objective outlook on the subject, but the first two classes I attended, the teacher had us talk in groups and it ended up getting really personal and uncomfortable for me. It included an anonymous poll from students, showing how many of us had dealt with varying causes of death in friends and family, and I was already nauseous and holding back from crying. I had to leave in the middle of the second class because I couldn't handle the discussions without bursting into tears. Crying while trying to talk about difficult subjects is not new to me, I cry very easily, but I never expected it to interfere with school this way. I stood in the hall wondering why I was the only one visibly struggling to stomach the contents of this class. I took a walk around campus and I believe this is where the depersonalization/derealization began. I didn't feel in control of my body at all and my head felt so foggy as well as feeling nauseous. For the next few days I felt so horrible. For some reason, I started imagining myself getting the gun we have for defense from my parents room and taking my life. I want to live. I love my life and I have no reason to want to go through with that. But these thoughts were so overwhelming and consuming that I couldn't focus on anything else. This combined with the feeling of not being in control of my body became a very scary situation for me mentally. (Worth noting that it's ONLY ever the gun. I never think about overdosing or hanging or anything else like that. I think it may be a combination of it being a quick and violent method.) I even had to leave a few hours into a shift at work, something I NEVER do. I slowly opened up to my mom every now and then about these feelings by typing them in my notes and showing them to her (again, I cry very easily. It's dfficult to speak between sobs.) But after a few more days I couldn't take it anymore. I cried hysterically and finally told my parents I was dealing with these intrusive thoughts because it felt like such a dire situation. Thankfully, they responded with wanting to help as well as locking up the gun in a safe. We went for a car ride and had a long talk about intrusive thoughts and other things that could have caused me to become so distressed (recent death in the family I didn't know how to cope with, my father passing before I was old enough to understand, my fears for the future, etc.) I felt way better after all that, but the intrusive thoughts still stayed. I was still in a depersonalization episode and couldn't shake the feeling of being "doomed" as if even of I don't take my life, something bad is going to happen. (This is already lengthy so I think I'll make this 2 parts)

I woke up early face this weirds obsession didn’t do compulsion so that’s good my day was going fine until my toddler started to itch and cry I did everything but the cry continued and I got desperately since my stress level are constantly high because of her eczema I had a anxiety attack when I got desperately I kept getting this thoughts of my ocd and anxiety will never get better because my kid got severe ecezma I m constantly under stress this is why I relapse so much and I don’t think therapy will help me because of my stress level is no control after this I get really depressed like there’s no recovery for me because once again stress level are high going on 3 years with a kid with severe eczema any advice I m really trying to recover from ocd but how can I if constantly under stress ?

I'm really saddened by the effects of all this. Like, there's this constant thought that I've done something bad to my little cousin that prevents me from acting normally with him, it breaks my heart because he likes me a lot, he's never acted like I'm a danger to him, the only thing he does most is give me affection and I'm often unable to receive it because of this fear of being a possible danger to him. My aunt often says that he wouldn't act like this if something bad had happened, and that comforts me, but then I think, "What if he didn't notice? What if he was asleep at the time? What if his mind went blank and he didn't even know anything bad had happened?" These thoughts scare me, it's as if I'll never know for sure and I know we have to deal with uncertainty, but how do we do that when it involves something so serious?

How can I come to terms that I might never know my sexual orientation for sure? I keep telling myself that maybe I’m straight, maybe I’m not, doesn’t matter, and it helps me for some time. But then my mind still latches onto needing to figure this out. I just can’t understand how I can be so sure of everything else about myself (or at least feel very sure and it all feels right), but with this topic I feel like I will never know and it makes me so depressed… I also always wonder how others without OCD can be so sure or not care to know 😭 it feels almost disingenuous not to try to figure yourself out

I keep having horrible nightmares of me doing terrible things to people. Like being a sexual deviant or something and it scares me and makes me feel bad about myself. Is this normal?

I always recommend seeking professional help because it’s safer and way more effective to do it with a professional since they know EXACTLY what to do. But if you can’t see a professional right now and you have no idea when you’ll be able to seek help from an OCD therapist due to money or where you live, here’s an extensive list of tools and resources to help you get better and/or stay recovered. -Look into OCD and Anxiety’s YouTube channel. They have an OCD course you can do for a fee, -Download either the Calm app or Insight Timer app for guided meditations, -Read ALL the books by Lee Baer and Martin Seif on OCD and anxiety, -Look into Therapy in a Nutshell’s YouTube channel, -Start doing yoga! Because exercise is good for you. I suggest the YouTube channel Yoga with Adriene, -Subscribe and follow the YouTube channel, Psychology With Dr. Ana for great mental health content, -Start watching Thich Nhat Hanh’s guided meditations and talks on mindfulness. Also, buy his books on meditation and mindfulness, -Look into OCD International’s website if you’re international (or is the US but having issues finding help outside of NOCD) for help, -If you are looking for inpatient treatment for extreme OCD, look up Rogers Behavioral center’s website. You can even reach out to them for help, -How To Stop Rumination Video: https://youtu.be/CkcspsmLh9k?feature=shared -ERP scripting: https://www.shalanicely.com/aha-moments/erp-scripting-for-ocd/ -The Hidden Power of Swearing at Your OCD: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/beyond-the-doubt/201711/the-hidden-power-of-swearing-at-your-ocd -Taking The Power Away From OCD: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/taking-the-power-away-from-intrusive-thoughts -Worry Script: https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/WorryScript.pdf -What is ERP therapy: https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/ocd-treatment/erp/ -What’s An OCD Trigger? https://psychcentral.com/ocd/what-is-an-ocd-trigger -Grounding Techniques: https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/grounding-techniques -OCD vs. Phobia Differences: https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/info/related-symptoms-conditions/ocd-vs-phobia-how-to-tell-the-difference

i’m sorry for posting a lot but i’m relapsing again and it’s hitting hard this time. It feels so real the thoughts feel like they are becoming mine and I thought i was doing better but no Im not because im suffering again. I feel like this time i can’t ignore them if i do they will be my thoughts. i will become who i fear becoming. i don’t want to die but i don’t want to live like this. i’ve never been more suicidal then when this last ocd relapse hit. this is the 3rd month im going through this theme and it’s relentless and painful and attacks every.little.thing. i doubt everything. i’m sorry for posting so much but. i’m afraid i can’t keep on moving. my heart is tired and beat up and broken and my mind is against me so how can I trust it? idk i don’t want this. it feels so real.

Here I am once again. I found a small moveable lump under my chin so I ended up going to the ER because i couldn’t wait to get in to a ENT. The Dr just felt it and said it’s a gland. I told her it doesn’t feel like the one on the other side. She did a CBC and said she isn’t worried about it. I can’t get it out of my head that she’s wrong. I have been looking at a Prayer request that went out from a well known radio host and read all the comments of people asking for Prayers due to them or loved ones having cancer. All I want to do is sleep, as soon as I wake up I get the surge of anxiety and panic. I fear death and worry IF there is no afterlife and this makes things 💯 worse. I’m tired

Hi there, So ive had OCD for few years now, after i gave birth something drastic changed. Ive been experiencing Dissociation(cant recognize anyone around or my life anymore) And my OCD exacerbated a lot . My obsessions about my life, existence in itself, who am i? Who are my kids? Whats happening to me? Am i going to end up killing myself ? Every-time a new idea pops into my mind, i obsess about it. Its TORTURE! And its doesn’t stop I tried all kinds of medications, SSRIs, antipsychotics, Lithium (which i believe increased my OCD). Kind of losing hope:( Did anyone experience that? Thanks ❤️

Hey everyone! Today is my birthday but I don’t feel like celebrating. I have come to terms that I am a terrible person and I don’t deserve my friends, my family, or the opportunities I’ve been given because I’m living a lie. I am a hypocrite and I feel like everything is closing in around me.

I was just diagnosed with severe ocd. I had no idea I just thought my adhd or cptsd was to blame for my weird thinking and how it'd seem to be stuck in my head uncontrollably. And now I'm struggling with acceptance that I have ocd. Like I'm happy I know so I can begin treating but I'm also so worried because I've been like this for as long as I can remember... And it's been all wrong? I feel so alone sometimes

I have been so stressed and confused as of recently over a guy l've been getting to know and I don't know what to do. I can't trust my own emotions anymore. He's a great guy and as l've been getting to know him I've found that we have a lot of common and he's very sweet, but have so many doubts and feelings that I don't like him. And I'm worried and confused. I don't know what to do. There isn't inherently anything wrong with him in terms of morals and character, he just acts goofy and sometimes dumb. And it makes me think negatively of him and it’s frustrating that I do. It keeps pushing me farther and farther away And I don't want to let these thoughts bug me or overshadow the good things. I'm so confused. I can’t tell if these thoughts and feelings mean I should leave. I don’t want to leave. But now I’m also worried that maybe I just don’t want to leave because I’m scared. I don't want to be irrational about it. I don’t know what to do

If I live my life normally and then feel/think about the thoughts when im alone - does that mean its OCD? Sometimes I can feel the thoughts when im having fun but in the back if my mind and other times, specially when im alone, the come back in full force with feeling attached ( sadness etc)… my therapist told me the first time it happened that it was OCD… but what if shes wrong? Or whaat if the second time around its the real thing? ( i know what ifs are typical OCD behaviour but I cant help but wonder). When I see my parents and they’re so happy to see me I directly feel bad because the thoughts go like ( they’ll be sad when you leave this earth, you’ll break their heart if you do it, you will be their shame, you’ll never live to see yourself married with grown up kids etc…) and I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I HAVE THESE ITS SOOO WEIRD!!!!! I wanna go back to how it was before this!

I woke up extremely sad today, sad that I have to live this struggle on a daily basis, having to deal with bad thoughts telling me that I'm a bad person and that I'll never deserve good things. I don't even want to get out of bed, everything hurts. Will I ever have a normal life? Like, will I be able to trust my memories without imagining so many bad possibilities? I know there's a treatment, but so many bad things have happened in my life that I don't know if I can handle so much anxiety.

Does anybody else’s intrusive thoughts come in the form of “delusional thoughts”? I’ve been in a terrible episode of hypochondria or ocd for the past 6 months where I have FULLY convinced myself I am developing schizophrenia, it started with becoming really easily overstimulated and not being able to concentrate and now it has spiraled out of control to where I am constantly getting intrusive thoughts center around demonic stuff, which i have never ever believed before, I have always been a skeptic. But now i get these thoughts all the time like “what if this song has hidden demonic meanings?” “What if your wife is a demon” “what if nobody is real and your just in hell” “what if this political figure is being controlled by the devil”, the typical kind of delusional thoughts you would expect from a schizophrenic. Keep in mind I am a literal atheist and all about facts, science and evidence, I am a skeptic. Not only does the fact that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place scare the life out of me, but I have to constantly battle with these thoughts in my head if I believe them or not. I feel like I have to constantly hold myself back from fully going off the deep end, I feel like I have to constantly disprove these thoughts and stop myself from believing them, but they feel so real and it’s scaring me so much. One part of me is like “why can’t we just stop worrying about this, this is delusional” and another part of me is like “what if I actually do need to worry about if these things are true or not, they FEEL true” and I’m just like “wtffff I shouldn’t have to worry about if things like this are true at all in the first Place!” I feel like I have fully lost my mind, and in no time I’m going to lose this little bit of insight I have. I hate these thoughts so much, I don’t want to think about them, but now that they are here, I feel like I can’t forget them. My dpdr is already making everything feel so off and weird and unreal and I feel like it’s only giving these thoughts more credibility and realness. I feel like this could also be partly a terrible form of existential ocd that’s being thrown into the mix with all these “what if thoughts”. Ugh I just want to be normal again ): but I don’t even know what normal feels like anymore because I’m constantly on the lookout for symptoms that I can’t even be normal anymore. Btw: yes I am seeing 2 therapists and a psychiatrist and all of them do not believe I am developing schizophrenia.

How much can the mind take? With this soocd/ doubt feeling is so real at this point. I’m scared because I’m weak, I’m really trying to enjoy life but now I try to imagine dating again. & my mind is just like no. Your ocd will ruin it, loved women my whole life and but in my core I don’t want to be gay. It feels real and I can’t take it, I have no anxiety anymore. I’m just numb, the thought of dating scares me now. Being sober from alcohol makes it worse too, in high alert and just tired overall. I hope my attraction to women comes back. I pray this nightmare turns around one day, I’m tired. I pray we live life the way we want, goodluck to everyone on here struggling.🙏🏼

my ocd has gotten SO much better. but these last few days, death ocd, and im afraid ill be scared to eat food. i don’t know why my mind does this. but even being on my phone is making me overthink everything. what if i’m going crazy 😞

a lot has happened since i last posted on here, i am now taking zoloft which has helped me take down the intensity of OCD from like 100 to 70 or 80 and i am now also offically receiving treatment from an OCD specialist!!! i really like her shes completely understanding and nice and i have felt nothing but validated everytime i see her. things have been going more okay i guess but i just got triggered by something very recently and i kind of broke down. my face is puffy as i am literally typing this. im probably gonna talk to my specialist about this but i just wanted to come back on the app for a bit and feel less alone and shitty. thank you all for just existing and being on here, i wish you all nothing but the best. thanks to anyone who read all my word vomit.