Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Hey my HOCD-People, how are you all? I usually use this app to share MY problems, but I think it’s also important to ask other about their well-being - no matter if it’s good or bad at the moment.

Hi! This is going to be long, I'm sorry! So, I wanted to ask something. Can rOCD bring up a whole new feeling almost convincing you that you don't love your partner anymore? See, the thing is that almost 6/5 years ago there was this guy who liked me, but I never really liked him back. I tried to because he was a good guy, but there was something that I just couldn't understand. I just didn't like him; I was not attracted nor interested in him, but as I said, I tried. We talked for a few months and sometimes I would find him attractive but nothing serious, so often I would just get this ugly feeling that I had to stop talking to him because I seriously didn't like him and I would just hurt him. So, various times I did, but then when I felt like maybe he was starting to become attracted towards any other girl I would feel jealous and I wanted him back so I would just talk to him again, and when I did, I felt like I didn't want him again and it continued like that for a few months (Now, I know this was wrong, I already apologized to him for all the damage I caused) but yeah that happened. The thing is that whenever I was with him or talked or just thought about him I would get this ugly feeling in my stomach that I can't describe. I just knew I didn't want to be with him. Sooo, this leads me to my current situation. A few weeks ago I got worried thinking what if now it is the same with my boyfriend? What if I dont want to be with him but if we break up and I see he likes another girl I get jealous and want him back? Then that would mean that I don't really love him, right? So, basically, Saturday night I was sitting in the couch when I suddenly got that same feeling. The exact same feeling that I don't love my boyfriend, and that I will have to break up with him. I felt so uncomfortable but I have been thinking, what if the only reason I feel uncomfortable is because I don't know how to break up? Because that happened to me with the other guy. I'm just so worried that it is the same because it feels SO real. I have been trying to recall if when my rOCD started I felt this way, because back then when I did not know about this I also felt horrible but I never left. And yesterday when I was with him, I hugged him and kissed him and told him I loved him because I didn't/don't want him to think I don't love him, so I did that even though it felt forced sometimes. However, I had a break down yesterday. I started to cry and I even started to hyperventilate (idk why) for a moment when I was with him and I just held his hand and felt so bad because I didn't feel anything for him. I just feel hopeless at this point because the feeling is so real and I hate it so much. I am scared to think this is not an rOCD thing anymore.

Anyone else have scrupulosity? Has anyone seen success? I have been struggling for over a year now and although it’s not as bad as before with certain thoughts, new thoughts keep coming in. They all tell me that I need to do more to earn God’s love. Drives me to the point that I question if I should even continue to pursue God.

How do you resist compulsions?

What’s the difference between a pedophile in distress or ashamed and someone with pocd

I'm scared again that i have schizofrenia ;(

I’ve become terrified of the internet and technology. My biggest obsession right now is that there’s sexual videos of me on porn sites or on the internet. All it takes is one bad guy to record me secretly and put me on there. I’ve never been blackmailed or anything and it can happen to anyone but I get an urge to check because the feeling is so strong that I’m on there. I will check key words on porn hub and I’ll be relieved for a second when I don’t find anything but then I think of other things to search and then I doubt if I saw correctly. I say “what if that was me and I just overlooked it?” And my initial obsession gets worse. I have the urge to check again and when I don’t I have it repeating in my mind that there’s a video out there of me.

Does anyone here have religious OCD and is also Christian?

So this is a random question but I’m wondering if any of you guys suffer from this also. Do you guys ever just obsess over things in general? I’ve always been into true crime and recently I’ve been extremely obsessed with the OJ Simpson case. I find it fascinating while I research and learn about cases but I’m wondering if that’s still sort of a compulsion or if it’s something else entirely

Tried weed at the weekend and I reacted absolutely terribly, I was screaming and crying thinking everyone except my boyfriend was the police and would physically shout SHUT UP FUCK OFF whenever I had an OCD thought...has anyone else experienced this? Is there something wrong with me?

Does anyone ever feel like they force themselves to endure their triggers? Like you can’t physically stop yourself from doing something or seeing something that you know will trigger you and you know it won’t help or give you any joy but you literally can’t physically stop?

I’ve been in and out w hocd for awhile now, but I’ve gotten way better than a few months ago. That I can confirm. A few days ago it started back up with force, I’m aimlessly depressed and sad again for no reason. And now the gay thoughts are haunting me. I keep questioning if I’ll ever find a guy attractive since if I ever do I tell myself I’m “only saying that” and I don’t fully mean it. There’s this girl in my class and I’m getting thoughts about liking her and now everyday when I see her I get this weird feeling and I’m convincing myself those are butterflies and I literally wanna cry because I know deep down it isn’t what I want. Ever since hocd other problems with my mental health have bloomed and I look at things so differently now, like everything isn’t how it’s supposed to be. I feel like every gay person realized at some point in their life that they aren’t straight and I’m scared this is my time but I don’t want to be lesbian, but every lesbian says, “accepting it will make it better, I remember when I tried so hard to be straight” and I get so much anxiety from this.

now i feel like all the self help and therapy and erp is gonna do is make “accept that i’m bi” i don’t deep down truly feel like i’m bi but i feel like i just haven’t realized it yet. wtf. why wasn’t this happening before. before i was hopeful and i felt like the self help and self erp and the book would help me realize how silly these thoughts are. this is making me wonder if this is even hocd anymore and no one is responding and i’m freaking out

PLEASE SOMEONE HELP. IM GOING TO START SELF ERP THROUGH A SELF HELP BOOK AND I CAMT STOP SEEING MYSELF DOING THE ERP AND THEN “realizing i’ve been bi the whole time”. AND IT SEEMS SO REAL. IT SEEMS LIKE ITS ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN. BUT THATS NOT WHAT I WANT. BUT WHATS FREAKING ME OUT MOST IS THAT THIS ISNT FREAKING ME OUT LIKE IT WOULD BEFORE. ITS MAKING ME THING THAT THIS THOUGHT ISNT CAUSING DISTRESS WHICH MAKES IT NOT HOCD. THE THOUGHT ISNT CAUSING DISTRESS TBH BUT I DONT LIKE IT. I DONT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN. AT ALL. IM SCARED ABOUT THAT HAPPENING

First time here. My fiancé had a pretty severe emotional breakdown this summer that he is still recovering from and it has caused what I think is major ROCD for me. The thing about asking for reassurance is so real, I constantly need to know that he is okay and if he is, I still feel like crap. If he is having a bad day I am a compete wreck and my intrusive thoughts tell me that I should leave him, that I can't handle his baggage and that he is toxic to me even though we have a wonderful and loving relationship. It's nice to know I can come here to vent

also im in the process of looking for self help books. i found two that have amazing reviews and there’s hundreds of reviews and everyone said it helped tremendously, but i’m worried that it won’t help me because it’s not specifically for HOCD, it’s just a book about mindfulness and cbt and erp, and i’m worried it either won’t help me because it’s not directed at hocd, or its going to make me “realize” i’ve been gay or bi this whole time. and that’s so scary to me so i’m scared but then there’s the other part of me that says no this is just hocd and the book will help me because it is a subtype of ocd.

I haven’t posted on here in a few days. Since last Friday I’ve just felt really weird and I’d read other people’s posts and just feel like I don’t relate anymore and it’s not OCD. I’ve needed to cry for 10 days but I just haven’t been able to feel anything. Today I’m feeling horrible though. I’m sick of everything, I’m sick of looking at women to test. I’m sick of clenching my fist when I walk past a woman incase I get the urge to inappropriately touch them (weird sorry). Either that or walking an extra few yards further away just incase. I’m feeling so low that I’ve started to harm myself. I know it’s so so so stupid. I don’t even know why I’m doing it. I just feel so bad. Sorry for this - I know someone might tell me to try therapy. I just needed to talk.

I have had issues with my eye. I had conjunctivitis then something the optician diagnoses as a chalazion (a blocked gland I need to put hot compresses on to help drain it). I went there in a panic convinced it was std related even though i have never had one. She said it was definitely not std related but my ocd still says “yeah but what if she’s wrong??? and you infect yourself and your partner? He will leave you” Today’ my eye is itching again and a bit gooey. I’m convinced it’s chlamydia or gonorrhoea again. I made another appointment to see her Wednesday for the 5th time. Do you think this is ocd? I can’t tell

A lot of times I will get OCD attacks before something I’m looking forward to. For example, if the family is going out to a restaurant, or a good movie is coming on, anything to look forward to really. Just prior to it obsessive thoughts come up. It is like they are trying to sabotage me enjoying myself. I read somewhere that the brain can’t tell the difference when an emotion is felt and may label it with worrisome thoughts. Also, I imagine it is the amygdala’s way of not letting you relax. Maybe a leap back to early times when you were at your most vulnerable when you were enjoying something such as eating, intimacy, etc. Has or does anyone experience this?

I was watching tik toks and I saw Heathers “Martha Dumptruck in the flesh, here comes the cootie squad” that one. Anyway I decided to read up on what it’s about. It’s really violent, a lot of killing and suicide stuff and one part of it talked about blowing up the school. It was terrible. Then my harm ocd started up again “what if you did any of that.” “You want to.” “You’ll find a way to do it.” I said no I won’t, I’m not that kind of person. I’m scared what if I want to. I doubt I’ll want to kill some one or blow stuff up because that’s terrible to do, but it feels so real I don’t even trust my self, I regret reading up on it. I should’ve just enjoyed the tik tok and moved on with my life