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Does anyone have any advice for intrusive thoughts and "what ifs"? How can I try to care less?

When I was a young child, I always wanted my sock on perfect an my shoes clean. My family would say I was stubborn an kinda crazy. As I got older I did certain things they way I wanted them, not to abnormal. But when I was about 14 years wow I wanted everything clean an in line an to be organized, well my stuff more. My family said I was crazy or weird. Not to mean just did not understand neither did I myself. It was not to abnormal as I went threw high school. After I was married at age 20 an had a child so I focused on her more, but still had the cleaning an organizing going on more an more. I never ask for help because I just thought I was different an just was that way for reason. My husband did not say much of it to me, maybe he though I was nuts. He did make me nervous at times saying I was always doing pitaly stuff. Never ask about it or said maybe you need help. So after my kids grew up I divorced my husband, should of divorce him a long time ago I just was afraid to leave my kids an go work. I was noticing I had ocd even more now in 2008. I never told a doctor about my problems maybe they put me in that house where people never got help. I say that, when I was in my last 40 years I went to a lady she was a pycoligist, I talk about myself more to her an she really said nothing, about my problem, she did tell me if I lost weight it be good for me. I visit with her about 4 times she was more concerned with my weight. She was a bone an kept smoking an drinking coffee. She told me to take some pills for troubles an I told her I was getting headaches, she was upset with that so I told myself this lady is not for me an I left never ask for that kind of help again. I had free health insurance mercy care , An only allow so much. I am now 62 an count everyday for everything it makes me cry, But I do not let no one see me, might say to me crazy need to be some place. I live with my daughter she 43 years an has M . S she take a pill for her M.S , She has her own big problem. Sometimes I tell her I have ocd very bad today. I just want to be home, sorry if I am this way. She say it okay mom but you need help. Recently in December or 2023 I lost my free health insurance, mercy care, because my ex-husband died in 2023 of February, I was able to receive like widower support. I had never work much at all or had an income. So now in 2024 I have no health insurance. Just now looking for affordable health insurance. Still counting everyday some days good, some days just getting threw a day. I have a cat she makes me feel better, she getting older now. Thanks

For me it’s quick flashes of images and racing thoughts. It’s really scary and I feel alone

Suicidal ocd got so bad again, i means i still didnt healed that and i dont know how to heal it. I say its suicidal ocd but i still feel like it might be real and i explain why. Again i got so frustrated and felt down that i got thoughts like just end it im tired. Theres no guarantee that one day i might not act on this tho and this is why im afraid. Alot of times these thoughts come up when im angry, frustrated and depressed and even that i dont want to, its not concious, it makes me cope with the feelings cause when i have these thoughts suddenly the pain goes away and thats why im afraid cause it feels like im coping the pain with the thoughts of dying. I feels so diffetent than how others discribe suicidal ocd. I actually find it that mine is similar to the people who says they experienced suicidal thoughts before. I heard someone sharing her story and said she hated how shr looked and she experienced suicidal thoughts. For me when i deal with any anger or shame or i feel like i look ugly i do have these thoughzs too popping up my mind, i dont like them but they are there, but the girl who said it didnt liked them either and i feel like alot of times when people share about their suicidal thoughts, they doesnt like them. And what is the scariest thing to me, the usual beleif is that suicidal people doesnt want to die, they just want to end the pain. So there is, they doesnt want to die, they just want to escape. And when i ask that myself, i respond like well yeah i dont want die but do i want to stop the suffering? Well yeah who doesnt... and these thoughts are really strong for me it seems like i do have some problems with that cause others doesnt seem to struggle like this with it. So should i accept that im actually have suicidal problems and accept the shame and bad feeling and work on that?

Hey yall. Some back story: I have had OCD since I was a young child. It manifests as compulsive behaviors, a LOT of intrusive thoughts, relationship ocd, harm ocd, and contamination ocd. I also have PTSD due to having been abused and neglected (I nearly died of scarlet fever as a child). On the first day of 2020, shortly after becoming a single mom, after a year of complaining of constant, heavy periods, bloating, hair loss, exhaustion, and abdominal pain, it was discovered that my uterus was bound to my bowel and kidneys- a complication from having two back to back emergency c sections. I had a complex vertical abdominal hysterectomy in the height of the pandemic and over 15 pounds of scar tissue were removed from my abdomen. After 4 years of recovery, I've been feeling the healthiest, happiest, and most attractive I've ever felt. I was in a bad car accident three weeks ago, after which they discovered a mass on my one remaining ovary. Today, I learned that the mass is 10cm (the size of a grapefruit) and that, if it doesn't shrink in 3 weeks, I will need another abdominal surgery to remove it, along with my one remaining ovary. They mentioned that part of the reason for possibly removing the mass is to rule out ovarian cancer. I am ok right now. But I know that the intrusive thoughts are about to be bad. My fears of being abandoned and or undesirable to my partner, having serious health problems that prevent me from enjoying my life, and having health problems that hurt my children have something to latch on to. Please send me advice, reassurance, kind thoughts, advice on how to remain positive, or whatever you have that may help.

People make it sound like with partner focused ROCD, the flaws you obsess about aren’t actually real or legitimate, they’re just in your head, but is it also normal to focus on flaws that do actually exist? Like recently I’ve been super obsessed over my bf’s occasionally whiny voice, whether he means it to be whiny or not. And it’s a real thing that I have physically witnessed, it’s not just in my head, and I can’t stop obsessing over it. It feels harder to try and get over when I know it’s a real thing, not just something I’m making up. I keep wanting to not feel this way but I’m worried it will never happen because the things I’m obsessing about aren’t always in my head, they’re physically being played out in front of me, and I can’t make that change. I’m scared.

Anyone on lexapro? I’m starting it today and I’m feeling really positive about it just want to see if anyone has had a positive experience as well(:

Smoking weed just makes me paranoid and it seems like my OCD becomes much worse. I feel pressured to smoke because people around me think it’s the greatest thing on the universe. I want to be able to smoke but it just messes with my head. Is this common?

Hello! I’m Jen, and new to this app/community but definitely not new to OCD. I’ve been experiencing obsessive thoughts on and off for 30 years, since I was 8. My Pure O always flares up when I’m going through periods of intense stress. I’m currently in a really bad place with my OCD—I’ve been experiencing a resurgence of obsessive thoughts (I think “assaultive” is a more fitting description) for the past 2 months. My aunt, who was more like a mom and who I felt loved me more than my parents, died relatively suddenly February 5th. The first month after her passing I felt fine—I was just kind of numb and disbelieving. But the next month, I had a panic attack at work so severe I had to go to the ER. And since then, my OCD, anxiety, and panic disorder have all been working in conjunction to make my life as difficult as possible. It’s been so frustrating because before this, my mental health had been in a really good and stable place for EIGHT YEARS! And now, in the wake of my grief over my aunt, I feel I’ve been reduced to that frightened 8 year old girl I was when this started. I just want my life back! My current themes switch back and forth between fear of ki****g myself, fear of ki****g loved ones, and fear of going insane. Logically I KNOW that because these thoughts cause me this much distress and pain, I am not likely to act upon them. And I also KNOW that I’ve never acted upon any of my dozens and dozens of intrusive thoughts I’ve experienced over the years. But KNOWING is not the same as BELIEVING and I’m just constantly terrified that the worst things I can think of will happen. In the past, I found 150mg of clomipramine to be very helpful so as of Tuesday 5/7 I’m back up to that dosage. The problem is this medication takes 4-6 weeks to make any noticeable difference. So I’m here to try and find other ways to help myself in the meantime. I’ve been aware of ERP for a few years but I’ve never done it before because A) clomipramine has always been highly effective on its own, and B) honestly I’ve been too scared. But now I’m sort of at the end of my rope when it comes to dealing with this monster and I’m willing to try anything and everything that could help. Of course I’m also terrified I’m the most hopeless case and it won’t help me and I’m a lost cause, etc. etc. It would help me to hear about your experiences with this program, your success stories and coping mechanisms any of you have had success with. Thank you for reading this whole thing, and I hope to read some hopeful messages. 💛

hi everyone, i’m new to this app and it’s taken me a lot of courage to even post this or publicly say anything regarding my OCD because i feel so much shame and guilt and distress because of my POCD intrusive thoughts. it’s one of the most draining, most anxiety filled things ive ever been through. i’ve had OCD since i was little. i’ve had different themes ranging from my sexuality to health ( i still struggle with health OCD ) from awful morbid thoughts about my mother and now i’m having thoughts about children. i’ve been struggling with POCD for maybe almost 2 years and even though i know it’s OCD, im still constantly being mentally reminded it is a reflection of me. i keep getting to a point where i feel as if im starting to get better and even though i keep having a strong urge to compulse, i don’t proceed to and it’s been helping a lot. but then i get into a state where i start questioning “ what if i really don’t have OCD and these thoughts are genuinely who i am “ then i give into compulsions to check if im really an awful person. so it feels as if im back to square one. i really need advice and help and i want to know if anyone is experiencing the same thing and how you deal with it. thank you for taking the time to read this :)

I seem to be just letting the thoughts and ruminating go through my head and not challenging it, not even agreeing with it, but not doing anything. Like it's all being considered, making it feel real. Is this what is supposed to happen? It's making me feel like something I'm not because not fighting it. My whole life has convinced me anyway. I don't like it. It's making me feel like someone I'm not. I've elevated all the false stuff and now I'm letting myself go with it.

Hi everyone. I really want to go back to enjoying my life. I know its possible as i felt like this before 7 years ago but i am to much in my head to remember how i snapped out of it. I keep having panic attacks. I know there panic attacks. I know there is nothing seriously wrong with me. I know im not gonna just drop dead. Yet i keep getting anxious. I absolutely love my life. I have a job i enjoy. A loving husband and two beautiful children. Although we have normal life struggles i am still happy with my life. Yet 4 weeks ago my panic attacks started again. After being dormant for 7 years. Im afraid of death and leaving my family and life. I dont know why i am so afraid. I am a Christian (although i dont go to church) i believe in God and i believe my life is planned out for me. I believe whatever is gonna happen will happen and we are just along for the ride. I know whenever my times comes it will be my time. No amount of panicking will change that. I guess despite my faith i am human and the unknown of death and the fear if what i believe isnt real i could cease to exist and thats terrifying. I just want to be able to take on life not living in fear.

Let me start by saying that I am not diagnosed but I suspect I have OCD. I came out as a lesbian girl 6 years ago but lately I have very often intrusive sexual thoughts about men. These thoughts make me feel disgusted, annoyed, anxious and uncomfortable but I can't help but check every time I can whether I'm attracted or not. I don't want to get married to a man, I don't want to have sex with men or even have any kind of relationship but at the slightest trigger I start to think I'm hiding something. I know everyone has noticed that I'm slowly shutting down, I'm no longer the same but I can't say what's going on in my head. Could it be OCD? and how do I stop thinking about it?

Hello, my name is Rydder, I’ve been having OCD my whole life and I’ve been able to handle my thoughts, but lately the past 3 months have been a wild ride! I went from court to court after 2 years of issues with the system, now that it is over I am scared about my well being, I’ve been having very bad intrusive thoughts lately about hurting myself or others, and it’s even making me hunch over in bed shaking and crying everyday because I’m not that type of person…. The mornings are so tuff I don’t even want to make it to work anymore, I’ve even called crisis lines because of my thoughts of hurting myself or other people with sharp objects, I just want to feel okay again! If anyone else has these thoughts please let me know and how to manage because I’m at the point where I call out to much and may become fired if I do!

18+ Please any help/advice I used to love the tv series full house when I was teen. I always loves Stephanie. I thought she was adorable and funny so I adopted her personality. Although I thought by doing this it would make me ‘cute’ and ‘quirky’ and would act like her around boys. But my ocd is telling me I’m a p for this as the character was like 5 and I was 17/18. I’m ashamed in myself that I used the personality of a 5 year old to try and attract and impress boys, like I was doing it for s*xual gain, surely that’s s*xualising her? I feel awful, I’m so scared I’m a p.

It’s all getting to me, all of it. Knowing he’s with her and knowing I was lied to. Knowing I wasted a year of my life loving someone who ultimately was using me, seeing her getting everything I asked for or wanted from him, even the small things like time and effort, he’s doing it all with her. And I’m left here feeling horrendous, like I can’t move on, like my heart will forever be broken. He’s not even worth this effort, I’m so over him, but I’m just not over the situation. The feelings and the torment. I feel sick every day from stress and anxiety, my body hurts I’m in such a bad place but I’m trying to make it good, trying to be better. All I want is for this pain to go away, I don’t care what they are doing, I don’t care about them anymore I just don’t wanna see it! But me and her ex are starting to become friends and he’s telling me all this horrible stuff that she’s still doing, cheating on my ex and slagging him off to her ex, asking her ex to come over and everything. Sneaking around behind his back and it sucks to know such a horrible person gets all the good things while I’m here feelings deathly and wondering why I’m not good enough, why I wasn’t pretty enough, fun enough, loving enough, I tried so hard to show him I cared and I got nothing in return, I feels used and replaced. I don’t know how to stop these constant feeling and thoughts, it’s causing my great physical pain now to the point I have to go to the doctors as my body is in bits because of anxiety. At least I think it’s anxiety, I actually have no idea why I’m throwing up every day 3 times a day. But anyway, I know it’s heartbreak and I know I’ll be okay, but having to see and hear about them is just overwhelming

I've struggled for years thinking if I offend God, he'll unalive me in my sleep. I think every pain is a sign I've offended him. The issue is, I'm not religious. Not in that way. I was raised pagan. But my brain is like "God is gonna kill you" and I obsess over dying. Im terrified. Because i believethere is life after death but my brain wont let me believe it in bad obsessive times. Am I alone in this?

Is pushing away intrusive thoughts a compulsion?

Hi everyone I honestly feel so defeated My anxiety and ocd has been so intense I have intrusive thoughts about everything for example I suffer w harm ocd I suffer w the thought that I feel like I’m not genuine I suffer with being terrified of mental illness such as schizophrenia I get scared I’ll snap n lose control I suffer with the fact that I’m scared my anxiety will never go away n I’ll never get better I suffer w being so irritable w the people I love Recently I’ve been terrified people r staring at me and can read through my body language of how I think Today my brain felt scrambled, I woke up for work when I didn’t have work - in my defense I didn’t check the schedule and took this day off a month ago I went to the wrong location for a workout class And I went to a friends house took off my shoes n can’t find them. So now I’m fearing that I’m losing my mind n becoming delusional. I want to try medication but I’ve heard so many bad things. I’m just so sad of feeling like this. This is my outlet bc some of you understand. But it’s really isolating idk how some people even work it’s hard sometimes I push myself every single day and it’s been 3 years and I feel like I’ve had no sense of peace. Any advice?

I really think I have social anxiety. Everytime I am in public I feel uncomfortable. I am scared to go to school.Also I am scared that I am weird. I am scared that I make people uncomfortable . I panic when I accidentally make eye contact with peolple .I don't want to make people uncomfortable but I feel like I do that.