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the NOCD Community

Hey there! My name is Jazmin, and my first remembrance of OCD symptoms was at the age of 6. For many years I didn't know what was going on. It wasn't until 2 years ago, when I was doing some googling (which I now know is a cumpulsion) about anxiety that I came across OCD. I had never really heard of it before, but I felt as though I was reading about my whole life in that article. My subtypes have shifted throughout my life, everything from harm OCD to religious OCD that made my life an anxiety filled nightmare at times. From here I started to look into options for therapy, etc. I ended up, unfortunately, having a horrible experience. I was "diagnosed" with OCD and generalized anxiety by a mental health NP last year, but she wasn't very nice (very demeaning, pretty much treated me like a freak, told me that I had issues, called me a germaphobe, and acted like I was doing everything wrong) and didn't listen to me in regards to what I was actually going through (none of which has anything to do with a contamination subtype), so I didn't go back after that. It's taken me a whole year to recover from that encounter. It's been a struggle and the idea of trying to talk to someone about this again scared me half to death. But now I'm finally trying to get to a good place again. I went to my GP a week ago, explained to her what I was going through, and she was so amazing, understanding, and supportive. She prescribed prozac. So far things have been pretty good but not perfect, and I'm okay with that. I'm just making the next steps forward. I'm hoping that by joining the NOCD community and seeking therapy here that I can start to improve and continue to live my best life.

Four months ago, I began taking 25mg of Zoloft, and my dosage has since been increased to 100mg. This increase has significantly alleviated the anxiety and heart palpitations caused by my OCD. However, it hasn't been as effective in treating my depression. Alongside medication, I'm currently undergoing ERP therapy. Given the mixed results, I'm considering either switching medications or augmenting my current regimen. I have a consultation with my doctor tomorrow to explore my options. I've heard from others that finding the right combination of medications can make a huge difference. Does anyone have experience with a multi-medication approach that has been beneficial for them?

I do know that if i want to be healthy, i need to move from home cause my father isnt not able to change, i mean he will never realize he is the problem, so yeah its better for me to move, but im afraid of that. I dont understand how other people think about it so easily, there are many consequences, like you will be alone and the things you have at home, you have to leave it there. A year ago I got dog for my loneliness, and he helped me alot, i didnt felt lonely since, and it makes me sad cause if i have to move, i cant take him with me. Here at our house theres always someone at home, or if its not than he is alone for like an hour or maybe two, but if i take him with me he will be alone alot of times, and the move will affect him too. Im also afraid of being lonely again, this dog made me feel good, now im leaving it and i will be alone again. I know i can live with people, but its hard to find people who you want to live with and i will still miss my dog. Its like a child for me, its like when a father or mother has to leave their children. Its really hard and it makes me sad. It really scares me. When you move with your wife to make a new family thats different cause your not alone, but now for me its like i have good things at home and i have to leave them for one stupid person... it makes me angry. I thought i can stay and learn to not care but now i hear alot that i have to move and its a sign, but im afraid to leave the things i have.

For those with SO OCD, is it possible for OCD to manifest a crush on someone of the opposite sex? I feel like I have a crush on this girl when I’ve always identified as straight. Weirdly the crush intrusive thoughts happened after I started questioning my sexuality. I just looked at her one day and thought she was cute and then suddenly I felt like my mind took over like a domino effect. Like, I had all these thoughts about her that I aligned to having a crush. Every time I’m around her or think of her I get extreme anxiety. Also, I feel like when I’m around her I have these feelings of romance/attraction for her? I’ll have intrusive thoughts about anything romantic and sometimes sexual. Mostly, what gets me is feeling like I’d want to kiss her and I get these feelings of attraction which really throws me off. I know I’d never do that or really would see myself doing that, but I hate that the “romantic” feeling is there. I never get any groinal feelings though. I don’t want to have these feelings. I’ve never seen myself as being Bi. I’m Demisexual mainly, but have always identified as straight. It’s only until I started having all these SO OCD thoughts that I’ve started to question me sexuality. I’ve always been romantically and sexually attracted to men. I’m even dating a guy now who I really love. Can anyone relate to this? How do you get through your days? I feel so weird and confused. Mostly, guilty though because I love my BF and now I feel like I’m being unfaithful or I’m not being myself in some way. I really don’t know who I am anymore.

Does anyone else have the compulsion of needing to document everything? I feel this ties in with my false memory OCD. I can not go anywhere by myself let alone be by myself in any work or social setting unless I have family or close trusted friend with me to be able to let me know and “witness” any events that happen. As I feel, I won’t remember them correctly if at all. I always feel something bad will happen to me or I will personally act out bad actions and not remember or recall. I document heavily on my phone (recording, pictures) as well as have a home camera and car dash camera. I fear this is my most triggering and most difficult obsession to try and conquer.

Something is always bugging me about my bf, it’s getting so annoying. I just want to be happy, but something always starts to bug me, and it makes me worry that I should leave or that I should try to change how I feel about the things that bug me. For example, right now it’s the fact that my bf is crazy hyper sometimes when he’s with our friends, and it comes out in the way he acts and the way he talks, and I could be over analyzing it which makes it feel worse than it is, but it can be cringy and even annoying sometimes. Part of these feelings could be coming from the fact that I was probably that way when I was younger, and it probably got bullied out of me, and now I’m always worried of being judged or disliked. But in general I would say that my bf acts “differently” than most sometimes, especially when he’s hyper. I want this relationship to work so so so badly, I want to have a future with him, I’m just trying desperately to work through all the little things that bug me, because I know they mean so little in the grand scheme of things, and yet I can’t stop being bugged by them. I feel a sense of urgency to do something, to change the way I feel and think about it. It’s so frustrating. I just want to live him. He is so amazing, I just want to plan a future with him. But I worry because in those moments when he’s being crazy and hyper and cringy, I start to feel like maybe I don’t actually like him enough, because if I did I feel like I shouldn’t be put off by his weirdness.

How can I respond to some of these intrusive thoughts without feeling like I need to fight, resist, and etc?? They’re extremely distressing and make me question myself, my reality and my health/brain. I’ve tried just distracting myself, ignoring it, and letting it scream at me. But then it comes back with scarier ones and I’m just struggling . I’d been doing good with them lately but suddenly they’re awfully intense and hard to ignore Help😞

I have a little scratch on my finger. Someone shook my hand after work meeting, I wanted to resist and tell that person I have a scratch on my finger but didn’t not. Instead I shook their hand. Now I’m obsessing that I may pass some disease to that person. I don’t have any disease I can pass to them that I’m aware off. Feel terrible guilt for not resisting that shake and telling person I have a cut. Please help. How do I deal with it? Maybe, maybe not statements don’t work for me.

Hello, Since coming to terms with OCD in my life, I've thought a lot about parenting. My kids are 10 and 6; two wild boys with too much energy. One has an ADHD diagnosis and his little brother probably has ADHD too. To give you the details of my situation, I've been an at-home dad for ten years and spent nearly every day with my kids, including parenting through the pandemic. OCD has made parenting harder and influenced my behavior on a daily basis. In hindsight, I see how much I've needed to control my kid's schedules, activities, and plans. To some degree, I did this to survive the natural chaos of little kids, but my need to control has become really intense. It bothers my wife and she has to remind me to chill, particularly on days when she's home and I don't need to develop a plan for the day. Ten years as an at-home dad is a long time and this has led my need to control to become ingrained in my daily functioning. I feel stuck in this role now and don't know how to move on. I don't know how to let go because I'm obsessed with supervising their daily life and fear what will happen if I'm not around to maintain control. My mind leaps to worst case scenarios of my kids getting hit by a car in our neighborhood or getting into fights with unruly kids or experimenting with alcohol or drugs because of older kids in our neighborhood who don't have parents supervising them ever. My mind really goes off the deep end. OCD and parenting seems to have made my world smaller and I don't know how to detangle myself from this situation. When it involves the care of your children it's very hard to walk away and put your needs first. I often joke that my kids are like a tractor beam sucking my back into their wants and needs. If you are in similar situation or have experience parenting with OCD, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Please keep it constructive and kind. I already feel like shit about this because my inability to move on from this situation has caused my family to struggle financially and probably in others way too. I know it has taken a toll on my mental health, which has negatively impacted my family.

I have been skin picking since I was 5 yrs old, and I am currently 22. The only explaination my therapist and I have for it is either an intense autism stim, or OCD. My hands were an absolute warzone during the pandemic, and at my old job, it was causing me so much distress, I'd walk out at the end of the night covered in bandaids on my hands. It's always made me look "crazy" and unsocailized. My therapist isn't trained to deal with OCD so that's why I'm here. They gave me a pop-it bracelet and that's helped a lot, but it's still very isolating. All my friends pick at their acne or fingers, but I haven't met anyone who has used their hands as chew toys, to be blunt :/ I just want to feel normal.

hi, im graduating high school next year and i wanna go to uni and my biggest dream is to go to a med school. I've had this dream since I was a little girl. but in 2021 my ocd and other disorders got so bad that I couldn't function. my dream of studying medicine got crushed. but I got much better this year, I'm feeling like myslef again, I'm trying new things I couldn't before because of ocd. and ive got hope again that I could get into uni. my parents, sisters and close friends are really happy and they are really supportive about me wanting to go to med school. but some of my teachers are like, are you sure? it's gonna be too hard, why don't you do something else (when i choose biology and biochem class, my teacher went to talk to my friend and told her im not good enough for that class. and i dont get it like how? i think im really good at these subjects) and my other friends and classmates think I'm stupid and not good enough for this uni. I know I shouldn't let that affect me. but I dont how. I'm so sad that they don't belive in me and im scared it's gonna affect me and I'll also stop believing in myslef. I'm really doubting myslef and im in such a bad mood. I need to work on this, to not take things too personally. does anyone have advice for this, please?

I know it most likely I will never be in the position to take one but I have this irrational fear that I’d be strapped to a chair and be forced to take a lie detector test in court or something and they ask me scary questions relating to my ocd types. And I feel like I’ll say no with everything in me and the test will say yes anyway regardless. That scares me so much, I don’t know much about how those things work but I hear it’s based off your heart rate and I feel like I’d be scared to answer that question because my heart will be beating so fast like-this will make or break my innocence as a person. I hear that’s why they’re inaccurate and that freaks me out so much-it throws me in for an anxiety loop. Am I crazy or am I not the only one?

I was wondering if anybody had any tips for how they personally deal with rumination? Certain things (usually relational if that matters) can keep me up through the night. There will be some times when I can sleep for a few hours but the anxiety wakes me up on and off through the night and sometimes it takes me a while to fall back asleep. I try to do the method of recognizing when I’m ruminating and telling myself that it isn’t helpful and redirecting my thoughts but some days/nights it’s relentless no matter what I do

I’ve been struggling recently what if the “ what if these aren’t intrusive thoughts from ocd” because my mental health has been terrible , I’m at at ting to have suicidal thoughts and siv never been a depressed person I’m very scared of death actaully:( it’s scaring me that I’m having these thoughts and images 😕

Is it wrong to be here if I don't have an OCD diagnosis? I know for a fact I have really horrible intrusive thoughts I can't deal with and I don't feel comfortable talking about it with a regular therapist because they may not be equipped to deal with it and I already feel like a bad person. So I thought using an app where the diagnosis directly works with that would be a lot more comfortable for me.

I am very scared . My mind is sick. Someone told me that a bad thing happened to them and I keep thinking about it. I think: what if I wanted that to happen? Is this ocd? I am so scared and disgusted. How can I think like this??

I've had my OCD for so long that the intrusive thoughts have begun to feel like they are who I am and anytime I try getting over them, it's so painful, and it makes me feel like I don't know who I am anymore

Starting group therapy again and taking some time away/break from my “normal life” to get my mental health back in order. It’s so difficult to stop doing the norm and take care of yourself especially when it doesn’t work out or go how you thought it would. I’m nervous and scared and just trying to keep it all together with in my self and not go everyday upset crying or angry with myself for taking a break for myself and well being, just feels like I climbed Mount Everest made it to the top and now have to climb it all over again… This break is needed and I know this, and I hope I find myself again and get better and back to where I can feel and be me again and enjoy my life. Sending positive vibes and love to others in my same shoes or struggling themselves with your own personal issues . ❤️

So I’m doing my ERP with this girl who I think I have a crush on? I thought it was SO OCD, but now I’m thinking the crush might be real. I have these tight feelings in my chest and I’m perceiving them as romantic. Is it OCD or are these feelings actually real? I don’t know, but it scared me so much to think them real. The problem is is that I’ve always identified as straight and this crush is scaring me. I don’t want to have this crush. I’m also in a very happy and committed relationship with a man who I do love. Good news is that I won’t be seeing them anymore after the end of the month. It’s so hard not to go into my compulsions. I feel like a bad girlfriend and person. I’m also struggling with my identity…. Anyone have any advice?

Been dealing with a new type of ocd thought it’s to do with stabbing and it now feels like I like the feeling of doing that or almost as if I want to do it or that I know how it feels to physically do that and that I ‘like’ the feeling but it feels really real that I like it and almost like my emotions like it? Like as if there’s an emotion that I like it and I’m scared that it’s real that I like it but at the same time feel nothing because I’m so use to having bad thoguhts because I’ve been dealing with ocd for two years now but I literally feel nothing no anxiety noThing towards the thoguhts it just feels real that I like the feeling of doing that and I’m worried but at the same time feel like I’m not worried because it almost feels like I like it and feel a positive emotion towards that thoguht and actually want it/like it but I’m not sure if that’s a fake feeling ocd has manifested but i feel scared and alone and don’t know how to deal with this I’m just hoping I’m not a sick person I wish I could feel normal again this is so hard to deal with, also I feel like I’ve morphed some things into my thinking like I don’t know how to explain it but you know when you see in movies the evil character like evil smiling when no one is looking it feels like I’m feeling that about myself like when i get that weird emotion that feels like I like those thoughts and want them and it feels so real it feels like I’m secretly evil and I don’t want it to be true but you don’t know how real it feels I don’t know what to do I’m scared and at the same time feel nothing. I tried to tell someone I know about how I’m feeling but they jsut replied ‘oh really’ and I said what’s wrong and they said ‘you only talk to me when you have a problem with ocd’ and then I jsut felt so sad after that I don’t know how to deal with this problem I don’t even know what I’m feeling anymore I don’t even know if I’m scared or if I’m lying i don’t know