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Hello! So this is a form of harm ocd i suppose. Recently I have developed a theme that when i leave a drive way, residential street, parking lot, or school zone that i may have ran over a child and didn’t know. It started slowly, from rechecking in my mind, to getting out and looking, to turning back and going to check if anyone is there, to finally installing a dash cam to record the areas above. The image in my head for some reason is always a little kid, because my mind out that thought there. I tried ERP myself without a therapist and it is soooo hard to do. My sibling has OCD thats how i was diagnosed. Had it my whole life, misdiagnosed once for adhd, as a kid then finally OCD as an adult. The doubt and anxiety is paralyzing. 😤

Around 4 years ago, I did something actually really bad regarding my relationship. My girlfriend and I have discussed it at length for a long time now, and the type of event I committed has an entire recovery community around it. Like there are very specific ways of healing from this kind of event. One of the most important things to do that everyone stresses is to discover all the “whys” behind the behavior. Why did I do what I did? What went wrong with me? What was I thinking? Why was I thinking it? I’ve talked about a lot of these “whys” with my girlfriend, but recently she has decided (with the help of her therapist) to set boundaries around my confessing. She doesn’t want to hear anymore about these past thoughts or what was going on in my mind. Hard stop. She feels she knows enough, and she forgives me and wants to move forward. I’m terrified. Another “why” has recently popped into my head that I haven’t confessed. It feels especially egregious and serious to confess. I feel like she would be very hurt if she knew, and I’m afraid it would change her mind about deciding to be with me. I shared all this with her without confessing the actual thought/event/intention, and even knowing all that, she still doesn’t want me to confess. She says it wouldn’t change how she feels. But obviously she can’t know that for sure, because she doesn’t know what it is I’m feeling the need to confess. How do I not feel like I’m hiding something important? I feel like she doesn’t know how awful I truly am. I feel like this “why” would hurt her deeply, and I don’t want to hurt her, but she deserves to know what kind of person I am/was. I had a therapy session today and talked briefly about it, but it just brought up more anxiety. I have a packed day ahead including dinner and karaoke with her and our friends, but I just don’t feel good. I can’t stop thinking about this. How do I stay present with all this fear, guilt, shame, and doubt?

I had confession ROCD. i have confessed many small lies or stupid things i did at the very beginning of my relationship. i told him about one guy who i kissed in the past reaching out to me a year ago. i know that i told my bf this. yesterday, i thought about it again and my confession ocd made me re-tell him in case i forgot any details. well apparently he didn’t remember me telling him and he did not talk to me for 6 hours. now i just remembered another friend who used to flirt with me who texted me around that time. i genuinely don’t really remember if he ever texted me when me and my bf were actually dating. maybe once or twice. but it was around that time i stopped being friends with him. i KNOW i told my boyfriend about this. i remember having a convo w my bf about him. but, now i’m worried he forgot about it. or i’m worried i forgot to mention maybe his text was flirty, or maybe i got the timeline wrong when i told my bf. i feel like i need to re-tell him in case i missed anything, but i know it will cause another huge fight and we still haven’t fully recovered from the last fight. however, when he called me this morning i had a panic attack because i feel like i’m lying to him.

For someone looking for more hope today

I really don’t like it when OCD ruins excitement. Excitement is usually a rare feeling for me , but it feels like I’m walking on ice, trying not to let ocd “ruin” my excitement. 🙃

So I thought I was doing better at managing my SO OCD, but THEN I feel like I’m finding something new to worry about and focus on. Recently, I’ve found a fictional character of the same sex to be very attractive and I think “Wow! She’s so pretty AND cool!” Funny because I had these thoughts about this character over a year ago and I never thought anything about it. I Was confident in my sexuality, and just thought she was aesthetically pleasing. Going to now and I felt this “pull” towards her honestly. I definitely overthought and was like “what if you like this girl?” “What does it mean?” “Well she’s fictional so it doesn’t matter right?” “Are you Bi because you have a crush on a woman?” Basically, I felt like I had a crush on this character and I’m overthinking if it’s just an aesthetic crush or something else. Now I overthink about scenarios with her and if I’d actually like her to kiss me and would I be into that? I’ll admit I definitely sort of fell into the google/validation rabbit hole. I have this fear on what if I’m actually Bi or secretly into women all of a sudden. I don’t want to be attracted to women or do anything sexual with them. I’ve always been pretty comfortable in knowing I’m straight. However, this month has really made me feel like I’m not completely straight and I have to sort of “come out” about it.

i’ve had a pretty good day after my harm thoughts relapse. however, i still will get this feeling of dread and state of panic when the thoughts try and take over my mind. i was in the bathroom brushing my teeth and it hit me hard for a minute, but now i’m okay. i just keep thinking about last summer and how i REALLY do not want to repeat that. i want to have a good summer. i don’t have a therapist and am not able to get one at the moment. i’m not even diagnosed and trying to get my mom to get me a call on here is not looking good. so i need advice on how manage that feeling because when i feel it coming on, i start to think about what if those thoughts, urges, and feelings will be my life for forever. that makes it so much harder to try and sit in the discomfort and let my thoughts just be thoughts while still proceeding on with my life.

Peanut butter has been one of my go to snacks since I was a kid, I eat it by the spoonful right out of the jar, or I use to. It was around two years ago that the brand I always got had a recall for a possible salmonella outbreak and ever since then I haven't been able to eat peanut butter and it makes me so sad. I can eat things with peanut butter in it, like candy but not just peanut butter. I keep getting jars of peanut butter, determined to get over this fear but I always fail. This time it's extra frustrating. Last week I got another jar and I even look at the old recall notice again and the numbers on my jar aren't listed and not only that but there was never an outbreak, all tests came back negative it said the recall was just a precaution basically but even then I can't bring myself to eat it. It's extra frustrating now because OCD wise I've been doing a lot better in a lot of ways and I thought I was finally getting a grip on things but this all reminded me how crazy and unwell I still am. I keep trying to psych myself up to just eat it and I'll see it's fine and I'm fine but the more I try the worse my anxiety gets it. I think I had salmonella before, or some type of food poisoning and it was so traumatic and scary that a decade later I almost never have a day where I don't think about it. Any advice on how I can overcome this?

What is a healthy way to deal with false memories? Especially very vivid ones? I’ve been feeling relatively anxiety-free over the past few days but it suddenly started again because I got triggered by going on a beautiful date with my partner :( I’m so sad that these happy moments always trigger intrusive thoughts. Essentially, about a year and a half ago, I went to karaoke with my friend group. At one point, I went into the bathroom and a guy in our friend group was waiting to use the bathroom after me. I passed him in the quiet, dark and empty hallway. I remember I had an intrusive thought about making out with him in that moment. It lingered even after I got back from the bathroom. For a year and a half, I didn’t think about that incident at ALL. I have gone through so many cheating ROCD phases since then (even one super recently about 3 weeks ago), but never have I EVER considered that I may have cheated physically in any way (it was always centered around digital/emotional cheating). I know for a fact that if something had happened, there is absolutely NO way that I would have just forgotten about it. Cheating ROCD has been my main theme since I first got with my partner, and I know for a fact that there is no way I would ever cheat on him or trigger that in any way. Well for some random reason, this memory popped into my head. I pictured myself making out with him in the bathroom. I feel sick and panicked. The image of that happening is literally like a nightmare. When I replay it in my head, I start to panic and I feel like vomiting and confessing. I am so terrified now that it may have happened. The thing is, this guy is in our friend group and he was dating my friend at the time. He’s still in my social circle. I feel like I would absolutely know if I had made out with him - socially, *something* would have changed right? We have literally no messages together, no indication of any sort of romantic interaction EVER. I also don’t drink, so I know I was sober when it “happened,” so there is no issue of alcohol potentially clouding my mind. I keep replaying the image of us making out and it’s making me so so sick, physically. The thing is, at the time I remember that I had an intrusive thought about making out with him, and I remember that I deliberately walked past him and kept telling myself that I’m innocent, that nothing happened, and I remember questioning it even from the moment that I walked past him. Why is the memory so vivid? Should I keep replaying it?

has anyone else ever been so weighed down and exhausted by your own thoughts that you just break down and feel like everything is falling apart? i worry a lot about being poisoned or having an illness and today has been especially hard, not sure what to do anymore because i feel as if i have tried everything to stop the thoughts or distract them and nothing works anymore, really wanting some help 🫶🏼

There's no other way to explain it but it feels like I'm on the edge of losing my mind. I've been struggling for the past month a lot and my biggest fear now is schizophrenia. And every day it feels like I'm waiting to get it. I'm waiting to start hallucinations or psychosis to come. Obviously I don't want that at all I would do anything for that not to happen but because I'm so scared it feels like any second it could happen and like I'm waiting for it. Like I'm listening to music and I'm afraid I'm gonna hear something that isn't there. Or even looking around I'm afraid to see something that isn't there. I'm trying really hard to let the fear be, let the thoughts come, say maybe maybe not, try to not figure it out. But it's not helping I'm more and more scared and tired every day

I got engaged in December and will be marrying my best friend next year. We've been together a little over five years, and I know he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. However, my SO-OCD and ROCD are making it very hard to enjoy my engagement. I seem to be triggered by everything, but it's especially bad this month. I'm so sad because this didn't start until I watched the bathroom coming-out scene from Stranger Things in 2022 and fell down this rabbit hole. I don't know what to do because the thought of being with a woman literally gives me nightmares, but the thoughts are still there and are so loud. I just want to enjoy my life with my soon-to-be husband, but this is making it so hard.

I’ve only been in ERP therapy for a few weeks. Recently I feel frustrated like it’s not working. I know I probably need to give it more time and that it may take quite a while but I’m looking for advice here. My therapist is doing a good job but I feel like I need to be doing different exposures. Right now we’re working on things more specific for someone with triggers like putting a belt around my neck, holding my gun in my lap all while saying I’m going to kill myself or I’m going to shoot myself. I don’t have specific triggers though. Mine are more mental and I feel like I need exposures that are going to help me because I constantly say “I’m going to kill myself” or just “kill myself.” Does this make sense?

I had a huge panic attack and these past these my head feels hot out of no where idk how to explain it , and then I’m always like not in touch with myself , like I don’t feel like I’m here , I’m always in my head I don’t feel grounded if that makes sense .

Can anyone give me any tips on how to stop seeking reassurance. Once I start I can’t stop

I have some questions for anyone experiencing this subtype. I have been constantly in fight or flight anxiety for the past 6 days. My heart is beating out of my chest, I can’t sit still, and I hate being home alone/ bored. My mind tells me that it’s only a matter of time before I do something cause I won’t be able to handle this intense anxiety anymore. It’s really scary and really distressing to me. Can OCD convince you that you want to do something even when your body language is screaming no? Any suggestions on how to manage this/ has anyone else experienced these feelings? Thanks in advance!

Does anyone have a theme of being bisexual? I feel like this is such a silly theme. But I actually identified as bisexual first before coming to the conclusion I was a lesbian in 2021. But I received signs years prior. But because I have been both genders, it’s so hard because it’s like I have sexual orientation OCD with both genders I’ve been with before. But I hope I’m not alone because it’s like many people with OCD usually have limited or no experiences with the gender of the fear (except bisexuals with the fear of being gay or straight). But I have yet to meet anyone with the fear of being bisexual.

I have been taking Clomipramine for over 2 months now, starting at 25 mg and titrating up to the maximum of 225 mg (of which I have been taking for 2 weeks now). I still do not feel any benefits as my OCD is still as strong as ever. I was wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences with clomipramine where it just took longer to get working. I should mention I am also doing ERP with NOCD as well. I had tried Fluvoxamine and Paroxetine prior to Clomipramine, both of which resulted in side effects that I could not managed. However, with Clomipramine, I have minimal side effects so I’m willing to stick it out. Any input is greatly appreciated.

I'm probably about to be diagnosed but I can't take it anymore. I'm ashamed of feeling so broken and I'm terrified that my girlfriend wants to leave me and that my problem is too much to bear. I'm afraid she'll think I'm crazy and in case they prescribe me sertraline I don't know how to tell her. A few weeks ago I had a panic attack and she started crying when she saw me like that. She told me that if this doesn't go away we have to break up because I hurt her. I can't stop crying I love her too much. I need someone to hug me and tell me that everything is going to be alright i feel so tired.

is reading through posts to find someone to relate to in regards of a symptom a compulsion? i do that all of the time because i feel like an outcast even though i’m not diagnosed. i literally feel like i won’t get diagnosed, but instead i’m just using ocd as a way to deny who i really am. another thought i’ve been having is what if i have anxiety because i can’t act on it instead of because i’m scared i will act on it? i typically relate my feelings to all of this too and it feels like i want to everytime i think about it. however i’ve never done anything remotely harmful. i actually am staying with my sister for the week hoping it will help the thoughts and alleviate them since i’m more isolated. and no matter how much proof there is or how much i remind myself of who i was before this that i’m not this person, the urges and feeling like i genuinely want to i get when the thoughts come just overrides everything.