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I really think I've developed schizophrenia at the age of 56 after 20 years of harm OCD. I'm so worried and the more I think of it, the worse it gets. I'm so scared. Can anyone relate? I need to get the courage to see a psychiatrist.

Am I crazy for thinking that my boyfriend watching porn is cheating?

My boyfriend used to have a porn addiction and he says that he quit and I believe him but my ocd is crazy latched on to it and I just feel like every time he doesnt respond he is watching porn. I dont know what to do and I feel so so sick. Its making me feel gross whenever I think about sex or think about him being sexual and I feel sick with anxiety. I dont jnow what to do. Can anyone relate or does anyone have any advice? This is taking up every hour of every day worrying

My father just told me that I’m a bad daughter to him, and in our religion I didn’t get my parents validation, I will go to hell no matter what, so why bother live if I’m going to hell no matter what good I do?

Any tips on how to manage Relationship OCD thoughts?

So I’ve struggled with sexual orientation ocd for a while now, along with relationship ocd. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years as of yesterday (in a straight female, dating a straight male) and I was just on tik tok, and seen a girl who posted a picture of her crying and saying “me realizing I was gay and not wanted to leave my boyfriend because he’s my bestfriend” and now I’m in a whole panic attack. Because what if I’m gay and I don’t wanna leave my bf, or what if I’m in a denial, or something idk. And it feels so real. Idk what else to do anymore

Fear of psychosis ocd… For about 10 months now I’ve had an OBSESSION with developing schizophrenia or some related psychotic disorder. In the beginning my symptoms manifested as hyper awareness of potentially hallucinating and things like that but the main fear that has really stuck is the fear of having delusions. I’ve reached a point to where I can’t enjoy anything in life any for because according to my brain EVERYTHING has to mean something or is suspicious. I’m so suspicious of everything, “what if this commercial means something” “why did that person make that weird face” “what if this song has some kind of hidden meaning” “everything feels so fake and staged” “why did my cat look at me like that” “what if none of this is even real” “what if there’s more to reality than what we know” “there’s no way other people are real humans” “there’s definitely more than what the government tells us about reality” “this can’t all just be science and biology” etc etc. it’s fucking exhausting. I can’t enjoy anything anymore, everything has to have some malevolent intent or meaning. These thoughts feel real, some of them feel like they could genuinely be possible, but I don’t want to think about this kind of stuff, I’m not sure if I even care if there’s something more to everything that I’m missing, but my brain will not stop this search for delusional things to believe. It’s gotten to a point where everything just feels fake and staged like a big act or illusion. Government, politics, media, just day to day life, feels so fake and artificial. It feels like I’m losing emotional attachment to things I love and care about because I’m constantly getting thoughts like “why should I care? Nothings real anyway?” Etc. Has anyone ever dealt with this?FYI: I’ve been to NUMEROUS mental health professionals who do not believe I have anything more than just ocd and severe hypochondria.

Hey I’m new to this, I’m a 20 yo female, and I’m pretty sure I’ve had ocd since my childhood, but it’s gotten worse has I’ve gotten older. I never really understood my intrusive thoughts and always felt so sick and uncomfortable when I’d have them. They took a turn many months ago when they became more often and more intense. And I started doing some research on them and came across ocd (which I always thought was just when people don’t like to be unorganized and are like perfectionists or something) but as I was reading different websites and seeing how many types of ocd there was I noticed that I related to most of what I was reading. I still haven’t been officially diagnosed or found a therapist yet but I’m working on it. The past year has been the hardest with my intrusive thoughts. I’m mainly bothered by my pocd and I feel sick to my stomach whenever I get an intrusive thought about a child. I absolutely love kids and would never do anything to hurt them it physically makes me ill when I think about it. (If anyone has any tips to deal with this please reply😭) I think I have an idea to why I have those thoughts. I didn’t have the best childhood I was sa’d at 4&9 by 2 different people that were supposed to take care of me, and I have this horrible fear that i could be like them and it makes me feel so incredibly sick. I was also way too exposed to s3xual things as a child, my family was way too open about s3x growing up like I’m talking adults in my life thought it was okay to openly talk about it to me when I was 6/7 like it was normal. I wish I could explain more but this is already way too long. I’ve only opened up to a select few people about this so this was extremely hard for me, I’m literally fighting for my life… Thank you to anyone who cared enough to read this all the way through I appreciate it so much.🤍

I don’t even know how to explain. I don’t feel like myself anymore. So depressed. Everything seems hopeless. I can’t get out of this spiral. My brain feels weird. The thoughts are hard. I’m scared I’m going psycho. Can anyone say it will pass? 😩😩😩

I am finally meeting with a therpaist. Been really helpful. Only meet once a week but some days i get overwhelmed. Its so hard being a parent with pocd. I love my child and wouldnt do anything to hurt them. In fact im very caring and protective. I still get pocd thoughts like when im helping my wife bathe our child or dress them or chsnge their diaper and my hand moves down or in any direction my ocd freaks out saying i was trying to touch inappropriatelt or do something. Its totally ego dystonic and extremely heartbreaking. I sometimes avoid my daddy duties because of it. Tomight i was helping my wife bathe and clothe our child because theyre both sick. As i was doing that i looked away for a second and my hand moved amd i worried was i trying to touch her. Then the ocd what if and doubts and guilt feelimgs came rushing amd it makes me not want to be around my own family its so distressimg. I just want to help my partner and be a good father 😂💔

My brain is attacking itself again to the point I am sobbing and hyperventilating. I am genuinely so terrified of being a pedophile I’ve been ruminating over things from my childhood and the intrusive thoughts I’ve had. I don’t want to be a pedophile, I am a victim of CSA and do not want to be anything like my abusers. I was groomed, sexually assaulted, and harassed by adults when I was a child. What if I turn out like them? What if they were subconsciously a role model. My POCD latches onto anything. My partner is almost 2 years younger than me, I like kids shows, I like stuffed animals, etc. What if that means I’m a pedophile? What if it means I’m a monster? I am so out of my mind scared. All I can do is shake and sob violently from this fear and disgust.

Repost because someone flagged my posts again, l'm asking this because I never had an experience with intrusive images like this one, it's new for me. l've never had intrusive images so vivid and real like this one + a familiar face associating with it making the intrusive image all the more real, and feeling more guilty and horrible because of it.

TW SUICIDE i’m kinda just throwing this out in the void, i don’t really plan on taking myself off anon because of past experiences i know i’ve had ocd or at least intrusive thoughts for a while, at least 16/17 (i’m 21 now). i had people tell me that had them too that it didn’t mean i was a bad person, and that i didn’t want to act on them. i was doing ok with them for a while until i told the wrong people online essentially people tried to write callouts for me on social media/try to doxx me/send suicide baits. it got so bad that i did actually attempt, although it was pretty half assed (handful of pills washed down with vodka). i put myself into a php a few days later with the sole intention of working on my thoughts, only for them to immediately try to hospitalize me the second i said anything. obviously i shut down and didn’t work with them at all, i was in the troubled teen industry and quite literally got left inside of a psych ward alone locked into the day room for 40 minutes for about a year? maybe more people constantly tried to prove i was a pedophile. any “weird” interaction i had with anyone younger than me, having interest in fandom/shipping/sexual interest in minor characters (i was 17 so honestly a non issue regardless), even posting anime figures at one point people told me was “proof”. i would try to tell them i had this form of OCD, and that would make them tell me to kill myself even harder, like it was proof i jerked off to children or something. i constantly tried to remake my social media and people chased me everywhere i went, it took me deleting everything for a year and completely cutting off almost everyone i knew to get rid of it. it damaged me so much, i relapsed (self harm) multiple times because of it, and the other violent intrusive thoughts got worse during it. i believe people started to attempt to doxx me as well but weren’t very good at it thank god i don’t struggle with the POCD as much anymore, but my harm OCD is really bad. i also have dissociative identity disorder, and i have an alter who has latched on specifically to the POCD so badly i refuse to let him front because i’m terrified he’s going to hurt someone. he’s threatened to do it, and boasted about liking it/hurting me as “punishment” for existing i guess. constantly i get flashbacks that my brain tries to fix, and i get stuck in this loop of these flashbacks, violent thoughts, and trying to “fix” them. i’ve tried to accept them but then my alters just tell me i’m a horrible person and it reflects onto me, or the other alters consistently have to remind me it’s not my fault and i can’t control them/it’s just a disorder. i hate falling asleep because it’s all i ever think about then it feels like. cant really go on trains, i had therapists almost encouraging the behavior by telling me just not to go to doctors when i’d have rumination about not being listened to/blown off/medical malpractice for my disabilities. i’m at least a little better now with my health and sticking up for myself, but it feels like the violent thoughts are never gonna end and it’s just some kind of cruel joke for me existing wrong, like i have all this trauma, literally multiple disorders mental and physical because of it, and my brain will never let me be happy. it has to remind me of my suffering constantly and that 12-15 year old me somehow couldn’t prevent my medical/other traumas and it’s AlL mY fAuLt. not to mention the constant fear that if i talk about this i’ll be locked away forever, like i literally was as a child, and how it quite literally was validated the second i tried to at first. i want help, but help feels like risking my sanity, freedom, and identity as a human being and i fucking hate that. thanks for reading if you do, and i’m really interested to know if anyone else on here is a troubled teen / residential “survivor” i guess. this is only to corrupt, abusive facilities, not ones that actually help people as ik there are some good ones out there. i just didn’t get to go to those. 🫠🫠

Hi, I’m new here. I’ve been dealing with OCD since I was 9 or 10 but only got diagnosed at 19, and started actual treatment a few weeks ago. I’m 21 now. I have severe emetophobia that fuels my health ocd and my intrusive thoughts have been so bad lately that I can hardly eat or leave my house. I don’t go anywhere except my bedroom and work. I even get anxious thinking about going to my living room. I started ERP with a new therapist, and I want to get better, but the therapy is so scary and overwhelming. I’ve lived this way for so long that confronting my fears feels impossible and I’m so scared to do it. I do everything I can to avoid anxiety attacks. I feel so unsafe in my own body because of the way I can’t stop fixating on certain actions and sensations. Does anyone who’s gone through something similar have any advice, or encouragement? I’m doing my best, but I don’t know anyone else with my ocd themes. Thanks y’all <3

My life is falling apart. I've been dealing with a really bad OCD flare up for over a month now and it's been really bad. I'm absolutely terrified of rabies and schizophrenia. But honestly absolutely any random "symptom" I notice scares me. Like rn I have a runny nose and I've just convinced myself it's my spinal fluid and that I'm gonna die and I'm freaking out. Also I've been dealing with personal issues. My two best friends one of which I was/am in love with completely abandoned me. Another toxic person is trying to come back to my life. I feel so lost. I'm so anxious, so terrified, so exhausted. Why can't something good happen for once? I just want to feel okay. I hate thinking I'm dying all day every day:(

Does anyone else feel like they are walking on eggshells being super careful about every interaction with anyone but their partner? I feel like I have to monitor what I say/how I react if I ever have an interaction with someone of the opposite gender who isn’t my partner. For example, I end up feeling so guilty for finding another person of opposite gender funny? And my brain attacks me and says I should only find my partner the funniest. And when I’m not currently ruminating/ doing a compulsion I can literally FEEL it searching for something to latch onto and it’s so exhausting

i posted this before but i’m freaking out rn has anyone else ever gotten intrusive thoughts telling you that right and wrong doesn’t exist and stuff? like, i get thoughts saying “murder isn’t wrong” “SA isn’t wrong” and i feel the need to prove it wrong so i ruminate and i do a bunch of compulsions because my worst fear is becoming amoral.. on top of that, i get thoughts telling me i shouldn’t fear losing my morals bc “they don’t even exist and it’s stupid” which hurts me even MORE. i posted here last night, i suffered because of a philosophy video i watched that triggered me so bad, saying morals aren’t objective and.. even typing that sucks for me because i get nervous. i don’t want to believe these things. my mind tells me these things and THEN i get terrible harm thoughts about animals, my family, friends. it then tells me that those thoughts aren’t wrong and doin those things aren’t wrong. i’ve been in pain for months and it gets better but as soon as it does it gets worse. i’ve been hiding the true nature of my obsessions but i cant anymore because i feaR these thoughts.. i even didn’t tell my therapist because i’m embarrassed.. nobody else seems to have these thoughts and when they do, it’s a bad outcome. i don’t know what to do

My dumbass OCD is trying to convince me that I was stalking this one dude I had a crush on back when I was 19-20 years old. I was a depressed teen who had never had a real crush on any guy and my brain just latched on to whatever guy had seemed respectable. And of course back then I didn’t know I had OCD so it was probably OCD guilt and OCD infatuation and guilt tied into that infatuation. 😞😞😞 I literally forget that that person exists on the daily basis unless I’m reminded of him but only through HIS friends of whom we have mutual. I don’t care where he is and I don’t think I ever truly cared and my OCD was messing me up with this weird crush I don’t think I ever had control of or even WANTED. My brain just convinced me I should want it because I was the loser girl in high school who never got any good guys 😔

Since my ocd started i feel really weird, like i’m faking my hole life and i’m not the person i know i am, it’s really strange and it’s making me feel like i’m gonna lose control cause i’m not being myself… i don’t know how to explain it but it feels like i’m constantly fighting and every single thing means i’m gonna snap and hurt someone i love

The past few days have been a lot better. But recently I’ve been struggling again with dark wicked unwanted blasphemous thoughts. Such as demonic thoughts, devil thoughts, Satan heart thoughts, worship thoughts & s soul thoughts. These thoughts scare me so much. Especially since I have been having False Memory and it makes me think I’ve accidentally said those nasty thoughts out loud. Sometimes the thoughts are demands of blank enter my heart which is so scary! Or it replaces there names. I just hate when my mind says I “want them” I don’t. I love Jesus & God so much and I feel like I’m disappointed them or made them mad. I don’t ever want them to leave me. Does God & Jesus love me even with these awful thoughts? Sometimes I just get so much guilt & shame. Last night the really hit me hard after being ok for the last 3 days. I just don’t ever want God & Jesus to reject me or look at me with disgust. I know He loves us so much but it’s difficult to see whenever these disgusting thoughts come. I just feel so “far” or how could He want someone like me. I try to remind myself a lot of us Christians struggle with blasphemous thoughts. Religious OCD is pretty common for having devil/demonic thoughts but it just makes you feel so evil. Any advice? Does God & Jesus still love me even with these thoughts, feelings, urges? I pray and sometimes I just feel shame. I love them. Am I okay?