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TW: Parent loss My OCD has spiked since losing my mom in March. Like my nesting is trying to find its new obsession to hold onto. Not sure how much more of this I’m going to take.

Is someone just willing to talk please? I’m struggling.

Hi all, I wanted to share that I am trying hard to exercise frequently with many different sports/activities, but I’m finding that it’s keeping me in my thoughts even worse and making my brain increase and accelerate the unwanted intrusive thoughts passing through. Does anyone experience this/ and have recommendations to combat this? I need to exercise not only to get healthier but I also want to enjoy it and not dread it with the seemingly increased OCD thoughts and compulsions/rumination it causes. Thanks! 😊

I was diagnosed with ocd right as I lost my insurance and was no longer able to seek therapy. I am now trying function with this diagnosis all on my own. But its starting to harm my relationship with the love of my life. I am constantly worried I am going to get cheated on, or that he will leave, or that I will cheat or die or he'll will die etc... you get the point. All of this is unfounded and I know this but I can't help but be riddled with doubt. I was hoping to get some tips as someone new to this on how to manage the intrusive thoughts or build up those structured routines everything keeps telling me I should have. I've started doing research but some help would be appreciated. Thank you all for your help!

OCD makes me feel like I’m holding in the biggest secret about myself and I don’t deserve happiness. I feel red faced and nervous all the time, when the thoughts come on it feels like a big rush of “truth” hits me and I can’t not believe it

I don't know why I'm being so much concerned about my mom's sexuality from few days. I always have this thought that she's not straight and she might be not aware about it. There's one thing which she does that makes me think she might be not straight, She appreciate the beauty of women a lot. Like once she was telling me that she saw a very beautiful girl in a bus, that girl was so beautiful that my mom couldn't look away from her and it's not just about one incident but there are plenty of incidents like this. Whenever she sees a beautiful woman in any show, TV, movie etc, she keeps staring at her and saying "my god look how beautiful she is" and she rarely talk about the men's good looks but most of the time, she just talk about women's beauty and keep staring at those women and I find it a little weird. She was asking me in the morning about the name of an actress whom she had seen in a movie. When I asked him "why you're asking about her", she said that " I was thinking about her, she looked so beautiful so I should have know her name" and I felt so weird like I also appreciate women's beauty and find women attractive but the way my mom talk about it most of the times make me think that she might be not straight. You might be wondering that why do I care about my mom's sexuality but I've to do that as I don't want her to be bi or lesbian because I can't bear this. I'll never be as comfortable with her like before. Also, I've read that "the daughter of a bi or lesbian mother can't be straight" so I can't bear this. I don't know if it's real or my brain is misinterpretating things due to Hocd but I still sometimes find her fishy and I keep ruminating about it all the time 😔

Do you guys experience harm OCD homicidal, intrusive thoughts and suicidal thoughts the OCD feel so convincing in the urges feels so real that I feel like I’m turning into a psychopath. I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for the past 10 years I found a new psychiatrist about five months ago he started me with TMS therapy. But is not working for me. He’s going to start me on ketamine to see if it will work for OCD, but these intrusive thoughts make me feel like a terrible person and I hope ketamine will work because I try a bunch of antidepressants, a bunch of antipsychotics and a bunch of mood stabilizers. Nothing is working. The homicidal intrusive thoughts are still there almost feels like I’m liking the thought which is very scary. I get really confused and I tell myself is this really OCD my psychiatrist told me that a psychopath wouldn’t worry about that intrusive thoughts about killing or he wouldn’t get help but I don’t know. I hate OCD. I wish i was never have it.

Hi it’s been a while since I’ve been on here but to those who has real event, have any of you confronted the person about it since they were like involved?

Got triggered and I tried to do an OCD homework, but I failed: when writing the "automatic thoughts" I fell to an OCD cycle and ruminated and reviewed the triggering episode. But I will try to abide to the objective of the homework itself, which is doing the challenging part. This is what an "Automatic Thought Record" is supposed to look like: trigger (what set you off?) -> automatic thoughts (what is OCD saying?) -> challenge (what is an alternative to the distorted thinking?) Automatic Thought Record: Trigger [What set you off?] I saw on instagram a reel of girl playing the violin and I noticed that her chest area was unusually big, and I got triggered by it because I couldn't tell the girl's age because the video was quite blurry but was very suspicious that she looked young, that's what triggered me. I really wanted to be reassured that she was an adult. I don't think I felt any attraction, I was immediately worried because I saw the two things at the same time: the fact that she looked young but that you couldn't tell clearly and the fact that the chest area was noticeable. Automatic thought [What is OCD saying?] You noticing the chest area means that you're attracted. Also you can't quite understand the age of the girl, so you need to find a way to know that to disproof this fear so you can feel okay again. All the things that I did wrong: 1. I compulsively looked at the girl trying to figure out her age, looking for characteristics that disproved my fears and confirmed she was like my age. Was also trying to avoid looking at the triggering area but I couldn't help noticing it. At one point I compulsively stared at it, trying to see if I was attracted. 2. I needed to verify the age, couldn't let the uncertainty be there. Found out she was fourteen in a post where she clearly looked that age and there wasn't any noticeable triggering element, looked very different from the first post I saw. Got triggered a lot more by this fact. Wondered if I could have been actually attracted when I first noticed the chest area. Or if I noticed just for itself and without any ulterior ill intentions. Tried to reassure myself and practice uncertainty. Wondered once more if I would have allowed myself to be attracted if she were an adult but with the same physic in the video. Second trigger that it's refraining from moving on, all the thoughts that I had: I had an unwanted terrible association that I feel a monster for even thinking about it. I don't want to write it, I feel like a ****, it feels unforgivable and a proof of my fears. In the video where you couldn't really tell her age, the green colored dress and the blurred face's head shape reminded me of an adult-video actress that once wore a green dress. Does this association means that I se&ualized the girl? If I think rationally about it I know that these two things are different and my emotional reaction two each of them are different and that the one that I'm really attracted by is the adult woman and not the young girl. If I think rationally I know that this association happened randomly and not with ill intentions, because I found an unwanted similarity. I don't know if it was unwanted, it become later because it triggered me, but it was a similarity that came out randomly, with no moral attachments. But what in my head makes me feel all the more creepy and gross is that the association initially started because of the noticeable chest with the green dress, that is what I think prompted me to think about the other adult woman, so it must have been an association of some kind of se&ual nature, right? Did I like watching that girl? Did I look for her age because I WANTED to be attracted? Is that why I made such an association? Because of this association happened I feel more triggered, and I'm afraid that when I'm going to see a video of that adult actress I'm going to think about that association and that I'm going to like it. I don't want it to be this association at all, but it didn't feel like an irrational one, it was a believable connection, the similitude in my head was there and I didn't want it to be similar but it really does. Maybe if I check again I can disprove this association but once it happened everything that I did felt like it was corroborating the association, like I didn't think the head shape would be similar but when I checked it felt like it kinda did. After reading a segment of the "Mindfulness Workbook for OCD" I came to the conclusion that maybe that association happened because I saw adult characteristics, and the association was limited only to that part, it didn't correlate with the fact that she looked young, those are two separate things, in fact the young part came in later to confront the unconsidered dangers of that association. What happened probably wasn't even an association, I was just reminded of that adult woman from the green dress, and then when I got worried about it the association happened, and I got all the more triggered when I noticed that the head shape was kinda similar, and then I spiraled trying to confirm and deny the evidence and a lot of things that I said in this paragraph are not real but conditioned by OCD. 4. On second watch, how could I not know she was young? You could tell she had a small face. Maybe I wanted to reassure myself so much because I noticed the chest area and I couldn't tolerate that because she looked ambiguous at first so in order for me to be okay with having noticed that chest area was for me to look for adult characteristics, and to grab on to that hope. Also it's probably because there were times that I thought a girl looked a bit young but was actually an adult, and maybe I was hoping that it would also be this case so that I could go on with the day without obsessing about the episode, de-triggering myself. Challenge: Ignoring all of this. Not engaging with it and moving forward having uncertainty. Accepting this triggering episode in all of its aspects. Maybe yes maybe not, uncertainty in this case means winning over OCD, even if you feel bad about it. Realising that I'm overthinking and blowing things out of proportions, nothing really happened, I'm just exaggerating because of OCD. After considerations and worries: 1. After reading this OCD book I'm aware that all people have postpubescent markers and that is normal to notice it, noticing doesn't mean having se&ual desire, but because of OCD it mutates into something sinister by the subsequent analysis from OCD itself. 2. It bothers me the fact that I found the young girl's age ambiguous and that I didn't realise sooner 3. I was so uncomfortable in all the scenarios of this one episode, because I needed to check instead of just being okay with it, which is what the people I'm scared of being actually do. So I know that I'm not attracted to young girls (and I don't want to be). That's a fact, because it sent me in a spiral. If it was an adult instead I woud have felt comfortable and wouldn't have obsessed about this one particular episode for like 2 hours. 4. Obviously the association that happened later triggered me heavily 5. Fear of instagram analytics misunderstanding why I looked at that video many times, and the fact that I clicked at the tagged profile and the orchestra account to find informations about the age. 6. When writing this I had images in my head of the young girl, but I didn't "mind" it, I didn't realise they were appearing in my head. Were they actual intrusive images or just memories? And it they were memories, was I not paying attention because I liked those images or because of the effects of this (half-assed) session of ERP not making me care? The truth is that I will never know because OCD is the doubt disorder, but the chances are that is nothing like what I'm scared of it being. 7. Needing to move on from all of this without the reassurance of a second party.

Does anyone else feel like your OCD goes after everything that’s important or precious to you? Like if you have a dear memory of something, your mind will try to tell you why that’s wrong or bad even when you know it’s something perfectly pure and a happy memory. I feel so beat up by this illness.. it steals my joy. Only Jesus can help me, only he knows just how bad this torment in my head is.

So lately I've been able to control OCD after a long time. If I have a harm intrusive thought or image, I just let it go. By doing this, I am able not to feel anxiety with these intrusive thoughts, and therefore improving over time. But sometimes I start to feel anxious for not feeling anxious with these thoughts. It's like: "If I don't feel anxiety with these awful harm thoughts/images, does that mean I want to do them??" It drives me crazy. Also, as I tend to have intrusive thoughts and sudden images at some point everyday, I think "what if maybe it is not OCD, but another kind of mental issue? What if I don't treat myself and I go crazy over time? What happens if I think I'm improving, but I'm not?" Anyone feeling this way as well?

Does anyone else get ROCD thoughts surrounding possibly cheating on your partner? Mine focuses on other interactions with men other than my partner that may have been cheating. Even from years ago. And then i get the strong urge to confess to my partner even thought it’s almost embarrassing because these situations aren’t considered cheating by definition. Sometimes, I obsess on interactions that “could have” led to me cheating. Does anyone else experience this? I’m recently engaged, and it’s flared up since then. I’d love to know if anyone else deals with this and/or has any advice. Thanks!

I was hoping to get some insight into what recovery/remission looks like for those of you in it. Does it look differently for each of us? I am managing much better than at 22, but it’s still annoying and constant. I’ve done CBT and ERP therapy, I’m on Prozac, and it was helping quiet the thoughts, but I still have flare ups or flooding of thoughts. My wonder is, is this recovery? I have a job, I’m a mom, I literally live in exposures everyday and I keep going. I never avoid, I always continue what I’m doing when the thoughts come up. I just get frustrated when I hear people say “I beat OCD.” What does that look like, sound like, feel like on a daily basis? Does it mean, despite the horrible intrusive thoughts, you carry on any way and don’t let it stop you from living your life? But to me, it’s just always there :(

**TRIGGER: SEXUAL THEMES** Does anyone have any advice or can relate? I’ve suspected that I have ocd for quite some time now, and it’s usually rocd but lately I’ve been getting thoughts that I might be bisexual or even a lesbian, I’ve never gotten these thoughts before and idk if it’s ocd or if I actually feel this way. I’ve always been straight and at one point in high school, I thought that I might be bi but I would never date a woman, it would only be in a sexual sense. (Idk if that even counts as being bisexual honestly). This still stands but I’m having a hard time accepting the sexual part, even tho I don’t think I’m bi. I think this has come up because lately I’ve been loving Chappell Roan’s music, and cuz most of her songs are about women, I think I’m getting intrusive thoughts cuz of that. Also I watched her “my kink is karma” music video and I just really loved the style and a transition in it, and she looked really good like I’m not gonna lie, but idk if it’s me having a “girl crush” as a straight woman or if I’m part gay. The thing is, I don’t think this whole thing would even be a problem if I was single, but I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a few months now, and I love him to death, and I’m obviously attracted to him (even tho my rocd says otherwise), but I can’t help but feel guilty if I’m bisexual. It’s not even a big deal and I don’t have to make it a big deal, but I get thoughts that if I did like women, I’d have to break up with my boyfriend in order to figure it out, but that’s not what I want (even tho it’s so hard to decipher what I want or not with ocd). Usually when I get these thoughts I can shrug it off and it goes away for a while, but now I’m getting this picture/video in my mind of me giving head but on a vag. I think this started up because ig I wanted my bf to do a certain thing while going down on me and I imagined myself doing it and it got like really vivid and now I get groin responses from it. It’s just really scary right now and I really don’t want it to be true.

This year the quality of my sleep decreased, resulting into chronic insomnia, lack of sleep and heavy dependence on sleeping medication. Quite recently I managed to regain control over it, though last week my insomnia returned and subsequently my OCD thoughts increased. From now own it circles around fatal insomnia and risk of having it. I know that it's irrational and the illness is very rare. However, I can't help thinking about it over and over. And it really disrupts my sleep, causing serious panic attacks.

My gf and I broke up (I initiated), and decided to go no contact for a little bit until my ROCD is settled down and u tik I make a decision as to whether or not we should get back together. But I’m not sure if I broke up with her because if genuine issues in our relationship or if my rocd was getting to be too much so I figured breaking up with her was the easiest route to stop the rocd thoughts. How do I know if my thoughts about my gf and I breaking up are real versus rocd thoughts? I feel good right now (being broken up) but I’m thinking that’s because it is my rocd thoughts have gone away bc I’m not in a relationship anymore. I would always question if we were meant to be together and would get worried when I recognized that I found someone else attractive. Please help, I don’t know what to do.

My rocd mainly focuses on “red flags” and past mistakes of my partner. My partner lied to me about 6 months ago because I had a bit of a tight/silly boundary that made him afraid to tell me that he ended up speaking to a female friend of a friend on a game a few times. (He let me view the messages and there was no flirting, and it seemed the girl knew about me as my boyfriend had sent some of my artwork to her) at the time I was hurt but forgave him and didn’t really think about it. Suddenly in February I got ocd like signs like needing to confess everything. It then decided to go partner focused and focus on what my partner did wrong despite it being sorted and my boyfriend showing genuine remorse and not getting defensive at all. I have spoke to my mother and also my bfs mother about the situation. My mother said I’m worrying way too much about it and it makes sense that he lied because he was in a sticky awkward situation and didn’t know what to do with this girl because his male friend would invite him onto the call with her and he didn’t want to make it awkward for them randomly blocking her. My boyfriends mother also said the reason he would of lied was because I had a little bit of a silly boundary (not wanting him to game with any girls) Since it happened I have loosened my boundary a little, because I need to stop being so insecure and jealous. There is going to be girls in every game and he shouldn’t have to leave just cause a girl is there. I told him I’m okay with it as long as he tells me if a girl has a convo with him and he usually tells me now. Do others have this problem with partner focused rocd? Like your ocd hyperfocuses and makes you ruminate on a certain incident and possibly blows it out of proportion?

Every time I think about my temporomandibular joint dysfunction (TMJ) or am reminded of it, it just suddenly manifests itself. I don’t know why or how this happens, and it only stops when I forget that I have TMJ or manage to distract myself. I keep getting comments from my mom that I’m forcing the clicking noise in my jaw, but it doesn’t make any sense for me to deliberately put myself through that discomfort??😭 I can’t manually make it stop bc the tension in my jaw is VERY real. This physiological reaction also happens when I get too anxious or excited. Lmk if you can relate to this bc i really don’t know what to make of it.

What do you do when you feel like you’re running out of “fight”? I feel like I’m trying really hard to keep pushing through but feeling like no matter what I do my battery is on E.

Has anyone been with their partner for more than 5 years? What kind of love do you feel towards them? I have been with my bf fo 6 years! before getting with him I never labled myself and considered that when I'll find love I'll know... and when I started dating my bf its because 1) he was my best friend first 2)he was so sweet and considerate and 3) he was like perfect (met all my expectations) but I always felt like something was missing and I'm scared that it is an "ick" situation and that its the feeling gay people feel when they're in heterosexual relationship. I dont want to be with him just because he's perfect on paper and my parents love him and I got used to him, I want to be with him because I love him for him and choose him. I've always been a believer of true love and accepting yourself etc etc... and yet I feel like I'm the one who's not accepting myself? Like it feels like im in a movie or a serie and Im the closeted character who's not happy with her life and needs to come out to have a happily ever after??? and yet I feel good with my bf, he's my home and I really like touching him and being intimate with him... I'm just so lost... my therapist diagnosed me with SOOCD 4 years ago but im not so sure about that... and my bf said to me "if you only liked girls and didnt like guys, believe me I would've noticed at some point during the past 6 years". But again sometimes when people love watching a rom-com movie and project themself with the guy it feels like I cant do that..... and I used to love rom-coms between a guy and a girl but it feels like im seeking more LGBTQ+ stories now? My therapist said that it was a complusion to make myself feel better if it were ever true but I dont know... ugh anyone else going through this?