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I have compulsions I did 10 years ago because of my pocd that still haunt me today. How do I forgive myself and move on?

I hope someone can respond... im genuinely struggling and i need support... I joined an OCD group three years ago that was from NOCD. There were minors in the GC, and when I was triggered by my hocd relating to stuff that was 18+, i vented about it to the GC and to some of the people in the pm's to a minors discomfort... my pocd says I engaged in P*dophillic behavior because of this... when i was just venting about my hocd... i dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors or kids at all... After doctor disrespect admitted to inappropriately messaging a minor my ocd is saying I did something similar to him and that I should be punished...

Hello, does anyone have any advice on trying to stop doing rituals? My top ones have a lot to do with counting and anxiety over certain things. •the main one that bothers me SOO much is my bedtime alarm routine. I set all my alarms and then turn my ringer on and off 6 times. Then proceed to make sure my charger is plugged in twice. Then open and close my phone 3-5 times checking that my alarm is set. Once I put my phone down I checking the outlet one more time and the alarm one more time. •when I close at work I have to check the air is off at least twice. Then check the candle is out even though we never light it. After I look the door I pull on it 5 times These are just some examples. can someone please help on how to stop or at least lessen these!!??

I hate saying this, but I’m extremely sad. I sit in my chair and dissociate. It’s hard for me to confess my feelings. I truly feel empty. OCD makes life so much harder to live…it really does:( along with that I have 4 other things to deal with mentally. I am Christian, but other Christian friends have excluded me. The only one I had to call for awhile was 988. People have disappointed me, and I’m aware that God will never fail. But I’m at the point in my life where I’m craving a romantic relationship, but it eats at me everyday. Love is a painful ideal. I found a celebrity that I’m attracted to, and I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this, but it actually eats at me. Like I hate it sometimes. He is married. I saw the picture, and though I know rationally that he is a celebrity…it really hurts. I am not delusional…and I don’t know why this is:/ I cut out everything he is on, because I get depressed when I see him. Though I rationally know God was with me in my darkest moments…most times people weren’t. I just want someone who chooses to listen to me. It sucks. And this is my last effort to be heard. I give up. It took a lot for me to write this. I will definitely be deleting, but I am so lonely. God bless you all🙂 Romans 8:29 Jeremiah 29: 11❤️❤️🫂

I really struggle with feeling guilty about enjoying things, just because of my moral ocd. and everytime it happens I get so depressed. I got triggered twice today. I was watching a video earlier today and the person kept insulting my favorite band and I clicked off and cried because my OCD was telling me I was a bad person for liking the band. Then a video got recommended to me titled z**philia is morally reprehensible, which just triggered my ocd into convincing me I'm one. I'm not attracted to animals at all/have no desire around them but I get bad intrusive thoughts. Especially because one of my big interests is werewolves. I've been attracted to werewolf characters before but not their wolf forms?? Just like their human self? I think their werewolf side is cool/cute but not in that way. But my ocd tells me it's still weird and I'm a z** and makes me doubt myself. Either way, it's the worst. OCD has ruined stuff so much for me that's it's stunted my ability to get connected/hyperfixated on stuff like I used to and it's really upsetting. Moral OCD is so hard. My meds didn't help it much either compared to other themes.

I think I have harm OCD, along with many other types of OCD. I have a call set up with a therapist on here tomorrow. I’ve been scared for practically my whole life to reach out for help, because I’m just embarrassed and don’t want anyone to think I’m crazy. My OCD started with hair pulling at a young age, but into adulthood has turned into so many things. The most distressing one being harm OCD, which presents as a fear of knives (I keep them all put up and hidden and never use them, they are gifts so I can’t throw them out or I would) as well as fear of being schizophrenic, having a psychotic break, or a demon possessing me as silly as that may sound. The demon thing started when I decided I wanted to be Christian, and now I’m scared of saying something and thinking god won’t like me anymore. It causes me a lot of distress and nobody I know understands it. Just wanted to know that there is more people out there like me, I feel so alone even surrounded by the people that “know” me the most.

Hi everyone! I was recently diagnosed with OCD after realizing my anxiety wasn’t generalized and learning that compulsions aren’t always visual/physical. I’m curious what compulsions you have/had that you didn’t realize were compulsions until you were diagnosed? For example, learning about rumination, reassurance seeking, and picking at skin as compulsions has been really eye-opening to me!

Listen I know everyone is going to tell me that reassurance isn’t the key to OCD recovery and while I agree with that for my future recovery the current theme I’m going through (which I will not disclose due to personal embarrassment) is so debilitating that honestly it’s affecting my ability to function normally day to day. I can’t do anything without worrying or feeling like an awful person. Tomorrow I’m supposed to reach out to my uncle who let’s just say should be someone who could give me some advice and reassurance. Like I said before I know I’m not supposed to seek this out but I can’t live with the uncertainty anymore it’s eating me alive and I need to be able to get back to being normal again. The thing is my uncle is probably going to think I’m insane when I speak to him and I’m so embarrassed. I’m so angry at myself and god for having this disorder. How do I deal with the embarrassment of having to open up to my uncle who might think I’m a weirdo after telling him about my OCD?

Relationships are so difficult, even without OCD, and yet some people make it look so easy, it hurts. It’s never been easy for me, and it makes me feel like I’m just not meant for love. I found someone that I liked, that I felt initially drawn to, but when you stop admiring someone from a distance and start putting in the work it becomes tough. I was quickly met with things that I thought were “weird” or “cringy” or “annoying” and I started obsessing and it scared and stressed me so much, because I finally found someone that I actually wanted to be with, but my preoccupation and obsession over his flaws made we worried that it wasn’t right and that it would be taken away from me…by myself! I felt like there were two parts of me fighting inside, and I wanted it to stop. We’re now dating but I’m still obsessed and worried all the time by the flaws that bug me so much. I keep feeling that if they bug me this much it means I don’t like him, and I’m trying to learn to accept them and live him unconditionally, but it’s difficult. One thing that has been kind of comforting to me in a way is knowing that there are people who are married on here who struggle with ROCD. It’s not that I’m happy that they’re struggling, but it gives me hope that even through the struggle I can choose love. It’s also comforting because I’m only 19 and it’s nice to know that there are older and wiser people that I can look up to who are struggling just like me.

Hello, nice to be here and meet you all. I have had contamination ocd since I was a young girl. I am 45. It has gotten so much worse since I had children and lost my dear mother. I feel like I have no one to talk to about it and I am desperately searching for help and for community. Thank you for any support. I want to enjoy life again without all this worry, guilt, doubt, and shame. I would like to be free.

I remember something that I've done when I was 19 years old when it comes to OCD. I tried to help someone with their OCD but they were underaged. I don't know why I decided to agree in doing this. I guess I just wanted to be nice or I had trouble saying no. I just don't know. But for the most part I've been trying to help this person with their OCD and I think it has helped them but in the mix of things I brought up really touchy, inappropriate topics that related to my OCD one way or another and it was in no way of trying to get with this person. I told this person that I wasn't exactly comfortable talking with a minor and after a while I told them straight up I didn't want to continue talking because of this. I looked through messages and I saw things that spiked my anxiety but I with read the entirety of those messages. This person suffered from POCD as I did and I just wanted to help them but I feel like I've slipped up here and there and I've said something irredeemable and wrong to this person. I can't do this. I feel like my life is over. I can't calm down. I can't stay still. I hadn't thought about this for years until I saw a video about a middle aged man talking to a minor. I can't do this anymore. I'm losing it. I'm spiraling and I don't think I can calm down. POCD is my biggest fear and this feels like a nightmare I badly want to wake up out of. But it's real, it happened, and I'm so scared and mad at myself. I HATE THAT I'VE DONE THIS. I HATE THAT THIS HAS HAPPENED AND I FEEL LIKE I'M A DISGUSTING PERSON. I'm so sorry. I just can't bring myself together. I can't do this. I was doing so well until I remembered this and I feel like my life is over. It feels like I've failed all of my friends and my family. It feels like I've ruined my life.

To say the last few days have been rough would be an understatement. There are things on my mind that has genuinely driven me insane, and I don’t know how to deal properly. Idk how to deal with having such thoughts and/or the feelings that come with them. It feels like it’s gone way too far and all I wanna do is wipe my mind clean and just restart my life but I can’t. I’ve spent the last few days feeling like I have to accept something horrible about myself, and at times it still feels like I should. It feels so much easier to just accept my fate as some fucked up child predator than to just say it’s ocd cause that’s just too..easy and simple. It’s hard to make sense that it’s OCD cause of everything in me that’s telling me otherwise. I keep repeating how much I don’t want these things but I don’t feel that reassured and at times it just feels like I’m lying, leaving me not knowing if I really want these things. I can never just NOT think and I hate it. Anyways, I know a lot of you deal with the same things as I do (i guess) and have been here to help me and calm me down and it’s appreciated. But I am sorry that you all have to see how bad it gets. Really hoping the next few days will be easier.

I don't want to be a pedophile. I don't want to hurt minors in any way. I only tried to help this person with their OCD and nothing more. I looked through the messages and I've been nothing but helpful to this person but I let them know what made me uncomfortable and things I wouldn't do. I knew better. I knew what to do and not to do, but I still feel wrong about this. At the same time, I don't think it would be wrong if a therapist helped an underaged person with intrusive thoughts that were sexual in nature. I don't know. I just don't want to be a bad person. I haven't had a spike in anxiety like this in a long time. It hurts. It sucks. I don't know what to do right now.

So apparently there were allegations against a very popular streamer that claimed he messaged a minor in DMs. This turned out to be true and he wasn't put on criminal charges. I still think it's very odd that a middle aged man would be privately messaging a teenager either way. This reminded me of a time where I was 19 and spoke with someone to help them with their OCD but they were underaged. I don't even remember why I said yes to talk with them, how we met, or why this happened in the first place, but it's bothering me extremely now. I know for a fact nothing inappropriate was said at all and I've even made it clear several times that POCD made me not want to really talk with this person. Again, I don't know how we eventually started talking, but we did. We don't anymore and it's been years. I do hope this person is doing okay and has improved with their OCD, but this still bothers me. I just don't know why we ended up speaking. Is this a legit worry or is anxiety just getting the best of me again?

I've been with my husband for 9 years. I've had ocd intrusive thoughts about him being unfaithful or masturbating to pornography or unfaithful things like that. But never did I want a divorce. Back in January of this year my husband said he wanted a divorce, so my children and I left to families house because we had no where to stay. I ended up getting a job, and during this time apart from my husband I nearly, if not completely, forgot what most of my ocd intrusive thoughts were when I was with him. I felt good about myself, refreshed, and knew I could make it without him. Fast forward he ended up wanting to talk and here we are trying again being married and a family. Now that I'm back, the thoughts and feelings are back! I feel miserable with him. I feel anger, resentment, I can't seem to heal when I'm woth him. I don't want to regret getting back with him but it's almost like I do. I'm starting to believe that not only enjoy but LOVE being alone. I actually love the feeling and my life when I'm alone.

What is a good way to express to my husband that it's not helpful for him to say, make sure you stay committed to the process, when I've only just begun. I just got my diagnosis yesterday and actively fought a compulsion today. I confided in him that I'm in a guilt loop because of it, but that I'm aware and fighting on. That's when he said, "just make sure you stick to this because I can't do many more cycles of this." He's a big, just do it and get it done guy and I'm trying to convey to him that inches to him mean miles for me.

ive realized throughout my entire life ive had ocd symptoms. all of my fixative rituals, things like my fear of upsetting anyone ever, always keeping internet tabs open, missing and obsessing over the same people after they left my life and never being able to feel closure, my recursive fear of everyone i love betraying me, the paranoia i have about my girlfriend, every single thing i've experienced was a result of obsessive thought patterns and rumination. i don't understand how i never hit the nail on the head earlier. i really hope this means i can finally find a way out. i'm tired of my periods of being better just being management, of never truly feeling safe, of obsessing over people who hurt me and their words. i'm tired of being haunted by ghosts and obsessing over everything that reminds me of them. i want to be able to take my phone off do not disturb. i want to love my girlfriend without being afraid. i want to feel safe around my friends. i want to not have to be obsessed with something to survive. i hope that figuring this out means there's a new path for me. i hope i can learn not to focus on my fears and doubts. i can't remember a time where i wasn't haunted by them.

I was doing so good the last few months. I was beginning to be social again, hang out with friends, watch tv and listen to music, and suddenly it feels like I’m back in square one. I watched a triggering TikTok, I turned 29 recently, I got drunk, and feel like I’m going through a flare. I’ve been here before, but it’s so scary when you’re in the thick of it. I don’t want to be bisexual or a lesbian. There’s nothing wrong with it, I have queer friends and they’re amazing. It’s just not what I want. OCD makes me feel like I’m in denial or that I’m lying to myself. I will get through this. It’s just so hard, the doom feeling of what if I have to rely on my family and never find a career or get married because of this.

Oof I’m having a hard time right now. I have a ton of OCD themes, but after 2021, my perfectionism OCD became atrocious. I got married in November 2021 and while the day was amazing, my wedding photos are honestly less stunning than I hoped. There aren’t many bridal photos of me and many are poorly lit or weirdly posed. I had gained weight over COVID and that didn’t help. The reason I started on this app is because from 2021 until summer 2023, I could not stop spending hours going through my wedding photos and other wedding photos comparing. I couldn’t stop putting my wedding photos on Reddit and asking if they were really that bad. I couldn’t stop googling what to do if you hate your wedding photos. My mood plummeted and I actually was contemplating ending my life over wedding photos. Fast forward to this year, NOCD has helped me so much. But this past weekend, my sister got married. We’ve already seen a sneak peek of her photos and they’re perfectly stunning. Like strangers are messaging me on IG to say she’s the most stunning bride they’ve ever seen. I held out my OCD for a few days and just felt happy for her, but last night my OCD and I had a complete meltdown. My OCD keeps saying “well if she could be the perfect bride, why couldn’t you?” “You failed this milestone, just like all the others.” “Maybe you missed something about your pics that actually isn’t that bad - you should look again.” “You should look up options to get your photos retaken - wait don’t because then you’ll have to admit something about your wedding was sub par.” I’m trying SO HARD to stop looking at pics and going on Reddit today, but it’s been the most hard it’s been for a year or more. I feel terrible that I’m not just celebrating my sister’s success. I feel guilty that im letting my OCD win. I know I shouldn’t seek reassurance. I could just use some general uplifting today. And maybe - did anybody else regret having a wedding because it was just something your OCD could latch onto forever? I wish we’d eloped, at this point.

Last year, I lost my dad. I completely lost it and had to be put on antipsychotics and depression meds. I’m currently on Vraylar which is supposed to help with most of my diagnoses including OCD (according to my doc). She’s been trying to get me into CBT and read a 70 dollar book (my adhd makes it hard to focus so I struggle with reading); it’s not a favorite past time of mine because of that and my dyslexia. I’ve lost my ability to drive unless my wife is with me (she’s my safe person) and same goes for leaving the house. I can’t make myself drive or leave the house without a support human. My doc says CBT therapy will help but I’m so nervous that I’m going to be stuck like this forever. I rarely drove before my dad died but I did drive and since his passing, I can’t bring myself to do it. I get so many intrusive thoughts that I’m going to kill myself or others by driving. I’ve been in 3 accidents alone in my suv and so it’s not like I shouldn’t be worried (only one accident was my fault due to not checking my blind spot for reference). I’m an extremely careful driver but I think of all the worst ways it could go bad. Has anyone else dealt with this and has CBT helped? Are you driving or doing the things you used to be able to do again? If so, how did you do it? I’m at a loss here and my wife keeps pushing me to drive but I can’t force myself to do it. I get to the front door and I can’t leave the house even with keys in hand. Sorry for the novel but this is what I’ve been dealing with for the last almost year or so.