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Hi to anyone reading this. I haven’t ever posted on here nor have I really spoken about my experiences with OCD so hopefully this will all make sense. I began developing obsessive compulsive tendencies in my last year of college, and it really started to get serious when I graduated and moved back home. I was okay for a couple of months until my symptoms started to get really serious. I was in denial and believed that I was just being ridiculous and needed to get over myself, so I never thought to ask for help. I didn’t have many friendships to begin with (most fizzled out since we all moved to different areas after college) and the one friend I did have didn’t treat me very well and would tease me about some of my symptoms, so eventually that ended as well. I looked for a job for a while but never found anything, so I didn’t get out much. I spiraled into a dark episode of ocd and depression for about two years. I never left the house unless it was necessary and became a shell of a person. I was so exhausted from just existing on a daily basis, I couldn’t fathom how anyone did more than that. I eventually realized I couldn’t get better by myself so I sought out a therapist in 2023. In January of 2024, I finally felt comfortable enough to begin taking medication which has dramatically improved my state of mind. Though I still experience some symptoms, I don’t feel suffocated by my own brain anymore- I can finally breathe. Now I’m at this point where I need and want to get back to my life again. But since I was stuck in that episode for so long, I don’t really know how. Most people my age (23) have friends and jobs, some have even started families already. I don’t know how to catch up to my peers again. I don’t know how to make friends and go out or what to do to establish a career. I feel so lost. A part of me thinks that it’s too late but I know that’s not really true. I just can’t believe how much I’ve missed, it feels like having ocd took years of my life that I was supposed to be having fun and learning and growing. I don’t know how to start living instead of just being alive. I feel like I’m starting over from scratch. Has anyone felt this way/ is going through this too? Does anyone have advice?

I was hit with a particularly disturbing thought loop this morning. I am already feeling the intense urge to compulse. I am trying to work through it, but I just wanted to come on here and empathize with everyone. This stuff is seriously hell on earth and it makes me want to cry :’(

nsfw I have a really big masturb-tion compulsion and it’s becoming a habit… and it’s starting to feel like automatic. I get the thought, or groinal response, or I hear a noise, and boom I have to masturb-te… it’s really annoying and it makes me feel so gross. i sit there for such a long time in my head trying to finish this compulsion and it’s like before it happens i feel a sense of dread like not again…here we go…it happens multiple times a day or sometimes it doesn’t happen for a while then something triggers it. it feels like I like the thoughts in the moment, then when the compulsion is done i feel gross and sad and want to disappear. I hate living like this. Does anyone have any info on this or goes through this? I feel alone

Hi, does anybody here relate to waking up every day wondering what "to do in life". I am a woman who have worked for 20 years in the same field with hidden and untreated OCD which I thought I was "handling". I didn't know what it was and was convinced that my life would be destroyed if I said the truth about the daily thoughts I was bombarded with and my paralyzed avoidance. So I just kept going until it all collapsed by it self and I was diagnosed with OCD 18 months ago. Now as I am slowly understanding more and more I suddenly realized that every day I doubt my work and if it's the right thing to do. I still have some deals where I am supposed to deliver, and despite this it feels like my professional life is like a joke, I am a joke, so I ruminate at about what to do thought-out the day and then again the day after not doing what I am suppose to do to my work. I never thought about this as part of my OCD but it suddenly occurs to me that it very well may be. Very greatful for response. Wish you a wonderful day with good recovery.

I know this is sorta reassurance but idc rn I never post in here anymore so pls someone can you comment without judgment. I feel like ocd always puts intrusive images of like sexual things of people I’ve seen in the past, and in my head things seem so vivid and real but I’m sure it’s just ocd bringing up a farmiliar image but it wouldn’t be properly detailed or anything or be exactly what I’ve seen before I think it’s just ocd trying to trick me? Can someone please just give me a tiny bit of reassurance that I wouldn’t be able to remember clearly and detailed these things I’ve seen in the past… sometimes I struggle to even picture anything properly, so how could I actually be remembering proper details? It still doesn’t mean I’m turned on by these images regardless of if it was a clear image or not, because these thoughts make me feel gross… but like if I’m trying to picture my partner and the image maybe isn’t perfect does that mean it’s still him because my intention is to think of him and I and I feel like it’s hard for me to visualise things of him in proper detail nomatter how hard I try, he tries to tell me not to worry and he doesn’t care how I imagine him as long as I’m thinking of him

I’m so scared to go on this trip with my boyfriend since i had a thought of suffocating him. i’m scared i actually want to do it and that I’ll act on it. i don’t want to go and i’m so scared of what the thought means. i don’t want to hurt him and i want to avoid the whole situation so i know that i won’t hurt him.

hey everyone. i’m not sure if this app will help me or not, but i feel the need to try anything because i can’t keep living like this. i struggle with obsessing over everything in my life. it feels like everyday my brain picks a new thing in my life to obsess over. for the past couple days ive been obsessing over my interpersonal relationships. for example; “do i like the people im with” “do i like my friends as more than just friends” “do i actually love these people or am i lying to everyone”. it’s been really messing with me and making me question my support system. i can’t stop stressing. i’m even afraid to talk about it with my therapist because i have those thoughts about her too. i’m new to my OCD diagnosis (got diagnosed last month) i was hospitalized for a week because i couldn’t function. i also obsess over my sexuality and nothing i pick for me ever feels quite right. i recently started a relationship with someone who’s trans, so maybe that’s why? does anyone else go through this? my brain tries to convince me that i do this to myself and that im making it all up. but who would want to feel this way? uggghhh

Hello everyone, this is my first post. I just wanted to write about how I am currently feeling, because I am having a hard time. Maybe someone has the same problem. I feel like, my OCD is the worst while working. I control everything many times and am always afraid to make the wrong decisions . Even after work I think a lot about work and very often get very bad anxiety. I am very insecure and need to know everything for sure before making a decision at work. I don’t even have a job, where something catastrophic could happen if I make the wrong decision, but it always feels like it. I already called in sick last week and during that time, I felt so much better. But I can’t call in sick every week. Does anyone feel the same and how do you manage this situation?

Great song by Sound Garden in honor of Chris Cornell he would have just turned 60 , RIP 🪦. The song “ The Day I Tried To Live “ very inspiring song !

Starting earlier this year - in January I had become very ill. After a few days of being bed ridden I began to have horrible nightmares and terrible thoughts. One of the thoughts stuck with me. It was like I had just unlocked a memory of hurting someone very close to me 3-4 years ago. It was different from most others as this one made me feel pain, regret and remorse as if I had just experienced that event for the first time - yet years later. I reached out to the person in my “memory” and loosely described what I was going through and asked them to try and recall the night in question. At least the night I can most closely identify these thoughts with. They told me what I had thought I had done never occurred. I thanked them for being courteous and helpful to me during that time. The following few weeks left me defeated. I felt like I was arguing my innocence to myself with one voice agreeing that I’ve gone crazy and the other saying I know what I did. I tried to work though it but it destabilized me as a person. I quit my job and moved back in with family. Since then I have learned to control the fear of whether or not this memory was something I truly did experience or if it’s a byproduct of repressed emotions I never took care of from my youth yet still today. Nearly 8 months later I still don’t have the confidence to say I didn’t do it. I’ve stopped trying to fight for my life as I feel if these events truly did occur and the other person suddenly “remembers” the best thing I can do is be prepared to take the necessary steps so that the ‘victim’s’ pain I caused may be lessened and they can receive the justice necessary. I know this may be a one of a kind post, but I’m asking to you read this with an open and curious mind. I am open to questions engaging with my experience that may help me sort this out so I know what steps I should focus on taking next in my life. Please and thank you for your time.

Love how social media allows nudity…I opened up instagram and instantly saw a naked women and that triggered some thoughts making me uncomfortable and second guess my sexuality. 😕I tried my best to tell myself “maybe or maybe not either way I don’t care” and sitting with the discomfort but it’s extremely hard. Especially when I’m currently talking to someone I really like and want to get to know him. Just makes life harder sadly.

Hi everyone if you haven’t read my latest posting I’m ysabelle & I am 16 years old and this is my on going battle with OCD, depression, anxiety and DPDR. To start off if you want to hear my story of how I first got it I have another post up! I wanted to ask if anyone has every experienced existential intrusive thoughts but has suicidal OCD too. I’ve been trying to find some type of comfort because the first theme I had with intrusive thoughts were suicidal/ harm. I’ve learned how to deal with them where they don’t bother me like they used to, long story short I was having existential intrusive thoughts without knowing it. I thought I was developing dementia because I would stare at my mom and an intrusive thought popped up into my head “ what if you don’t know her “ she was my comfort until that day. I was terrified thinking I didn’t know her or recognize her like I used to. Well I wanted to ask if anyone has dealt with suicidal OCD but existential thoughts like “what’s the point of living if we die anyways?” & how did you cope? I was overthinking because I was trying to figure out if I was suicidal because I would get these thoughts and it made me feel uncomfortable and just more defeated and depressed. I now know it’s the existential intrusive thoughts so I do feel a little better. I was thinking these thoughts were coming from me because of my depression but I’m trying everyday !🫶🏻☀️

It seems like there’s so many different forms of OCD that i’m truly left wondering what i’m seeking help for, and if this is even going to work for me. How do you know when you’ve had “false memory OCD”, “relationship OCD”, or even “suicidal OCD” i feel like i’m just so mentally twisted that i’ll just take whatever kind of help there is , even if this isn’t really what’s wrong with me? How would I even get my own boyfriend to understand what i’m going through if I’m diagnosed with OCD?

feeling a little off at the moment. i have a very panic/anxiety attack esc mindset. my mind starts to feel very dystopian and i just don’t very feel good overall when this happens as i’m sure most do. i know i’m supposed to sit with it, but i really hate it. i feel like i’ve brought this on a little bit as well because earlier i was questioning why i’ve been feeling so okay this week. i’ve been taking magnesium glycinate every night so that could be what’s helping me a little, but it just feels so weird not to be constantly alert and worried about something. i feel like that’s the only way i function and it feels comfortable. is that normal? i wish i had a group chat of people to talk to instead of constantly coming here when i need to talk. not that that’s bad but sometimes i need immediate responses and support and i don’t often get that here. however i always appreciate those who respond and let me know i’m heard and not alone, so thank you 🫶🏻

i have a friend whos 17 and i'm 20 and im so afraid im going to develop a crush on them and it will be immoral because they're still legally a minor and i'm afraid that when i talk to them im slowly grooming them just because im being nice to them and i'm their friend. im scared i have a crush on them this whole time i cant tell, deep down i know i dont but the fear is so strong. im afraid they can tell im being weird or that i feel afraid of this and they're put off by me. i think i just need reassurance im not weird or grooming them. we just talk about the beatles and that's it, thats our main thing in common, obviously nothing sexual or romantic or weird. but still, i could be. i hate this

One night I started obsessing over how my dad could develop cancer I was watching a movie on Netflix and I kept having to pause the movie to blink and quickly pray to God that he wouldn't so I wouldn't be choosing the movie 'over' my dad. But one time I didn't and I just carried on playing it and then I felt this huge sinking feeling which made me feel like I caused something terrible to happen so I banned myself from Netflix for a year 😭😭and also started banning a ton of other 'materialistic' stuff like chocolate and music because I read in the Bhagavad-Gita that 'life is a balance of pain and pleasure' so I thought that by reducing pleasure I could prevent the pain I could feel from my dad 😭which makes no sense at all Anyway I got over this eventually but today I was watching Netflix again and then I started thinking about how I should probably put it away and go to bed (after I pray for my dad first) but I started thinking about how I don't want to put it away and I think mentally I chose it 'over' my dad- EVEN THOUGH I WOULD NEVER. And then it was like all my OCD faded and I was allowed to pray for other stuff too, etc But then I realised that this could be because Id chosen something above my dad and now he will one day down the line get cancer. I couldn't bear this so I started praying again before bed that I don't choose anything beyond my dad, and that him not getting cancer comes first, etc. Then I got into bed and I keep feeling the urge to get up again and show God I've chosen him and that I don't choose anything instead, and I keep feeling the urge to like tap the floor twice to solidify this but I promised to god that I can't 😭😭 I am so sorry that this is such a long post. Any advice at all would be welcome :(

Currently still struggling with feeling hopeless and anxious and sleeping, I have been sleeping the past days at four in the morning and it’s really been taking a toll on me. I just feel so hopeless due to insurance issues with NOCD , I no longer have a therapist at the moment but I’m trying my best to find another therapist that’ll accept my insurance, but with Medi-Cal it’s really hard , And the stage and point I’m in at my life currently it was the worst time to be let go and not have much help. I know I have my tools and skills, but it’s different having that one you know, someone understand what I mean, I’ve just been having really poor mental health, and in the night I have been having a really poor sleep and it’s really affecting me because I struggle going to sleep and getting up in the morning, just wondering if anyone is able to help me make a sleeping schedule , Or any encouraging words to keep going anything would be appreciated. I really truly don’t mean to burden anyone on here thank you so much

Right now I'm having trouble with something I did years ago. When I was in my early 20s, I accidentally talked about an interest I wholeheartedly refused to believe wasn't nsfw on my blog where minors followed me. These minors would sometimes like my posts and leave comments and I think one even made a blog regarding this interest. I never reached out or messaged any of them. I've never wanted to harm anyone and I'm asexual/aromantic so I've never thought of anyone in a sexual way, especially not kids. I've had really bad religious guilt around sex in general, so that doesn't help at all either. Eventually I accepted that the interest wasn't completely sfw (I didn't think of it as sexual, but my body does for some reason), so I made a new account and deleted the old one and blocked the minors. I forgot about it for a few years, but one of my favorite YouTubers just got cancelled for being a pedo and now these memories are all coming back. I feel disgusting and like I'm a groomer. I can't stop thinking about how one day someone will come forward and accuse me of being inappropriate or grooming them. I can't stop thinking about how young the minor who made a blog dedicated to the interest was and how I maybe ruined her life forever. I'm currently doing therapy through NOCD and my therapistis great, but I just got triggered so I'm having a hard time right now. I feel sick at the mention of kids, I feel sick around my friends who would maybe hate me if they knew this, I feel sick because this feels like something I'm going to have to carry on my conscious for my whole life. I know I can't ask for reassurance, but I'm just so tired :(

i've been forcing myself to have very graphic intrusive thoughts to make sure i don't react and i feel so scared. also i'm scared if i ever acted on a thought like for example if i'm w a baby what if my mind was like "give the baby a kiss to make sure you don't feel anything" what if i did. wouldn't that be assault? i cannot remmeber for the life of me

Can someone tell me how ERP works and give a particular example of an exposure and how its carried out? i need to know if its in addition to CBT or a part of it or something.