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working to conquer OCD
Also just now someone messaged me with 17 comments and i couldnt see them... im so scared they think i did something inappropriate and horrible when i dont ever want to ever groom, or be inappropriate with minors in any way...
I’m so scared of my brain, it keeps giving me weird intrusive thought I don’t want and I’m terrified, my biggest suptypes are pocd and iocd, I can’t even be around me people I love anymore without being scared of what my brain is gonna come up with Like I can’t even be around kids anymore without feeling guilty and don’t feel safe leaving the house, I feel like I’m overly aware when there kids around me, and I try to avoid looking at them, every time I see a kid my brain gives me some gross thought that I know that I don’t want Im terrified of hurting a kid and I know that I never want to but I feel so disgusting, I can’t even think about my younger cousins without my brain being gross but my brain just won’t stop, it’s so distressing, I feel like being asleep is my only escape from it, I don’t even want to wake up anymore, I don’t want to die but I don’t want to be awake
I have been having a lot of fears and intrusive thoughts lately and it’s been hard for me to help myself believe that it’s all just ocd and not that im crazy. I just wish the thoughts of “what if this, what if that” would just stop. I feel like i am so close to just breaking down and spiraling. I have held it together for a while, just going day to day with these fears but it is getting harder and harder every day to not spiral out of control and have a panic attack. Constantly im thinking “oh you thought this person looks generally beautiful? You must be x, you are a horrible person” but i know in my head that it doesnt mean anything to merely think someone looks good, a lot of people are beautiful or have attractive features and someone just acknowledging it without any bad intentions or thoughts doesnt mean anything but i cant help but think that it means something bad. I dont know what to tell myself to just calm myself down. I would never do anything to hurt anyone and i have no desires to ever do anything bad or inappropriate to anyone, especially kids. I am just always thinking that some thought might mean something really bad, and all those thoughts are is that i notice features that might be considered attractive or beautiful
I have a balcony where I live and it’s right next to the pool. I go out there frequently to smoke, but most of the time people are frequently there whether it’s adults or kids sometimes im by myself. But when there are kids sometimes im scared that the parents think im weird for being out there on my balcony a lot. And sometimes if they scream or are playing or if someone is walking by I’ll look over but im scared the parents think im watching their kids in a weird way. Also sometimes i just like to look at people in public idk if thats weird, not stare, just observe what’s going on i like human interaction and also if its kids playing it gives me a feeling of nostalgia and missing that time. So im just scared what if parents think im a p??? for being out here?? I am just out here smoking and I go on my phone, I am a girl and not even past 20 so I hope they know im just sitting out here to smoke :( im just scared. And my brain is telling me im only worried because i am a p and im fooling everyone around me
do dreams really mean anything? did me dreaming about breaking up with my boyfriend mean that I should, especially since I've been freaking out about the possibility in real life? or does it mean that the relationship should end? is it some type of sign since it's the second time but the first time was while ago? is it just my subconscious creating a story based off my fears and worries that I have while awake? but does it Mena that those fears and worries are coming from a place of reality and something that should happen???
finally got to getting medicated:) they are starting me on 25mg fluvoxamine and then increasing if needed eventually. i’m diagosed depressive and generalized anxiety as well as with ocd. I’ve never been on meds before so i felt comfortable staring with an ssri if anyone taken this drug for ocd and has any advice plssss lmk how it worked for you and also what to expect. again ive never medicated before so i dont have a big frame of reference and am eager to help myself make this work in the best way possible. I feel hopeful!
i’ve learned to control myself and all that somewhat but i can’t stop thinking and thinking, i overthink, i think about when my next attack will be and then i panic over my next attack causing an attack.. i’m slowly getting tired of it.. i hate having to rant to my boyfriend about this because he doesn’t deserve all this weight on him.. i want to be able to fight this myself.. everytime we talk it’s always about my attacks.. but he’s the only one that calms me down a little besides having to calm down myself..
Hi! I love this app, I’ve found ways to really help myself be better! But I also know studying and all this is slowly becoming a compulsion? Anyway, I’m thinking maybe I just want to know more? I’m not diagnosed don’t get me wrong, but I can’t help but relate SO MUCH. Anyway, I was wondering if anyone can recommend YouTube channels? And maybe more social groups? I’m 27 so id like to be in a social group with ppl my age range please!
I watched a video about narcissism, it was about what is love and what is narcissism, and i just dont understand it. I have a view on what is narcissism like but maybe thats just the extreme side of it. But everytime i see a video like this it makes me spin that i might be one, cause i got told by someone after a fight online, and i been told by one psychotherapist that i have signs. I questioned it cause i felt really bad about it but as i heard actual narcissistic people do not care or they ignore it. What's wrong with wanting attention sometimes? Or that you want to be better than others? That's the point of competition, i understand it can be harmful but its normal that we sometimes want competition. And the exemples they bring up are things that you can put on anyone. Like you got hurt so much and you did not got enough attention so you now want it, so you are a narcissist. Its normal that if you have pain or you didnt got attention, you want it... saying its narcissism puts more shame on people. This was one problem for me too, i had ocd problems, noone understood it or made me understand it so i desperetely wanted someone to help me. Its normal, why we put shame on that. Its not good cause you make yourself feel worse if youre desperate, but you are not a bad person... And other things, when you get played by many people, and you feel like you dont get respect, and you put yourself first, and basically now what you need will be first for you and what those other people wants will be second, they call you narcissistic for that... you realize you didnt respected yourself enough and you had put so much energy on what others says, and now you just ignore them and when they say bad things about you and you just wont care cause you had enough, you are a narcissist... or I do something and i forget or i wont care about how i make others feel cause im fed up on always wanting to be okay to others and actually you cant be good for everyone, and then you do it and maybe it turns out bad, then you are a narcissit cause you dont care about how others feel... Ive got told by others back when i was asking for reassurance so much that im a narcissist cause i dont care how others feel...(cause i made them angry). Can we just not put that weight on it? It just really makes me bad that im being called a narcissist when im mentally dealing with something that i dont know the solution yet and i want attention and help cause im scared that something is wrong with me... every exemple i wrote down here can be told about everyone...for me narcissism its not that, and saying people have "sings" of narcissism, it just makes you feel like you are one. Okay it can happen that in certain sitiuations you act like one but gow people describe those situations are really basic, like it happens to everyone.
I just need to vent. I feel hopeless. When i think about guys i feel anxiety. That’s why im scared that I’m actually experiencing comphet. I dont feel anything for guys. But i also do not want to do anything with girls. But i do get thoughts that im gay. It feels real. It makes me so sad that i feel like this. It feels like i should accept my true identity. I cant anymore. Why does it feel like i know im gay and i just have to come out and admit that I’m gay? 😔 i think no one feels like this. I want to cry. I feel empty.
Has anyone done erp therapy for their suicidal ocd? The first theme I ever got was suicidal intrusive thoughts that terrified me to the point where I was on the floor throwing up and shaking. My fear was getting depressed because I always thought depression leads to suicide. I ended up getting diagnosed with depression about a month or 2 ago and this just raised my anxiety & ocd tremendously. Therefore I mm not scared of my intrusive thoughts but they do give me this stomach dropping feeling so I do react a little but no how I used to. Every time I get suicidal intrusive thoughts it makes me feel like I’m actually thinking about it and it worries me that I’m not even scared anymore. Has this been an issue for anyone??
I hate myself. It's on a constant loop. I hate everything about myself. I can't stand my face sometimes or how people perceive my body. I hate my personality. I hate my flaws and I just feel like a bad person. I don't know how else to put it. I'm 5 months clean from S/H but I think about it constantly. Sometimes it's just for no reason it's just because I need to release something and I have no other way but I know I can't do it. I wish I didn't affect people the way I do. I wish I did more. I wish I helped more and people liked me more. I wish I wasn't the weird kid that doesn't even fit in with the "different" kids. I know it's ungrateful. I know I am. I am so thankful for everything in my life but I wish I wasnt myself sometimes. People die everyday and I'm unthankful for my life. Everyday I can't do anything without thinking about how much I just hate myself. I hate my inner voice. I don't know if this is disrespectful but sometimes I wonder why God would give my life to me instead of someone who would actually deserve it. Someone who wouldn't think everyday they're just a disgusting horrible human being and can actually enjoy things. everything I do I look back and hate myself for it and thanks exhausting. Maybe I deserve that. But I know there's someone right now suffering or dead that would take my life over theirs and day. And I feel so guilty about that. It's me. I'm the problem. I try to fix it but anytime I mess up I feel like I go back 20 steps. It feels like a loop.
I get that you can’t fight the thoughts, otherwise they get way worse. No use arguing that, it’s OCD-101. lol. But agreeing with them can be damaging right? Especially with POCD and SO-OCD. I’ve accepted that I’ve had these thoughts and have stopped trying to fight them mostly, but I refuse to accept that the thoughts say anything about me. Is that the correct way of dealing with it? Agreeing with them seems like it truly would damage me and hurt my self-confidence.
Has. OCD and anxiety ever made you have to cancel an important family trip? I just had to make the decision to pull out but feel so guilty and wish I could just shake it off and plan to get on the plane... but OCD doesn't work like that... the more I thought about it the more afraid I was getting.
I have partner focused rocd and I have been with my bf for over a year now and we have engaged in sexual stuff obviously, my ocd has randomly latched onto consent?? Like there has been times where my bf asked to do something sexual and I’ve just made “unsure noises” and he has said “please” a couple of times and I did the sexual thing. I was fine throughout the sexual acts and wasn’t really uncomfortable but my ocd is trying to convince me I was uncomfortable. My boyfriend and I have autism and sometimes struggle understanding things and need straight forward/clear answers. My boyfriend said a few times he’s said “please” or asked me to do something else after I didn’t say yes is because he wasn’t sure what I was giving off wether I was not wanting to do it or if I was just thinking. The times he’s said please he took it as me thinking. I do see why he would be unsure as sometimes I don’t give a straight forward yes or no sometimes because I am awkward. I asked him if I need to be clearer with saying no because I am a bit of a people pleaser and he said yes and it’s completely okay if I say no and he will be fine if I ever say no and I can make it clear and I don’t sound “mean”. A lot of the time I have low motivation because of ADHD and I might be unsure/can’t be arsed to do it but then he does something and I enjoy it and want to do more because it gave me motivation. My ocd still tries to convince me it’s bad??? Also my boyfriend sometimes does playful silly stuff like smack my behind when I’m infront of him and I do it back and it’s funny but sometimes my ocd is like “omg he didn’t ask that’s really bad!” My boyfriend has said if he does something I don’t want him to do in that moment I can just say no. My ocd constantly tries to make him a bad person. Can Anyone relate/help?
not really a tw but this mentions a lot of sexual stuff so i woke up in the middle of the night last night and had a weird thought or dream abt sex. not even sure if it was me with another person or two different people. and i’m not sure if i dreamt it or just imagined it when i was falling asleep. however i do remember not feeling worried like i usually do when i have those thoughts/dreams. and now it’s the next day and i don’t really feeling anxious abt it. i have being doing a ton of erp recently and i think it’s been working?? bc this morning and yesterday morning i’ve woken up feeling completely fine. usually intrusive thoughts immediately flood my mind as soon as i wake up. anyways back to what happened: now that im awake i still don’t really feel anxious abt it which makes me feel like i should feel guilt bc does that mean i cheated on my bf? like i said im pretty sure it consisted of two different people and i wasn’t involved at all in the thought/dream but i remember vividly telling myself to stop thinking about it but continuing to think/dream about it. that’s what really made me feel guilty. however now that im awake, when i think abt sex the only person that comes to my mind is my bf and nobody else. idk if im explaining that good. i just feel like i should be guilty for something bc maybe that is considered cheating and if im not guilty then it means i wanted to do it. i don’t ever want to cheat on my bf. he is genuinely the only person i ever want to be with intimately and thinking abt other ppl doing that makes me question if i enjoy it. (basically watching p0rn). i know in reality i do not enjoy it. but maybe it’s a natural reaction to getting those sort of visuals in ur mind??? idk
Currently really struggling with horrible Harm OCD thoughts, images, and I guess…urges? Like it *feels* like my body actually WANTS me to do the horrible things I’m seeing in my head or that it would be a relief to??? This is where I’m getting stuck on “this is not OCD” because of the absolutely awful content, and the actual urges I feel in my body. It feels like it wants and would be okay with doing things to my loved ones that I would never in 1000 years actually think was okay. It’s scaring the hell out of me. I feel like it’s real and I actually would/will do these things. I get this feeling in my chest, head and arms…what IS this? Does anyone else get it? Does anyone ever act on it? Please help. I feel like it would almost be a relief to do them and it’s making me want to commit myself to an institution.
I need help really badly. I’m very deep into an ROCD spiral, I haven’t slept all night and it’s 4 30 in the morning. I really really don’t think I love my boyfriend of 11 months. I want to so badly I’ve never felt like this before. I’m only 15 but he’s really the love of my life and I’m losing him because of these thoughts and feelings. I can’t even tell if it’s ROCD or just how I feel. I want it to stop so so badly. I just want to love him again. I don’t feel ready to give up yet but I feel like I do but I don’t want to want that. How can I get the thoughts to stop and how do I live him again. I don’t want anyone else to be with him ever but I want him to be happy . He didn’t do anything wrong and he loves me so so so much and I feel so guilty. I’m not able to see him for a week because he’s spending some time with a friend who he hasn’t seen in years but I only feel better when I’m with him. I’m so terrified. Id rather die than not love him. I can think of our general relationship and it was so so perfect before the thoughts and it brings me comfort to know I still have that relationship, but when I think of him as a person I really don’t think I love him. It’s always the one same thought to that I don’t love him, occasionally I’m worried that we’re going to break up. I can’t tell if I miss him, I don’t think I do but I want to. None of the hospitals or councillors or helplines are calling back. How do I love him again please help me. I’m scared it’s not ROCD and I just don’t love him but I’ve lived him since we were 11 and I’m autistic and I don’t like change so maybe I’m just worried how things will change. I’m so severely depressed and I need him. I need it to stip and I need to love him again. I need help please help me love him again
I’m extremely sad right now. I’m going through some life altering events and I’m really scared, heartbroken, and angry. I don’t use social media so I’m putting it here. I hope that’s ok. I can’t really talk to my usual people about all of it because they’re going through some of the same stuff and I don’t want to overwhelm them by piling on with the other stuff I’m experiencing too. My mom is 51 years old and she has stage 4 cervical cancer. It has progressed significantly over the past few months. I’m really really scared. I’m scared to face the reality of it and I’m scared for my dad if she doesn’t make it. He loves her more than anything in this world. She’s everything to him. She’s been the most supportive person in my life. I’m not ready to lose my momma. I’m losing my marriage. My high school sweetheart. Time, life stress, our traumas, selfishness, etc. have pulled us so far apart that I don’t think it can be repaired. My heart aches and I just wish I could love her and make her love me like we used to. When no one believed we would make it. But we knew we could do it anyway. I hurt so badly. I just want to feel hope again in my life. I want to go to sleep for a million years, and then wake up and have love and time and all my beautiful things again. I’m so sorry for everything.
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OCD doesn't have to
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