Welcome to
the NOCD Community

What should I do if I catch my self ruminating. Most of the time when I ruminate is when I have urges, sensations or images. I just want my life back.

I've been dealing with HOCD for almost 2-3 years now and everyday it seems to he getting worse. It get strong false attraction thay feels like real attraction, I feel like I don't like women anymore like I use to. Fantisize about them ect. It consumes my mind and feelings and sensations 90 percent of the day, and I'm at a point where it feels like I've lost, is this normal with hocd or ocd in general?

Hi! Okay so everyday I wake up and freak out that I am dying or going to die soon and then because I think that, I feel like I am manifesting it but I cannot stop getting intrusive thoughts about myself or someone I love dying. I also can’t get in my car and drive without thinking I hit someone and somehow just didn’t know? And then I will just wait anxiously and think police will show up at my door. And lastly, I live in the past and always think about all of my mistakes and I can’t forgive myself and keep thinking my past will come back to haunt me. Does anyone relate to anything I said? I think it would just help to know I am not alone.

Hey, I am a gymnast and I'm pretty sure that I've had OCD since my childhood. It all started with small things like keeping my water bottle in a certain spot with me or keeping my shoes nice, aligned, and straight but nothing too serious or concerning to my parents. Now, I have all of these ongoing thoughts, especially as a level 9 gymnast. These thoughts are like "I'm going to miss my hands off the beam or injure myself," and other thoughts just like that. I have also started to have some more self-conscious thoughts about my image or having bad luck and a bad future. Now don't get me wrong I love gymnastics with all my heart but sometimes it's just hard especially since it is already a sport that puts a lot of stress both mentally and physically. I have just recently started therapy at NOCD. It is especially hard as a girl just starting to go through the stages of growing up as I am just about to turn 14. But anyway thanks for making me feel pretty welcome NOCD.

I have done lots of bad things in my past and I mean like EXTREMELY unacceptable things from when I was a kid up until 16 (I’m almost 18 right now) My main theme of ocd is moral scrupulosity ocd and ROCD. Most of the time it’s partner focused. (Met my partner when he was 17, he is now 18) When I first met my boyfriend a year and 4 months ago, he used to be really immature for probably the first half of the relationship. He said slurs he shouldn’t say sometimes because he used to play games with people who thought it was okay to say certain things so he picked it up. A few months ago I brought it up to him and had a conversation. He has since stopped saying slurs (apart from one we can both reclaim because we are neurodivergent) he said I made him realise it was wrong and he never really had anyone to tell him that the things he said were wrong in the past years he played video games where people would say extreme stuff. I see people online getting cancelled for slurs and more etc (probably rightly so if the person thinks it’s okay and they are a grown adult who should know better) but even situations where one person said one offensive thing 3+ years ago and never did it again they end up getting cancelled. My ocd gets triggered when I see people being cancelled and people saying “people who do that will never change” “ they deserve to be hated forever” “they don’t deserve forgiveness” I see others in comments saying stuff like “come on they are/were a child/teen, they will learn, they just need educating not cancelling” and people attack them. I believe that my Boyfriend has changed and whenever I speak about people saying slurs they can’t reclaim and how it’s wrong he agrees. I would say he has matured a lot since the start of our relationship. Is it right to think that sometimes cancel culture is stupid and the people who take it to extreme levels are closed minded and refuse to accept the fact that people can change? (Eg. Cancelling someone for something they realised was wrong and stopped) Do people need to be more open minded and forgiving/understand the situation sometimes?

Does anyone else struggle with a fear of sex/sex avoidance? I’m 23 and have dated quite a bit yet when it comes to having sex, I always pull the brakes before it can happen. I’m too scared of the intrusive thoughts and that having sex would confirm my fears. It’s ruining my ability to have meaningful romantic relationships. I feel like I’m completely alone in this. :// It’s not normal to avoid sex like I do.

I’m going to buy as many self help books on OCD, and really get a full understanding of this disorder & how I can help myself. I refuse to be a victim to my OCD & I refuse to give it up despite the fact the fact that I can’t afford therapy. I really dgaf what professionals say about not doing erp on your own. I’m not in the same position as other people who can just go to therapy without the worry of the costs and upkeep. Even on a payment plan it was still $90 a week. It’s just too expensive right now in this time in my life especially while trying to move. I know my lord and savior & knowledge and self help videos and the faith the size of a mustard seed will get me through this.

I used grande lash serum for a couple days and found out of its dangerous effects. I went to the eye doctor and have been following everything he has told me to do. But yet it’s been 3 months and I still have dryness. Super dry eyelids. My OCD is focusing on it so much and feeling like it won’t ever go away. Does anyone have any experience in this? Thank you :/

TW🔴 Ive seen ALOT of posts on here lately surrounding this topic so i thought would post something to help. I’ve dealt with real events and false memory’s surrounding this topic but i tried to change my perspective and hopefully this helps any of you who have experienced or are experiencing something similar,so i personally believe people with OCD put WAY too much responsibility on themselves, so even IF you did see something that was bad/immoral, you wouldn’t of known, and it would have nothing to do with you and be the person who distributed the videos fault, another thing i remind myself is that it’s not immoral to take risks, we take risks every single day which is not immoral to do so, don’t put too much responsibility on yourselves , another thing is that most of these things have happened when we were children/teenagers and it’s not fair to ridicule yourselves for things that happened around that age. Another thing is that it’s very easy to get ourselves lost in the internet and we aren’t creating any of the content, just viewing it so you shouldn’t blame yourselves for seeing anything you thought was bad/immoral, it’s unfair on us and the people who post these things should be blamed, no one else. I wish all of you all the best and i hope this post helped to switch your perspectives on this kind of thing, keep up the good work ❤️

Just would like to talk to someone. I know I'm really creepy, so I understand if people don't wanna answer, but I honestly have no one to rely on, and I don't know how much longer I can go on like that.

Hi, can someone please told me how to dealt with compulsions i been avoiding a lot of music because if i listen to some songs someting bad will happend

the way my ocd works is anything in my room is automatically mine and NEEDS to be clean, if another person steps foot in my room everything in there is automatically not clean and I feel the need to throw everything away. On the rare occasion I feel okay enough to let someone in, they can't touch anything. Today I had my dad come in to show me how to install some shelfs for my legislation, and for some reason he decided to put the not yet clean shelf on a pile of unfolded laundry despite the fact I told him less than 5 min ago to not, I have a HUGE room, so much floor space, so many within arms reach places. I instantly started panicking and crying since now I feel the need to throw all my clothes away and he started screaming at me, saying he didn't want to play into this childish fantasy anymore. As well as threatening to touch everything in my room and mocking doing so I know it's not a reaction I cant control, but I really do wonder if I have ocd or if I'm just a really weird freak. Have I been lying to myself this while time? Did the doctors lie to me? I feel so... immature for acting so badly to it, but it genuinely makes me want to rip my own eyes out. Why doesn't he understand it? Is that my fault too? I feel so lost and misunderstood and alone. I don't know what to do.

How do I get Diagnosed? And is any therapist adequate to dealing with OCD?

I tell myself so much that I don't believe in myself and that I feel like a bad person and that events of the past leave me greatly uncertain about who I am no thanks to OCD. When it comes to who I was as a teenager, to be honest, I was straight up fucking weird. I did weird things, I acted out, I wasn't good at socializing with people, and the more I try to look back into the events of the past, the more disturbed and disappointed I become. That just was not the person I wanted to be. I just wanna be able to put all of that aside and just be nice to myself. Be kind to myself and accept myself for who I am and just be confident. The thing is OCD doesn't let me. It feels like I'm not OWED to feel that way about myself or that I don't deserve to. Or that I need the permission of OCD to feel that way. I don't want it to be that way. I just want to be able to think positive about myself despite the past but that's next to impossible.

Huge trigger warning related to porn and pedophilia. Please don't read if it makes you uncomfortable. Thank you if you get to read this long post. Something awful happened recently. I was watching porn, I won't say what page because idk if it is allowed, but it is the most famous porn page there is, so you'd think you wouldn't find something so horrifying there. The problem is that one of the automatic pop ups that appeared really terrified me because the girl looked way too young. I'm not sure if she truly was underage, but she looked it, and I can't express how horrifying it is considering if she could have been. I feel like my mind is playing games with me. I can't tell if it was paranoia or reality. My memories are really fuzzy, as I was on a state of shock when I saw it. I remember feeling scared right away and trying to look up how to report it, but the page refreshed on it's own and I never saw the pop up again. I felt so gross for seeing that, and guilty for not reporting it. It was an accident, but I can't help but think that I enjoyed it and that it is my fault for watching porn at all. I am a monster. If this had happened to someone else I wouldn't question it so much, as I know that I didn't look at it on purpose and tried to do the right thing when I saw it. But I already hate myself because years back, when I was 16, I discovered loli. Which is really wrong drawings of young characters. And since then I've been obsessed with the topic and developed pocd. I never looked for those drawings again after that, I dont enjoy them. But I've accidentally found them again on the internet and it's made me feel disgusting and evil; but at least I had the certainty that it wasn't real, until now. I think that this is recent event is further proof of the monster that I already thought I was. After what happened, I immediately contacted a therapist, but tbh, I don't think that I'll ever move on from that. Life isn't looking good right now.

How can i reassure myself (comfort) if i am angry and upset about having compulsed when i am not supposed to either compulse or reassure myself?

My severe ocd came out of nowhere in June of last year and completely changed my life. It was months and months of terrible days and a brain I felt like wasn’t mine. I was so fearful it affected my life in the worst way. Then after I was at the end of myself I almost had no choice but to just let it be. After awhile I started to recover. I took a lot of supplements used some non engaging tools and kept moving forward. I had been Feeling happy, not controlled by these thoughts, etc. But my friend told me she was moving a few weeks ago and it set me off again. I am back to where I was feeling so low and depressed thoughts right when I wake up I feel hopeless scared and like there will never be good in my life again. I feel like this isn’t ocd it’s my true self that I’m suppressing I feel confused I feel sad I feel scared and I’m so angry that this is my life. I loved my life before this and now I can barely get through the day. Is it still ocd is it inevitable for this to happen to me.

I'm not sure how to explain why I feel this way but someone I no longer have on social media messaged me out of the blue after four years. I'm worried they messaging me to find something out about me or cause me harm for some reason. I'm not a very trusting person due to events growing up. Why can't I just except this person could just be messaging me, it just scares me that they must have had to search for me to message me.

So I’m 15 and I’ve struggled with OCD and really bad anxiety my entire life it was normally like if I didn’t skip my feet I would get a heart attack or something of that sort and for a while it really died down and I wasn’t having obsessions or compulsions but then I randomly started getting intrusive thoughts about me hurting someone or my friends family dog etc and they terrified me I mean scared the ever living yk what out of me and I seem to have intrusive thoughts about everything that goes against how I think and recently here it’s gotten to schizophrenia where I’m terrified of developing schizophrenia and hallucinating and hurting my mom or dad or someone even an animal and I just cry at the thought of it and I am trying to get into therapy I just need someone to tell me it’s going to be ok for now until I start my journey of getting better and my doctor told me he sees good potential in me getting better and that I’m not the most severe he’s seen. I also never let this keep me sad I always make sure to do stuff that I enjoy because I really enjoy life and when I’m not worrying I have a lot of fun.

If my OCD is trying to convince me I’m gay due to past compulsions. Every time I have that through I now repeat in my head that I’m straight several times to battle it. If I continue to do that am I just creating a compulsion??