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Why does ocd return during hard times? Every time you think you will never have another episode because you realize how utterly ridiculous it is you end up up falling right back in 😞

I could tell immediately that I was going to have an argument with my gf this morning. She was telling me that she felt some type of way because when she states her opinion on any particular topic, that I respond with, "No I don't feel that way," and then I proceed to state and opinion that is, in her opinion, the same thing that she just said. She described a conversation we had over, Couples Therapy, the show. She also recalled an earlier conversation where I told her if I express a difference in opinion, that she doesn't have to respond, she can just keep the response to herself. That she realized that I was saying that just to be heard. (TBH I vaguely remember that conversation.) I responded to this by telling her that I believe this is an opportunity and that we should discuss it with our therapist, (we had a consultation but have not booked our sessions yet.) and that I know longer feel that way, that I am evolving as a person and that I don't feel that I have a right to dictate how anyone responds to my thoughts or opinions. That it's important to me that we're able to have safe and effective communication in our relationship. Long story short she told me she doesn't trust my response and that she thinks it may change again to something negative. Again I expressed the want to discuss this topic further in therapy and that with all the personal development I have been doing that it's natural for her to feel that way and it's a strong possibility that my feelings and thoughts may change multiple times as I grow. In the end, even after I expressed that I no longer feel she should have to, not say anything when I share my thoughts or opinions, she still brought that conversation back around again and ultimately said that by me wanting to have the conversation with a therapist that I was "weaponizing" therapy against her. This entire back and forth filled me with anxiety, fear, frustration and helplessness. I feel like no matter what I do or say I am in the wrong and I should now be punished with, rejection, isolation, stern responses and gazes and lack of interaction. That no matter what I do for the rest of the day and possibly the rest of the week all my behavior will be scrutinized and placed under a microscope of judgement. How do I move through the day without these dreadful feelings of animosity, shame and guilt?

I have a friend who I know is a bad texter, she usually takes days/weeks to text her other friends, but she told me she messages me the most. I really like her and I know she likes me but it’s a complex situation. She has replied to me today etc., but I can’t help but be anxious that she’s mad at me/wants to get rid of me etc. We last spoke on a video call on Saturday for almost five hours and we messaged a lot more that day too - don’t get me wrong, her responses aren’t always quick, but she seemed more enthusiastic. Yesterday, she was out and didn’t message but she did send me photos of her day out. Today, she responded to my morning message asking how she is with “fine, you?” She hasn’t seemed very enthusiastic with her messages today, and her responses aren’t the quickest. She has answered my questions questions when I asked for advice, and when I asked when I should give her the things she asked for, she said “I dunno 🤷‍♀️ when we’re both free. And if your parents are ok”. I can’t help but worry that she’s mad at me etc. Everyone I’ve asked said that her messages are fine, she just might be tired/have things going on and that she’s not mad at me. I can’t help but spiral though. I tend to spiral with messages very often, I create scenarios/overanalyse tones and panic. I just know that I won’t stop panicking until she calls me but I worry she hates me now. What do I do? Am I overthinking?

I have been having ups and downs all day. One minute I’m telling myself there just thoughts you never worried about these before just move on. But the other part is like “your thinking about this so much you wanna do these things and your just in denial” am I gonna have to fight my brain on this forever? I have a therapy session with NOCD (not covered by my insurance and is expensive) and I’m worried there gonna think I should go to a mental institution. I don’t know how I’m gonna do exposure therapy because all I can think is “what if I do my thing I’m thinking in exposure therapy” and I have this extreme pain in my chest from all this. Any advice???

I have religious OCD (scrupulosity) and it's been really debilitating and scary. Hard to even get out of bed or in bed if that makes sense . So much massive intrusive thoughts/lies/irrational thoughts abiut the devil l, condemnation , sin and my salvation in Christ . (My higher power - God) . If you guys may have similar or the same kcd as me I would really like to know so I don't feel so alone and scared . ALSO.. if you have any techniques or medication your on that help me cope with it as much as possible Thank you. ❤️

I've grown very impulsive and anxious this summer, doing things very out of my nature and unlike me. It's scary. I recently started seeing this man since my previous partner. He's amazing, he treats me lovingly, he helps me calm down, he's pretty handsome and he is an incredibly level headed person. I feel like I love him (logically) but I have spiralled for weeks about what love truly is and whether or not I'm feeling it, having not much nervous butterflies and being overly excited to do sexual things. We've been going out and engaging in some of those things and it's amazing, he's good at it..but I can't shake the feeling that that's all I care about. We've tried to stop doing that kind of stuff so early on but we're both as impulsive as eachother so it just keeps happening. I feel like I should feel more to know that I love him. I feel like I shouldn't even have to question what love it. It's such a scary feeling. I haven't had to make this kind of decision about a relationship in over 3 years, as the last time I was "asked out" was that long ago, and then I stayed with my ex partner for 3 years. So this is very new for me, I was 13 too so it was kind of a "yeah sure" situation. Now I feel like it's so complicated and crazy. This man I'm seeing is telling me that I comfort him and I help him and he does the exact same thing to me, is this love? I'm not sure but I'm feeling sick over it. I'm going to push myself to see him today to get some comfort and closure because we got in a difficult situation last night (TMI and I don't want to mention it) and it gave me horrendous anxiety, so we're going to just have a hug and a sit down and make sure we're both okay. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice or just relatable stories to this? Thank you x

My name is Lily. I’m from a small town in Colorado. I have had OCD since I was 6 but I was finally diagnosed at 9. I am constantly being bullied for being different and I came here to find others dealing with the sales things as me. I have never met another soul with OCD and no one in my area really knows what it is either. My most prominent OCD is sibling contamination OCD. I feel like my brother is dirty so I can’t touch him or anything in my own home. I can’t even touch the doors to leave without someone opening it for me or using gloves and washing my hands afterwards. I struggle everyday with anxiety which transferred over to harm and suicidal OCD. Whenever my anxiety gets to great I have to cut myself or sit on the roof and cry with my thoughts telling me to jump because I hurt my family emotionally. My parents call me a burden and my dad used to physically beat me. I’m trying to heal but all I can see in the mirror is a messed up 15 year old girl who is a burden to her family. Sometimes I wish I could just bring myself to the end and put my family out of their pain. I think I need someone with OCD to talk to.

I'm tired and can't sleep:( and sad Is there anyone I can talk to please, it's urgent. It's about ROCD

18+ // when i was 15, i had sex with my boyfriend at the time who was 16. we both consented to it. we broke up a couple months later and remained friends for 6 years. a few years ago when i was dealing with harm ocd, i asked him for reassurance several times if he consented and he told me each time that he did and i needed to stop worrying and that there is nothing to worry about. he also told me if things weren’t fine we wouldn’t be talking. recently, he had a falling out with my brother in law and all of a sudden he said he didn’t want to talk to me anymore because he didn’t want to get me involved. this is making me anxious because what if i actually did hurt him back when i was 15 because why is he randomly cutting me out of his life?? we did argue all of the time but that was because he has a severe lying problem so what if he wasn’t telling the truth when i asked him if he consented?? i was sexually assaulted in the past (not by him) and i never went around the person that assaulted me ever again so i feel like if i did hurt him he would of cut me out of his life right then and there. something still doesn’t add up i don’t buy that he wants to cut me out of his life because of my brother in law. this has been making me so anxious and i want to ask him the real reason why he is cutting me out but im scared if i do, he will tell me what my ocd has been fearing. he did bring up the fact that us arguing all the time affected him so i think its probably just that but he was the reason we argued all the time because i would call him out on his lies and he would manipulate me into believing him and get upset if i didn’t believe him. idk im just so anxious over all of this.

Is it normal in OCD to test yourself to see if you like something (POCD specifically) Sometimes I imagine scenarios or things to see if I have a reaction to them but then feel guilty about imagining it afterwards…

I was on a walk with my mom today and she said something that stood out to me. While on the subject of addicts, she mentioned how addicts will delay their recovery by refusing to admit that they have a problem with substance abuse. Addicts will sometimes lie to themselves about their health status and compare themselves to other recovering addicts, then say “at least, I’m not like those guys” Btw, my mom has been in health care for over 20 years. So anyways, this made me think of my own OCD journey. Although, I am mentally in a better position than I was months ago. . I still try to remember to continue working on myself and my habits. I catch myself thinking, “well, at least my thoughts aren’t as extreme as this person” as I read some posts. Then, I try to use it as an excuse to not continue engaging with this app or therapy habits. To me, this is a behavior that I need to address. I must not forget that I downloaded this app like everyone else did. I downloaded this app to overcome OCD. How does this have to do with what my mother said? I don’t abuse substances, but I do observe that I am addicted to stress or reassurance. . As an addict to my OCD tendencies, I chase the feeling of relief. I chase the comfort of rumination. Like those in denial of their addiction, I lie to myself about my status. Even though I am doing better, that doesn’t mean I must quit what was helping me. My symptoms might go away and hibernate for a while. It’s up to me to maintain my good habits so that I don’t reawaken the bad ones.

Hello this is for my ocd ladies who have gone into menopause. Did your ocd symptoms and anxiety improve after the fluctuating hormones during perimenopause. Any advice for this perimenopausal ocd woman on what helps with the extreme anxiety I sometimes get? Thank you 😊

It’s so sad to see how many people are affected by this, I as a person am too. I feel like it’s a never ending cycle, my family is living with a monster for the mistake of my teenage years, guilt. I consider to get off this earth, others deserve forgiveness and empathy but I don’t. I’m so sorry to those I hurt, affected, or even could’ve. This guilt from my teen years eats me up alive and I feel like I can’t do it anymore, if only anyone knew how sorry I am, how horrible I feel everyday I wish they can see I truly have no bad intentions but if I deserve punishment for never getting better I deserve it, to live the life I feel as if the universe or god is punishing me, I won’t question it because that’s a higher power only they know. I don’t deserve food or birthday cake or my family, and I wish I never made that mistake, even if people tell me it’s not anything bad I was a teen or that I feel guilt that it’s a good sign I don’t believe it, I don’t deserve anything and I wish my family so much love they live with a monster, me and I leave my friends and I am alone now because I am a monster. Even if I didn’t affect the person, I still feel guilt. What if I did? What if they don’t see it yet. I don’t belong on this place, you all deserve love and forgiveness and grace I am sorry. I am so scared of people.

I don't post on here too often, but I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do. I struggle with sexual intrusive thoughts/scrupulosity as many of you do. Sexuality has always been difficult for me, as since I was a child, I would repress or try to reverse sexual thoughts because I viewed them as impure and worried that God would think I am sinful. This certainly stretches into my adult life. I'm very active in my church, and faith is quite important to me. However, I will spend hours feeling shame over sexual thoughts and feelings, and still consistently repress desires/urges, although it has gotten a little better. The difficult part is, it seems that when I repress the feelings and thoughts, they come back even stronger. I was addicted to pornography for 6 years, and I am happy to say I am 2 years clean. It was very difficult to quit, especially having OCD, but it wasn't impossible, and through good habits and faith I was able to overcome that challenge. However, I have continued to struggle off and on with another sexual compulsive habit, and it is really wearing on me and I want to change. It feels like a catch 22; when I try to repress the thoughts/feelings, they come back even worse and I end up giving in to the compulsion. But when I allow myself to have the thoughts and feelings, I become overwhelmed with temptation and give in as well. I'm just at a loss :( If anyone has any tips, advice, or things that have helped you be successful, I would love to hear them.

Trigger warning Has anyone else dealt with disordered eating to cope with OCD? I’ve found that I often lose weight during a flare because I feel like I don’t deserve to eat. I’m wondering if this is common, it feels very isolating and lonely dealing with this.

I have the urge to keep repeating the same prayer so that my dad will never get cancer and I have the urge to do it in specific places and It has to be right now and I'm scared the second I got to sleep with urge unfulfilled Im going to regret

I have been to a handful of therapists in my life since 2019, some who were helpful and some who were not. I have been categorised my entire life as a “perfectionist” by my friends, have blood relatives who are diagnosed with OCD, among other things, and I’m just lost. The overlap of symptoms that I have with various other mental disorders is confusing me. Is there any definitive document I can refer myself to? Is my only hope to see an OCD specialist to find out? Does anyone have advice as to what to ask a CBT therapist? I’m in a financial bind, and just need some reliable resources and answers.

All day my brain has been telling me I’m gonna be a serial killer or hurt someone. My body has been tense all day and my chest has been pounding. The thought of that makes me wanna vomit, but my brain is convincing itself that one day it’s gonna happen because I am constantly thinking and worrying about jt. I read on here that OCD uses our worst fears against us. I’m always at a huge fear of hurting another person and the fact that my brain is thinking that I want to do this is making me go crazy. I don’t even know how I’m gonna make it day by day with this lingering in my head.

hi so i just saw this tik tok of a guy who said that he still goes to church and still worships God even though he’s gay because God loves him no matter what and my first thought was to repost bc i am also catholic and believe that anyone can be and i think it’s beautiful that he still has a relationship with God. but then all of a sudden i was like wait i can’t repost this because im not gay and it triggered my ocd into convincing myself that i can entirely relate to the tik tok because i am gay and i don’t love my bf and now im distressed. and im also having false memories of myself googling if you can be gay and catholic which would’ve meant that im questioning my sexuality but i even did that. and now i feel like what if this means i don’t love my bf. i’m so scared and i don’t know what’s real or not

Hey! I read that in order to better manage my OCD and be less worried all the time, I have to be okay with uncertainty. For me, it's coming to term with the fact that I might be attracted to a man someday (I'm a lesbian) even though the thought feels terrifying. I don't have anything against men or against bisexual people obviously it's just not who I am and I'm so so afraid of losing my identity. Anyone got tips on how to be okay with accepting that you can't be 100% sure your worst fear won't turn out to be true?