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Does anyone feel like they might actually be crazy? I feel OCD has made me go insane. It's scary....

So i use to get a lot of relationship OCD. I recently got into a relationship two months ago. i have been experiencing some relationship OCD thoughts like “do i like my partner enough” and to complete the compulsion of telling them that i am having this thought. I use to be able to conquer them but after bringing it up in therapy it got worse. does anyone have any recommendations on how to conquer this compulsion and thought? I don’t want to scare my partner away.

Hi all. I posted on here last night but please bear with me as this is going to be long. I really need some advice. I’m 24 years old and I’ve never had any history of severe mental health issues or violent tendencies. Minor harm ocd through out the years, and anxiety, but nothing severe. I’ve had my pup for many years at this point and never had any desire to harm her in any way - in fact, I’ve spent many nights crying into her fur at the thought that someday she won’t be with me anymore and valuing/cherishing her like my child. Then two months ago I got hit with a sore throat and triggered by a tv show on the same day. My minor harm OCD turned into severe violent images, thoughts, feelings, you name it - against my pup. When it started it was usually knives, and it always came with a feeling of “omg I would never do that!” anxiety and compulsions to make sure, etc. I started therapy, got psych evaluations, everything, all to be told it was in fact OCD. Then, it kept going and going and going - through ERP, through RP messages; nothing helped, and it came down to where we are now. I have constant, severely violent feelings and thoughts. Stuff I don’t even like to mention. I know they say don’t focus on the content, but…when the content is you cutting up your best friend or eating her, or any of the other horrific things my mind tells me to do…it’s hard not to. Constant, 24/7 “urges” or feelings staying with me that I would or want to do these things I find gross and had no desire to do. But now it makes me question that because it feels like something in me wants to. I’ll have a thought, get an “urge”, or hear a word or get triggered, and I get this sort of adrenaline drop/crushing/frozen feeling through my head and chest. It feels kind of like fear, but also at the same time like my brain is trying to fantasize about these things. Like it likes them. And I’m numb to her for the most part - I look at her and I get these weird things that she’s just body parts. That’s what I see. And why I’m getting so scared. I never cared that she had that and now it feels like I would just do something to her because of it. Whenever I’m around her, it feels like this strange aversion to her, like I can’t get close to her without seeing her insides. I get images of basically her guts. Or her heart, etc. It’s like I’m freaked out that she’s a living creature. And at the same time, the harm thoughts are so brutal that they make me cry, but I still feel like I’d do them. It also gives me weird sensations when I think about losing her like I’d want to? It’s like opposite feelings to everything I’ve ever wanted. I have no hope left that this will ever leave or I’ll get better or be able to keep my dog. The harm thoughts are SO much more violent than anything I’ve ever seen anyone describe. Is there any hope for me? Should I just give my pup to someone else? Is this typical harm ocd or am I a dangerous psycho?

I don’t know where to start and don’t want to write a really long msg. I am really in a dip. I struggle to accept I have ocd and that there’s not some real issues or something else the matter with me. Even though I relate to ocd and can see its has clearly been part of the picture in the past and despite a psychologist saying it sounded like ocd I find it hard to believe or accept. What i’m experiencing feels so real. I have persistent fears about my child being abducted and have horrible graphic images related to that. I also have a lot of anxiety in my relationship (which is challenging) plus I have other life stressors going on. I have worried my boyfriend is a paeodophile and set up cameras in my daughter’s room. I also fear he will harm or kill me. That he’s cheating on me or has done and I said this one day. My boyfriend had been out late getting drunk and I couldn’t get hold of him. I said I feared he was shagging someone out the back of the pub. At the time he was kind and loving and said not to think those things and that he wouldn’t do that and loved me. However those words obviously stayed with him and he’s since been very angry that I thought that and finds it insulting and says I obviously don’t trust him and that maybe it’s me that’s doing what I fear he’s doing. I got angry and said I’ve an anxiety disorder and he said not to raise my voice to him and he stormed off and left. That was the night before my birthday. He called the next day to say happy birthday and made no mention of him storming off and made no apology when I saw him later. He gave me flowers and presents and took me out for dinner then made comments about the age I had turned (I’m 3 years older) he says it’s just a joke and banter but I feel it’s disrespectful. Anyway my child who is with her dad wanted to say goodnight to me (she’s been not wanting to stay there which has added to my anxiety that something will happen to her - that her not wanting to stay there is a sign and she isn’t safe and that something will happen) Anyway she rang whilst my boyfriend and I were having sex (which felt a bit aggressive/violent but I didn’t speak up. He eventually said what do u want as it’s your birthday and I said to go slow which he did) Anyway we stopped having sex and I answered the call from my child. She was ok and we spoke briefly. My boyfriend was really angry and said all sorts of things about my ex having had a ex with me on my birthday in the past and what did he think we were doing and he should have told my child not to call. He said he felt like I made him look like an idiot and that he doesn’t know how long he can carry on never having time alone with me without being interrupted. He left and went to his house but not til after I’d fallen asleep. I woke up and panicked to see his car gone and thought he’d gone to harm my ex or daughter or both or that he’d gone somewhere else to have sex with someone else as we didn’t finish. It feels like I’m living in some sort of nightmare with this amount of fear and distrust going on.

I don't feel like my real event ocd is actually normal. people don't just make mistakes or do stuff like that as a child. and I feel guilty and shameful because it's awful. how is that ocd and not just terrible and criminal. and the fact that I can't remember if I actually did something just as bad or something similar when I got older is insane. like why would I have done it again if I'm not a bad person? it feels like i might actually remember it and there's no way of knowing. it's gross and disgusting and criminal!!! how would I ever tell a therapist about those actions and expect them to not be weired out, concerned, and inclined to tell me same things that I'm thinking which is that I shouldn't be alive or I belong locked up for what I did. having ocd doesn't excuse my past mistakes, child or not. especially when I'm unsure if something happened again when I was an older teen and would have known better. and how do I live on and the people in my life don't know these mistakes. they wouldn't want to know me if they knew what I did so am I lying to them by omitting the awful things about myself??

Can someone please give me tips to prove my life I feel like nobody cares about me but I know everybody loves me I don't know how to explain it I just feel alone I feel like no one understands I hate going to school My friends don't care about me All my teachers are worried about me because I keep on miss so much school I just hate school so much and I want to kill myself sometimes and sometimes I think about bringing a pew pew to school and killing myself and others I don't want to I think it's my OCD but I just hate them all they don't really care about me I just hate the way I am I hate my gender and my body I just don't know what to do please someone can be tips I can't talk to my family don't think I'm crazy I can't tell anybody else this please someone help me I don't want to do it anything bad I want to go to college it's my last year and be happy but it's just so hard I don't know what to do please someone help me

Hi, i have questions about meditation. how does it help to ocd? (If it’s helps) 1. Do you feel less anxious? 2. Do you have less intrusive thoughts? I feel stuck on a thought, I keep thinking about it 24/7 and been fighting the urge to do compulsion all day. 3. Meds can reduce the urge to compulsion? 4. I don’t know why but when I have intrusive thought I can’t let go and I’m stuck on that thought until I do compulsion and that thought come back, so with meds do you feel less stuck on a thoughts?

my dad is scaring me saying I’m gonna go to jail if I’m 18 and still dating my gf, my gf is two years younger than me, I mean he didn’t necessarily say that but I feel like he did, because I don’t understand, I’m so scared I’m gonna go to jail or I’m doing something wrong… please let me know, I do not know law stuff.

Me and this guy went on 1 date but mostly hung out with friends (he would invite me) for the past two months Last week we did the deed and now he’s acting weird. He texted me something short the next day. Now he’s taking long to open my ig messages since I had sent him a flyer days after we hooked up He sent me an ig message this morning but haven’t opened it. I wanna be petty and do the same thing but I also don’t want to be at his level. Idk what to do. I just wanna forget him We work together too. Ugh

And guilt and need to confess. Any tips? - it’s making me having suicidal thoughts.

Still struggling with these thoughts they're causing extreme stress. I watched a video about ocd harm thoughts on YouTube and the guy said people without ocd plan the violent acts so now the thoughts have turned into worrying I could plan something even tho it scares me to death. Just wondering if anyone else has gone through that thanks

I feel so defeated but I gave into my compulsion because I was having really bad silent panic attacks at work. And I decided to tell my boss the truth. He seemed very very chill about it and wasn’t upset but I’m still like ….. disappointed and concerned that I’m doing this the 3 week of my new job. I can’t be doing this. I need this job forreal. Has anyone else had the same experience?

I don't expect anyone to give my a full article of answers, but does anyone else experience more intensity of their OCD/intrusive thoughts during road trips/vacations?? I remember even long before being diagnosed I would be obviously excited for a vacation but at the same time so nervous for the vacations because i knew that my intrusive thoughts got so much worse and felt more "real" i guess in a sense during them. It's the weirdest thing. Maybe it's the long drives or just the stress of being in an unfamiliar place?? Appreciate y'all. Have a good one.

I don’t know if I have hocd anymore or just gay anytime I hang out with friend make me question if I’m even straight and when someone say or call em gay I starting questioning stuff

I was wondering if this is a thing. Like, say, especially if you are in the process of getting better. Doesn't doing ERP every day keep reminding you of your obsessions? Is there a point where you should do it less often? Or how does this work?

So I know I’ve asked this question before but it’s like finding the final answer to this question is an obsession in itself ….so I get fixated on stuff like this week it’s video game addiction topics I will research about video game addiction stories until I tire myself out about them and last week it was getting a new gaming system and researching questions/topics about it until I’ve researched so much that I’m not even excited about said item anymore then it can go into ocd reassurance seeking so I get obsessed about researching ANY topic and it’s like when I get my fix im done with it and the next week it will be something new like why are we addicted to soda and it’s just a cycle … does anyone else deal with this? Is it part of my ocd or is it just me as a person please help

I know that Jesus died and paid the price for my sins and that they are pardoned. But do I really? Some part of me finds it hard to believe, as badly as I want to. I struggle with drug addiction, so each day as I use I think to myself how could God possibly forgive me when I’m sinning so willingly? How could he grant me access to heaven when I do what I do? I think of it like an apology (on my part) means nothing without changed behavior. So why should he forgive me if I won’t change? Can anyone explain that?

So, a while ago, I was obsessing over feeling like I had to tell my best friend something. I couldn’t seem to bring myself to just do it but the guilt was eating me alive. One day, we had a conversation about something related to it and the conversation led to what I had to tell her. I told her, apologized, and things went will. It was unplanned but it was a good conversation. My guilt went away (although my OCD tried to bring it back some times) and we remained friends. Now, I have something else I need to tell my parents and I feel like it’ll be easier for me to talk about it in a conversation about something else I think they should know. My OCD is telling me I’m weak for doing it this way instead of just coming out and saying it randomly. It also tells me I’m manipulative because if it’s not the only thing I talk away, the weight of it won’t be the same and they need to know how terrible I am and how big this was. Additionally, what I need to tell them is something I did when I had a mental break down like eight years ago. I feel like if I mention my mental health, I’m not taking responsibility. I’m not trying to blame it and shrug it off like it doesn’t matter because there’s a reason I did it. It’s just that it’s an explanation. It’s what happened, and I was planning to mention it in a bigger conversation about mental health and the medication I’m on. I think I’m horrible for doing it this way, I think my OCD is right but when I try to just say it, my words get messed up from being unbelievably anxious. So I just feel weak and manipulative and awful.

Yesterday at night I was doing lunch for my husband and I grabbed a knife to cut something and I used to get anxiety over being around a knife and yesterday I didn’t feel nothing not even scared and I started doubting myself and I started to think okay if you were to act on your thoughts what would you feel and I couldn’t feel scared and I was like fuck and I struggle with feeling in love with him because I struggle with relationship ocd as well thinking I’m not for him or just doubting our relationship and it made me think like I didn’t love him and then today I’m just thinking and it makes me feel evil because I can’t feel anxiety over doing something to him and I don’t feel scared or anything and I’m just thinking and it makes me think like I’m enjoying it and I feel good about it or I don’t care and it makes me feel uncomfortable not being able to not feel scared

I have had severe health anxiety for the past almost two years. As a result I am very underweight and am risking losing my husband if I do not get this under control. I convinced myself I have a disease that my lab work and ultrasounds have proved otherwise, however, by googling it says they can be wrong and I’m constantly searching for symptoms and signs. I news help and I’m so ready