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the NOCD Community

How do you do therapy here I wanna recover from hocd

We are only what we know, and I wished to be so much more than I was, sorely.”

What’s (one of) your first memory of OCD? One of my first was that I had to put my Nintendo 64 controllers in a certain way before bed, my parents had no idea what I was doing.

OCD is so bad today. I keep thinking I’m gonna experience a delusion or something or a hallucinations. I’m really freaking myself out which in turn, makes it feel more real. I’m really worried about going in psychosis over this. I have tried to accept the fact that it could happen but honestly it’s not helping with what feels like “ delusion” even though I really just think it’s my intrusive thoughts mocking a delusion. Does anyone else struggle with this theme? I also wonder if you know if you’re going into psychosis? Like maybe I’m at the start of it? Any advice would help.

This isn’t ocd related and this is a REALLY stupid thing I’m worried about. This is kind of childish but whatever. My little sister (she’s 13) is an actual bitch. She hits me for no reason and does EVERYTHING she can to embarrass me. Even though I’m 2 years older than her she still makes me so fucking mad. Basically I spilt hot chocolate on my bedsheets and I went to put them in the wash. While I was putting the chocolate covered sheets in the bathroom she took my phone, filmed a video showing the spilt chocolate on the bed and saying that I had diarrhea on the bed. She sent it to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS. I’m so fucking pissed. She sent a video of my BED covered in brown liquid saying “lmao Margo shit herself on the bed!” When I returned I was horrified because she sent it to EVERYONE. I panicked and started to explain myself to my friends and telling them what actually happened but I don’t think any of them believe me. Now they all think I’m some disgusting piece of shit who had diarrhea on her bed because of my sister. This sounds like a hilarious story but honestly I’m really anxious. None of my friends are replying to me and only a couple of them understood and now I’m really terrified that they don’t believe me. It WAS hot chocolate. I literally can’t do anything about my sister and I love my friends and I trust them with my life but I’m scared they don’t believe me. Some of them read my message and didn’t reply which scares me

Has anybody on here actually recovered from HOCD ? :)

*Huh!? Whats the point in doing that?* WHY? My mind has decided it will ask me this question whenever i'm doing ANYTHING! For instance; *I'm at work* - Why am i here? To earn money - For what? House, car, clothes? - For what? Well i dont want to have no money and live on the streets? - Why? Coz i'll starve and i dont want that - Why? Because evolution has taught me to survive - Why survive? I DONT FUCKING KNOW Like obviously when you look at life in the big picture, thousand years from now my life won't matter. I love my family, friends etc but what am i here for? To work, have a couple holidays and nights out a year and grow old and die? Since i had this awakening i can't seem to dismiss this belief. Anything i do seems pointless, because i look right through it to the core and say why am i genuinely doing this and the true reason is never justified. Whether it be for fun or health...what does it matter in the grandscheme..NOTHING. 'So why do anything' is my brains new logic. Anyway, i know ERP would be to except that lifes probably meaningless and i'll never get a minutes peace in my life because i'll always be reminded by this fact but is anyone dealing with anything similar? Cheers.

Does anyone struggle with Suicidal and Existential OCD? I relapsed about 2 weeks ago and I just can't get unstuck. I've been struggling for about a year now. What gets me stuck is thinking that it's not OCD, but it's actually depression. And then I get stuck worried that I'm depressed and going to snap. Looking for people to talk to about this too, so comment your contact information if you want. You're not alone.

I too am reluctant to "believe this is OCD". I've been diagnosed (and treated for) PTSD after domestic violences. All my intrusive thoughts are about fear of living them again. How am I supposed to expose myself to thoughts of being molested? Isn't that going to traumatize me even further?

I know I know me again but please help me I can’t tell if it’s ocd or not Basically I’m scared of having STDs despite never having been diagnosed with one. I spiralled a few months ago after I googled some symptoms I had, now I feel like everything is a threat. I’m clear of everything according to my tests, but when I use public toilets I freeze in fear. If I see wee or blood I feel like I need to go back for more tests incase I came into contact with them. I’m scared of touching door handles or sitting on the seat now (never used to be) and toilet roll feels like a threat too I’m not sure if my underwear/pad touched the seat last week or not and it’s been eating away at me. What if there was someone’s bodily fluid there? I had no choice but to pull my knickers back up anyway, I feel like I might have infected myself. I’m scared of losing my partner as a result because it would look like I have cheated or something and he’d leave me I also stood in someone pee on the floor in one cubicle and now feel like those shoes are spreading STDs everywhere. I’m also convinced no matter how much I wipe my phone down that it’s contaminated too. Do I need more testing to make sure I’m still clean?

Hey guys what should I do?? I have a 2 hour flight I need to go on and I’m having all kind of crazy thoughts

Anyone else struggle with schizophrenia theme? Having a hard time. Scared I’m gonna lose touch with reality because of how weird my intrusive thoughts are! Any advice? I was doing better on this theme until it hit me out of nowhere again.

I really want to talk about my OCD with my boyfriend, I've talked about anxiety and self harm intrusive thoughts before with him and he was really helpful, but I really want to talk to him more about it. However, he used to have depression and I'm worried if I talk alot about my mental health it will trigger his mental health. Also I know how emotionally draining it is to help someone with a mental illness and I don't want to put that feeling of responsibility on him. Should I talk with him about it or not?

This app is getting on my nerves now I feel so fucking alone

Does anyone have sexual harmful taboo intrusive thoughts that are accompanied with an urge. I’ve had them at least three times and then I feel an urge in my hands and I know I’d never do that but it really scares me like why would I have an urge in my hands I wouldn’t ever want to harm my family members in any way or form. Why is there this urge and it’s only happened about twice the first time I broke down after that the second time it popped up with no urge I ignored it the third was earlier bugged me but I’m very calm because I understand I’d never do it or act out on it but why does the urge pop out and is it normal do any of you undergo that sometimes too? Please help need advice on this

I keep having suck bizarre thoughts. Sometimes I believe that I’m going crazy. Like my thoughts are delusional. Can anyone give advice. I really feel like I may have schizophrenia or something else.

I feel like when therapists say "the attraction might never come back" it's actually them avoiding reassurance ? just a thought. I haven't experienced this statement from my therapist, but alot of you have. Just a thought i wanted to share

I clearly remember wanting to cut my hair and wanting to look like a boy HELP THIS IS MESSING ME!

Oh god. My boyfriend just sent me a article he's reading for college about lgbt Jews. I'm ethnically Jewish. I don't know why this is triggering me so badly, but it is.

*EXPLICIT!!!!* Is it normal to completely loose your identity with HOCD? There's no "deep down I know I'm straight." I feel completely gay. I really think I am a lesbian in denial. I want my identity back. I've asked this before, but with ERP am I supposed to tell myself that I am gay? I don't know how else to except it. It's the only way that doesn't feel like I'm lying to myself now. It's extremely upsetting because I really don't want this to be my reality. My dad said that if I am a lesbian than I still get to choose who I'm with, but if I am then there's no reason not to be with a woman even if I don't want to be. I have to. If I'm a lesbian and I stay with my boyfriend then I'm just in denial and lying to myself and him right? I have to put myself in a box, I'm not capable of breaking societal standards for some reason as in if I'm a lesbian then I can only date women. My parents keep telling me that they don't think I'm gay, but I can do whatever. I think I'm starting to convince myself that this actually what I want. Hopefully just so I can get over the pain. I don't know anymore. I don't know how I let this turn into an actual identity crisis. It doesn't help that I have ROCD too. I think I'm going to go on the SSRI I was prescribed even though it had bad reviews. I've had OCD since I was like six years old, with multiple different things, but I keep thinking with this one what if it's different? *TMI* *TMI* *TMI* *TMI* I've watched lesbian porn in the past and have finished to it multiple times and for a while that was my go to, then I stopped watching porn altogether. I didn't have any emotional connection to it, but it worked. What if I didn't have an emotional connection because I didn't let myself? I had a fantasy about myself in a lesbian porn once, but again, back then I didn't think of it as something I really wanted in reality, infact it was testing, but I stayed aroused. I know I had fantasies about guys my whole life, but now I feel like I'm making them up. At the beginning of this I remember testing myself thinking about a girl and then switching to a boy to see if I would stay aroused, and I'd completely loose arousal with the boy. There was a lot of anxiety around this so I don't know if that's why or if it's because I'm actually gay. I really really really do not want to be a lesbian, but I read about another on quora that said she really didn't want to be gay and another girl answered by saying that she didn't want to be at first either and that in the beginning she wasn't even able to say the word "lesbian" and that she was extremely depressed in the beginning, but now she's happy. I don't want that. I don't even want to be happy and gay.