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One minute I’m like omg I like him so much I care so much about him this has to work out and the next minute I feel so detached and numb and I’m like do I even really want him

I went through ERP which helped a little but starting ICBT to hopefully help with rumination. I deal with suicidal ocd mainly which originally was a lot of specific harm thoughts and has now turned into “do I wanna do something” “am I depressed” and over analyzing everything that has to do with mental health. I’m on 20 of Prozac, have been for a couple months. My anxiety has almost went away but this week I’ve been concerned that I’m developing depression (for the first time ever), but I’m just not sure. I feel off. I feel “blah”. I’m worried that I’m not caring as much about things I did before. I’m ruminating a lot. Does anyone have any advice or insight? It’s really bothering me. I don’t want to freak out over this but want to prevent depression getting bad.

I just got my midterm 2 grade back from thermodynamics I got a 12/63. The lowest grade in the class I’m trying my best to stay calm and not want to punish myself. Now I’m laying in bed and I have another midterm next week for statics where I am failing but I did well on the last 2 quizzes so I’m at a 52% also I’ve been going to office hours it’s been helping. I found out today my issue why I fail my exams and quizzes is because I have test anxiety to the point when I sit down I forget everything ( I studied 7 hours a day 5 days before the midterm). I was thinking to prepare for this next midterm to do the opposite not study more then 4 hrs a day ( I study 8 hrs plus a day including hmw) and try to time myself for each question to do the homework and lecture questions and if I don’t get it done in that time look at the answer and come back to it later on ( so I don’t memorize the answer). I have not the best memory so I won’t remember the answer after 10 minutes lol. I’m not trying to beat myself up for failing but I’m trying to find a different approach. Any advice? Also I barely studied 4 hours this morning but a part of me wants to get up and study not because I have to but to beat myself up about failing :(

I just started working on my first exposure today with my therapist after screening and creating the lists for several weeks now. We did an exposure together and now I feel 100x worse than I did coming in. I won’t go too into detail but it involved looking at a VERY gory image that had to do with my fear of natural disasters. I called my mom and talked with her and she was shocked and wondered how in the hell that would help me! I agree. Did any of y’all feel this way when you first started or is this just not the right kind of therapy for me?

If you suffer from taboo themes, and deal with groinal responses… Do you feel they have disappeared? Do you still notice them? For myself, they have become so engrained/automatic , so while i do not get “anxious” by them anymore i still can clock them & it can feel discouraging … What are your experiences?

Hello- so my intrusive thoughts came back and i upped my lexapro from 5mg to 20mg. Now for 2 weeks. Still don’t feel great. Anyone know if it takes longer to get back in your system? Or what? Frustrated . Txs

I’ve been struggling with relationship OCD and differentiating between what is an intrusive thought and what is a real doubt. I was really happy with my partner then I got one aggressive thought that I didn’t love him and this spiralled into noticing all his flaws. I struggle being around him because I feel a huge sense of guilt that these thoughts even come into my head and I cannot figure out if this is my brain lying to me or this is how I feel. It’s really impacting a relationship that is so important to me.

I was talking with my family. I got groinal and usually try to avoid it. My therapist said for erp dont avoid it. Even lean into or aomething. I felt my hips thrust or me lean forward as i was sitting and ocd makes me feel guilty. I than did mental compulsions like self talk repearing “no” and ruminating on it after. But i know i wasnt trying ti do anything inappropriate

HARM OCD VENT. I feel Terrified. I am so scared that I am going to act on a terrible harm ocd intrusive thought on someone else. The idea, the sensations the urges terrify me because it feels so scarily real. I feel like im a horrible person - a danger and i’m so guilty for having intrusive thoughts. I hate knives, I avoid looking at them in real life, in the kitchen as i’m so terrified that i will do sone thing terrible. I get excited when my boyfriend cones round as i always think he knows about my thoughts so at least he would restrain me if i were to do anything bad. I just feel so scared so guilty. I have this horrible sensation of urge running through my body- currently im on the verge of tears- i feel lost. My ocd has even latched onto pumpkin carving - scared i will do something bad. Now my OCD is just being like “ maybe your avoiding is all fake and your trying to cover your a bad person” “ what if u actually want to “. “ I want to “ “ You arnt actually trying to hard from harmful objects “ its TERRIFYING. please may someone reply - I’m terrified right now its like an intrusive FEELING is in my body. Sorry guys. I NEED reassurance at this point, I don’t know what to do.

I'm really struggling atm w what I think is rocd. I know for an absolute fact that I love my boyfriend 100% with all my heart. I'm only 15 but I know that he's the person for me. We've been together for a year and a few months and I've been in love with him since I was 11. I'm almost 16. We've never had an argument, he's so incredibly supportive and he's very aware of the whole situation. I've been having horrible thoughts for about 6 months now that I'm not in love with him anymore. Obviously this upset me so so much but at the beginning I knew it wasn't real and I miss when my biggest issue was how to tell him and not upset him. Luckily I have the kindest most loving boy and he completely understood me and he is the only person who can fully comfort me. At the beginning I knew the thoughts weren't real but 6 months later and they're all i can think about I'm believing them and it's horrible. At one point about 3 months ago I came to the realisation that love is a choice, I loved being around him qnd kissing him and being his friend, and qt 15 that's basically all a relationship is. Since coming to that conclusion, and also telling myself that even if the thoughts were real and I really didn't love him anymore, then I would again because of who he is, and the sheer fact that I want to love him, the thoughts have changed into what if I dint like him and now I've convinced myself that I don't even like him and I don't want to love him again, and that's the worst part of it all because I believe it. He knows I believe them, and he's only 16 but he's handling it all so so we'll. He says that he knows that the thoughts aren't real, even if I don't know because he's got an outside perspective, but it's okay if I don't realise it because he'll wait for mw as long as I need. Some days I overthink so much I refuse to kiss him, and he's handled that so well, he'll always ask me if I want a kiss or a hug beforehand if I'm having q bad day, and he's gotten into the habit of watching Disney films with me ro help calm me. I don't understand why I don't think I want him in my life anymore. I miss feeling like i love him. I do have therapy, and she says that the thoughts aren't real qnd she knows this because of just the way I speak about him. My mum said she knows that they're not real, ans his mum says the same. For about 5 days last week the thoughts were gone. I felt like I loved my baby again. I was so so so happy because I loved him again and he was so proud of me. Then the thouhjts came back. I dint want this to be too long, im so sorry of you're still reading. Just any tips on how to love my baby again? I'll do anything except break up with him. I love being a part of his family qnd I miss how it was, but I'd much rather be so so sad ans scared all the timw with the thoughts then not have him at all. I've had very intrusive thoughts before but nowhere as bad as this. Maybe the intensity of the thoughts is mimicking the intensity of the love I have for him? I just want to love my jude again, my lovely boy :(

It's funny but my soocd subtype seems to pop up during fall and winter, and leaves during spring and summer. Currently it has me overanalyzing my friendship with my friend who happens to be gay. It's really frustrating. What makes this even worse is this friend and I are fairly close, (I see them as a parental type figure) and it makes it really awkward especially when they use words like honey or sweetie. They're biologically female, but identify as he/they, which again doesn't help my OCD. They're like 6 years older than me. Idk I'm just freaking out a bit lol.

Hi everybody! I started with a therapist who’s super pricey outside of NOCD, when I had mentioned that I’m struggling with OCD she didn’t seem too well versed she said oh so you’re struggling with intrusive thoughts? Lady you don’t know the half of it!! But I’m afraid of continuing because I don’t want to waste $180 a week for what is sold as someone who can treat and help with OCD then turns out to just be talking about stuff I’ve already talked about with past therapists! Anyway onto the question at hand! If I join NOCD and they don’t cover my insurance but I pay out of pocket fora real OCD/ERP specialist because I really need the help! Is NOCD going to help me? Or am I going to waste my time and should I keep trying my hardest to find ERP specialists on Google. I’m exhausted I just want to know I’m going to get help and relief from this before I put more money into therapy Any advice or honesty would help greatly! ❤️👈🏼

People are always talking about their contamination ocd and all that stuff and i know its selfish but like I wish that was all I had. I have never had a worse subtype than what I have now and its hell.

I feel like my therapist knows my issues well enough by now, why haven’t we started erp or why hasn’t she given me any strategies to help when I’m triggered? I’ve had 4 sessions. She just says we have to stick to the method that she works by, but if I don’t know when we will start the work that actually helps me, how can I feel confident in sticking with the therapy? I am so unsure. I keep asking her but she never gives me an answer. It’s not too much to ask to know when the help will actually start is it?! If the next couple of sessions go by and we still haven’t talked about strategies or erp, I will get so anxious because I can only afford 12 sessions 😔 I don’t know what to do. People are saying to be patient and go with it, but I can’t trust it. I would have expected to start some sort of erp plan. If in the next couple of sessions we haven’t started it, what should I do? (I get really triggered by phrases like red flags or that doesn’t sound good in the comments, just objective advice would be so appreciated 🙏🏻)

I’m struggling so much lately with feeling so different in comparison to others with ocd. I feel indenial , like I don’t really have ocd and like others probably think I’m guilty. I hate feeling this way constantly. I feel like such an outcast like I don’t belong in this community because I’m a big ‘fraud’. I suppose it’s the ocd doing this to me.

I saw a post saying that thinking about something for a while will bring it to you. Now I’m scared and panicking because I think about illnesses and getting a disease almost everyday. What should I do? Im very scared

Hey guys, I hope you’re well! My names Matt, and OCD has struck me again 😂 When I was 10 years old I had to attend therapy as I was having excessive intrusive thoughts. P.s. I didn’t even know this was possible at the age of 10! I then completely forgot about it, until 2.5 years ago when I started experiencing ROCD. I really couldn’t understand why I was feeling/thinking this way however, I soon after remembered my struggles as a child and then realised my OCD had returned. Also, my mum has serious OCD so I guess that could be why too. I had a a really hard battle with my emotions and mood due to this however, the last 1.5 years had been really good and I managed it well. I got married and had the best day of my life. 3 months ago, a thought about having an affair in my head appeared, and BOOM, it’s back again. I’m struggling a lot right now however, I’ve accepted that this could be a re occurring theme throughout my life, and it’s time to learn to deal with it again. I’m back on medication and have started ERP therapy, so hopefully it’s on the up from here. I’m not here to list off my triggers and thoughts as this would be me seeking reassurance however, I’m here to show that recovery is certainly possible!

recently i have had a huge problem with picking my skin so it's smooth. i was up all night last night picking my skin and everytime i tried to stop i felt extremely uncomfortable and nauseous. i cut my nails to like nothing and bandaged my problem spots but im still picking at my skin. i simply don't have enough bandages to cover my whole body lmao. i would love some advice on how y'all deal with that.

After months of not obsessing about my ex, last night I had a very heavy dream that lasted for hours about him. In my dream he was lovely, I was obsessed with him and most of all… I was happy. So fkin happy. I woke up feeling like I loved him. My heart was full. When I realised it wasn’t true, it felt like my heart was shattered all over again. It’s been 3 years since he left me. It shouldn’t hurt anymore. It sounds so silly, but it feels like a huge setback.

I’m losing it completely, I’ve never had a flare up like this with contamination. I’m so burnt out seriously , I feel like I’m going insane. My hands are cracking and bleeding from washing them and my family’s getting very tired of me , they think I should go stay in a hospital or something for a while because of how bad it is. OCD as taken away my relationships with people , I can’t sit on the couch anymore with my family , I can’t hug my dog anymore , I can’t relax ever. I just needed to write this down as I really can’t process my feelings right now as I have too many thoughts , any advice?