Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Anyone here who’s had a lesbian fantasy and enjoyed it before HOCD? I never had one but I’m just curious.

ROCD Question, does anyone ever feel like they don’t love their spouse? I just got married and idk if it’s my real feelings or my ROCD thoughts. I have gone through a lot in my life and my husband and I have gone through a lot more bad than good by we have come along way in the last few months!! I get random spurts of love for him but sometimes when I look at him I don’t feel anything but that goes for everyone except my kids. I don’t know if I have been hurt so much I have just shut off, or if that’s how I really feel. I know love is much more than a feeling, which is what I’m holding on to. Regardless we have a family and I love him but he annoys me so much sometimes I feel like there’s more irritation that fogs the love if it’s even there. I hate saying those things cause I don’t want to feel that way which says a lot. He has been my best friend for 6 years we have been together for over a year and we just got married a week ago. We are about to have another baby any day now. I felt this way before we got married prob because of all the stress and crap we have had to go through and fighting along the way cause it wasn’t always like this I mean it was a transition from besties to lovers but we always have feels for eachother. I’m very confused regardless I will always stay with him I mentally care and love him (my mind says you’re just saying that cause he annoys you so much haha) but I don’t know even if I have to work on not making myself love him but just doing what I need to to love him the way I need to I will forever hell I might already love him the right way I might just be super numb to everything I just don’t know. I’m scared it may not be an OCD thought and a true one and don’t know how to get past this. When I think about it or it makes me think it it makes me feel that anxiety and question everything I just want it to stop and feel really depressed cause I don’t want it to be a truth thought that makes me think that it’s not true but idk :(

Life is so sad

Why does my ROCD thoughts switch into "what if he is not in love anymore?" to "what if I'm not in love anymore?" all the time? This makes no sens

I have been stressing that my ocd isnt ocd and its schizophrenia - i start to think and keep thinking and im like this is not ocd its more the that even though i know i am not schizophrenia bc i would have been diagnosed but my brain wont shut off- any tips ?

*TMI**TMI**TMI**EXPLICIT* My boyfriend and I were having sex and I was enjoying it focusing on him. All of a sudden started thinking "what if I'm only enjoying it because somehow in my unconscious mind I'm thinking of a girl and I'm not aware of it" like an app running in the background of a phone. Then it turned into "well if that's the case I'm emotionally cheating on him without even being aware of it." I want to die. I want to enjoy my boyfriend again. He's my bestfriend and the love of my life and will always be even if I have to deal with this or if I'm actually a lesbian. I would absolutely love if hocd and rocd would f*ck off. I started experiencing tocd intrusive thoughts today which was intense and scary. I really hope it's something that's temporary that won't stick around.

I’m really damn scared rn. I feel like I have internalized homophobia!! I’m panicking omg. I really have nothing against gay people I don’t think it’s wrong. Everyone is able to have preference, even my bestfriend is a Gay male. But now I can’t stop thinking I have internalized homophobia, wow ..

Do any of you make art or have creative hobbies? People generally view me as a "creative" person, but because of my rigid and perfectionist tendencies, I don't actually engage in making things often. It's hard for me to start something if I don't have a project in mind, or if I can't see the point in doing it. I'm going to try to do some more free-form exercises, maybe a few times a week, to take the pressure off, and I was wondering if anyone here could relate or had any suggestions.

This is very tough today. I've been avoiding overthinking my thoughts and they still feel so real. Is this supposed to happen for the first day of recovery? I feel like I'm in a contant state of dysphoria ever since this whole thing started.

Can you fully heal from HOcD thoughts? I get them here and there now but when I get them they are weird It feels as if I’m the one who’s asking for them and not my mind I don’t know if this is a back door spike or what but yeah Can you fully recover?

How do you do therapy here I wanna recover from hocd

We are only what we know, and I wished to be so much more than I was, sorely.”

What’s (one of) your first memory of OCD? One of my first was that I had to put my Nintendo 64 controllers in a certain way before bed, my parents had no idea what I was doing.

OCD is so bad today. I keep thinking I’m gonna experience a delusion or something or a hallucinations. I’m really freaking myself out which in turn, makes it feel more real. I’m really worried about going in psychosis over this. I have tried to accept the fact that it could happen but honestly it’s not helping with what feels like “ delusion” even though I really just think it’s my intrusive thoughts mocking a delusion. Does anyone else struggle with this theme? I also wonder if you know if you’re going into psychosis? Like maybe I’m at the start of it? Any advice would help.

This isn’t ocd related and this is a REALLY stupid thing I’m worried about. This is kind of childish but whatever. My little sister (she’s 13) is an actual bitch. She hits me for no reason and does EVERYTHING she can to embarrass me. Even though I’m 2 years older than her she still makes me so fucking mad. Basically I spilt hot chocolate on my bedsheets and I went to put them in the wash. While I was putting the chocolate covered sheets in the bathroom she took my phone, filmed a video showing the spilt chocolate on the bed and saying that I had diarrhea on the bed. She sent it to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS. I’m so fucking pissed. She sent a video of my BED covered in brown liquid saying “lmao Margo shit herself on the bed!” When I returned I was horrified because she sent it to EVERYONE. I panicked and started to explain myself to my friends and telling them what actually happened but I don’t think any of them believe me. Now they all think I’m some disgusting piece of shit who had diarrhea on her bed because of my sister. This sounds like a hilarious story but honestly I’m really anxious. None of my friends are replying to me and only a couple of them understood and now I’m really terrified that they don’t believe me. It WAS hot chocolate. I literally can’t do anything about my sister and I love my friends and I trust them with my life but I’m scared they don’t believe me. Some of them read my message and didn’t reply which scares me

Has anybody on here actually recovered from HOCD ? :)

*Huh!? Whats the point in doing that?* WHY? My mind has decided it will ask me this question whenever i'm doing ANYTHING! For instance; *I'm at work* - Why am i here? To earn money - For what? House, car, clothes? - For what? Well i dont want to have no money and live on the streets? - Why? Coz i'll starve and i dont want that - Why? Because evolution has taught me to survive - Why survive? I DONT FUCKING KNOW Like obviously when you look at life in the big picture, thousand years from now my life won't matter. I love my family, friends etc but what am i here for? To work, have a couple holidays and nights out a year and grow old and die? Since i had this awakening i can't seem to dismiss this belief. Anything i do seems pointless, because i look right through it to the core and say why am i genuinely doing this and the true reason is never justified. Whether it be for fun or health...what does it matter in the grandscheme..NOTHING. 'So why do anything' is my brains new logic. Anyway, i know ERP would be to except that lifes probably meaningless and i'll never get a minutes peace in my life because i'll always be reminded by this fact but is anyone dealing with anything similar? Cheers.

Does anyone struggle with Suicidal and Existential OCD? I relapsed about 2 weeks ago and I just can't get unstuck. I've been struggling for about a year now. What gets me stuck is thinking that it's not OCD, but it's actually depression. And then I get stuck worried that I'm depressed and going to snap. Looking for people to talk to about this too, so comment your contact information if you want. You're not alone.

I too am reluctant to "believe this is OCD". I've been diagnosed (and treated for) PTSD after domestic violences. All my intrusive thoughts are about fear of living them again. How am I supposed to expose myself to thoughts of being molested? Isn't that going to traumatize me even further?

I know I know me again but please help me I can’t tell if it’s ocd or not Basically I’m scared of having STDs despite never having been diagnosed with one. I spiralled a few months ago after I googled some symptoms I had, now I feel like everything is a threat. I’m clear of everything according to my tests, but when I use public toilets I freeze in fear. If I see wee or blood I feel like I need to go back for more tests incase I came into contact with them. I’m scared of touching door handles or sitting on the seat now (never used to be) and toilet roll feels like a threat too I’m not sure if my underwear/pad touched the seat last week or not and it’s been eating away at me. What if there was someone’s bodily fluid there? I had no choice but to pull my knickers back up anyway, I feel like I might have infected myself. I’m scared of losing my partner as a result because it would look like I have cheated or something and he’d leave me I also stood in someone pee on the floor in one cubicle and now feel like those shoes are spreading STDs everywhere. I’m also convinced no matter how much I wipe my phone down that it’s contaminated too. Do I need more testing to make sure I’m still clean?