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How long does it take for the intrusive thoughts to go away

Was wondering if anyone liked to share how they deal with Severe rumination and anxiety , as I’m always looking to Add to my tool box . Thanks 🙏

I remember days when just making it through seemed insurmountable. I remember moments when I didn’t know if I could go on. I remember going to the ER just two and a half months ago. Now I have my life back from OCD, and it was all worth it. While living with SI themed OCD has been a roller coaster, and I still have easier & harder days, I am excited to have my life back from OCD. I feel stronger than ever, and resilient, and feel competent to face whatever OCD throws at me. I would encourage you if you’re struggling, don’t give up, take it moment by moment. Have faith, ERP does work. You will experience that the thoughts become less frequent and less intense & you can live a meaningful life despite OCD.

Confused at best. Hoping someone else can share to give a little hope or advice? Here’s the deal. 2 years ago my husband found himself unemployed for a second time in a 2-year span. Both of his terminations were due to budget cuts/post-COVID restructuring. While I was able to sustain our family of five and had initially encouraged him to take his time a year ago we were at a cross-roads and I really needed him to apply more actively and in an in-person role if he was able (versus the remote roles he was solely applying for) Fast forward a year later, he’s still unemployed. He’s worked with unemployment agencies, has upgraded his job profile and resume on social media multiple times. I’ve offered my support emotionally, professionally, financially. Every path seems to lead to disappointment and it brings his spirits down further. I ask him what he’s applying for and try to see if I can help and he just yells at me or threatens to leave to go to his parent’s house. He’s accused me of being “bougie”, materialistic, etc. during this process and says I will never be happy with him. I’m embarrassed to admit I’m reaching the end of my rope with it, as I truly feel if I were in this position I would take a role immediately available (McDonald’s, etc) to provide for the family. During this process I have stepped up to even take a second role outside of my normal demanding corporate management job just to ensure we do not fall behind on our mortgage and bills. He seems to not really give too much during this time and hasn’t really offered to step up the chores at home (laundry, etc) and spends most of his days from 9pm-4am on video games, but blames our newborn son for his “sleeplessness”. I’ve calmly offered therapy sessions, have talked to him calmly and he just seems to not get it. Any guidance here?

Let’s make a list of workbooks, books, articles, podcasts that helped you or made you feel seen!

Has anyone else experienced moments where they find themselves on “auto-pilot,” checking or testing themselves without consciously intending to? I just had an experience where I almost acted in a way I wouldn’t, but during the moment, I didn’t feel any anxiety. It wasn’t until after I pulled away that I began to panic and felt really confused. It felt like I was testing myself, but it also made me question if I was close to actually doing it or if it was a compulsion I did subconsciously. It was a very strange and unsettling experience. I’m confused, scared, and in tears. Curious if others have encountered similar situations?

I want to ask questions about real event ocd and how do you tell the difference between real event that happened or if you see it in a distorted way. Im aware asking this from the internet its not the best idea cause everyonr has different views and it might spin me too... So this thing happened more than 5 years, i was still in school and i was on the bus coming home. Then an old lady sit next to me and started talking to me. It was annoying cause i wanted to be alone with my thoughts but i was nice with her. Then randomly she put her hand on my leg and on my thigh, and she said to me that "youre such a strong young man". Thats all it was, it was weird, i felt cringe, but i didnt thought about it. Now after years im really sensitibe to r*pe and s*xual abuse, i think because of ocd i became really sensitive to that. And now this memory came back and im questioning did i was molested/ sexually abused? I feel shame about it now yeah but thats normal, but im afraid of both ignoring this and not take it seriously, and also make it a problem when it wasnt a problem and i put more weight on myself. The feelings are still here and i need to deal with shame, but theres a difference between ocd shame and shame cause you did something or something happened to you. Cause in ocd i have to ignore the thought that screams "OMG YOU WERE MOLESTED", but if it really was that then i need to acknowledge that. So in this situation is hard cause now its like i have to put the decision on my views, on my feelings, and now because im more sensitive of this topic ofcourse i will feel like i was molested, but when im fine i will feel that maybe it wasnt that... I hope i can get some good answers

Let’s start with today. I went back to work today to the company I have been with for 22 years. I thought for the past couple of years that my job was sucking the life out of me…it was another three letter word…OCD. Today I drove to the office, interacted with coworkers, handled sharp knives, etc - all things I had completely stopped doing 5.5 months ago. In June, I started having repetitive thoughts and urges of suicide and was hospitalized. I had previously been diagnosed with GAD, panic disorder and PTSD and then had MDD added on to that for suicidal ideation. After 5 days and some horrifying meds, I discharged, feeling worse than when I had arrived at the hospital. I took a medical leave of absence from work and started seeing two therapists a week and enrolled in a substance abuse program for alcohol. And I declined and continued declining for 3 months. During that time, I started having thoughts of hitting pedestrians with my car so I stopped driving. I had thoughts of slitting my wrists with our kitchen knives, so we locked those away. I couldn’t sleep and could barely eat. I could drag myself to my Zoom therapy sessions - that was about it. I had to switch to virtual sessions because I had thoughts of jumping off a 4 story building and no longer felt safe going into buildings with more than one floor. I couldn’t be left home alone so I would go wherever my husband was going and wait in the car. I had thoughts of throwing myself out of the car, smashing my toes in the car door, and throwing myself in front of cars. I had thoughts of jumping out of trees, drinking bleach and drowning myself. I would often lay on the bed in my husband’s office while he worked, just so I wouldn’t be alone with all of those terrifying thoughts. I even hid in my closet at times. Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, I had my first thoughts of killing my husband and son. That was too much and in a fit of rage and resignation, I attempted to take my own life to stop the thoughts and spare those around me. I was not successful and ended up hospitalized again. I finally admitted that I had been having thoughts of harming others and a social worker in the ER recognized it for what it was - ego dystonic OCD. After a not awesome second hospitalization, I went into a 4 week OCD specific IOP and therapy twice a week after that through NOCD. Proper diagnosis, treatment and medication turned my life completely around in 2.5 months. ERP every thought, all day, every day. Power of choice.

My OCD keeps telling me I don’t love my family more than anything, that I want them gone or want to leave them. But I love them more than anything and would never leave them. I’m scared God will listen to my thoughts and take them away from me or I might hurt them. The thoughts are so overwhelming that I have suicidal thoughts. I just want it all to stop. I love my family so so much and my soul is so tired of this. I don’t want them to get hurt because of me. I hate myself, I hate my OCD. I don’t know if I can deal with this anymore. Still, I know I probably won’t kill myself because I’m too afraid and don’t want to make my family sad. What should I do?

Hi, this is my first post. I am very nervous reaching out as I haven’t ever done so before publicly. I found out a year ago I had ocd and since then it’s been very clear that I have had it for a long time. I currently struggle with health ocd, death ocd, and I’m sure others as well, I always am scared I have or will develop an illness or schizophrenia. One thing I’m struggling with is depersonalization/derealization. I am under a lot of stress being in nursing school right now so maybe when I’m don’t with school I will feel better. Also I recently switched my medication to sertraline. I have been on it about a month and 1/2 but just increased my dose. It is worse when I first wake up. I am going to go see a therapist again once my PCP gets back to me with one that specializes in ocd. If anyone has had similar situations or recommendations to help me get back to feeling better that would be so greatly appreciated. I am also embarrassed to say I’m scared of getting schizophrenia. The obsessed with that began a year ago when I was taking psychology class. I became so afraid of getting it that I am constantly looking for signs or symptoms. It drives me bonkers. I would like to overcome that fear all together. Please give me advice. Thanks.

My ocd is ruining my relationship with my kids. Because of the intrusive thoughts I avoid being close to them, hugging or cuddling up to watch tv. My ocd is either telling me I wouldn’t care if harm came to them or it turns everything into something sexual or inappropriate. For example, my daughter wanted to show me how long her nails are so she started scratching my arm gently. It felt so nice and relaxing and I immediately panicked because I was scared the ocd would cause a groinal and I don’t ever, ever want a feeling like that connected with my child even though I know it’s the ocd causing it and not me i’d still feel horrible. I just want to be a normal loving affectionate mom and I can never be that for my kids because of ocd😪 I don’t see any other parents posting about going through this or commenting that they do and how they cope. I feel so alone and defeated.

I recently started medication as I have struggled with harm ocd. The thing is is that it’s not actually stopping the thoughts which I know is a given and it’s scaring me more without the anxiety (ruminating) and making me belive it’s possible. And I told this to my friend and she suggested anti psychotics This made me spiral because it made me think that I’m schizophrenia and no hate or judgment to people with schizophrenia it just scared me. I started worrying that I shouldn’t be around people and a horrible person ect I know reassurance is bad but I just need some advice bc I really don’t know what to do and I’m panicking

My mother is so difficult to deal with, she takes everything I say personally and start screaming at me saying I make her feel miserable and that my words hurt her, even if I didn’t say anything hurtful she just always feel attacked without any reason, my father used to tell me that my mother is insane and there is no hope she will ever act normal and understanding, yet what he did is leaving us and making a new family, I’m an only child with very intense OCD symptoms trying to deal with my mom who got no one but me, but it’s so hard I’m always afraid she might get crazy and kill herself or me, she even threatened me that she’s gonna kill herself while holding a knife to her neck when I was only 12 years old, and she makes jokes in front of my cousins about buying big knifes for cooking but she’s gonna kill herself with them instead, whenever she gets mad or gets a headache she act so insane, she starts crying, screaming, breaking things, arguing with herself, tearing up her clothes, beating herself up, and insulting god, she does all this since I was like 3-4 years old, but I still get so scared whenever she gets like this, I just hide in my room and put headphones until she finishes, but after that I always feel so disconnected from reality, and feeling numb, then she gets mad at me for being like that, I get nightmares about her getting fully insane and trying to get to me while I’m crying for my life and trying to call anyone to save me but no one answers, I’m so tired of this situation, I offered her to go to therapy but she got mad and felt insulted. I feel so lonely in this

Ive only been exposed to OCD since October 2024 and there are still a lot of questions i have. Can anything be a compulsion? Or is it only certain things? Does anyone have any examples they dont mind sharing?

It’s turning into this sort of real event OCD where I’ll remember something I thought of months or years ago and shrugged off except now I’m consumed by guilt and panic for not caring back then. Like the whole what if thinking that and not reacting or just being like whatever means I was really a terrible person and I just now grew a conscience? It’s not even past actions, it’s all about what has come to my mind before. I used to just be like “okay anyway” sometimes I’d let the thought play out and then just move on. But now I think I recognize them as intrusive and I feel shame and guilt for not caring to question them in the past. I think in developing some new theme or something if that’s what real event ocd is? Help?

Hi Everyone, Im new to the site and just wanted to share a bit about my OCD story. Between the ages of 10-12 i had my first OCD episode, (of course didnt know it was OCD), this came in the form of thinking of past events and other things and the anxiety got so bad i had to tell my mum, due to how frequent and how bad these thoughts got it upset my mum badly and the main thing i remember is her saying ‘are you just trying to get my attention!’… she took me to the doctors, i have no idea what was said because they sent me out of the room. After this i felt i couldnt speak to anyone about anything like this ever again. Ive had thoughts all my life which again didnt know it was OCD, it all just became normal to me, i had a lot of different thoughts throughout the years e.g i was pregnant even though i had not been intimate with anyone, any kind of blood i saw even from far away had given me HIV, the end of the world, if i wore the colour black to bed i would die, i had to speak in a certain accent in drama class one time or my family will die… the list goes on, some of these are will me now still. October this year i had a breakdown due to what i now know to be POCD… it got me to the point i didnt want to be here anymore… i finally spoke to my girlfriend about it who did some researching and said it must be OCD, after doing some research of my own it all started clicking and falling into place. I have good days, okay days and rubbish days, my thoughts have calmed down since going on SSRI’s, but they do pop up every now and again, i am questioning myself constantly though due to the thoughts going quiet, ‘is it actually OCD’, ‘what if it isnt’… its driving me insane… so yeah thats a bit about me!!

by having to remind myself "I'm not supposed to care about that" in order to try to fix my ocd thought patterns and it's like... the things I'm supposed to "not care about" is my whole fucking identity and everything that matters to me in my life. I'm basically having knives stabbed into my back constantly and being told that the way to solve that problem is to ignore it. Like okay I've been doing my best to ignore it for YEARS and it won't work, it's only been getting worse and worse, even if I get it to stop for a while it only ever comes back worse and every single time it feels like it COULDNT possibly get worse but it DOES. I feel like I'm just so tired and I'll never ever sleep. Like, I'm literally not even safe from intrusive thoughts in my dreams. It's everywhere all the time getting in the way of any chance I have to feel happy and I cope but I'm fucking tired of coping.

Yesterday I got high with my friend and it ended up causing me to evaluate my entire life and it caused my intrusive thoughts to come back. I’m so sad mainly due to the fact that I was doing good without these thoughts bothering me, but now that I smoked… it’s all back again. I keep thinking that I’m in denial of my sexuality. I keep having thoughts that I’m bisexual or a lesbian and that I won’t be able to enjoy my life with a man. I keep thinking that I have comp-het, my mind just keeps thinking and I feel constant anxiety and stress. I keep telling myself that I’m straight, but it feels so wrong to call myself that especially since I’m dealing with these thoughts. I keep re-evaluating my entire life, trying to see if I’ve actually been attracted to girls my entire life. My main points being that I can only get off to lesbian porn and that’s it. I never had a crush on a woman before, but when I was younger (around 12) I watched copious amounts of pornography, and that included lesbian porn, and I would sit there and fantasize about being with a woman, but that hasn’t happened since and I deemed those fantasies over me going through puberty and having an interest in sex in general. Over the course of my life, I have had sexual dreams involving women (rarely any about men), and I keep thinking that due to me getting off to lesbian porn, that means that I won’t be able to finish with a man if I’m having sex with him, and will only be able to finish if I think of a woman… but I don’t want that, I don’t even want to think about that during sex. I’m so tired, and the anxiety is ruminating and I can’t catch a break with it. I regret getting high, I wish this never happened, I wish these thoughts could just go away. I just want to be held tightly by my mom and have her tell me that everything will be okay.

My name is Conor, I am a laid-back person with anxiety, a stutter, and OCD. This makes me different from most people, but I believe this story can still be inspiring and helpful. When I was a baby, I had RSV, a respiratory virus, and a collapsed lung, and I was given last rites in the hospital. Thankfully, I grew stronger and was discharged. Later, I was diagnosed with anxiety. In kindergarten, I was a rule breaker, which may surprise people that know me. At the end of the day, I would tell the teacher all the bad things I did, but then I would do more things I was not supposed to do the next day. After continuing this behavior, it was decided that it would be best for me to switch schools, which caused me to be heartbroken. I went to Loudonville Elementary School for the remainder of the school year. I liked it, the very tall hallways amazed me, and I met friends I still know today. I went back to St. Pius X after kindergarten, but my mom said the experience changed me. I talked to my friends less and kept to myself more. Maybe I feared getting in trouble and having to leave again. In middle school, I usually followed the rules and was concerned about following them. I loved baseball and enjoyed basketball but quit both because of the anxiety I’d get during the games. In 8th grade, I remember going to Pyramid Lake for a field trip and doing an activity that taught participants to accept help from others. But I did not try to get help from others for my anxiety after this. Eventually, I graduated and went to Shaker for high school. My mom had me see some therapists for my anxiety, but trying something new caused anxiety and talking to a stranger triggered my social anxiety so I wouldn’t stick with it. Therefore, my anxiety would get worse, and I would read in class less and be more anxious around strangers. Eventually, I developed a stutter, which made my social anxiety even worse. By my sophomore year of high school, I developed religious OCD, also called scrupulosity. With obsessive compulsive disorder, or OCD, you get a really strong urge to do something out of fear that’s hard to resist. The urge is like the urge you get when you lock the door and go into another room, and someone asks, are you sure you locked the door, and then you get an urge to double check. That urge is what people with OCD get, but they experience it over a hundred times a day when the OCD is at its worst. The urge could be to remove something like germs or to figure something out. These actions are called compulsions. Compulsions are used to make the fear go away and gain comfort, but they make the anxiety and obsessions worse in the long term. On top of all that, people with OCD obsess over topics related to these urges for many hours per day when it is at its worst. There are different types of OCD, but they all have urges, anxiety, and unwanted intrusive thoughts. One person described OCD as more of a behavioral disorder since the compulsions make it worse, I’d describe OCD as an addiction with obsessing. I obsessed over whether certain things were right or wrong, spent hours many days in the summer, looking up if things were a sin, and I tried to be perfect. Maybe this fear of breaking the rules and not doing the wrong thing had to do with kindergarten, but maybe not, I shouldn’t live in the past either way. With OCD, I would be very hard on myself and I would try to control, even trying to control what other people did. I took longer than others on tests and homework from double checking too much, but I still got good grades. Eventually, covid happened during my senior year. The isolation made my anxiety and OCD a lot worse. I started having suicidal thoughts. My mom noticed I was not doing well, therefore she went out of her way to arrange for me to meet with her friend who’s a therapist, and she saw me remotely without charge. Her friend thought I had OCD, and this was the first time I learned that I may have it. A positive during this difficult time was for senior awards, I received the Triple C award for courage, character, and commitment. The person who nominated me did so because they saw me at St. Pius X mass weekly, sometimes by myself, and believed that it took courage for me to attend, which it did. After high school, I went to Marist College, eventually majoring in Data Science and Analytics. My first semester was a really tough semester, the OCD affected me academically, making it harder to pay attention in class, and I cried in my room from being hard on myself. Since we were supposed to social distance, I wouldn’t hang out with my roommate and his friends when he invited me to hang out with them. Therefore, I would get lonely and depressed at college. I saw a therapist during the semester, but it did not help a lot since it was general talk therapy and not the specific therapy that’s best for OCD. Also, it was hard to sleep through the night, from cars honking next to my residence hall, the train going by, and a garbage disposal vehicle coming early in the morning and making an extremely loud sound. Therefore, if you go to Marist, I would not recommend Leo Hall, unless you’re a heavy sleeper. This lack of sleep caused nerves, which led to the OCD becoming worse. One day, I saw this video on YouTube of someone talking about his experience of having religious OCD, and after watching it, I felt pretty convinced I had it. There was some temptation to leave the faith, thinking maybe my OCD would get better, but I learned from another video that this could make the OCD worse, and even if I did that, I would still have OCD and I would just obsess over whatever became important to me in place of the faith. Therefore, I stuck with the faith. I eventually got through the semester, but my parents noticed I wasn’t in the best place, and my dad, wanting to help, went out of his way to find help for me. He found this company, NOCD, that offers online therapy for people with OCD. It has therapists who are trained in how to treat OCD. I met with a therapist, who went to Marist for graduate school, and I was officially diagnosed with OCD. I learned the importance of facing my fear, of not trying to get rid of discomfort or fear, and embracing the unknown instead of trying to figure it out. I learned resisting engaging in a compulsion can break the loop of an intrusive thought causing fear, doing a compulsion, and the thought coming back. The unwanted thought comes back because the brain recognizes that the thought led to a compulsion, which got rid of the fear temporarily and caused some comfort, therefore the brain will keep producing these thoughts to get more feelings of comfort. After starting therapy, I was worried one aspect of therapy would be wrong for me to do. I talked to Father Walsh about it. He said he didn’t think it was a sin, and God’s really merciful even if it was. I was confused since I felt it was wrong, but I eventually decided to have faith that I should do it, even though I did not fully understand. After that, I took part in that aspect of therapy and life got better. I was now doing ERP, the gold standard treatment for OCD. ERP is exposure and response prevention. You expose yourself to something that triggers OCD, and then you let the fear go away without doing a compulsion. At the beginning of therapy, you do this daily, for maybe 15 minutes a day, and that helps you to resist compulsions. Once you get better at resisting compulsions, you can do ERP less often. Also, I found this site called managingscrupulosity.com. It has a Catholic priest who has been mentoring people with scrupulosity for many years. He writes newsletters about scrupulosity. In my second semester of college, which I did remotely from home, I performed better academically. I got a 4.0 GPA and made the Dean’s List. The OCD was less prevalent, and I was facing my fear more. Also, doing school from home allowed me to be with my parents and cute cat. Therefore, life was going better with my parents’ help, therapists’ help and that site’s help, and I remembered back to Pyramid Lake to that activity that taught people to accept help from others. I decided to go back to Marist in person for my sophomore year, even though my parents mentioned that I could transfer to Siena nearby. Marist felt like the right school when I picked it and I had hope that my experience could get better, therefore I stuck with it. Sophomore year was better, but it was still tough. I still had areas to improve on with OCD and I did not have many close friends. But I could tell that I was slowly growing as a person, which was important to me. I still had many rules for myself that I was making to try to act perfect, but this just made the OCD worse. This was similar to the Old Testament where there were over 600 laws, but people would still sin. One day, after my Christianity class, a classmate talked to me, and we became pretty close. I learned from this class and another class that life is about relationships. I thought oh man, really? Relationships where you talk to people, when I have social anxiety. But it was helpful for me to learn that. Over the summer I’d try to hang out with friends, but it was tough as people had jobs and girlfriends. During my sophomore year, I was in a remote stuttering group through St. Rose. It was a good group that taught people techniques to help deal with stuttering. It taught people to not avoid situations where they may stutter and to face their fear of stuttering, just like how I am supposed to face my fears to manage OCD better. Junior year was better since there was more group work. This helped me to get to know others more, but there still were not many people I was really close with and I still felt lonely at school. My friend back at home helped me realize that it could be okay to be by yourself and hang out in your room, which helped me to become more accepting of feeling isolated. There was a time that year, for the first time, where I went home and thought I’d rather be at Marist. Over that summer, even though I still had anxiety playing basketball against others, I played in a basketball league my friend runs. I drafted a great team that went on to win the championship! That was exciting and helped me deal with never winning an intramurals championship at Marist. Finally, senior year came around and I thought I still needed to make more friends and become closer with people. Thankfully, a friend helped me live with some new housemates for senior year that I talked to and hung out with more than previous housemates. I also finally felt comfortable enough to go to a bar near college for the first time. Therefore, I went to this bar a lot of upperclassmen go to called Mahoney’s. I didn’t drink but I wanted to talk to people there. But it was difficult to hear people since the music was blasted. The next day, my ear was ringing until about 6 pm. But, I did get to dance and still gave the experience about a 6 out of 10. Since I stuck with the faith, I went to Catholic mass weekly. One day, after mass, someone asked me if I wanted to join a Catholic bible study he was starting with another student. I started going to that group called Immaculate Circle. It was a small group, but it helped people to become close with one another. The vice president of the group, the student who reached out to me after mass, scheduled retreats for us to shrines and drove people to them, never asking for gas money. One time, he drove an hour to a shrine just to ask the staff about holding a retreat for us, even though they could say no. I finally had things to do over the weekends, going on these retreats and becoming closer with people in the group. I made friends that could become lifelong friends like my dad wanted me to make at college. It finally made more sense why Marist may have been the right college for me. I eventually graduated Magna Cum Laude in May of this year. Over the summer, I worked as a field manager intern for Perfect Game, scoring and scouting amateur baseball games. My dream is to eventually work on the Yankees baseball analytics team to help them win multiple World Series. But how was I able to not lose hope, keep the faith, and not give up on managing the OCD, even when it was really hard? It was because of my faith. I prayed, received the gifts of the Holy Spirit, from Confirmation, and I received the Eucharist, weekly after beginning high school, which gave me strength. One of the gifts I received was fortitude. Fortitude is courage in pain or adversity. The challenges I experienced at college gave me the opportunity to use and develop the gifts I received, and what helped me have hope is I remembered the bible verse, “with man, this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” College was a tough experience, someone has mentioned, multiple times, that I have gray or white hairs now, but it allowed me to grow as a person, and I believe it made this story better. It was not the college experience I wanted, but perhaps, it was the one I needed. Sharing my life story is uncomfortable, but I thought it had the power to help and inspire others who are going through struggles, and I’ve learned that with great power comes great responsibility. In summary, use and develop the gifts you receive, don’t lose hope, and accept help from others. Lastly, a thank you to Garrett Bernardo for inspiring me to share my life story, after I heard him share his story at St. Pius X church.

Something I struggle with is knowing what my feelings REALLY are outside of relationship OCD. Like, how do you differentiate a compulsion/ROCD symptoms from a legitimate need to leave a relationship? My last relationship was an absolute mess- she was a hoarder and I have contamination OCD, and she wasn't particularly kind to me, and I was codependent and wanted to "save" her. I stayed with her primarily out of fear/intolerance of being alone and assuming I would never find another person like her (she was also really pretty, in my defense). It took me 9 months to break up with her! What shocks me tho, is that I have never regretted breaking up with her. I assumed I was going to regret it. I have, however, had recurrent intrusive, disturbing thoughts of getting back together and then fearful reactions bc I don't want to. I guess that's the name of the game with ROCD.