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Today i had a bad day, I was handling my emotions for days and randomly today i just forgot it and now again im panicking over every emotion. Im so dissapointed, its so annoying. Im being lost in my emotions. Now im obsessively trying to find what i did that helped which just feeds the fear, the fear is so loud. I dont know what happened, i just forgot it. I got hit by a huge ocd attack and now im.panicking over every emotions, when 2 days ago i was handling them pretty well, i was so happy for myself... Now thats gone, i dont remember how i did it and i just try to find that feeling but thats doesnt work. Only thing i can do is sit in the pain but that will just make me depressed. Whatever i try to do the resistance comes and i cant do anything, i want to be kind with myself but resistance stops me, i want to not react but automatically i react,.i want to stop feeding the feeling but resistance is there. It feels like its only works when everything is fine and i feel motivated, but i wont feel that all the time, now i dont know how to describe it but nothing seems to work, i keep rumminating that everything i try to do is avoidance, everything i try to do is worsening my mental health recovery. I need help for that, its really annoying. Its really dissapointing even if its part of recovery, i just forgot what helped, and everytime its the same, i need to learn again everything from the start...

All of my intrusive thoughts feel like they are centered on my fear of losing control. I picture myself being locked up or tied to a bed because of losing control of my mind. My mind taunts me with intrusive thoughts, words, phrases, images, feelings or lack of feelings. I remember at a young age having anxiety and going to my mother for advice. She told me I was having a nervous breakdown. That’s the last thing a little kid would want to hear rather than the comfort of their mother. Since she uttered those words to me I’ve always had this sense of not being in control. I even often have trouble relaying this to my therapist which causes more anxiety. I think to myself If I can’t get my point across how can I get better. Can anyone relate to my situation?

If you’re reading this I just want to preface my post with a disclaimer: I’m undiagnosed, and while I have experienced many “obsessive compulsive tendencies” over the years , I’m not sure that this is directly related to them, so I’ve decided to treat it as if it wasn’t. Instead I just need to vent, because I feel as though there will be at least one person who sympathizes with me, regardless of if it’s ocd or not. I know that relationships aren’t easy, but I’ve come to realize just how hard they can be. I’ve reached quite a low point in my relationship with my boyfriend, we bicker and argue and nitpick, and a lot of it is my fault. For the longest time I struggled with nitpicking, and I thought it might be ROCD (though now I’m not too sure). I kept feeling the “ick” over certain things like his voice or the way he conducts himself in public. And to be honest I still struggle with it from time to time. But over the past couple months a new struggle has surfaced. I started struggling to trust him. It started when he broke my trust, not in a major way mind you, but it has spiraled out of control. Now we have these tedious and dumb “arguments” all the time over small things, and they almost always start because of me. I’m constantly questioning every little thing he says because I feel that he doesn’t sound honest or consistent, or I feel that he’s lying, withholding some truth, or just being misleading in some way. Our communication is messy, and I often find that my boyfriend’s way of communicating isn’t always consistent, which makes it more difficult to trust him. I’ve become so interrogating towards him, constantly wanting to analyze everything he says. It’s just so difficult, and adding the nitpicking on top just makes things worse. But even more than that, I worry because through this rough patch, my boyfriend still expresses how much he loves me, all of me, even the bad parts. And I’m struggling to feel the same way back. I feel that my love doesn’t measure up. I struggle to love the bad parts, I struggle to feel love when I’m frustrated or going through a rough patch like this, and sometimes I even struggle to feel motivation to keep growing. It just doesn’t really feel like a relationship right now because of all that’s going on. I feel disconnected, and the feelings just aren’t there as much right now. It’s just so much and I’m feeling discouraged. But I want to grow, I don’t want to give up. I just don’t know what to do or where to start.

I’ve been getting better with accepting the thoughts and mental images of hurting my significant other are just thoughts, but I haven’t developed the tools yet to understand all the questioning of myself and my morals/values that the thoughts and mental images cause. I start questioning maybe I am this horrible person or maybe I don’t love her and this is why I think this horrible things. Does anyone have any tools or advice for dealing with that? Is it positive self-talk? Is it accepting those internal dialogues/questions?

I have sent nudes before when I was younger and I am really struggling with the fact that I have sent them because it makes me feel like I am such a bad person and I don’t deserve certain things. I try my hardest to be a good person and do the right things but I obviously have made lots and lots of mistakes. I cannot get over these mistakes I’ve made because I judge myself so hard for them and it’s making it hard to function.

Hi everyone, I wanted to reach out to see if anyone else has experienced something similar with OCD and intrusive thoughts. I’ve been struggling during moments of intimacy because intrusive thoughts, particularly ones related to POCD, feel so ‘sticky’—like they’re all I can picture. Even though I really want the thoughts to go away, they persist, and I’ve been trying not to avoid intimacy because of them. However, that makes me feel like I’m somehow ‘enjoying’ the thoughts or images, which I really dislike. It’s like my brain is playing this awful trick, and it’s leaving me feeling confused and gross. I guess I’m supposed to not let the thoughts bother me and continue as if nothing’s wrong, but I’m scared that by doing so, I’m almost training myself to get off to them or something. This fear makes it so hard to trust myself in those moments, and it’s been overwhelming. If anyone else has been through this, how do you handle it?

sometimes, to try and prove my fear wrong i’ll be like “ okay, let me think of this REALISTICALLY. would i REALISTICALLY feel this way or do this thing? “ then i come up with scenarios in my head on how i think i would realistically ( or logically ) do something but then my feelings go against that thing i thought of then i start getting anxiety and start to fear that i would actually want my fear to happen or that i’d feel a certain way that proves my fear true. it’s basically just checking how i feel about something i think of to try and prove my fear wrong, checking my emotions or checking how i think i’d realistically feel towards it.. but then i may react “ unrealistically “ it goes wrong and i freak out

Those of you who have overcome at least a bit, if not all, of your OCD. When you went through the CBT and ERP, did it feel like the end of the world? And how did you face the fact that your fears and uncertainties might actually come to life?

How long does it take for the intrusive thoughts to go away

Was wondering if anyone liked to share how they deal with Severe rumination and anxiety , as I’m always looking to Add to my tool box . Thanks 🙏

I remember days when just making it through seemed insurmountable. I remember moments when I didn’t know if I could go on. I remember going to the ER just two and a half months ago. Now I have my life back from OCD, and it was all worth it. While living with SI themed OCD has been a roller coaster, and I still have easier & harder days, I am excited to have my life back from OCD. I feel stronger than ever, and resilient, and feel competent to face whatever OCD throws at me. I would encourage you if you’re struggling, don’t give up, take it moment by moment. Have faith, ERP does work. You will experience that the thoughts become less frequent and less intense & you can live a meaningful life despite OCD.

Confused at best. Hoping someone else can share to give a little hope or advice? Here’s the deal. 2 years ago my husband found himself unemployed for a second time in a 2-year span. Both of his terminations were due to budget cuts/post-COVID restructuring. While I was able to sustain our family of five and had initially encouraged him to take his time a year ago we were at a cross-roads and I really needed him to apply more actively and in an in-person role if he was able (versus the remote roles he was solely applying for) Fast forward a year later, he’s still unemployed. He’s worked with unemployment agencies, has upgraded his job profile and resume on social media multiple times. I’ve offered my support emotionally, professionally, financially. Every path seems to lead to disappointment and it brings his spirits down further. I ask him what he’s applying for and try to see if I can help and he just yells at me or threatens to leave to go to his parent’s house. He’s accused me of being “bougie”, materialistic, etc. during this process and says I will never be happy with him. I’m embarrassed to admit I’m reaching the end of my rope with it, as I truly feel if I were in this position I would take a role immediately available (McDonald’s, etc) to provide for the family. During this process I have stepped up to even take a second role outside of my normal demanding corporate management job just to ensure we do not fall behind on our mortgage and bills. He seems to not really give too much during this time and hasn’t really offered to step up the chores at home (laundry, etc) and spends most of his days from 9pm-4am on video games, but blames our newborn son for his “sleeplessness”. I’ve calmly offered therapy sessions, have talked to him calmly and he just seems to not get it. Any guidance here?

Let’s make a list of workbooks, books, articles, podcasts that helped you or made you feel seen!

Has anyone else experienced moments where they find themselves on “auto-pilot,” checking or testing themselves without consciously intending to? I just had an experience where I almost acted in a way I wouldn’t, but during the moment, I didn’t feel any anxiety. It wasn’t until after I pulled away that I began to panic and felt really confused. It felt like I was testing myself, but it also made me question if I was close to actually doing it or if it was a compulsion I did subconsciously. It was a very strange and unsettling experience. I’m confused, scared, and in tears. Curious if others have encountered similar situations?

I want to ask questions about real event ocd and how do you tell the difference between real event that happened or if you see it in a distorted way. Im aware asking this from the internet its not the best idea cause everyonr has different views and it might spin me too... So this thing happened more than 5 years, i was still in school and i was on the bus coming home. Then an old lady sit next to me and started talking to me. It was annoying cause i wanted to be alone with my thoughts but i was nice with her. Then randomly she put her hand on my leg and on my thigh, and she said to me that "youre such a strong young man". Thats all it was, it was weird, i felt cringe, but i didnt thought about it. Now after years im really sensitibe to r*pe and s*xual abuse, i think because of ocd i became really sensitive to that. And now this memory came back and im questioning did i was molested/ sexually abused? I feel shame about it now yeah but thats normal, but im afraid of both ignoring this and not take it seriously, and also make it a problem when it wasnt a problem and i put more weight on myself. The feelings are still here and i need to deal with shame, but theres a difference between ocd shame and shame cause you did something or something happened to you. Cause in ocd i have to ignore the thought that screams "OMG YOU WERE MOLESTED", but if it really was that then i need to acknowledge that. So in this situation is hard cause now its like i have to put the decision on my views, on my feelings, and now because im more sensitive of this topic ofcourse i will feel like i was molested, but when im fine i will feel that maybe it wasnt that... I hope i can get some good answers

Let’s start with today. I went back to work today to the company I have been with for 22 years. I thought for the past couple of years that my job was sucking the life out of me…it was another three letter word…OCD. Today I drove to the office, interacted with coworkers, handled sharp knives, etc - all things I had completely stopped doing 5.5 months ago. In June, I started having repetitive thoughts and urges of suicide and was hospitalized. I had previously been diagnosed with GAD, panic disorder and PTSD and then had MDD added on to that for suicidal ideation. After 5 days and some horrifying meds, I discharged, feeling worse than when I had arrived at the hospital. I took a medical leave of absence from work and started seeing two therapists a week and enrolled in a substance abuse program for alcohol. And I declined and continued declining for 3 months. During that time, I started having thoughts of hitting pedestrians with my car so I stopped driving. I had thoughts of slitting my wrists with our kitchen knives, so we locked those away. I couldn’t sleep and could barely eat. I could drag myself to my Zoom therapy sessions - that was about it. I had to switch to virtual sessions because I had thoughts of jumping off a 4 story building and no longer felt safe going into buildings with more than one floor. I couldn’t be left home alone so I would go wherever my husband was going and wait in the car. I had thoughts of throwing myself out of the car, smashing my toes in the car door, and throwing myself in front of cars. I had thoughts of jumping out of trees, drinking bleach and drowning myself. I would often lay on the bed in my husband’s office while he worked, just so I wouldn’t be alone with all of those terrifying thoughts. I even hid in my closet at times. Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, I had my first thoughts of killing my husband and son. That was too much and in a fit of rage and resignation, I attempted to take my own life to stop the thoughts and spare those around me. I was not successful and ended up hospitalized again. I finally admitted that I had been having thoughts of harming others and a social worker in the ER recognized it for what it was - ego dystonic OCD. After a not awesome second hospitalization, I went into a 4 week OCD specific IOP and therapy twice a week after that through NOCD. Proper diagnosis, treatment and medication turned my life completely around in 2.5 months. ERP every thought, all day, every day. Power of choice.

My OCD keeps telling me I don’t love my family more than anything, that I want them gone or want to leave them. But I love them more than anything and would never leave them. I’m scared God will listen to my thoughts and take them away from me or I might hurt them. The thoughts are so overwhelming that I have suicidal thoughts. I just want it all to stop. I love my family so so much and my soul is so tired of this. I don’t want them to get hurt because of me. I hate myself, I hate my OCD. I don’t know if I can deal with this anymore. Still, I know I probably won’t kill myself because I’m too afraid and don’t want to make my family sad. What should I do?

Hi, this is my first post. I am very nervous reaching out as I haven’t ever done so before publicly. I found out a year ago I had ocd and since then it’s been very clear that I have had it for a long time. I currently struggle with health ocd, death ocd, and I’m sure others as well, I always am scared I have or will develop an illness or schizophrenia. One thing I’m struggling with is depersonalization/derealization. I am under a lot of stress being in nursing school right now so maybe when I’m don’t with school I will feel better. Also I recently switched my medication to sertraline. I have been on it about a month and 1/2 but just increased my dose. It is worse when I first wake up. I am going to go see a therapist again once my PCP gets back to me with one that specializes in ocd. If anyone has had similar situations or recommendations to help me get back to feeling better that would be so greatly appreciated. I am also embarrassed to say I’m scared of getting schizophrenia. The obsessed with that began a year ago when I was taking psychology class. I became so afraid of getting it that I am constantly looking for signs or symptoms. It drives me bonkers. I would like to overcome that fear all together. Please give me advice. Thanks.

My ocd is ruining my relationship with my kids. Because of the intrusive thoughts I avoid being close to them, hugging or cuddling up to watch tv. My ocd is either telling me I wouldn’t care if harm came to them or it turns everything into something sexual or inappropriate. For example, my daughter wanted to show me how long her nails are so she started scratching my arm gently. It felt so nice and relaxing and I immediately panicked because I was scared the ocd would cause a groinal and I don’t ever, ever want a feeling like that connected with my child even though I know it’s the ocd causing it and not me i’d still feel horrible. I just want to be a normal loving affectionate mom and I can never be that for my kids because of ocd😪 I don’t see any other parents posting about going through this or commenting that they do and how they cope. I feel so alone and defeated.

I recently started medication as I have struggled with harm ocd. The thing is is that it’s not actually stopping the thoughts which I know is a given and it’s scaring me more without the anxiety (ruminating) and making me belive it’s possible. And I told this to my friend and she suggested anti psychotics This made me spiral because it made me think that I’m schizophrenia and no hate or judgment to people with schizophrenia it just scared me. I started worrying that I shouldn’t be around people and a horrible person ect I know reassurance is bad but I just need some advice bc I really don’t know what to do and I’m panicking