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i feel like im posting here very often bc i want answers. its a compulsion. should i delete in order for me to stop looking for reasurance

Have you ever engaged in a thought and only left you more confused?

I am scared I did something wrong. Basically my original fear was that when I put my phone in charge with my mom’s charger that the charger touched somewhere gross somehow and nobody was at home with me to deny that it wasn’t true. Basically I wanted to see if it was even possible because it was bothering me so much and I was crying. Obviously I didn’t put it in the gross area but I just tested to see if the charger would go in my sweatpants waistband and it didn’t and I did this in the living room like I wasn’t doing anything crazy and it didn’t touch any where gross I just tested it in the side of my waistband and it didn’t even go through but then I remembered the originally my waistband was looser so then I just tested again on the side like nowhere near anywhere gross it was literally my hip of the waistband of my sweatpants and it still didn’t go through so I know my thoughts from earlier weren’t true. Well basically I’m scared now that the charger somehow got in a gross place when it really was just beside my hip and then it wasn’t my own phone charger somehow then I felt so guilty because I would’ve been contaminating someone else phone. So then I completely removed the phone charger and replaced it with a different one and again I saw if the charger would go in my hip like past my waistband and it literally didn’t and it didn’t go anywhere bad plus I was in the hallway I wasn’t hiding anything because I wasn’t doing anything crazy it was just in my waistband but now I feel like I did something gross and everything is contaminated

Well, I haven’t been on here in quite a while. My main theme is SOOCD with a little bit of ROCD and real event OCD. I have my spouts throughout the months where my OCD will pick up in the thoughts will pick up, but I do pretty good about just letting the thought be a thought and Moving on. But as it keeps going, and it won’t let up, I do get annoyed throughout the process and I have to remind myself that it’s just the OCD being OCD. Now the advice that I need and I’m sure I already have the answer to it, which is basically just let the thought be a thought but I guess I just need to hear that. I’m not the only person that goes through this sometimes my mind likes to go back to old friends past friends that I’m no longer close with her friends with it all, and it likes to ruminate, making me think that I had some sort of crush on them ( my friends are all the same sex and I’m straight ik that’s my so-ocd being a turd) when I know that’s not even the case or the truth. But like I said earlier when it doesn’t stop, it gets really annoying and irritating because I’ve moved on from these people, but my OCD likes to go back to them. Any advice would be great!! Also know that if you have any of the things that I have or just have OCD in general, you’re not alone you do get better. I promise I’ve gotten a lot better. I’m almost like 99.95% better don’t give up you got this!!

I’m going through a really bad flare up. I developed ocd many years ago when I had my first child. Postpartum ocd. I suffer from harm and pocd. At first I had mostly mental and some physical compulsions but the physical faded away pretty early on and i’ve just done mental compulsions since. My ocd was in remission for alot of years and if the ocd would pop up now and again, I was easily able to shrug it off and not engage. A few years ago I went through a stressful time in my life and the ocd came back to stay. At first it was bad but then it got better and has been pretty mild until now. It’s been really bad this week and the physical compulsions are even back. I never thought it would ever get this bad again. My ocd is making me doubt who I am and how I feel. I know it’s all ocd and not real or true but the ocd makes it feel so real that I can’t easily dismiss or disprove it. The more I try to disprove it the more real the ocd makes it feel. I’m really struggling and don’t know how to get back on track. I don’t have access to a therapist because there are no ocd specialists near me and my insurance doesn’t cover online therapy. That’s why i’m reaching out here. Has anyone been through a rough relapse? How can I get through and past this??

1. Thoughts about Not Loving My Boyfriend: • “What if I don’t love him?” • “I feel like I’ve lost my feelings for him.” • “I don’t feel love the way I used to.” 2. Fear of Changing or Being Different: • “What if I’ve changed and this is the real me now?” • “What if I’ve grown out of the relationship?” 3. Doubt About Attraction: • “I’m not attracted to him anymore.” • “I feel numb when I look at him.” 4. Thoughts of Disconnection and Irritation: • “I feel irritated when he shows affection.” • “I feel bored or disconnected when we talk.” • “Why do I feel like I can’t stand him sometimes?” 5. Fear of Denial: • “What if I’m in denial and I’m just pretending to love him?” • “What if all these thoughts are true?” 6. Fear of Being a Bad Person: • “I’m a terrible person for feeling this way.” • “I’m ruining my relationship and hurting him.” 7. General Anxiety About the Future: • “What if I’ll fall for someone else in the future?” • “What if I’ll never feel love again?” 8. Intrusive Thoughts from the Past: • “I had violent thoughts about my dad.” • “I worried I was a pedophile after seeing a video.” Feelings Associated with These Thoughts: 1. Numbness and Emotional Disconnection: • Feeling emotionally flat or unable to access love or joy. 2. Guilt and Shame: • Feeling like a bad person or partner. 3. Hopelessness and Despair: • Feeling like things will never get better. • Believing i am stuck this way forever. 4. Irritation and Frustration: • Getting annoyed when my boyfriend shows affection. 5. Fear and Panic: • Experiencing overwhelming anxiety when questioning my feelings. 6. Sadness and Confusion: • Crying frequently, feeling lost, or not understanding why i feel this way. Compulsions I Engage In: 1. Reassurance Seeking: • Constantly asking others if everything is okay or if your feelings are normal. 2. Researching and Googling: • Searching for answers about ROCD, anxiety, and relationships online. • Checking forums like the NOCD app for reassurance. 3. Mental Checking and Analysis: • Constantly checking if i feel love, attraction, or connection. • Analyzing every interaction and emotion to see if they’re “right.” 4. Confessing: • Telling your boyfriend or others about your thoughts to relieve guilt or doubt. 5. Avoidance: • Pulling back from conversations or interactions with my boyfriend due to anxiety. 6. Comparing: • Comparing your current feelings to how you used to feel at the beginning of the relationship. 7. Self-Criticism: • Judging yourself harshly and believing i am a terrible person. FEELING SO REAL I’m struggling with ROCD and it’s consuming me. My intrusive thoughts make me feel like I don’t love my boyfriend, that I’ve changed, or that I’m a terrible person. These thoughts make me feel numb, disconnected, and hopeless. My compulsions include constant reassurance-seeking, analyzing my feelings, researching online, and confessing my fears. It’s exhausting, and I’m desperate to feel like myself again. Does anyone relate to this? How do you cope?

I’ve been working on reframing my views on relationships because it has been getting in the way of enjoying my partner. I have these thoughts constantly that say what if you’re not best friends enough because you’re not constantly talking and laughing. You guys have differences that’s a bad thing. You should be the same person and always click no matter what’s going on. He should always make you feel over the moon and if you’re bored that must mean something is wrong. I’m learning that long term love isn’t always perfect. In fact nobody is ever perfect. Long term love is a choice and happens to come with feelings that ebb and flow. Of course i love my boyfriend but we don’t always see eye to eye. Sometimes were disconnected (especially if i have racing negative thoughts) sometimes he annoys me and sometimes i want to go do something he may not. None of this means anything besides that we are in a long term normal relationship. What’s more important than anything is that we show each other love, we put in effort into our connection, we share similar values and want nothing more than for the other to be happy. Once i can get past the little disconnect that comes (and will happen in a healthy relationship) without analyzing it for deeper meaning, the sooner I’ll be able to relax into our connection. If anyone has gone through this process when navigating a relationship past the honeymoon phase i would love to hear from you! with obsessive thinking and overanalyzing it makes navigating this stage more difficult and i don’t think people talk about it enough!

Hi. Does anyone here have experience with being in an interfaith relationship? Specifically Muslim Christian but any POV is appreciated. I am majorly overthinking things. I keep reading that these relationships don’t work and confuse children and the like. If anyone here has been or is in an interfaith relationship or is a product of one, please share your experience. Im worried that me not being Muslim and attempting to raise Muslim children with my boyfriend will backfire even tho I’m doing my best to learn about Islam and modesty both on the internet and from his sisters. We both want kids, we have thrown the idea of not having them out there but it wouldn’t be fair to him. It’s not an all consuming passion for me, I could be happy with or without kids. I know for him raising a child as Muslim is his responsibility. And I’m willing to be part of that I’m just scared. Before ROCD I had no concerns and thought “we’ll deal with it when we get there” but once it started it’s “what if we divorce after having kids, what if I mess up? What if they hate me and resent me and in turn he resents me? What if they’re queer (my boyfriend is not homophobic at all ever, he’s relatively chill with queer people just doesn’t know how to go about it and doesn’t feel too comfortable with it in his family (I’m bi and he’s ok with it))” stuff like that. We discussed the queer thing when I was in a horrible state of overthinking. There’s no way for me to know so I’m trying to sit with the uncertainty but I want answers so badly of what to do. Part of me feels like it’d be easier to end it so he can find a Muslim woman and life would be easy but the other part of me isn’t willing to let him go cuz I want to struggle. I want to learn and be part of his life like this. The difference of faith isn’t huge to me, it’s the same god, just different ways of looking at it. I have thought about Islam but I don’t have enough research under my belt to be able to consider it fully. My belief in god in general is weaker than his. It’s a beautiful religion and the modesty is gorgeous (I wanna steal his sisters’ abayas lol, also I’d I’m stuck on modesty, I have them to help me if I have a daughter with him) but I can’t consider it fully until I’m in a better head space. Also I barely know Arabic. All I have is duolingo Arabic lol. Honestly I’m willing to compromise, we have talked about holidays and I assume the sentiment will last till we have kids. Celebrate both holidays, no religious ties for Christmas which is fine, all I want is to spend time with him and my family. Halloween is a no go which is fine, I’m growing out of it and just want the makeup and discount candy lol. Easter we haven’t talked about but honestly, discount eggs are fine. I’d celebrate Ramadan with him, fast if I’m able/want to, Eid as well. I do want this relationship to last and work. I’m just scared of it. I don’t know a single person in my situation (well. My friend’s uncle married a Christian but idk if it was before or after they had kids, same with my bf’s uncle, he married 2 actually, the one he’s currently with has her own kids so they didn’t have to worry about faith issues) so I come to the people of this app for some assistance. I was a little nervous about the difference before but now it’s a lot and I’m worried it’s a genuine cause for concern to end the relationship. I don’t think it is. We’ve discussed it and I’m happy with the arrangement.

Me and my boyfriend got into an argument yesterday. He usually sometimes lashes out on me when he’s frustrated or stressed even if I didn’t do anything. But yesterday was different he asked me a question about a bus ticket because he’s coming to see me. I miss understood the question and he got mad and he first said “ lord have mercy while he huffed and puffed “ then he proceeded to say I don’t listen to him. I immediately shut down because I don’t argue with people because my point never gets across and it causes me immense anxiety. So I said why are you upset at me I made a mistake , he didn’t respond so I pulled out my phone to scroll on Tik tok to calm my nerves. He then got upset that I did that because I was ignoring him and then he said I don’t have to come see you I’m doing you a favor since none of your parents are coming to help you move ( I’m moving from college apartments to a house and my parents aren’t helping) in my mind I thought I never asked u to come help me but I only asked you to come if you want to see me and help if you can. He wasn’t obligated I didn’t beg him at all. After he made that statement I lost it and I explained to him that I made a mistake and everyone does and he should be patient and I used the reference point like being at school ( he has adhd and when he needs help the teaches help him and if he had questions they are patient with him to repeat themselves). For reference we stopped talking in November last year and we started talking again in August this year. His behavior hasn’t changed and for me it’s a mirror image of my dad. My dad used to do the same things to my mom and say the same exact things that’s why we aren’t close at all. I’m just lost of words so I’ve just been shutdown since this happened and he keeps apologizing for it and I’m like it’s okay. But deep down I don’t let it go because he used to treat me way worse and it’s just flashbacks from before. He used to name call me cuss at me yell at me and I would cry and he didn’t care. When I left him in November he really did care and then once I came back he talks to me the same way but not as much as he did before. Like he doesn’t cuss at me, or name call , but he be littles me because he’s insecure. He said to me yesterday when I told him something “ I know I’m not retarded” and I told him that’s what my dad says to my mom because he doesn’t like that she’s smarter then him. And he apologized but ik he will say it again. I don’t like to nitpick at his faults but as an overthinking person I can’t let this go. I start thinking maybe I should’ve not got back with him and the more he says the more I shutdown and don’t even want to talk to him. It’s like I was excited to see him Saturday and a part of me was like I don’t care if he even shows up anymore. After all this he kept apologizing and kept asking me what I want to talk about and I said anything. I didn’t want to talk to him so he started his homework and kept asking if I’m okay and I said yes I’m fine. I truly was silent because at that point I didn’t care what he was doing I was watching Netflix. He saw that so every 30 seconds I had to pause because I couldn’t hear him on FaceTime and he kept asking what’s wrong. At that point I was irritated and said I’m tired because I actually was but I was also annoyed because you apologized and when I am still silent towards you, you want to bother because you don’t want me to be mad at you. Anyways he kept on asking me until 30 minutes pass and I’m already about to close my eyes to go to bed. Then he says stay awake I want to watch a video with you, so he kept talking to me and I just wanted to rest. When he was done with his homework he screenshared YouTube to watch one of my favorite shows to compensate for how he treated me so I can get out of shutdown mode. I told him numerous times I wasn’t in the mood I’m tired and then when I said that he was upset and unshared his screen. He said that he was sorry but he doesn’t like repeating himself and I wasn’t listening. Which wasn’t the case I was confused because what he was asking me about the bus ticket wasn’t clear.(sorry for the long message) Anyone have advice here ?

Hey guys! So I struggle with OCD, especially harm, relationship and moral stuff and I am somewhat recovered now. However, my current girlfriend has started showing signs of OCD but it’s abou5 something I don’t know much about so I wanted to see if anyone on here had thoughts about it. She is constantly thinking about food (when to eat it, what is healthy, what is too much, what is too little) and controls the thoughts by giving in and controlling her entire day around food. She don’t really know the feeling of being full. She never starved herself and always eats, but then she feels extremely guilty afterwards. Her thoughts do have to do a lot with her body image and not gaining weight but also not losing any either. Does this sound like ocd or an eating disorder?

I am a learner driver, with about 70 hours experience with driving. Ever since I have started and up till now, I have crippling anxiety that I am not a good enough driver. With my next birthday coming around in a months time (when I can go for my driving test), I feel so inexperienced and think that I will never progress or even if I can drive on my own, I will cause a car crash. There’s this feeling I’ve always had, that I can’t be independent and do things for myself. I always have to pre-organise everything with guidance. This includes what I wear, how my bedroom is decorated, what I eat, etc. And with driving, I feel like I’m never going to be good enough to gain the confidence I need to drive on my own. P.S, the majority of my driving has been obtained through my parents, but I am only starting lessons now (If I had the choice, I would’ve done lessons from the beginning).

I puke and gag everyday even thinking about my worst pocd fears being true... (unknowingly sexting or having intimate relations with a minor) and I cant even get reassurance for it... this life sucks... nothing and nobody cares... i cant even get reassurance for my struggles, so whats the point even hoping in anything getting better? Everyday its just people telling me to stop seeking reassurance, and it doesnt even feel like people care enough to help... just people telling me that so they can stop seeing me post... well i hate myself already... so... if you want to hate me, go ahead... im tired of thinking anything will ever be better, because of the fact that i cant even get reassurance... and it feels like people dont even care...

Therapy has been going well. Had a session today, and although my therapist isn’t an OCD specific one, we’re trying ERP soon :) Today tho we had a tough conversation going over some of my ROCD thoughts. Yknow the fear of it not working out. What if I don’t want this. What if I don’t want to be with a man in general. And she asked me a question. “If you could have the guarantee of the love that you wanted but it was with someone else, would you do it?” I thought about it for a sec, and I said no. And I meant it. I’d rather the risk of being looked at differently by my bf’s community than lose him. I’d rather work to be with him than have the guarantee. Immediately after, I felt like I had lied and had actually wanted to say yes I’d go with someone else but it didn’t seem right to me to say that. Thinking about it gives me a bit of anxiety. I told her it felt like I was lying and she said “well if that was your gut reaction to say that I think it’s a pretty good sign of how you feel” my mom said the same thing a couple months ago when this first started. “Do you love him” “yes” I said through tears “are you happy?” “Yes” “do you feel uncomfortable around him during sex or intimacy” “anxious but no, not uncomfortable” sex is still new and I’m worried I’m not enjoying it enough or it’s not electric enough even tho it does feel really nice to be intimate with him. I don’t think it has to feel electric to be enjoyable. Back to the point. I wrote my boyfriend a letter detailing what I had talked about (just to give him cuz he’s in a bit of a pit of his own). And I felt good writing it, and reading it over. I texted my boyfriend to check in on him and he made a dad joke lol and I texted him “you’re cute” and I felt slight anxiety but not much. I still feel pretty decent but I’m worried I did lie to my therapist and to my boyfriend in the letter and that I don’t actually want to work on this relationship. I want to keep choosing him cuz I do love him but there’s a bit of this voice “hmmm what if you don’t” and I know that voice can exist and I can still love him. Still trying to understand that concept. I feel good about the relationship and don’t want anyone or anything else but I do worry that it’s either not enough or a lie and everything I say is a lie. The numbness is weird. I feel good but then go back to feeling eh. When I’m around him I’m good. I’m thinking less than normal, I’m not feeling much anxiety. But I’m not feeling better. I’m not feeling clarity and the love I usually feel which worries me slightly that I don’t love him but I know love isn’t always butterflies and it’s a choice and an action. Sometimes I feel kinda done mentally some days, maybe it’s cuz I am overwhelmed these days and ending the relationship would be an easy way out and we wouldn’t have to take the risk of staying in our relationship because of the cultural aspects. But that feels wrong. I don’t wanna do that. It doesn’t cause me anxiety to think about but. I don’t like the thought. Im happy and safe and cared for and our values align. There’s no reason for me to be thinking this which is why I feel bad and like a liar. And going back to the question my therapist asked me, what if I had said I didn’t wanna stay like my brain wanted me to but my gut and heart said otherwise?? I think I’d feel guilty and sad cuz that means ending the relationship and I can’t bear the thought of losing my boyfriend. Some days the thought doesn’t make me sad but today, especially during therapy it did. The thought of a guarantee with someone else seems appealing yes but I don’t want someone else. I have a passionate kind love, a lasting ember as my boyfriend would call it cuz a fire can’t last forever right? I wanna keep it. I have hope. If anyone else feels the numbness I’d appreciate some relatability. It’s starting to ease up but with exam stress I just go right back and I’m worried it’s not love cuz of that lol. But yeah. A tiny bit of hope. I know the second I wake up tomorrow I’ll feel worse lol

TMI BUT I AM FREAKING OUT: I've been sick, and this is maybe one of the first times I've ever had this happen but there was fecal matter in my underwear. Not like a skid mark, just tiny little dots. I threw them away, and then realized I touched my shorts in the past hour since it probably happened. I also laid in my bed. When I say the evidence was minimal, I mean minimal. Like didn't go onto my shorts, which have a liner, and then another layer on top of that. I definitely remember touching my shorts in the past hour to pull my wedgie out, which now makes me think: Ok after that, I touched my phone, my vape, my bed, my clothes... everything. Do I throw everything away? Or just be okay with the fact there might be tiny germs on everything, but I'm 100% sure there's nothing visible on my hands or transferred by my hand. I'm just worried about molecules of it that can contaminate everything I've touched in the past hour. I really do not want to throw away my vape, my bed, my phone, everything. Am I ok? I washed my phone and vape with some cleaning stuff just in case, even though there wasn't any physical evidence just my imaginary germs. Do I need to throw everything away? Am I being too worried, or not worried enough? I'm in the middle of my journey combating contamination ocd, the old me would've probably burned my house down. So I have a hard time realizing if I'm being gross or I'm just being a normal non-ocd person.

When you’re ocd tells you that you were thinking something or that you did something that you know you weren’t or didn’t, how do you get past that? I know that it isn’t true but the ocd keeps making me feel like i’m a liar. Has anyone had this happen? How did you get past it?

I thought I had so-ocd, but coming out videos for erp did not affect me at all what is happening?

Help me! I acted on a compulsion and now I feel like want to keep doing it. I’m scared. I had been doing okay for these past two days but idk. What should I do?

since i want to become a teacher and i am in my last year of university, i just feel like pocd makes it so hard for me to be passionate about being a teacher again because the intrusive thoughts have convinced me that i’m a p and i shouldn’t be working with children and i’m a horrible person who doesn’t deserve anything . i’m so scared to even work with children because of the intrusive thoughts and how it would just make me disgusted with myself so i just avoid children. The thoughts make me feel like i want to unalive myself and somehow they convinced me i am a p and i just want to throw up because why is this in my head i just want to rip it out and just run away from everything. I’ve been through sexual abuse as child and i would never want to harm a child and i don’t want to do anything with a child. i don’t know what to do for the future. I don’t want reassurance i just want to know how to deal with these thoughts . Also since i’m on my period i heard that ocd is more amplified on intrusive thoughts so it’s probably why i feel like this and it’s so much more intense than usual.

That’s kinda my question. All my thoughts feel so realistic and so now I doubt if they are ocd and if I just can’t make my mind up about something and I’m using ocd as an excuse or something idc I feel like this post is word vomit.

One of the major concerns with contamination OCD is bodily fluids. What I’m specifically looking for help with is related to sexual activity. I’m going to write in the comments a bit about my journey, but I’m going to get right into what I want advice on to spare you all the time! Recently I was going on some dates with a guy and he was frequently coming over. We’d have sex and then be going about our lives. Spit, semen, and whatever else felt like it was everywhere, and all I wanted to do was get rid of it. Avoid touching anything and disinfect, but clearly to someone without OCD that doesn’t even go through their head. He picked up his phone, started messaging friends, touched things in my room, door knobs, etc. I was mentally keeping track of everything so when he left I could wipe them all down (excessively) and avoiding touching anything myself. I had to wash all the bedding, shower, wash my hair, etc. Then he was coming over again two nights later and I was gonna have to do that all again? It seems like the cross contamination is the issue here, can’t touch this and then touch something else because it will just infinitely spread whatever contamination is being perceived to each subsequent thing. But it seemed like he was just able to go about his life, and from the behaviours I try to observe from friends etc. other people don’t seem to do all that. Friends have invited me over, told me about sex they had the night before, invite me to sit in their beds and clearly haven’t washed anything (which I try to find somewhere else to sit or awkwardly stand lol). Also I’ve never been in a relationship, but I imagine if you are a couple and spending every night together like you aren’t doing all that… So I turn here for some advice on how to fight this or to help get an understanding for what’s normal… anyone have some tips? Just want to feel more equipped cause I’m tired of avoiding parts of my life to accommodate these fears (more info in comments).