Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I’m having a big OCD relapse and would like to hear anyone’s tips on how to be present and healthily deal with these intrusive thoughts and the “need” to preform compulsions. Thank you!!

It all started in 2017 when I saw that it was gay, it was gay, and I was simply filled with fear and had such intrusive thoughts that I said I was going to be gay or that I was the one. I have always loved women and I have been in love with women. There is absolutely nothing and there was no gay thing about me. I have always loved women. I even desired them. I looked at them. I masturbated.Like a normal heterosexual, then it passed, I got my life back, then after 1 year it came back, I fought with it for a while, but it was never as strong as it is now, then it disappeared, then false memories appeared Ben too, but I also lost it, while I lived my normal hetero life, who I am and what I want, this is really me, I don't play around with myself, then she became my girlfriend, I was with her for 3 years, she was the love of my life Now he is the one I planned my whole life, my future, everything with. At that time, I very rarely had 1 or 2 intrusive thoughts, but they almost never affected me. As soon as they came, this intrusive thought went away. Thought then after he broke up with me I fell into a severe depression I shut myself off from the world and so I randomly saw something gay on TikTok and got an intrusive thought again I said this is me, but I didn't know at the time that I had OCD or that such a disease even existed, so it's been affecting me quite badly for 1 month now. I have 0 24 intrusive thoughts.I have false feelings and they are so strong that even though I know I'm not gay and I don't want this, my subconscious automatically believed this because I kept looking for it and looking for it. And I argued with myself.

if you notice that something looks attractive, like a butt, doesnt that mean necessarily that you were attracted by it if you noticed? i need to know because of a triggering episode i had two days ago. what does attraction mean? for me i thought that attraction is when attractiveness meets desire and want for it, that pulls towards to it and it matches your ego's wants. but if you notice that attractive something, it stands out and you're taken aback by surprise because it looks attractive, the fact that it made you notice because of its attractiveness means necessarily that you were attracted to it no? even for a short moment... i cannot tolerate that.

For some stupid reason my ocd latched onto sexism, misogyny, feminism and gender roles/stereotypes. Im generally very scared of any kind of sex/gender inequality, Im not sure why that is but it may be connected to my porn addiction that I developed at very young age, I've been obsessed with gender stereotypes back then, and also Im agender afab so it may also be connected. The point is, every single time I talk to another girl I get so self aware and Im scared that the way I talk, what I say or even how do I feel about them is only caused by their sex/gender, Im scared that everything is connected to gender and sex, so for example, if I want to make an analysis for character that has nothing to do with gender, feminism and misogyny I still have to analyze how did their gender affect them(when it's not important, and we dont know anything about it) just because they have a mental disorder. I read that there isnt much reasearch made on sex/gender in mental health issues, so now I convinced myself that every mental disorder has to be connected strictly to gender and I have to analyse gender and sex experiences in order to be right. It's so stupid, and when I dont want to think about it or dont do it, I feel like Im wrong and just trying to hide from it. I have this sick need for someone to allow me to let go and keep on living how I did before, I need an allowance from completly random people on the internet that are feminists so I can feel like Im not in the wrong, Im not a failure and I dont have to be ashamed or scared. Even while writing this I thought to myself "does using people that are feminists instead of women is misogynistic?" Im so tired of it, Im not sure anymore if that's just enlight and I encourted the truths of this world or Im just overthinking everything because Im scared and want to be in control of everything

Is there anyone who is struggling with sexual orientation ocd quickly reply and help me ?

I was watching a show about how the main character is gay and she was figuring it out and was pushing the thoughts away. I feel like I can relate cause all day the thoughts have been bringing me happiness

Don't panic, you're still the same girl, your OC gives you a lot of intrusive thoughts that aren't you and that disgust you and scare you and that you don't want and that you don't think are true, and your OC gives you the false feelings.Also, don't forget that whatever comes to mind, whatever intrusive thoughts you have and whatever you feel, is all yours.

I’m deeply afraid I may have acted on an intrusive thought during self pleasure:/ in the moment it feels like I want it or focus on it but then immediately after i panicked:/ this only happens In context of intrusive thoughts I never plan on acting on these I’ve never experienced this problem before idk i feel like maybe my values n moarls changed in a sec is that possible?? I keep asking myself is this who i really am …. I can’t take it anymore guys I wish i could go back to my normal self I’m tired of feeling like this everyday no one would want a real pedo and that’s me guys u feel sick I haven’t eaten or drank anything

Hi!! I don’t know why, but ever since my health anxiety has gotten a billion times worse, I just cannot seem to sleep. About two weeks ago, I had a rough couple of nights where I could not sleep. I saw my boyfriend, got my sleep schedule back (he makes me feel safe so it is very easy to sleep around him), and I was able to sleep just fine! Yesterday I moved back into my uni house and I just could not sleep. I genuinely laid there for about 8 hours with 0 luck. My boyfriend doesn’t come back to uni for 5 days so that’s not an option. I am so scared I will not be able to sleep until he’s back. I know you can get mild hallucinations after 48 hours and I am so scared of that happening. Plus, I have an online exam that has to be submitted in 4 days so I need my wits for that. Does anyone have any tips? I am hoping that I’ll be so tired tonight that I will just sleep but I’m honestly not that hopeful that I will.

I have plans to go to Liverpool and Cornwall in the UK later this year after spending more time in India and possibly Sri Lanka. After all that I have 2 years planned in SE Asia. If I were advising another mentally ill personwho was doing the same thing I'd just say don't panic. There were some really hairy times but I realised how tough I am and how these things are problems for everyone. There were times I was fighting drug dealers and times I had no money and a time Ioverstayed my visa. Not to mention all the times I thought I was having a psychotic episode and would have to be sent home with nowhere to go. You can do it if you trust your gut and trust your friends. Peace 🙏

I realize that if you try to hold in these intrusive thoughts and feelings then it will get worse, but right now I’m not as bothered by them like I did yesterday

I'm so scared. People always say that it doesn't matter what sexuality you actually are, but I feel like I am/ will turn gay and have to leave my husband. It's been destroying my life for the last 5 years.

I’ve been experiencing intense existential OCD for a couple months though and has led to a bit of depersonalization. I feel both hyper aware / uncomfortable in my own body (with my own eyesight) and simultaneously detached from it and my surroundings. The thoughts have spiraled so much it’s hard to think about getting out of it and getting back to “normal.” But I have hope bc I know I want to get back to my life and feel love/joy again. Any success stories? Encouragement? Hope everyone gets through their current themes/struggles. We can do this 🩷

I feel like I’ll never lead a normal life again with OCD, my thoughts have begun to be convince especially about POCD. I feel like so sad and down that this will be my life forever. I’ll never get to fall in love again without intrusive thoughts. I’ll never be worth falling in love with. I can never be intimate again. I’m just done, my life is over. I can’t even look at my nephew and niece anymore without the smile fading. It feels like I’m so nasty and then my brain convinces me this is how I feel. That there’s some part of me that is a p*do and that’s it. I’m a disgusting human being for that. I just feel hopeless

I will never get my old life back and my old brain back. This OCD has gotten so bad that it feels like there will never be a way out. And when I do feel better, the OCD tells me that I have accepted it. The thought that only makes it worse

My OCD has never been this strong, it's so real, it feels like it will never go away, it's never been this strong for me and it's very scary.

rocd is really hard. and it’s hard to differentiate what you really feel based of what your ocd is making you feel or believe that you feel. but i think ive learned that a lot of my thoughts stem from real thoughts but ocd just exaggerates them into something they’re completely not. i will have a genuine thought about my boyfriend and how i wish he did something a little differently one time and my ocd will immediately twist it into, “oh you want to change him, you don’t love him for who he is, you like his potential not him” and i KNOW that’s not true. but ocd obviously will make me go crazy about it in the moment. and it’s obviously draining. i have a coworker that is the center around by rocd a lot of the time and it has to do with how i think he’s attractive, yeah he’s attractive and a good friend!!!! but that’s all!!!! i know that even if im in a relationship my eyes aren’t closed and im gonna find people attractive. but i can find people attractive and have it mean nothing!!! but my ocd will twist it. “you like him and not your partner” “you wish it was him and not your partner” when i have a negative thought about my partner, this coworker will pop up and my OCD will be like “it’d be better with him right?” “am i settling for my boyfriend?” “does my coworker have more potential?” and it’s so draining… i admire my coworker but i don’t want to pursue him romantically. i know from the bottom of my heart that my boyfriend is who i want to be with. i have no doubt about it. but my ocd will say “unless you do and you’re suppressing it” and sometimes it’s like this nagging voice that attacks me when i know it isn’t true but despite me being able to differentiate what is ocd and what is me to some extent, that doesn’t make this any easier. my ocd will still make me question it all. this whole thing makes my relationship feel stressful and not peaceful. not really sure what to do as i move forward im just kinda figuring it out as i go.

I’m looking for support or advice from anyone who’s experienced something similar. I feel disconnected all the time, stuck in a fog of depersonalization and derealization. I’m terrified of losing touch with reality—I avoid watching TV because I’m afraid I’ll think the characters are talking to me, and I constantly monitor my thoughts, worrying I’ll hear voices. My thinking feels slower, scattered, and disorganized. Random words, phrases, or songs pop into my head, and I obsess over them. Even simple tasks or hobbies, like playing video games, feel unfamiliar and overwhelming. I’m having multiple panic attacks daily, with thoughts like, “This is it—I’m about to have a psychotic break.” I’m scared I’ll lose my mind, my relationships, and my ability to function. I’ve been prescribed Risperidone to help with the loud thoughts. Has anyone else experienced this? I’m really struggling to find hope

I can't take it anymore, my OCD is too strong, it's simply taking away my whole life's strength and my will to live, I just can't take it anymore, it's too strong, I can't live anymore

Idk with my soocd it’s weird lately. Before I was able to enjoy all manners of queer content. Lesbian, gay, trans, bi etc. I am bi so yippee right? But lately I’m so scared to interact with lesbian only media or books or smthn cuz I’m worried it’ll make me realize I’m gay and abandon all attraction to men including my bf which doesn’t feel right and I feel bad about it. I haven’t watched anything queer lately really, minus squid game s2. I might watch drag race cuz I love drag race. I haven’t rewatched good omens in a bit both cuz of Neil being.. bad and a little bit Maggie and Nina. Idk. It sounds homophobic and I can kinda laugh at it but I’m worried it’s true. I’m worried I’m gonna relate to much and that must mean OOP GUESS IM A LESBIAN! Which no hate, love women but I love my bf. And I wanna stay with him. I’m worried about seeing a representation of comphet or smthn and realizing oh shit that’s me. I’ve avoided I saw the tv glow for the same reason cuz one of the characters is a lesbian. I follow a few lesbian couples and I’m happy for them, idk if that’s an exposure. I’m worried about everything honestly. Sometimes I feel like I’m just in denial. This is one of those moments where the anxiety isn’t super high and I feel half normal. I keep getting this thought in my head “if you didn’t have your bf you’d be gay” which idk if that’s true. I have been so deep in obsessions I feel no attraction to other men but I’m analyzing anyways. Even before this set in I didn’t look at other guys or anyone really cuz.. I have a bf. I’m worried I’m that delayed person who keeps denying and denying but I’m not denying shit. I like men, more specifically my bf. I’m just not one to be all fangirly tbh unless it’s a character or actor I really like. Idk. If anyone has advice pls hand it over cuz I just wanna love my bf in peace cuz I do love him a lot I just can’t feel it cuz I’m so depressed lately. And obsessive.