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the NOCD Community

Can having socd make you lose attraction. I have never be the girl to obsess or chase after boys does that mean I’m gay. I had crushes on them but I would rather die then have them know I like them. Plus I knew they were out of my league so even if they did like me I feel like I would say no for some reason. I have been single all my life and thinking of being in a relationship feels so weird and scary and foreign. Like I feel like I won’t be in a relationship. I won’t look good with anyone or I will feel like an imposter. Idk how to explain it. I want to feel love but all this is making me feel like I never will.

The things that used to make me happy? The things that used to make me sad? I don't know how to connect with those anymore. I used to be happy just looking at the sunset and nature, I loved being present in the moment but now being present in the moment is scary because now I'm faced with my thoughts and new potential ones so I'd rather distract myself. I love kballads and I used to listen to them and just cry and be happy because they sound so beautiful but now I can't embrace these things that feel like beauty because I feel like the exact opposite. The only things I can enjoy are K-drama's! But I can't watch things with kids in it. So yah that's tricky! And the things that make me sad?! Well I used to be sad and terrified about loosing my loved ones but now it's a different kind of sad. I used to be sad because of miss them and all that but now I'm scared of facing now messed up my emotions have become. I'm scared of loosing someone I love and then not being able to feel sad because I'm just numb, or even worse...if it becomes something I'm okay with or what if OCD convinces me that I'm happy about it because honestly it would be weird moving around the world with such emotions. So not only has OCD made it hard for me to enjoy the good things but also hard for me to feel sad about the sad things or just to put it short...to experience emotions normally.

Hi everyone I’m new here and well today was a very hard day for me… so a couple months ago out of no where my brain just went poof literally to not get so much into detail I experienced a lot of things but during that whole process I developed intrusive thoughts of hurting my self or others its been going on since December I knew someThing was off so I went for professional help Ive been working very hard in recovering now those intrusive thoughts aren’t the problem as much because I figured out what was the trigger (I think) but now it’s more obsessing over religion and spirituality and what’s real and what’s not and it makes me panic and creates panic attacks and just kind of makes my episodes a lot worst… so I would like to know if anyone has experienced this? How do get through it? How do you talk yourself out of it?

I’ve noticed this new obsession with having to pee right before bed, like even if I have to pee a little I can’t fall asleep until my bladder is completely empty. Anyone else have a problem like this or knows how to cope?

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

I have been struggling today, most likely due to lack of sleep. I had a thought that I would consider intrusive, but what really unsettled me was that I felt like I liked it, **not just in the sense that I lacked anxiety over it, but that I genuinely felt like I wanted it.** It left me feeling really confused. It happened during intimacy, which makes it even more unsettling. The thought was incestuous, I found myself imagining and comparing the moment with my boyfriend to my father :/, and what really alarms me is that I felt like I wanted it there, both mentally and physically. I was having a really nice time, so maybe the physical sensations got mixed in somehow, but it still worries me. I did my best not to ruminate in the moment and avoided checking. I tried to move on, but the feeling of genuinely liking the thought was so clear that it is hard to shake off. Has anyone else experienced something similar? This is one of the first times it has ever happened to this extent.

Was just remembering and ruminating on extremely traumatic and disturbing drawings I looked at as a teen. I'm trying to move past it because I cannot go back and unsee what I've seen, it's so difficult though. Feeling like people would look at me with disgust and I don't deserve the love that I crave desperately.

I can’t come to terms with script writing my worst fears coming true. Especially when they are in relation to harm. Those thoughts attack my son and those that I hold the closet to my heart. It honestly makes my anxiety so bad just thinking about it. Or going along with a thought like “Oh yeah I’m totally going to do that”. It just in turn makes me feel like I’m agreeing with the thought. I’m having so much conflicting feelings/thoughts in terms of ERP at this point.

this is me being very vulnerable today. i’m struggling with thoughts of my abortion i had 2 years ago. i was 11 weeks pregnant. it was a very difficult decision and a very hard time mentally for me , as the guy i was with was very controlling. i was on and off with him all through high school and we dated on and off as well then we moved in together , i got pregnant almost immediately after we moved in together. it’s something i never seem to have healed from nor have i spoke to a professional about my grief due to it either. i had the abortion with a previous boyfriend and now that im in a new relationship its hard to talk about it so i don’t bring it up because i don’t want him to think i still want my ex. i’m having lots of negative thoughts and emotions today and feel like id be better off gone. i keep telling myself it’s better to regret not having kids then to regret having them. my minds just all over the place , i’m all flustered, i feel sick and sweaty and just not myself at all today. just need someone to talk to…

Hey, I’ve been trying to grow in my Catholic faith, but my ocd makes it very hard. I read a passage about a saint going through a great ordeal and start panicking that I need to give up everything and be martyred painfully. I seem to always hyperfocus on unhelpful book passages that make me afraid of God and see Him as a tyrant. I admire those who can read others words on faith, but I get suicidal, self harm, or turn away from God because I get sucked in so deep. That’s the obsessive part of ocd. Do you have any tips on how to get past this?

Hi everyone, My name is Trevin (24,male,he/him) and I’m new to this app and this is my first post. Here’s how I’m feeling today: OCD frustrates the hell out of me. Mostly when it becomes hard for me to comprehend. A few weeks ago I had convinced myself I have Huntington’s Disease (or will have it in the future). I was reading symptoms that overlap with how I was feeling at that time, and started drawing connections to my life. Some large connections, like my grandma who has parkinson’s, and my psychiatrist augmenting my SSRI with memantine, fixating on “what it means” for me, a young, healthyish individual to be on an “old person” drug. Some longshot connections linked to Huntington’s, like my above average intelligence and large head size. Each symptom I found that “clicked” my OCD made the anxiety ramp up. I shut this down fairly quickly as I could tell it was unrealistic and it felt very clearly that it was OCD. However, on days like today, my OCD is a much more undefeated beast, not dissimilar to a Rancor. Unfortunately I am not a Jedi. Today, my OCD just feels like nothing feels right. I feel like my entire perception of the world is different today. I’m drowning in it. The sky looks different, the coldness against my skin feels more piercing than it normally would. My thoughts just feel like a whirlpool, like I can’t place a finger on a single thought I have. They are moving fast and swirling like a galactic orb or nebula. Everything just feels “off”. And that makes me frustrated and angry. I feel like I have no control of myself. TLDR; I fucking hate this disorder. And I hate its name too. More often than not, I don’t feel like I have an obsession or compulsion. It’s just a feeling or perspective distortion. Maybe a better name for OCD is Control & Doubt Disorder, or Obsessional Uncertainty Disorder. I hate searching OCD online and it simplifying the hell out of it: “Obsessions that lead to compulsions”. Girl, I wish it was that fucking cut and dry and easy to delineate. I still insist to my psychiatrist that I have a different disorder in addition to OCD, because what I feel doesn’t “feel” like OCD. They, of course, insists that this is OCD about OCD. Ugh, frustrated, whatever :P Thanks for reading 🫶🏻

Suddenly I started ruminating again but I no longer get bad anxiety over the thoughts but it feels like the ‘urges’ are still there and it’s making it seem more real that these are true. Why am I having urges without the anxiety or it’s weird like i don’t even know when im anxious maybe i got use to the feeling of being anxious but it feels too real and I get these weird thought that are like ‘imagine you was evil anyways’ or ‘imagine you want to be but your in denial’ or the worst makes it feel like you would like acting on the thoughts even if you choose not to do it and it feels really real. The thoughts are about stabbing and it felt so real and I started imaging it on purpose to ‘test’ myself but it doesn’t ever feel like I hate it enough or don’t want it like I feel numb to everything and it feels really real like I want it or do want to do it but I’m just choosing not to and it’s scary but I use to get so much anxiety over this and now nothing now it feels like I don’t even feel like I ‘hate’ it or I should know that I don’t want to do that? Instead of sitting there experimenting with the thoughts to see. I want it to feel like I don’t want it and don’t like it I constantly feel like I’m lying about not wanting this, but it’s concerning me a lot because it feels so real that I like it or want it and there was one point where it felt like it was about to happen and that I wanted it and now that’s made me think there is something wrong with me or that I want to give in to it 🙁 please I don’t belive anything I don’t even belive I am sad it feels so real that it was about to happen or I wanted it and I don’t know what to do I was fine before and suddenly I started ruminating and now this

Tmi warning I was being intimate with my bf and I kept getting the name of someone else pop up, but I didn’t feel anxious. Afterwards, as much as I tried to delay confessing, I couldn’t help it. I confessed. My bf was fine he said I probably didn’t feel anxious because I’ve gotten used to the anxiety and it’s okay, it doesn’t define me any more than it would if I was anxious. A few minutes later, he got upset and said that the confession kinda ruined a blissful moment. I’m so upset that my head feels so turbulent I didn’t even notice it was a blissful moment for him and could’ve been for me. I feel so awful. I haven’t slept in a day, I can’t stop crying. My bf is afraid that because this specific name keeps popping up, it might mean something and he feels less than sometimes because of it. I know I shouldn’t have confessed but I felt so safe that it was like a dam broke loose. I feel so awful. What’s worse is that I’m still scared it means something, I’m scared that my boyfriend’s fear is right. He’s very understanding of OCD and how it manifests in me and everything, I think I just kinda messed up a sacred moment and I feel so much guilt and confusion and just horrendous. I’m not even fully anxious. I don’t know what to do. I apologized a lot but I feel like I don’t deserve him and so selfish

Hello everyone! Me and my fiancé are planning to have a child and my fear is that like what if I think something bad during intimate time and those thoughts are what comes up when I see my child. Something like that. I know it’s not true and I know I didn’t have another person in mind or anything like that in my head. But now I’m having thoughts about like abortion or a plan b pill and I don’t want that. Any advice? I feel super guilty

I used to always think that my partner used to cheating with me. I do doubt her even though she always clear that she used to love me. She clear that she is not cheating with me and she is busy for her job. That's running our relation. Sometime i thought i should break-up or block her from every where. I feel pressure, anxiety and didn’t proper sleep. What should i do now from recover myself from this? I do overthink about this and it's always negative.

Last night I was closing the store just like every other night. It was really late and I take public transportation, and I’m not comfortable taking the train alone as a young female late at night, so I take the bus. This bus comes just after my shift ends and whenever I ask to leave a bit early for my safety all the other managers say it’s okay. Except last night apparently. The manager I had was picking apart everything I did that day and giving me so much disrespect and attitude. I take it every time because I can’t afford to stick up for myself. She gave me permission to leave early and when I was about to step out she told me I needed to do more shit because I didn’t do enough during the day(I did my best). I stared tearing up because I got really bad images of me getting assaulted on the train or like me getting stabbed or something like that.(I live in a big city and crime on trains is too often). I even stared thinking of what to say to doctors and nurses about what happened and why I got hurt. To top it off she took away the days I was supposed to work this week. I hate retail. One day I’ll be able to afford school and work for respect in a field I love.

Okay so, this is gonna be very detailed because it's a lot. I have a friend that going to be in China for an exchange program and that's obviously amazing! But...I got super jealous because my biggest dream is to live in an Asian country but as I always do when I feel jealousy instead of letting it consume me I tell the person I'm jealous of so that I can ensure it doesn't feel odd carrying around jealousy that they know nothing about if that makes sense. And so I tell him and he brushes it off, but the jealousy stays with me. I've also been having some harm OCD thoughts beforehand so the two thoughts merged and I thought of horrendous thoughts it's so scary cause these thoughts are not just intrusive, they have a meaning attached to them😭. Back in the day I'd get jealous and it would be just that...no harmful thoughts towards the other person but just because I've been in an OCD rut I have actually been unable to feel negative emotions anymore without them having to be tainted with harmful thoughts towards others or myself honestly like wth😭! I hate this! What do y'all do with intense jealousy??

What kind of provider evaluates and treats tic or movement disorders tied in some way (not necessarily causal, but correlated) to OCD, trauma, or other mental/emotional distress? Some specific kind of psychiatrist? A neurologist? I tagged somatic and health themes for this post, but I'm not sure if either actually applies, or if this is an empirically separate set of symptoms for me--that's a question I would save for this kind of specialist, lol

I just left my apartment and was heading out ,when a guy who was black poked his head out of the elevator and scared me by accident. I immediately apologized bc i think i jumped or gasped a little. Then i was like 'what if he thinks I'm racist if I take the stairs like i usually do instead of the elevator ' bc i usually take the stairs since I'm on the 2nd floor. I went over and tried to go in the elevator but it was already closing. So he awkwardly held it open and I apologized again. I stood in the elevator and I think he took a step away from me. I'm scared i was racist somehow and it felt rly awkward overall.

venting cause im tired of this: sorry for yelling it’s for emphasis, HAVE ANY OF MY FREAKOUTS CAUSED BY OCD ACTUALLY HELPED ME?? PROBABLY NOT? (no seriously they havnt this is exposure therapy now I ain’t reassuring myself) HAVE THEY MADE ME SLEEP DEPRIVED? YES HAVE THEY MADE MY HANDS CRACK AND BLEED FOR YEARS? YES (ouch currently can’t even move my hands without them cracking open) HAVE THEY MADE ME TAKE WAY TO MANY SHOWERS TO THE POINT MY HAIR IS LIKE STRAW? YES HAVE THEY MADE ME LOST WITHIN MY SELF AND RUIN RELATIONSHIPS? YES :( HAVE THEY MADE ME AVOID AREAS OF MY NICE HOME? YES (double sucks cause i only moved late last year) legit in the last couple of months i thought i had could have tetanus, insecticide poisoning, mould in my hair and bed, that somehow bleach and alcohol or ammonia got mixed and i made a toxic gas (I don’t even own bleach etc) thrown out towels and clothes and so so much more. just wtf is ocd, why? Why does it do this?? Surely people without ocd are just wondering what they’ll have for lunch or something?? NOT OMG ITS GOT MOULD ITS SPREAD EVERYWHERE. I’m so tired, just want to live life without being terrified all the time. Please join in with what you’re over with when it comes to OCD, it’s good to vent sometimes.