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Can harm ocd thoughts appear like “i want” or “im going to” someone please lmk if they experienced this 😣

Hey all, I've been okay for a while, but today I'm having a hard time with my sexually-themed false memory thoughts and the compulsion to try and "figure it out". While I've learned enough over time that "figuring it out" doesn't work, I'm just feeling extra overwhelmed today. Stuff that happened over 7 years ago is really getting to me, I'm in this limbo state just sitting here with it all but... ...anyone have any general tips for false-memory OCD?

this is random but i have slightly wavy hair 🧍‍♀️but i straighten it before school every single day, and if i dont- i will NOT go. I dont even hate my natural hair and i go out with it all the time in places that arent school- but SCHOOL. I physically will not enter the school if i have not straightened my hair… and if i mid day in school see that my hair has even one wave or slight frizziness i feel this whack of anxiety and suddenly i cant breathe i wanna leave and go home. Just now my dad told me id have to walk to school tomorrow- I CANT do that. Walking after school is fine like idc if my hair gets frizzy after school… but TO school- no… like it genuinely triggers such intense anxiety in me and i cant walk to school because i convince myself (bc its pretty much true) that if i walk to school with my straightened hair its going to get all wavy and frizzy and the thought of going to school like that makes me physically unable to breathe. Idk if this is a compulsion or not.

What is motivating you to keep pushing in treatment or to take the first step to start ERP treatment? For my OCD treatment, I wanted to feel more present in what I was doing and I wanted to live a life that aligned to what was important to me. I love to golf, fish, be out nature, walk my dogs, read, listen to music, and eat some good food! When I was in ERP treatment, I made sure to align my treatment to my values! I would construct exposures that were valued based which really motivated me to keep go towards my goals! What is your motivation?

I have a fear that i intentionally put a thought of my baby girl in my head during sex.. i dont know what happened anymore, was that intrusive, what happened at all, i just cant remember, everything is fuzzy... Only thing i know for sure is that i dont feel anything sexual towards my daughter and that is the only thing im certain of... Anyone had similiar experience and what has helped you move on? Im stuck with this terrible feelings for 5 days now..

i’m back in a cycle of having harm related OCD thoughts and feelings and urges and i get these episodes where it’s like i’m disassociating and feel like i’m about to snap and go crazy violent. does anyone else experience this? i need help

I just got broken up with 13 days ago after 5 months super unexpectedly for no reason other then he needs to work on himself. That night i was really alone because my parents told me he was a good influence on me and my friends weren’t so i had no one. I added this guy on Snapchat that same night and we’ve texted and called every night since. We met 3 days ago and it went really good. We were both nervous but both talked about the next one and how we both had fun. Last night he went to bed without even a goodnight or any talking that whole day but apologized and said goodmorning this morning. Then tonight he randomly sends a paragraph saying he doesn’t think it’s going to work. When i asked why he said “Idk our personalities are just a bit different and idk if I’m really ready to be in a relationship”. It makes sense i guess but I’m really struggling with the fact that my last relationship said that exact same thing and i can’t help but think there has to be something wrong with me. I never cheated or did anything that could’ve upset either of them. I’m 17 and i really feel like i should just stop trying for a relationship but no one is giving me any kind of advice so I’ve just been over thinking all of it. Any past relationship I’ve gotten over by meeting someone new but I don’t know how to “work on myself”. I really think I have a fear of being alone. Please help!

my grades are super bad, my ex moved on, i have no real friends at all, and i feel empty inside. i feel nothing but i feel so many emotions at the same time. i wish i would’ve done better in life. i push people away but then complain about being lonely. me and my ex broke up 8 months ago and i still can’t get over him. he got a girlfriend a week after our breakup and it makes me think about so many things. i’ve talked to guys after that but none of them are the same, i got this feeling with him i got with nobody else and it hurts to know i won’t ever get it back. i feel like im not good or pretty enough for anyone. i feel to difficult for a relationship and to tired. i compare myself to his new girlfriend all the time and i can’t stop. why can’t i be as pretty as her? what was so wrong with me that we had to stop talking? we talk every month as friends but it lasts an hour. my heart craves his love again but i know i won’t ever get him back. i remember this one time i tried cutting off all contact with him because of his girlfriend. when i did, he said he didn’t wanna fully let me go because im a good friend to keep around and he knows ill always be there. i don’t know if he still means that because it’s been months but he still texts me first sometimes. i know i need to let go but im stuck in life and i just need him to help me like he always would. but i cant get his help so i feel stuck and confused and sad and empty.

Have been struggling with somatic breathing ocd. I start feeling like I can’t breathe and start feeling faint. I have a performance this weekend and my biggest fear is that I won’t be able to sing. I worry that I’m not gonna be able to perform cause it also causes a wave of fear and I’m scared I’m gonna feel too faint where I’m gonna have to go run off stage. I start hyperventilating and I don’t know how to stop it. My mind just makes me aware and then I eventually start hyperventilating. Any tips? I’ve tried just acknowledging it but it hasn’t helped the hyperventilating much. Any tips please? I have to go on stage for tech in 50 mins

Have any of you ever felt like God is perfectly capable of helping you with your mental health, but just chooses not to for some reason, and so you get angry and frustrated? Bc I feel that way sometimes, but i don’t stay mad for too long. But whenever i’m not frustrated, i’m just feeling hopeless, like why is this going on?

I was just thinking about how OCD tries to be tricky and switches themes on us!! The amount of times I have said to myself in the past, IF ONLY I HAD THE OLDER THEME I USE TO WORRY ABOUT BECAUSE THIS NEW ONE IS SO MUCH WORSE!!! Has anyone ever experienced this before? Once I started ERP therapy, I began to really start understanding what mental/physical compulsions I was doing to really keep my OCD alive! While I did this, I would also tap into my self-compassion bucket, even when it felt like it was dry at times, because it was SO easy to judge myself for because of the sheer presence of my thoughts. I would also have the most self-compassion for myself for those taboo intrusive thoughts that really felt so strong, ego-dystonic and real!!! My OCD would hop around from theme to theme and just when I thought I figured it out (compulsion) it would hop again and make me discouraged! I noticed for me that once I really understood my compulsions, it didn't matter when the theme switched as I could tackle it at its core. If I was able to stay steadfast and resist compulsions the best I could, I started to notice that my CONFIDENCE increased in the long run! I also noticed that some of the core fears were the same for different OCD subtypes. OCD treatment is hard BUT living with OCD is harder. I have experienced subtypes including Harm OCD, ROCD, Moral Scrupulosity, Sensorimotor, Contamination, Perfectionism/Just Right, Hit and Run, Magical Thinking, Real Event/False Memory. ERP therapy allowed me to really work on stopping these compulsions and switching from theme to theme. I was fed up with what OCD took from me and I needed to do something about it. I talked to an ERP therapist and it was one of the best decisions of my life. If you are struggling, keep pushing and get the help you deserve!! You got this!!!

I was prescribed buspar for anxiety. I’m worried that the psychiatrist didn’t fully understand that the more triggering feelings of anxiety come from the feelings i get mentally. I just kind of wonder from a professional what Buspar does. Google scares me I don’t know what the facts are and I just need some facts.

TW: themes of sexual abuse, exploitation, etc Hello I am feeling a bit distressed today. I realized I have pretty “sex negative” views which I feel like many stem from OCD and trauma. Some of my feelings are good and I would argue most stem from a healthy place but I feel like they impact my life and emotional state on an unhealthy level. For example feel VERY strongly about CSA, rape, sexual exploitation of any kind, unethical sex etc. I have a strong pattern recognization ability and see how so many things people deem as “sex positive” (porn, onlyfans, casual sex etc) have a net negative effect on society (abuse, cheating, stds, etc) I think a good amount of the population agrees with these values so I don’t feel alone in that but I feel like I spend so much time being sad over these things. I used to listen to a lot of sexual music growing up (mainly mainstream pop like Ke$ha and Rihanna) and then in my teens I listened to a lot of rap. I noticed how this made me sexualize myself growing up which makes me very uncomfortable and sad. Another thing which makes me sad is how so much of the population was exposed to pornography at a young age. I recently was at a estate sale and there were old playboy magazines and this man was showing his son who looked to be about 9 the magazines and it made me so uncomfortable because that’s grooming and abuse. I didn’t know what to do so I just said “ew” but I still feel guilty I did not do anything more. I just don’t know how to cope with these feelings. I am also Catholic and the abuse crisis has deeply impacted my ability to practice my faith. Two priests whom were close to my family got exposed for sexually abusing children. This is a big reason I have not been able to go to confession (which leads me to being unable to receive the Eucharist, which is a big deal). I constantly obsess over the fact I won’t be able to tell who is a sexual predator and it brings me great distress. Also, sexual music, sex scenes in movies, sexual jokes etc all make me deeply uncomfortable. Hearing about my friend’s sexual lives also makes me very uncomfortable and sad for them, in a way, if I deem their experiences unethical. I feel very upset when people sexualize themselves. I also hate when I experience sexual feelings myself and often find myself wishing I was asexual even though I wish to get married and be a mother. I feel judged by society for being a “prude” “puritanical” etc which feels incredibly invalidating as a lot of my trauma involves exploitation under the guise of “liberation” I don’t really know where I’m going here I think I just want to know if anyone feels similarly. I don’t find many people with views and feelings similar to myself. A lot of people online who I feel like my views overlap with (other Catholics, radical feminists, etc) have views which stem from a lot of judgement and hate whereas I feel like I just want everyone to be safe and happy. I think a lot of my feelings stem from my trauma but obsessions from OCD? For my other forms of OCD (contamination, harm, etc) I feel like exposure therapy helps but I don’t know how I’d go about exposure therapy with this then without further causing more distress. I feel very nervous opening up with anyone about this theme. If you read to the end thank you so much❤️‍🩹 I am sorry if this post was triggering at all to anyone else I just didn’t know where to go to open up about this :(

Hey everyone, I wanted to come on here today to just share this post because I’ve been struggling with this recently. I just wanna know if this is a common thing in relationship OCD. So last Friday me and my boyfriend had a conversation that was important, and my emotions were high and I got a little emotional about something he said and we had a long talk about it, the conversation went great and afterwards everything was okay. On Saturday I was so excited to see him after work and I was overflowing with feelings of happiness and excitement. Sunday was great and we stayed on FaceTime just enjoying the day together after he went home that morning, and then came Monday. I remember getting a thought like this, “What if I’m losing feelings for him and I’m just leading him on?” And even this thought, “I don’t really feel anything towards him right now, does that mean I fell out of love with him?” And then the anxiety came, I could literally feel myself breaking out in cold sweats and I could feel the pain in my chest after these thoughts crossed my mind. But what bothers me so much about this is on Saturday and Sunday I felt so content and happy with him and I was so happy and I didn’t have any anxiety whatsoever, and then Monday came, and I had those thoughts and I feel almost numb and I can’t feel anything else except the feelings of worry and fear and my anxiety has been at a all-time high and I keep feeling this pain of guilt and hurt in my chest and I just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced the same. Because personally one thing I hate is that one day I can be so happy and energetic and then the next day I can feel numb and feel absolutely nothing towards my boyfriend. I’m not sure if this can correlate with my menstrual cycle as well, but I’ve heard that that can also make your relationship OCD worse and cause you to feel differently about your partner. Just wanting to see if anyone has dealt with the same!

♦️Long post alert!!♦️ I had been meetin a guy for 1 year, meeting in the sense- we had regular chats on messenger, sometimes we had coffees and meals together at restaurants. We attended the same university club, so we had meetings and conversation there as well. Thus we grew quite close relationship, however none of us expressed our feelings yet. At the end of that year, analyzing all his behaviours, treatments towards me, my friends and even his friends-it seemed I won't like to extend this relationship into a committed one. I mean though I had grown lingering feelings towards him, I would stop it here and won't let it rise anymore. I guessed reducing chat and not meeting him often would make him distant from me. I knew he will definitely inquery me of what's the matter, what's wrong with me. But i didn't want to mention his shortcomings are the reason for it because I didn't want to hurt him or loosen up his confidence. So I was looking for an excuse which will be believable as well as not realated to him. Luckily i already had a valid reason, which was not related to him too. I was going through a big OCD relapse. At that time I really wanted to keep myself distant from anyone around me. I didn't want to talk to my friends either. So,I put forward this reason for not wanting to talk much often like before. But he was overwhelmed by my sudden change of behaviour. May be he had sensed something is off. It's not all about my OCD relapse. However I avoided chat with him as much as possible for the next 1.5 years (2020 and 2021). Not meeting him physically was also easy since it was covid and lockdown period. But suddenly one day he posted a very heartwrenching poem where he described how much he was missing me and suffering from the distance. This triggered immense guilt within me for raising his hope once (by doing all those flirty conversation over the last year). I was engulfed in the thought how I can make him move on and free from the feelings towards me. And what seemed a good way at that time was,to make me a 'nasty person' before him. So I told him, all those flirty talks that i used to do 2 years ago was because I wanted a casual relationship, nothing serious. I wanted physical relationship. But when i understood you were not after physical relation, rather you were searchin for true love, i discontinued to flirt with you, stopped talking in a cheesy way. He was in utmost shock, don't know how much of his feelings has been decrrased towards me, if i am successful or not. 2 years have passed since I told him those words. When I shared this story with one of my former therapists (not from NOCD), se told me,"Your lies would imply to him that, girls won't love him if he doesn't offer them sex. So in his further relations he might pressurize the girl to initiate a physical relationship. You need to tell him the truth that you had feelings for him but later you felt he is not the right person". This words have come as a terrifying fact to me.on one hand, I don't want any girl to be abused by him when i am the person who is the root cause behind this abuse.. Because I am the person who implied some false messages (though unintentionally) to that guy. I really don't want that. On the other hand, it's already been about 2 years since i told him those words. If i again tell him, those were lies too, now this is the truth that I had feelings and all that... he won't stand still. He would get another shock and i will be embarrased horribly. Also i am confused, whether my words really imply to a boy that girls won't love him if he doesn't involve in sex? Do my words invoke abuse by hin to other girls? I just wanted to make myself a nasty girl to him, don't my words imply this?

So I dealt with something a couple weeks ago that's caused me DEBILITATING anxiety. I just want to know if this follows the OCD pattern. I talked with my therapist and she confused me. Just say if follows along the OCD pattern or not. I don't need reassurance per se! My daughter was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt her that I might as well do something else to hurt because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it because my mind told me I had hurt her already ("my mind literally made me question what to do and I guess the only thing I could come up with was using my elbow) and causing another feeling but it came across my mind to elbow her, and I elbowed her crotch or side/thigh area. Which caused another very unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out. And I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be hers anymore. I was doing SO well! Is this really the POCD I was diagnosed with?

So recently my mind is trying to make me feel like I accept the thoughts, like I'm ok with for example loving X person. After I get a thought like that and I realize it I get anxious and, like right now, I cry for 1 hour+ on the bathroom floor. I feel exhausted and I want to know if I'm the only one having this.

Little Q&A since I see a lot of people on here asking questions! Note: I won’t provide reassurance since this just feeds OCD and keeps you in the loop!

One acronym that really helped me when I was in ERP treatment for my own OCD treatment was CARDS. There are many versions of this but I wanted something more personal to my OCD symptoms - you can create one as well to help you identify compulsions! If I was experiencing intrusive thoughts, images, urges, sensations, I would see if any of the physical and mental rituals I was doing fell under this umbrella of compulsions and safety behaviors - CHECKING, AVOIDANCE, RUMINATION,, DISTRACTION, AND SEEKING REASSURANCE. If I was doing any of these in response to obsessions, I knew I was making the OCD stronger. When I was in treatment and even to this day, I continue to identify my CARDS and resist these the best I can while re-engaging in what is meaningful to me. This is not always easy and sometimes delaying and postponing compulsions can still be really effective. Identifying compulsions was HUGE for my treatment as I looked at it as a way to start seeing how OCD was trying to call the shots. Once I was able to identify all of my compulsions, the next step was making a plan to either delay, postpone, or fully resist them under the help of a trained ERP therapist. OCD tries to bother me during times of stress, lack of sleep, too much caffeine, life transitions, vacations, down time, etc. but if I am aware of my CARDS, OCD gets bored and leaves me alone because he knows I am not falling for his tricks. From one OCD warrior to another, KEEP PUSHING and get the help you deserve!! If I can do it, you can do it!!

Any tips on how to deal with the rollercoaster of good and bad days with OCD? I had such a good day yesterday with tackling my compulsions and rumination. I tend to get up in the mornings and my OCD loves to start immediately. It becomes frustrating when you feel like you made progress, only to go right back to where you were. Any positive encouragement of how you’ve dealt with this would be appreciated!