Welcome to
the NOCD Community

TW So any feeling of attraction towards prepubescent kids is considered pedophilia right? So I cannot feel any attraction towards kids or I’ll be a pedo right?

I am struggling to live life and do my ERPs. I am taking medication and doing ERP still along with therapy (had 10+ years of PTSD therapy). I don't have anything to look forward to. I've accomplished a lot in life but they don't matter to me anymore. There's little to no reward or there's stimuli of feeling or being treated badly even if I did good. Coping skills have become maladaptive. My values have changed and there is nothing I really want but my ex for the past years. ROCD is making my body react as if I am unable to be happy without my ex. He helped me through hard times and heal from trauma, but he was his own mess of trauma that I could not heal (he needs a real therapist and to go consistently). Yet when I was with him ROCD (didn't know about it at the time) kept telling me to leave from his unreasonable actions. Hard time sitting in limbo as I'm unable to decide and hard to keep doing nothing without something to look forward in life. I feel self abandonment whether I go back to him or stay away. I want to be able to live with myself even if I'll never end up with anyone. I hate not doing something of self care or feeling anything but apathy or worse every day despite doing things anyways. I worked hard to get safe only to have no joy in life anymore.

I’ve given up with the confessing. I feel so drained and irredeemable that why even confess anymore? I don’t know if this is a good thing. On paper, it looks great. My bf thinks I’m better, but I feel like I’m dying. The attraction, arousal, urges, compulsions are all getting so much stronger. I feel like I’m embracing a monster. The POCD is driving me mad. I genuinely cannot see kids anymore because it’s immediate checking compulsions and intrusions. I need help. Has anyone gotten to this point and made it back to “normal”? I feel like a pedophile who is simply ashamed of being one.

I. Was so afraid to have sex with my husband. This is making me so afraid that im gay. I feel sexual attraction to men. I don’t know what’s going on. Has this happened to anyone?

My biggest is ruminating, i talk and talk and over share with myself and others Like what are some exposures?

Anyone with pocd in the subset of teens/ fear of being attracted to teens have any advice? I never see anyone talking about it and it’s making me go a lil cray lmao

I’m finding this a great app. Is there any recommendation for how often it should be visited? Like not asking for a specific amount of time or whatever, I just find that maybe I shouldn’t always be reading stuff on the topic? Anyone have a balance they recommend?

i have what i think is rocd, at least many people here told me i do. im going through the worst period ever, my thoughts feel real, i feel like i dont have any feelings for my boyfriend, that i am in denial , that i am a liar, i cant remember how it feels like to love him, my memories with him are distorted. I feel like i never loved him and i was just coping , acting like i do because i could not accept the reality. I see many people saying that once they are with their partner they feel better but it dosent help, when i am with him i still have thoughts and horible feelings. i dont know what to do anymore. I have this problem for over a year and a half, and rn it feels the worst ever. Everything feels urgent and terrifyingly real. I keep thinking that maybe when the thoughts first started, I actually realized I didn’t love him — but I kept saying “no, it can’t be, I love him,” just to deny the truth. And now I feel like I’m only holding on to a false idea I created in my head. I don’t feel love, just pressure, panic, and confusion. I told ChatGPT that I feel numb next to him, I can’t imagine a future with him, nothing feels like it used to, and I’m scared I was only ever excited about the idea of love — not him. Please, I just want this pain to stop.

Does anyone feel like they are stuck in place? I haven’t done anything besides lay in bed on my phone (if I’m not at work) for almost a year now. I have the desire to go out and be a part of the world, but I feel like my body is glued to my bed. I can’t motivate myself to get out of pajamas to go anywhere, and the entire time I’m out (even just at the store) I just want to be home in bed. I mainly just DoorDash food now, when I can convince myself to eat. I’m tired.

I asked my brother if I did something and he said no I don’t believe him I think he’s lying last night my mind was trying to convince me to do something to him like what if I did something in my sleep or we did something and I don’t remember it because I don’t remember anything my brother asked me this morning where is his iPad and I don’t remember him asking me that so that’s where I’m worried what if it’s the same I feel a sensation down there so I’m convinced I did something really bad

I'm 15 turning 16 soon and I'm 100 percent convinced I have ocd.. I have been having major symptoms since I was 13, the constant what ifs, rumination, compulsions, guilt, anxiety from intrusive thoughts. I tried to open up about it to my parents when i was 13 but they dismissed it cause they don't believe in mental health.. I really want to get better. My parents won't listen to me and I don't wanna tell a teacher at school cause that would make things worse as they would just tell my parents and obviously since I'm 15 I can't afford therapy.. I don't know what to do :(

Hi everyone! I’m feeling better today. I had a really bad flare yesterday, my husband really helped me calm down and fall asleep. However, if you have health OCD I feel like you probably shouldn’t read this post unless you are in a good head space. I do not have health OCD. So, I’ve been dealing with a lot of symptoms and health issues that have led me to alot of doctors visits, I have several different doctors that specialize in specific things and now go to an internal medicine doctor. My doctor thinks I have an autoimmune disease, so I’m running alot of tests for several different autoimmune conditions. My OCD has been dormant for a while. I would still deal with it sometimes, but it was way easier to manage. I’m not medicated for OCD. However, I do use arthritis cream and was prescribed muscle relaxers, I have not yet taken the muscle relaxers. So I had a really bad OCD flare last night, specifically Relationship OCD. My husband has just seen parole and I’m super excited for him to come home, but my OCD was trying to convince me otherwise. I also have a new nephew that was born on the 22nd. So I am out of state and was watching my niece for my sister in law. A lot of exciting things happening at once. I’m assuming that triggered my OCD. But I’ve been swelling in my face and dealing with a little bit of body pain as well. Autoimmune diseases come in flares like OCD. I have done some research on autoimmune diseases so I can know what I need to do in order to keep it under control if that’s what I do get diagnosed with. I learned that some autoimmune diseases are linked to OCD, or can even cause OCD because of inflammation in the brain. & It gave me a glimmer of hope honestly. Could my OCD have started because of an autoimmune disease? Could I get better by treating it? My OCD didn’t kick start until I was about 19. I am now 23. I did have symptoms of OCD at 17 though, I went through a period of time where I was compulsively praying and in a cycle of intense anxiety. So I probably had it since I was 17, but I don’t know. My symptoms of autoimmune disease didn’t start until about a year ago, but it could’ve been longer. I couldn’t get rid of a UTI I had for MONTHS & didn’t know why. I had to see a urologist, I was 21 when I kept getting UTI’s. I had to get a procedure done, I had pus build up in my urethra that was almost completely blocking off my urethra. I do not know how the infection got that severe.. especially because I took antibiotic after antibiotic. I felt like I’d get better for a few days, then boom…UTI symptoms once again. So.. that could’ve been the start of autoimmune symptoms. With an autoimmune disease, your immune system is pretty trash. You don’t fight off infections or illness as easy as others. I remember how I’d get sick after everyone else in the house would get sick, but I’d get it so much worse and have the illness for much longer than everyone else. Surprisingly enough, I never got COVID. My whole family had it & I didn’t get it. Unless I did and just didn’t have symptoms. Anyways, I never thought I would say this.. but I hope I do have an autoimmune disease that caused OCD so that I can treat the autoimmune disease and keep my OCD dormant for as long as possible. I forgot what it was like to deal with OCD.. it was so bad lastnight, I remember feeling that type of anxiety and it’s the worst.. 💔 If you took the time to read, thank you! I seem like a charity case lol.. I never thought by 23 years old I’d be like this.

idk why this is such a recurrent thing for me , I get so scared through the day when I’m not distracted when I think about psychosis. or being put in a mental hospital that it gives me bad anxiety, one time I had a panic attack at the thought of having it 💔 I can’t pin point if it’s intrusive thoughts because it’s a fear of mine .. or not. I think this is the worst thought / fear I have

-Partner and I are still together since I found out 1 year ago. -he has been actively working on himself and has gotten therapy, and really doing well. Has done everything I’ve asked, and he’s a better person from therapy -OCD has flared from this trauma -we have been in couples therapy, and I’m in individual. -lately have been struggling with the feeling of just not feeling like enough, insecure, and needing constant validation that he loves me I’m really just trying to seek support from others who have been through similar, and are still in the relationship. Please don’t be rude. You really don’t know what it’s like until it happens to you. I said before it happened to me I would leave anyone that did that, and you really just don’t know until you experience it.

I struggle to understand when a thought is an intuition or intrusive, especially with relationship OCD. My problem is I have a great intuition. There have been many times when I thought something that made me anxious, and said to myself “it’s only OCD”, but then that thought turned out to be true. But there have also been times when it turned out it was just OCD.

I'm posting something after a long. I have multiple Ocd themes and my main themes of sexual ocd is incest Ocd and Hocd and POCD has never been so active but today something happened that has been bothering me for a while. I was traveling in a bus and there I saw a kid/young teen. When I saw him, I instantly found him so attractive and then BOOM.. I started feeling like I'm attracted to him. I felt confused. I literally found him attractive and also thought that he would look really fine after growing up his face was so attractive but I don't want to be into him at all. I feel like I'm so much into him. I'm feeling very bothered by this feeling. I feel like I'm in denial and I should accept my attraction towards him. I don't want to feel this way at all. I don't understand what to do, how to figure out this feeling. I'm 99% sure that there was an underlying attraction I felt when I looked at him and realized that he is good looking. I feel like dying from inside and extremely confused. He's not in my bus now and I feel urges to just see him once to finally figure out that I'm into him or not but he is not here. I think I'm a pedophile which I don't want to be and everything is finished now, nothing would be same in my mind because I'm so paranoid and feeling like I'm into him. Please somebody help me and let me know if anyone of you has ever felt this way having POCD.

Yesterday I had a good day after I decided to not let any thought or feeling ruin my day. My intrusive thoughts and hyper awareness of consiousness/thinking was still there. But my day was more than okay. I even felt normal some moments of the day 🤓 Let’s do the same today. Lets live with the ocd instead of trying to escape it at all times.

Hi I’m currently undiagnosed but am so sick of the way I’m living that I’ve decided I seriously need to get help. I need advice on 1. How to tell my parents that I need help and 2. The process. The first part is hard because a couple years ago I talked to my mom about having OCD but she brushed it off and said “everyone has anxiety” so I just never brought it up again. I’m also a bit ashamed for some reason, I don’t know why, to bring it up to them and I feel scared. For the second part what’s the process of getting diagnosed and getting medication and therapy. Where do I get diagnosed and do I have to start therapy before getting medicated? Thanks so much for the help.

Do yall ever reread old texts from a toxic ex and try and “solve” stuff constantly? We ended things 4 months ago and every day I go through old texts trying to prove I wasn’t the bad one, make SURE she was toxic, “solve” a random toxic moment I remember and make sure I have ALL the details remembered accurately and that I’m not misremembering it. It’s like im still living in the relationship. It’s draining and will not stop. Is this an OCD thing? How is it fixed?

Why am I so curious about my bf’s sexual past … I know the amount of people he’s been with, but now I’m curious as to how many at one time. I don’t want to ask because if I know and it’s an answer I don’t like, it will break me. How do I get the urge to ask out of my head :/