Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I’ll be starting NOCD therapy on Monday, any words of advice?

Hi everyone. I’ve been struggling deeply with what I believe is ROCD for about a year and a half. I’ve read so much, I’ve learned about ERP, I know that I’m supposed to let the thoughts and feelings pass without reacting — but even knowing all of that, I feel stuck. More than stuck — I feel broken. Lately, I can’t stop thinking that maybe I never loved my boyfriend. That I only loved the idea of being in a relationship, and now I’m just trying to hold on to a fantasy. These thoughts feel incredibly real. When I’m next to him, kissing or cuddling him, I feel like I’m faking it. And that scares me. It feels like something inside me changed and I can’t go back. And now I can’t even remember what love felt like — it’s like I’ve lost myself completely. Yesterday was especially painful. I was overwhelmed and my mom, who usually notices when I’m not okay, tried to talk to me. She loves me a lot and has been carrying her own burdens lately. When she saw how much pain I was in, she reacted strongly — not because she doesn’t care, but because it hurts her to see me like this every day. She told me I might be lying to myself. That I’m hurting both myself and my boyfriend by holding on if I don’t feel love. She asked me to imagine what I would feel if he broke up with me — and I couldn’t answer. I froze. The thing is, I don’t know what I want anymore. I feel hopeless. I try to remember good memories and feel nothing. I used to cry when we said goodbye — now I feel numb. It makes me think that maybe I’ve always been in denial. That maybe everything I believed was love was just me forcing it. And yet… I still don’t want to lose him. But even that feeling feels far away now. These thoughts aren’t just whispers anymore. They feel like truths screaming in my head. “You don’t like him.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just used to him.” “It was all fake.” And I can’t stop ruminating. Every second of my day is consumed with doubt, fear, guilt, sadness, emptiness — and above all, confusion. I just want to know if anyone else has felt this. Felt like they were losing everything, like nothing feels real anymore, like they’re trying so hard to do the right thing and nothing works. I’m trying to sit with the feelings. I’m trying not to seek reassurance. But I also need support. I feel so alone in this. Thank you for reading.

What is the difference between a serial killer and. Harm oxd , we both get the same thoughts and urges. I’ve even seen serial killers cry

My mom is a kindergarten teacher, and today there was an active shooter at her elementary school during field day. Thank god no one got hurt, but a lot of children/teachers were left incredibly distressed, including my mom. This is my exact fear I’ve been dreading. I’ve been engaging in checking compulsions where I check my moms location every hour of every day. I’m pissed off about our gun laws for this exact reason. I’m so angry. Fortunately I do ERP, and it helps so much. However, what do you do if/when your ocd fears come true?

so I’ve been seeking therapy for my OCD for a few years. The theme that I’ve been dealing with most recently is the fear of becoming a pedophile, which then has led to intrusive images of me doing things to kids.Which now is just causing me so much distress and 24/7 constant thought cycle. I am starting to not be able to tell the difference between thoughts that are wanted/ unwanted- the line has become some blurry and these things are starting to feel like someothing i want to do. My brain keeps telling me to just test these thoughts and the “maybe”or”i don’t know” isn’t working. This has become such a barrier because the second layer is that I’m afraid that if I just let the thoughts be there it’ll make me be OK with doing those things and the fear is what’s keeping me from actually doing something inappropriate. It’s also transitioned into intrusive thoughts and images of me doing something very disgusting to my dog and that when I’m cuddling with him I get the thoughts to just do it or try it to see if i am actually a p*do. it’s almost like the compulsion would be to do the inappropriate thing, even though I know it’s wrong just to see how it would make me feel. I feel like i can’t control these urges even though i’ve never acted on it. At any point i could just do it. I’ve never had these thoughts before up until about a year and a half ago when my friend‘s boyfriend got arrested for soliciting a minor then all these thoughts came to life.Has anyone experienced something like this and have any advice?

I’m trying to do ERP therapy, but I keep thinking my subtype of ocd is the worst there ever is. I tried going on a walk tonight and the adrenaline in my body along with the shakes and the burning in my chest got so overwhelming. I felt like I was just about to lay down in the gutter along the sidewalk. I’m not trying to be super negative. I just don’t know what to do anymore. If it’s not one thing it’s another and I just wanna cry so bad and I want it to go away but it won’t I almost feel like I have to call a crisis line or something even right now while I’m writing this I’m crying so bad. I can’t enjoy a single thing. I joined a support group tonight, but I just feel like I feel so bad for everyone because of how awful it is. I know what I’m writing right now doesn’t make a lot of sense but I just don’t know what to do anymore. Part of me wants to quit ERP therapy so bad cause I don’t think it’s gonna ever help. if anyone has any advice or suggestions, that would be greatly appreciated.

I'm going to talk about something problematic I have noticed in regards to publicly available information about OCD. Almost all information about SO-OCD (sexual orientation OCD) is for straight people whose obsessions center around the fear that they are actually gay (This is also evident from the fact that SO-OCD was previously, and sometimes still is, known as H-OCD, or homosexuality OCD). Then there is a small fraction of information about gay people who fear that they are actually straight. So far, I have seen almost nothing about bi+ (including bi, pan, omni, poly, queer, etc.) individuals who have obsessive doubts about their orientations. I am a bisexual woman (but I have a preference for women, so I often just say that I'm gay). I have an OCD diagnosis, originally for contamination subtype, but I have other subtypes as well. I believe I may be experiencing SO-OCD subtype- I obsessively fear that I am actually straight or aromantic/asexual, and this fear causes me a great amount of anxiety (Especially the fear that I am actually straight, of course, because the stakes are higher there as I mostly present myself as being gay, so if I ended up being straight I would have no way to take all that back). To neutralize that fear, I try to "prove" to myself that I am indeed attracted to any gender. Does this sound like OCD? Probably so. The thing about that is, when I have done research on SO-OCD, I have found exactly two sources that are about, or at least properly acknowledge, the experience with this subtype of OCD as a bi+ person. After all, OCD tends to latch onto the natural fluidity of multisexuality, which is why the bi+ experience with this subtype isn't quite the same as when straight/gay/aroace people struggle with it. I think we absolutely need to increase the amount of information available by, for, and about bi+ individuals struggling with sexual orientation OCD. The rampant bi-antagonistic attitudes among both straight people and gay/lesbian circles already is shown to have a negative impact on mental health in the bi+ community, and the prevalence of SO-OCD in this community is no doubt at least partially a result of constantly being told by society that we are confused, faking, or in denial. And it sure doesn't help when almost none of the information about mental health conditions acknowledges our existence! Not only does that make us feel alone in our struggles, it may even prevent some people from recognizing their symptoms as OCD and getting the help they need. So I am calling to increase health information about the experience of being bi+ with SO-OCD, so that more people are able to get help, are empowered to openly discuss their experience with the condition, and to know that they are not alone. 💗🏳‍🌈

it started when i simply worried about my partner losing feelings because she was being a bit distant and so i obviously spiraled and started thinking “oh yeah she has to be losing feelings of some sort” she was only being distant because she was preparing for her confirmation party (this is important) and me and my friend hung out the same day and ended up walking to her house to say hello to her as a joke. but i was already way too deep in my spiral. right after that interaction with her, she literally reassured me right then and there that i was “cute” and that “she really likes me” but i was so caught up in the idea that shes losing feelings for me that i couldnt accept the reassurance and kept having intrusive thoughts that shes lying to me and that she doesnt mean it. but whatever, i wasnt THAT worried because her confirmation is coming up and she wouldnt lose feelings for me before something like that right? a couple days pass by and im at her confirmation party, shes being a little distant but only because shes tired (evidently too) and so i was still in a spiral. but then i met her family, and her mom let me have her number (in case i wanna schedule something with my gf) and that sparked a whole episode. i talked to her mom a couple times and started worrying about if what it would be like it i left my gf and how it would affect me and her family and quickly a thought followed up with all her physical imperfections and how much i dont like specific ones. and then another one came up. i saw one photo pf my partner and swore it looked like someone in my math class who isnt attractive. i managed to get rid of that thought the first time, and had to deal with the imperfections idea thing for a whole month. recently tho, the unattractive girl from my math class is popping up in my head again. i cannot get it out of my head, any advice? what is this phenomenon and also im pretty sure im the only person who has dealt with all of these thoughts.

The pocd thoughts are making me want to throw up. I feel like I should end it because i cant handle my brain being right

If I manage to get a girlfriend will the ocd go away or will it get worse and be combined with rocd aka “what if I don’t actually like her and want to be with a guy” and then it will all go downhill. If that’s the case I don’t think I should start a relationship because I dont want the girl to go through all that.

My brain keeps comparing how I felt then with the same thoughts to now and how it is diff now to prove it had changed. I’m feeling like I know it isn’t right and that maybe I’d pair better and I want to be with someone who is good for me but I also don’t want to break up and can’t tell if that’s the ocd using his faults against me. I feel like if I were to tell someone I have no feelings at all for him anymore I’d know I’d be lying and doesn’t feel right but when I say the opposite it doesn’t feel right either. I’m also worried that this time it is real and it’s the guilt of not telling him that’s making the ocd worse not that it’s just ROCD. My thoughts are also saying so many diff things I’m confused. It feels like I can’t connect to him anymore or like I don’t have empathy which scares me cause I know I did before and I felt it but is it just that I’m frustrated w some of the issues? But it’s upsetting it feels like I don’t have the endearing feelings and love I felt and I want it to come back but then I also think I don’t cause then it will prevent be from seeing what else is out there And the thing is looking back on how it was I feel like I could def see how that was ocd but this is different… and like I at least felt I knew I loved him or wanted to be with him and i had thoughts of wanting to be with someone who this or someone who this but I didn’t actually want it and now it feels like this time I rly do mean it like I want to find better qualities but I still don’t wanna move on from him and my brain is like wel that’s how everyone feels when they breakup regardless…it rly doesn’t feel like ocd anymore 😭 and my thoughts keep saying if you don’t you don’t like this or that and it most likely won’t change cause you have been with him so long why are you with him and then I feel guilty like I need to tell him

for me, it's like there's two folders of my thoughts, 'main thoughts' and 'sub thoughts' and it's like a background voice of my background voice, you know? like so quiet and irrelevant but it's still here and i can try to ignore it but not fully and it feels like it's just really nasty, like it's warring with me, never shuts up and just keeps nagging me with those thoughts

I'm just laying here avoiding being an adult and wondering if during ERP the therapists are mean. Like, is it a "tough love" type of situation? That makes me anxious

PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME IM LOSING MY MIND PLEASE Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p*dophilic activity and inappropriately messaging minors and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... In an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person for supporting trump, i vented to her again because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... ChatGPT just told me I inappropriately messaged minors when I dont ever want to be like those dirty disgusting youtubers who inappropriately messaged them and did P3do stuff with them at all!!!! Im so triggered please someone help me!!!

I personally do not have OCD I am here because I love my bf of 6 years He is a great guy but he is having a hard time with rocd he is currently going through a lot of anxiety with was triggered by us discussing engagement plans This makes me sad because we love each other and I hate seeing a good man having to fight his own mind to be able to be in a relationship with me Someone tell me what to do Point me in the right direction please I am here for him and I will not abandon him I want to go back to him with everything I will learn from you guys Thank you

It’s been hard. I feel so trapped. I felt okay about a week ago. But these thoughts are really hitting me hard. Especially doubt too. Doubt if God & Jesus loves me because of these awful blasphemous thoughts! Doubts if I’m his child! Doubts if I am saved! I feel like I’m thinking then on purpose but I don’t want these thoughts! They bother me so much! It’s like a tick or Tourette’s in my brain. I also have thoughts switches I’ll say I love god but then it’ll changed to something so evil is gross :( It feels like I don’t have a relationship with God anymore or like I don’t know how to anymore. It makes me sad and stressing me out. I obviously try not to think awful things but the more I try not too the worse they are. I just feel so lost. I was so on fire and felt like my faith for God & Jesus was unstoppable but now I feel like I’m so far or how could he possibly love me anymore. How could I have these thoughts :(

I don't have panic attacks at this moment, but i realized if i will have again I don't know how to stop it, there's people who say "trying to stop it feeds more" and that's why i get stuck with it cause then i try to sit with it and i just get stuck or go with the panic. Many times when i try to stop feeding itit gets worse, i think that im doing something wrong or i just feel like it does not work cause when i try to stop the panic gets stronger, then im panicking over do I take the danger seriously. I try deep breathing and moving my attention but i know i do that to avoid the panic which makes me panic more. And then i feel angry cause people say "sit with it" and i dont know what they mean, like everytime i get a panic just accept defeat, lay down and wait till all the symptoms just goes away... cause you cant control it. So if i want to face it, accept i might faint, vomit, get taken to the hospital, and just face it. These are the more negative ones I know, but even with others i feel like its defeat cause I have to stop whatever i do and i need to accept that panic will take me wherever it wants... Im open to change my opinion over this, but with the "accept it" menthod i feel like it looks like this and thats why I don't like it. How do you deal with panic? Do you stop it or you always give that moment to the panic?

So I just started few weeks ago and my therapist told me that I should try doing the compulsions I do to relief the anxiety and stop the thought out of the love of doing the compulsion instead of the anxiety relief. Like sometimes I repeatdly say prayers when I get an intrusive sinful images to put them away so basically I should say them more out of general love of saying them. Sometimes I crochet and distract myself a lot out of my thoughts so I should do the distractions out of love and enjoyment of doing them instead of fixing the anxiety and making it go away. To basically rewire my brain to not relate the compulsions to the intrusive thoughts so they're less compulsive I think

My brain made previously a nonsensical association between adults and triggers with the outcome being that adults are not any different from k**s, and that the adult age is just a number in the sense that even if you're an adult it is still the young you, that there is no clear indicator of maturity, it was after a saying i heard "it tickled the kid in me" and now I'm "permanently" stuck with this association because I can't view women the same way and im not comfortable anymore... I tried to explain my brain that the prefrontal cortex fully developes at 25 years old, and that as long as the brain it is developed in the same even phase of yours (like with a girl my age), it should be okay but that doesn't feel "enough": the adultness maturity feels a lot more closer to triggers than it being further. When I see adult women now I feel like I can't be attracted anymore because of this association and I don't know what to do. I want to be attracted again, be comfortable on appreciating women's beauty etc and be comfortable in my se&uality. I can't also fanthom the idea of f*pping even though I want to because of this association that is stuck in my brain and I can't get rid of. What should I do?

Recently, I have been obsessing big time over being the best girlfriend I can be and being the best Christian I can be at the same time. Its rough since I always have these lingering thoughts that I’m leading me and my boyfriend down a path of sin by being more passionate to the point of having lustful intrusive thoughts when with him sometimes despite the fact that we’re both not wanting to go past pretty passionate kissing. For some extra context here, I’ve grown up in a Christian household my whole life and over the past few years, have been getting progressively more interested in my faith after temporarily abandoning it. It’s been tricky knowing what’s okay and what’s not okay to do, especially since I don’t view it as a religion necessarily but more like me wanting to get to know my creator better, show how thankful I am to be here/have everyone who is in my life and show said thankfulness by being as devoted as possible while still being who I am to my core. As for my relationship, I have been with my bf for almost 6 months now and he’s made me the happiest girl in the world, constant hugs, kisses, sweet little gestures that make my heart melt, caring comfort, the purest of love in my opinion and I’m so blessed to have him as my partner. Unfortunately though, I’m always worrying about him and our future together and how this will work since he himself isn’t a Christian. A lot of people who aren’t Christian’s won’t understand this logic but my brain always goes to 2 places. 1 is possible disagreements we may have about how we want our lives to go since I don’t want to hold him back from what he truly desires. That though, may not always align with what I have in place for my life. 2, quite frankly the worst one, is worrying about my bf not going to a good place after he dies. Now, this is not because of him as a person (he’s the best, very kind, sweet, supportive and loyal) but rather, because of rejecting God from coming into his life, and that scares me more than anything. Basically, I was taught that going to heaven is accepting God into your life and having your sins forgiven, and if you don’t, your rejecting the one thing that can take away all your imperfections and make you whole once more, which leads you to not fully making the mark despite me practically begging on my knees that it wasn’t this way for the sake of others who may not view things the same as me (no disrespect towards others btw, I love and respect people no matter what the believe or do). Does that make me sound judgmental? Yea, it probably does, but I swear, I wish it wasn’t this way. Based on what I’ve come to understand as a believer in God and Jesus, it’s not that simple. Knowing that, there’s 2 things that I mainly worry about due to the context and concerns I have. I worry about being a bad influence and Christian as a whole because of how much I struggle with my mental health and how much I fall to my own imperfections. I try and I try but I never feel like I’m good enough, that I’m probably a lukewarm Christian (iykyk) and that even I won’t go to heaven because of my own doubts and mistakes. I pray constantly for reassurance and for peace so I can be with my bf and even by myself and not feel this overwhelming weight crushing my shoulders constantly. It’s scary, not knowing what to do, how to feel, if what I’m feeling is okay or not, etc. Idk if anyone else is in my shoes, whether they are worried about being a not good enough person, not strong enough in your beliefs, or even loving someone and worrying for them and their future to such an extreme extent. If there’s anyone out there who might have some advice to make the fear fade away, even if it’s a little bit, I would be forever grateful. Before I end this, I just want to say your are loved and appreciated for who you are and nothing will change that fact, even if you may not feel that way, I’ve been coming to accept that the more the years go by and I wish for everyone to know this. Anyways, God bless and hope everyone has an amazing day/night. ❤️