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So me and my ex-boyfriend broke up 2 or 3 months ago, and I am currently looking, but I can't find the "man of my dreams". I know that people say it takes time, but I'm done waiting.

Has anyone else struggled with compulsions around using ERP itself? It creeped in subtly, but I’ve noticed myself now starting to repeat phrases/mantras before I try to do exposures. Ironically, that itself has become a compulsion. It’s wild, how do you get a compulsion about not doing compulsions 🤯 It honestly probably got this way and doesn’t help that I haven’t been able to access therapy in over 3 yrs. So as I’ve tried to use ERP on my own without professional support, it just kind of morphed into this. Well I should be able to access services again in January. I suppose it’s not that far away anymore at this point, 4 months. Grateful for that at least.

does anyone else’s ocd take form about life’s big questions? i’ve noticed that doing a lot of work on my theme has greatly improved my quality of life and my overall mental health but as i move through the early years of my twenties and transition in adulthood and out of college-ive noticed a new theme. one that feel existential but hard to verbalize. it feels related to my old them of rocd but one that feels much more personal. i understand that this is a difficult transition for anyone, not just those with anxiety or ocd. however i think it’s helpful for me to just get it off of my chest and see if anyone can relate? i often dwell on the ideas like: -do i know myself? i don’t think i do all the ways so does that mean i shouldnt or can’t be in this relationship? it means that im not being true. -i wasted all my time in college on a relationship and its aftermaths that affected me for years to come. it prevented me from finding my friends. i used to be so happy and now i feel limited sometimes in friendships but its my own fault. because i keep everyone except my partner at an arms length. and if i cant let anyone else in except my partner, that’s bad and i should let them in or be in this relationship. -i struggle making friends and i think everyone is mad at me. -im missing out on life and its passing me by. everyone is out there improving and im working at a minimum wage job and becoming a starving artist. i dont know what i want and thats bad so i need to isolate myself. it’s clear that the stress of this transition has done a number on me thus past month. especially since i just moved and im 2 months post grad. but my ocd and anxiety is kicking in because this change, any advice?

It’s always been a dream of mine to become a successful author, which includes being somewhat famous. Ever since my ocd got bad 2 years ago, I’ve had a fear of becoming famous because I get the intrusive fear of getting canceled for false memories that absolutely go against my morals (like whenever a false memory scenario plays in my head while I’m on any social media post, it tries to convince me I said something inappropriate or derogatory towards someone even when there is zero proof of this ever happening) or getting canceled for dumb mistakes/opinions I had in the past. I deleted my Twitter account last month and sometimes my ocd tries to convince me that I did something bad while I was on there even though the concrete proof says otherwise (I also get paranoid that ppl who blocked me on there would try canceling me years later despite barely making my own posts and mainly sharing tweets that are interesting). I have this fear because I use my pen name for social medias and even though it has a very common last name, I fear ppl would hunt me down and attempt to destroy my life forever. It also doesn’t really help that my generation (online at least) tends to see things in a very black and white manner so that’s why social media ocd is the main ocd I struggle with. If anyone has struggled with this kind of ocd too, I would like to hear how you cope with it because I do not want my ocd to get in the way of my dreams :,)

I notice that I tend to get angry or irritated extremely easy in comparison to other people. I have a lot of trouble when it comes to emotional regulation, which leaves me with chronic guilt and regret. I have moments where I say things out of anger, and then regret them later. I don’t outwardly road rage, but I still do things that could potentially set somebody off (like letting off the gas when somebody’s tailgating me and then riding next to a car so they can’t get back over) and I constantly feel bad about them, but somehow end up repeating the same mistake. I don’t know why I get so angry and upset and then am so quick to feel guilty, only to make the same mistake again. I’m know I’m not an angry person, so I don’t know why I feel so angry all of the time or why I’ve been this way for so long.

hellooooo i’m back again!! im currently experiencing a SOOCD and ROCD flare up. i really want to know how i can stop mentally checking (feelings, emotions, arousal, attraction, etc). my main compulsion was ruminating and I was able to stop, and my mental checking wasn’t bad bc my anxiety wasn’t that bad. i was successful for the last 3 weeks, my numbness was SLOWLY fading (i was even finding celebrities attractive again), and i had many GREAT moments with my bf and i was able to enjoy being with him and being intimate (even tho i did have slip ups, i could redirect myself) and all that. sitting with the anxiety made me start to worry that all the anxiety was going to trigger my numbness even more (even when i was having really nice dates with him, i redirected myself successfully, i didn’t search for the “right” feelings/attraction i just let myself be there, and even allowed myself to be slightly intimate with him even when i was worried my checking and numbness would make me feel nothing), and ruin my relationship with him, and i started to get a huge wave of anxiety which triggered my groinal response. the next day i sat with the anxiety, discomfort, and had a major breakthrough. i felt happy and connected w my feelings but at night, i noticed the anxiety again and how it triggered my groinal response and then i started focusing on that. i kept focusing on it which scared me, and when i went on social media (not trying to use it as a distraction i was just bored) i would immediately get anxious seeing the triggering video, check for any arousal, or attraction, and got the groinal again, and now my soocd decided to flare even more. now im starting to automatically check for any attraction or arousal to girls, triggering the groinal response, reviewing past behavior, past sexual experiences where i was too numb from all the anxiety and checking to enjoy it, making me more anxious, and making it harder for me to stay in the moment. i’m worried my brain and emotions will just shut off. i had small wins today where me and my man would call and he said some “things” to me and i was excited and flustered, i had moments where i stopped trying to feel if i was feeling “right”, but i would immediately go back to trying to see if i was feeling the right things. at the restaurant i went to i automatically started checking if i was feeling any attraction towards other men (checking for numbness) or checking if i found a woman attractive (my soocd) which triggered my search for numbness and the groinal. even when im not anxious im checking if im feeling numb. i swear im not doing it on purpose it literally just happens. i really love the feelings i have with him it’s so fucking freeing it makes me feel normal. i really hate how when i finally start to get my shit together ocd tries to take it away. regardless i’m stilllllll going to do my best to get better idgaf how anxious it will make me i will not roll over and die like i did in my teen years. PLEASE, anyone going through this or any ocd conquerors, just give me some tools on how to deal with it and i’ll use them.

Why is it actually so hard to not do compulsions ive literally not done it for a few hours but then I kept having more and more intrusive thoughts feelings sensations all that stuff that just make it so real where you start feeling like do I like this and why are the thoughts so specific and you can’t stop ur mind from doing what it’s doing, so I gave into compulsions I’m mad at myself I was doing so well but I’m just so scared of what these thoughts/sensations mean about me because when it actually feels like real like yeah that feeling feels like the truth about how I feel about this thought or this thought must be something I actually like,HOW ON EARTH AM I NOT GONNA WANAN DO A COMPULSION AND THEN WHEN I START I CANT STOP MY MIND IS RACING TRYAN DO ALL THE COMPULSIONS. Then my brain slows down and I’m like hey but u still haven’t figured out this part of the thought that could be real,by this time I don’t even really remember. I’m trying my best I really really am what am I doing wrong I need help Also my therapist has been away she’s back this week

Hi everyone! I'm on a season where my mental health is wavy, it changes alot and Im struggling with things. I use chatgp as a tool to help me learn what to do but I just find that what he's telling me doesnt help me and makes me spin more. It's about acceptance and what to do with emotions and what is fighting with them or avoiding, and I got to a point where everything i do seems like avoiding. It really makes me angry that things doesnt make a sense. I understand acceptance means we dont fight but that "dont fight" will easily become a compulsion to me. Also for years I got the advice that you need to feel your emotions which hurt me alot cause that made me focus on the feelings, now chatgpt teached me that I should change the focus, acceptance only means that we acknowledge that the frelings are there, but then we should put our focus on the present moment. This becomes a fight for me too... It told me alot of times that you dont change your focus to avoid feeling bad, you just do it cause you want to live your life, but this is stupid cause you dont feel like you want to cause you want to solve the fear,and sooner or later that will always become that you change your focus so you dont give attention to the thoughts. Cause if you do then oh well you are giving them control and attention which feeds them... So this makes me stuck cause everytime i try to change my focus i fe that im avoiding the emotion and then im just spining... Also the other thing that is really annoying, it says that I should accept everything, even that I fight with the thoughts, that I dont like it, that yi want to change it, that im feeding it, and dont try to change it cause thats fighting. So that means you just sit and let yourself do that, but now your accepting, and atleast you wont add more to it, but you accept it that now you are fighting and you hate it and you make it worse to yourself... this sounds so stupid and chatgpt doesnt understands why. Its like you are hitting yourself and it hurts you but you accept it to not add more pain by fighting with yourself about why you hit yourself, and you just sit and accept that you hit yourself and wait until it goes away... And again the answer would be "well you dont just sit you go and live your life while the feelings and thoughts are there" for that theres the first part of this post... I dont get this, you just live your life, tgat easily becomes "i want to live my life and not listening to this cr*p cause its annoying" which will become avoidance... and if you want to "watch the thoughts and dont try to make them go away" then you make them to stay by keep watching them... but again if you dont want to watch them and want to live my life, that will easily become I dont want to focus on this... theres no "middle path" for me I tried these, if i do this I feel like im avoiding, if I let my feelings be they just get my focus and all I think is that... I would really like to hear your thoughts on this, how can I live my life without avoidance, also I think i developed meta ocd cause a have alot of "i have to do it in the right way" thoughts.

I feel like I want to be lesbian. I want to cry. I gave into compulsions and I went on lesbian TikTok. It feels like something I want to try and do and that I’d be happier. Why is it so real. I don’t want to be lesbian but I feel like I’m pushing down the truth. How do I stop giving into these compulsions and feel better, I can’t do this anymore. I don’t even remember being straight or liking men. I hate this.

I am 18 years old and I have really bad OCD and anxiety I think and I used to type all of my thoughts in the notes app and I recently deleted them because I felt like God wanted me to but now I regret it because I know there’s things in my notes That I might have acted on and I didn’t get the chance to tell my mom and now I don’t remember them and I cry and I cry because I don’t wanna be a bad person, but I do sometimes do my thoughts not like actually hurt someone, but for instance, I was touching my monitor. Weird whenever I didn’t have to, and I kept touching it after I had an intrusive thought and I should’ve stopped, but I didn’t and if I did that, what else have I done and I just wanna get back to my normal life and I can’t even do normal tasks all the time and I know the thoughts that I’ve acted on was not the check to see if anything happened. What if I did it for bad reasons what does that make me now? I just wanna grow up and be a Christian and just have a family and then I will be happy. I don’t want these thoughts anymore, but I’m so scared of my past please help

My wife told me last night that our marriage is 85% my OCD and that she is considering a divorce. I started ERP this week and have been making good progress. I’m giving it my all to getting better and I just feel seriously overwhelmed right now. Any advice on dealing with OCD when it has an impact on your partner? My wife also has BPD.

TLDR; i'm terrified that my past confessions/need for reassurance to the wrong people will get back at me one day from them not knowing it was undiagnosed OCD/not understanding. back when i was 17/18 i began struggling severely with POCD. at the time, i wasn't diagnosed and had not much idea what OCD was, so naturally i just thought i was a terrible person. i needed reassurance from everyone - even coworkers, friends, anyone, some who barely knew me. i'd tell people about the thoughts i was struggling with and when i look back it upsets me because i know deep down they thought it was weird. i don't know why i felt the need to tell these people about my POCD. i even remember one of my supervisors looking at me with this horrified look on her face. the job i worked at back then, i sometimes had to do parties for children so naturally i refused because of my theme, i was (still am if i'm honest) scared of children. i ended up not being kept permanently at my job (i was seasonal) due to me not doing the parties. i ended up going back to that job a year (ish) later after being diagnosed. i made it clear i had OCD and wore lots of pin badges about it and made it my mission to spread awareness of what OCD really is. i was on meds (still am). some people had left naturally, so i know there's some people out there who never actually found out i had OCD and i am terrified they think of me as this dangerous, weird p*do because of my intrusive thoughts whenever they hear my name/think of that job. i'm terrified that my old coworkers talk about me and describe me as a bad person. i had someone come into my new job a few months back, and being in customer service, we were having a friendly chat and she mentioned she just started working at my old job. i said i used to work there, she then asked me if i was *my full name* and i said yes, she said she'd heard about how bad my manager was back then. she tried to follow me on instagram and i blocked her. i'm terrified on how she knows about me, what does she know? what was she told? it haunts me to this day. what if she thinks i'm a bad person, because my old colleagues have told her stories of my POCD? why was i even mentioned? but yeah - long story short i'm just mortified that i was so open about POCD and that there's people out there who know about it that probably shouldn't, some who i know didn't like me very much anyway, and that it might come back to me later in life and i'd lose everything, and just overall the thought of someone thinking of me as a bad person. anyone else relate?

I try go gym and tried mindfulness and meditation but nothing works, I feel out of control and the thoughts are so vivid. I have been going gym for a while now and Im getting obsessed with routine and that if U break it I will lose all my strength. But I've been so tired all week that I literally dont have the energy to go gym and it makes me feel horrible. I try do other things like cleaning the house or yoga to make up for it all week but I still feel irresistible guilt and I so so tired Im literally mentally tired. Any advice?

I am really scared of staring at people‘s private parts and I get the urge to do so. It gets so awkward in Social situations.

I've always had trouble completing tasks without procrastinating or just feeling stuck and unable to do anything. My psychiatrist suspects ADHD, but I haven't been diagnosed. Still, I need to figure out how to manage this issue of mine better. I'm wondering if anyone has any advice? I don't know if this is an OCD issue or what... Part of it may be, since I create unnecessary requirements for myself in order to do things. For example, before I do any work, I need to eat. I watch something while I eat, and then I need to let the food settle before I start anything, and the list keeps going. It's been like this for YEARS, but it's become more of an issue as I've gotten older. I've always had high grades, but it's just sitting down, getting started, and staying seated that I struggle with. I'm guilty of checking my phone a lot and getting distracted with things that have NOTHING to do with the tasks at hand. I just have no idea what to do... I feel guilty about this. In the past, I've tried following schedules, but I can never keep on one 🥲 I'm going to continue to try things, but I thought I'd ask here to see if anyone had advice?

I feel like I more than anyone have committed horrible acts. Specifically, when I was a teen. I don’t want to talk about them because I feel ashamed of them. I think that is something I would rather converse with my therapist instead. Recently I learned of remorse. I thought I felt remorse for what I did but I learned I in fact felt guilt. There’s a difference. People who feel guilt feel ashamed because they think it means they’re a bad person. People who feel remorse feel ashamed because they think of how the other person felt. I am still trying to understand it to be honest. I find it hard sometimes to understand how others feel. I do worry if that makes me a psychopath but I’m not going to go into that because I have a message to tell and reassurance will only pursue the cycle. I haven’t been diagnosed. I feel like many of us feel guilt not remorse. Or maybe it’s just me. I think, for me, my guilt is causing me to push someone away and further ruin my relationship with them. But when I learned of remorse yesterday I had the impulse to go hug them and talk to them. At first I wondered if this made me a predator for wanting to do that but as I tried to understand the emotions a little more I felt not a sexual drive like a big brick in my pants but rather like a warm embrace. One that my mom gave me when I was a baby. The emotion was not sexual, it was a nurturing love. I also heard a wonderful example where a woman said she was afraid of being something she wasn’t. Another woman told her she was that thing. Immediately the woman felt fear and anxiety and then the other woman said, “You are also a spider.” The other woman was confused. You think you are that thing because you focus on it so much. You are not that thing. You are not a spider even though you may have acted like one. This leads me to another wise saying that I learned of a man who was worried about his past actions and another man told him, “Your past does not define you and your acts of redemption do not redeem you.” That was as much as I can remember but I’m going to add a bit more to it. “Your past does not define you and your acts of redemption do not redeem you. Your guilt will stay with you, and it will also remind you. The car has a fuel tank. It has to have that to keep moving. But if the whole car was a fuel tank there would be no room for the engine or the passenger seat and the drive would likely die from the intense sleep of fuel. So, feel guilt, but leave it a fuel tank.” I feel too much guilt but forgot to feel remorse. I personally am going to try to change it. If you were harmed, would you rather that person apologized but then never see you again and not try to regain your trust out of guilt? Or would you prefer for them to come over and treat you better after they apologized? Some have done irredeemable mistakes and I feel like the those people who felt guilt over those mistakes now know that the world isn’t black and white. I don’t mean to exalt myself but I am planning this scene in a book I want to write about where the protagonist is about to kill a man who he trusted and who personifies the devil. “The devil is worshipped by all, boy. The devil always wins. You think killing me will redeem you. It just means I win. Those who love God pursue righteousness. But those who hate God follow me. And those who hate me follow me as well. And those who love me follow me as well. Because those who hate me do what I do in order to accomplish their hate. And those who love me forget I exist and follow in my footsteps. You let me live and I live on. You kill me. I live on through you.” Then I’m thinking the boys says, “Then I’ll cripple you.” But he does end up killing him, unfortunately. I’m still workshopping it. Anyways, I think what I’m trying to take from this is, your guilt happened. Stop trying to redeem yourself because you never will. Learn from it and move forward.

Recently i got stuck in a loop with a terrible intrusive thought about my boyfriend. it’s been rattling in my mind and i feel disgusted and scared and like an evil horrible person. i keep saying things like “intrusive thoughts attack who/what you care about the most” but i think my compulsion (researching; looking up ocd intrusive thoughts and watching others experiencing the same thing) had made it hard to believe that. Im not super concerned about the harm portion because im beating it but now its turned me numb towards my boyfriend after feeling so guilty and scared and everything. i just don’t know what to do its like my body and brain is trying to push me away. we also spend every single day together so im wondering if maybe thats why its so bad? like i feel AWFUL. and i cant stop crying and i havent told him any of this because i don’t want to scare him or make him think im crazy. any tips or words would be appreciated.

Im making this post not because Im currently anxious (even though i am currently triggered) but because i want to make this message for those who currently struggle as much as i do... What I will tell you is that you are loved... you don't have to agree with it... you even can label it as something you disagree with or hate... but you are loved regardless. And you are cared for... and you have people who will show you endless compassion... this is not something I will expect you to get yet, mostly because just like me, you are stuck in the spiral too... I know how you feel because I hate myself too... I hate myself so much that anyone who tells me that they love me, I refuse to believe and brush off because the thought of loving myself has become inconceivable to me. I have POCD and real events OCD for christs sake... I have done genuine horrible things as a 13-14 year old... things I will probably never forgive myself for as long as I live... but this does not have to be you... You might think "ive done horrible things, therefore I cannot be forgiven for the things ive done" and I know because Im just like you... the main difference between us is that I have actually done genuinely horrible things as a 13-14 year old that would make people despise, vilify, and even hate me. Thats not you. You are someone who either A. was a kid when it happened, so you cannot blame yourself for a childs mind and actions, or B. Realize that you are someone here because you understand that what you are going through is something that other people have gone through... you arent alone... no one ever is... but I might disagree because I'm probably the most alone out of everyone. Recognize that this community will fight tooth and nail to help and defend you and recognize that you are in a community full of the 1 percent of people on this planet, that give a shit about you... these people (whether they've blocked me or not) can recognize that your suffering is not the fault of your own, but through the fault of a chemical imbalance in their heads that torments them endlessly with intrusive thoughts, feelings, and even your own past... you arent alone... you never really are in this place... Im the exception however... One last sentence before I go. As the 11th doctor once said... "You are forgiven... always and completely forgiven..." P.S. please don't ask me what my real events were... they were genuinely extremely horrible and I refuse to discuss it with anyone unless its my mom (who knows what happened) or a therapist in the distant future... this isnt about me... this is about all of you.

Does it actually work for you? And do you not feel like a zombie? Maybe it’s just my ocd but I’m scared I made a mistake by not going back to my old med but my psych claims no one gets side effects from it but I kind of feel like a zombie on it even tho it’s early in and I’m hoping it goes away cuz I read it never did fir some ppl :( anyone not get this from lexapro?

18+ When I was in high school (16 or 17), I hung out with the popular kids of school... they send me this popular girl (who was in our school) explicit photo on snap because I was curious to see it... after I turned 19, I suddenly remembered my friends sent the photo and asked them to delete it off of the chat, as I didn't want to be in possession of any form of illegal material... Fast forward to later... my friend had broken up with his ex and wanted to send us explicit pics of her... curious at the time, I asked to see it and he sent the group (including me) some pictures... Now that Im 24, I remember him sending these pics and asked him to take down the pics in our snapchat convo... I didnt want any pics of their ex because this was harmful content... my friend, (the one who sent our friend group explicit vids and pics of his ex) told me that there was a one month period between him and her when they were in a relationship where he was 18 and she was 17 )... they were together for 1-2 years... and they were explicit throughout their whole relationship ... including the one month period... so i was getting extremely anxious and triggered about him sending me potentially illegal stuff... I asked him several times over the course of three days after he casually admitted he had a 1 month age period with her, (he was 18 and she was 17 during that one month) if she was over 18 when he made those videos, and he kept giving me answers like "Yes" And "It was a month after she turned 18..." He even got frustrated on the second day of me asking and said "Dude, this is the 10th time you've asked me and yes she was." On the third day I asked him, he said "yeah" when i said his previous comments of "a month after she turned 18, right?" back to him, and he even added that "we started getting more explicitly active around this time." He also told me "Even if she was under the age of 18, you wouldn't be in trouble because you were sent it." So now I keep getting anxious because I dont know if he's lying or not and its triggering me really bad, not to mention feeling guilty about the harm I had caused... I genuinely feel so guilty and awful about this... I hurt people... and I cant sleep at night knowing I did... People say you make mistakes when you were a teen... these were some of my mistakes... I genuinely feel horrible and I cant sleep at night knowing the guilt of my actions are still there... I genuinely feel awful... I hope people dont hate me after reading this... i hope you dont block me... you've all been so genuinely kind and encouraging to me... and I dont want to lose someone who cares about me on here... (edited)