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It wasn’t easy

Hello! I haven’t really posted a “normal” post on here before, my only posts so far have been replies and a short comic I did. But I wanted to make a post about boundaries because I was wondering if anyone else struggles with this. I’m still unpacking my diagnosis and understanding how OCD appears in my life (it’s hard when everything you do feels normal to you) but in my reflecting I’ve been wondering if the reason I find boundaries so abstract/difficult to understand is because of OCD. On a practical level I know what boundaries are but I struggle with them in practice. Mostly when it comes to myself. If someone shares with me something that they don’t want me to do, I have no problem following it. When it comes to me, however, I don’t know where to even start. I feel guilty a lot of the time about having and expressing needs that I think may impose on someone else’s. I often find I talk myself down in order to keep the status quo in fear of conflict. But this is exhausting, obviously. I also struggle, I think, because I’ve had loved ones, unintentionally or not, punish me for expressing a boundary or need. It feels like either way, no matter what I do, I just wind up feeling worse so what’s the point? I don’t know. If you read this thank you! And if it resonates with you I’m sorry.

I make my boyfriend want to die and I feel disgusted with myself My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and nearly all of it has been long distance. We started talking April of 2023, we started dating September 2023 though we acted like a couple way before then, then I moved like march of 2024. Immediately after I moved, I started confessing a bunch of stuff to him. I still talked to my ex the months while my boyfriend and I were just in the talking stage. It wasn’t in a romantic way and it was maybe a few days out of the month, like maybe once a month or sometimes more. I’d ask questions about how I was in my past relationship with him so I could be better in my new relationship or I’d talk about my mental health and things I wasn’t comfortable talking to my now boyfriend, about. My boyfriend started talking to me literally like a month or two after my relationship had ended so I don’t think I was completely over it, I needed time to heal. I liked my now boyfriend so much though that I just blocked all of that out. He treated me so well, he was so handsome and interesting, I loved being in his presence. I was so happy with him and I felt like my old relationship didn’t matter anymore. Anyway, I also stalked my exes socials even when my boyfriend and I had started dating. I stopped talking to my ex when my boyfriend asked me to be his girlfriend though. I didn’t think it was wrong, I didn’t realize it was wrong at the time. I didn’t want to be with my ex, I didn’t like him anymore and I actually ended the relationship. He treated me so horribly that I stoped loving him, or liking him at all. I confessed everything to my boyfriend though while on my way to my new state. I hurt him so much and that was only the beginning. He initially wanted to break up, but eventually chose to stay. It was a rough few weeks though. Then I got my first job ever and that opened up a whole new can of worms. This was my first real, serious relationship. I started finding other people attractive, I found myself wanting to other people to think I was pretty, I had thoughts, and I also stalked people from my past on insta. I confessed yet again, everything to my boyfriend. Every single thought, every single small action, everything. I had never experienced these things before, being in a relationship and still finding others attractive, being in a relationship and stalking people from my past, wanting other people to notice me. These were things I was used to doing while single and things I’m not sure if I did in my past relationship, but I just didn’t notice. I felt horrible though, I felt disloyal, I felt like he needed to know. I made him feel so horrible and depressed. Then I got a new job, same stuff happened, I confessed, and the cycle repeated itself. Then again, I confessed my every thought, every small action, everything. He begged me to stop confessing, he said he didn’t want to know anything, he said I was making him depressed and insecure. I was making him feel like he wasn’t enough. I confessed such horrible things to him, not cheating just things you should never tell your partner, things you should keep to yourself. If I imagined myself with someone else, I confessed, if I stalked someone from my past with no weird intentions but then maybe started to think I found them attractive and my intentions were weird, I confessed, if I walked past someone on purpose or found someone attractive at work, I confessed. If I didn’t confess, it would eat at me. I’d feel sick, I wouldn’t be able to eat for days, I’d lay in bed crying and I’d call out of work. I’d feel so dirty and confessing was my only way to feel clean again. I stoped confessing around December of last year. The damage was already done though, I changed my partner and our relationship. Then my partner got a new job and I started to think he was cheating. I’m not going to go through every single thing that happened, it would be too much. I made him unfollow girls from work who made me uncomfortable simply because I was insecure even though they were just his friends, I was constantly questioning him and getting upset, I was constantly stressing him. He wasn’t perfect and did some things to make me uncomfortable, not display just things that weren’t okay, but it didn’t warrant my behavior, I was too controlling. He lied to me twice and I found something out that really hurt me. Again, wasn’t anything disloyal, just not okay. It really broke my trust and since then, I haven’t been able to feel secure. It’s been over a year and I still question him about situations, I question him about irrelevant girls, I stress him out so much. For the past few months I’ve been questioning him about a girl he talked to for maybe two months before him and I met. They were just friends as well but she was really weird and he ended up hating her. I’ve consistently brought her up probably every week for idek how many months. I’ve asked if he looks at her account, finds her pretty, I ask him and over and over again if he liked her, I’m always bringing her up. One time, the same day I brought her up, he had listened to a song, the same song she posted herself to on her story. It wasn’t a very popular song, and he said he had seen it in an edit but he couldn’t find the edit anywhere. Ever since then, I’ve questioned him about it and I’ve accused him of looking at her account. Inconsistent things have happened in the past before though and that triggered me. Like him saying he doesn’t have Snapchat but there being a green dot on his name, him saying certain people are blocked but they disappear off of his blocklist, there’s been a lot more. I’ve asked for proof of things, I’ve kept tabs on him, I’ve been so horrible. I used to have his location but I deleted Life360 because that’s weird. His location was off one time that he said he was with family and I questioned him. I stalk his PlayStation and if he says he’s busy but it seems he’s playing video games, I question him. I ask to see his blocklist to make sure every girl I had him blocked, is still blocked. He visited recently for a week and it was amazing, we’ve never been happier, but after he left I spiraled. I searched that girls name on insta to see if she’d come up and she didn’t. A few days later I asked him if he had blocked her and he said yes, I asked to see and his blocklist order had changed. He said he didn’t know how and I spiraled. We had talked about it a few times prior to him leaving but it wasn’t enough. When he got back home, his WiFi was out for over a week and he couldn’t text. He had to walk far out of his neighborhood which is dangerous, just to text me. I spammed him, I told him I wanted to break up, that I was done, that he’s a cheater, etc. I kept having these ups and downs and these mood swings. One minute I was convincing myself he cheated and the next I was like, he could never do that to me. He would walk out of his neighborhood sometimes just to answer, I knew it was dangerous for him but I felt so insecure that I didn’t care. He asked me to stop texting until he had WiFi again and I tried, but then I’d start to spiral and overthink again and I’d spam. Finally he could text because he had went to see family in Mexico. He promised he’d answer some old messages an hour after waking up the next day but ended up not doing that. He had to sleep on the floor and he told me he had spent the day so tired, trying to sleep. I didn’t care, he broke his promise and I was so upset. I’m used to him ignoring my messages sometimes so this really pissed me off, especially since I spent a week not being able to talk to him. This happened on Christmas by the way. I spent all day waiting for him to keep his promise and reply to my messages but he never did. Then he didn’t reply to me for like 12 hours, no update or anything. I spammed him again, and I sad the meanest things I could think. I hate you, you’re horrible, you’re just like everyone else, you make me want to die, I hate you so much, etc. I had convinced myself he didn’t care about me anymore. He broke his promise and he didn’t update me. He answered at like 2pm today saying he had went back to California and he still didn’t have WiFi at his house. He said he didn’t update me because his phone had died. Then today, I questioned something he had said during a conversation where I was talking about that girl. We ended up getting into an argument and he called me. He was crying, saying that he’s so tired of me bringing her up and that she’s not relevant at all, and I make him want to die and he’s so tired. This made me realize how absolutely horrible and disgusting I am. I love him so much and I just want to be happy with him, I don’t realize what I’m doing until after. I convince myself he’s this horrible cheater sometimes and I piece together a bunch of things in my head that I think is evidence. I stalk his every move and think certain things are proof that he’s cheating when really, they’re a product of my imagination. I’ve ruined my relationship, most of it has just been be stressing him out and making him want to die. I know I need help, this isn’t normal. These mood swings, my overthinking. I don’t know what’s wrong with me and talking to a therapist doesn’t help. He’s cried to me before, saying he could never cheat on me because his dad cheated on his mom and he was cheated on twice as well and it’s just such a horrible thing that he could never do. Is my relationship past the point of fixing? Have I ruined things too much? Everything is so dirty now and I can’t make it clean again. I can’t undo everything that has happened and so much has happened. Every single day I’m stressing him out. He’s mentally ill too and I make him need therapy, well his family too but still. I haven’t been there for him when he’s needed me the most, I make him swear on the people he loves just so I can believe him, even when they’re sick. I’m literally such a disgusting person. I don’t mean to be this way, I really don’t, I don’t want to be horrible. He makes me so happy and I’m so happy with him. I just convince myself he’s cheating or doing things behind my back and it feels so real in my head. I ruin his happy day, the holidays, his birthday, I ruin everything. These past two weeks that I’ve convinced myself he’s doesn’t care about me or love me and that he’s cheating, I’ve imagined myself with other people that I know or knew because I’m so scared of being alone. I’ve looked at people who are attractive, I’ve hoped people would notice me, I’ve been so horrible. I was convinced he was cheating and I’d end up alone. I don’t want other people, I just want my boyfriend. We’ve been together since I was 17 and I’m almost 20 now, is it too late to be better for him? I feel like I’m so manipulative sometimes too. I don’t feel like I do any good. I make him insecure, I stress him out, I don’t stop when he tells me too, I just keep going, I trigger his ptsd by being so stressful, I hurt him and make him depressed, I haven’t supported him in crucial times and I even STILL questioned him about things when he was going through heavy things, I let my insecurities consume me and I let the need to confess, consume me.

Hi …if you’re reading this and you have contamination OCD…with hand washing and cleaning rituals, I really could use a community member(s) who can share their story and or struggles…and we could be a support to one another. Anyone on Team Contamination out there?😂

OCD is kicking my butt. I have to accept that I will sin. No one is perfect all of the time. I just feel like w ERP I am planning on sinning and it is stressing me out. I read to go back to your baseline to establish your true values on what your comfortable w before ocd and allow for this amount of imperfection/sin to escape the perfectionist loop. I’m just so scared of sin.

I dropped my candy bar I just bought on the bathroom floor in the store, it was sealed still, as I just bought it, I put it back in the bag and didn’t think much about it and ate it later. Now I just now thinking about the fact I ate it, and I looked it up and it said that I should’ve thrown it away even though it was sealed because there is still a good chance of bacteria. I’m seriously freaked out. Wth was I thinking… how cooked am I guys

Crystal was an 18-year-old single mother, balancing diapers and deadlines, art brushes and baby giggles. As she crled her six-month-old daughter, Ava, close, the vibrant sketches in her notebook seemed like distant dreams. Her mind was trapped in a relentless storm: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and a darkness that clawed deeper – suicidal thoughts. It started innocently enough. As a teenager, Crystal was meticulous about order – her things had their place, her pencils sharpened to a precise point. But as she entered her senior year of high school, pregnant and scared, the whispers in her mind grew loud. At first, they were manageable doubts: "Did I lock the door?" "Are the lights off?" "Is Ava safe?" Soon, they morphed into merciless screams. Crystal became consumed by an irrational fear of contamination – of herself, of Ava, of everything around them. Every touch ignited a firestorm of anxiety: germs lurking on diaper bags, bacteria dancing in the air Ava breathed, dirt embedding into her skin. Her hands, once instruments of creativity, now trembled with the compulsion to wash – wash, and wash, and wash. She scrubbed them raw, the pain a fleeting distraction from the chaos in her head. What if she harmed Ava with a careless touch? What if she wasn’t clean enough to care for her? Her rituals turned her days into a checklist of compulsions: - Tap the faucet exactly five times before turning it on. - Wash her hands in scalding water for precisely seven minutes, repeating a silent prayer with each pass. - Avoid touching anything “dirty” – public spaces, Ava’s toys, even her own hair – lest she spiral into hours of cleansing. - Check Ava’s crib compulsively, ensuring everything was “just right,” fearing something terrible would happen if she didn’t. The world shrunk. Social gatherings turned to torture: What if she touched someone? What if she got “infected” and harmed Ava? Her single mum responsibilities felt overwhelming – she barely slept, barely ate, barely painted. Friends drifted away, confused by her isolation. Her art, once a refuge, now mocked her – brushes felt tainted, colors blurred by fear. Her parents, though supportive, worried endlessly; they couldn’t understand the prison in her mind. And then, the shadows crept in. In the dead of night, when Ava slept and the compulsions ebbed, a harsher voice whispered: What’s the point of it all? You’re trapped. You’ll never be a good mum. Ava would be better off without you. The thoughts terrified her – fleeting images of ending it all, of silencing the pain forever. Crystal felt ashamed, trapped in a cycle of guilt and despair. The OCD was bad enough, but this… this felt like a sentence to a life she couldn’t bear, for herself and Ava. Crystal’s mind was a battleground. “What if I fail to wash enough?” “What if the germs win?” “What if I’m not enough for Ava?” The intrusive thoughts looped, a broken record playing the same fears. Exhaustion clawed at her, but the OCD roared louder: You aren’t clean. You aren’t safe. You aren’t worth it. You’ll fail as a mum. One night, sobbing in her small apartment, hands cracked and red, Ava sleeping beside her, Crystal whispered, “Why can’t I escape?” A fragment of courage flickered – she googled “OCD help” and found a therapist specializing in exposure and response prevention (ERP). She also found a crisis hotline number, tucked it under her pillow, and promised herself she’d reach out. She thought of Ava’s tiny hands, her toothless smile – she had to fight, for both of them. The road to healing was jagged. With Dr. Amadi’s guidance, Crystal faced her demons: touching a “dirty” doorknob without washing, writing sentences without retracing every word, breathing through the urge to check. She practiced holding Ava skin-to-skin without washing first. She spoke to the suicidal thoughts too – acknowledging them as symptoms, not truths, learning to redirect the pain into something raw and real: her art. She found a local support group for mums with mental health struggles. Slowly, the chains loosened. Crystal learned: the thoughts were noise, not truth. She painted again – bold strokes, messy and beautiful – depicting the darkness and the fight to break free, with Ava as her little muse. She touched her baby’s soft skin without hesitation, laughed without counting, and slept knowing she was enough. She called the hotline once, twice – and found words to fight the shadows: “I am hurting, but I am here. I am Ava’s mum. I am strong.” But scars remained, like etchings on her soul. Some days, the OCD whispered back, and the dark thoughts lingered at the edges. Yet Crystal stood firmer, armed with therapy, medication, and self-compassion. She looked at Ava, thriving in her small victories, and knew: “I am not my OCD,” she told herself, voice steady. “I am Crystal, a mum, messy, strong, and free.”

The themes that are playing out right now: Real Event OCD, Moral OCD, POCD, Health OCD, Pet OCD, ROCD, Existential OCD, and that's all I can think of right now. (And these are the themes that are playing RIGHT NOW, not all the ones that I have. That'd be great if that was the case.) Real Event OCD: I'm ruminating over the past actions I've done with my ex as a small teen and I'm mad at him + middle school events, I also am freaking about going to school in the future soon when breaks over because I have to see familiar classmates again and last time I threw up because of it. + Events of hypersexuality during when I was young and curious. Moral OCD/POCD: Social media, freaking about past socials and messages (also relates to Real Event OCD) and ruminating since some accounts are completely out of reach + some I may not know how to terminate ever. + worried about if I accidentally said something messed up and scared of future and digital footprint, Epste*n files news are not making me feel good at all, etc. Health OCD: Everyone is sick and I'm sorta worried for myself and them. + Scared of usual illnesses and stuff. I'm also anemic and that's flaring a bit so that sometimes freaks me out. Pet OCD: Last post explains it more but basically I'm nervous for my dog sometimes, he's adorable but sometimes a demon. Rocd: I have no boyfriend (for reasons, + ocd makes it worse and also I'm demi) but this is more for friendships and that's a lot to explain but basically I have occurring thoughts and wondering whether if it's falling apart or not. I'll most likely explain it more sooner or later. Who knows. Existential OCD: Fear of aging (not because of physical but mostly due to fears of future, what people will see me as, I don't want to let go of childhood ever.) I was dissociating a bit yesterday and now I feel a bit sick. I hope my mood goes up later again, there's a LOT more to say but that's enough for now. --- What am I going to do about all of this stress and bad thoughts? I'll freak out internally but physically I'm going out to buy some cool snacks because it's still break. 😤 I mostly posted this to sort of let it out, and maybe for some who are freaking out major time on many things, me too we're all in this together. <:")

If someone wanted to change the behaviors that trigger you, they would right? Out of consideration and “love” for you? Thoughts??

I’m looking for a Country boy with OCD 😉 Preferably with Sexual/Taboo/Violent themes so we can discuss them and support each other 😁 Hopefully this makes some of you smile and hopefully this makes some of you laugh 😂

I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts and OCD triggered by my younger brother. He keeps saying things about our childhood that make me feel guilty, scared, and anxious, even though I know logically I didn’t do anything wrong. For example: • He accused me of being inappropriate when I gave him a kiss on the cheek as a kid. He said he thought I might touch him or do something bad, even though it was innocent and in front of our parents. • He brings up times I accidentally walked in on him in the bathroom to get my phone and uses it against me, exaggerating it as if I intended something bad. • He sometimes changes his story, which makes me question my own memory and feel unsure of what actually happened. • He often smirks or laughs when saying these things, which makes it even harder for me to cope. • Some adults have said his behavior is manipulative. He’s 11, and I’m 17 with severe OCD, so being accused of things I didn’t do really triggers my anxiety. • I’m terrified he might tell my mom or friends and make it sound worse than it is, even though my mom knows I wouldn’t hurt him. • I also worry about sharing personal things online, like on YouTube, because I’m afraid he might hear or see something and use it against me. • These situations trigger my OCD because I care about being a good sister and fear that I might have done something bad I can’t remember. • I struggle with the urge to repeatedly ask him for reassurance about what he remembers, even though I know I shouldn’t, because it makes my anxiety worse

this is a weird post to make but i’ve been having a really hard time not ruminating :/ my mind is constantly asking me whether or not it’s appropriate to like certain people and then i dwell on it and look back just can’t remember how certain things played out. i would love to just ignore this and go about my day, but what if a crush started problematically? that brings me to my current obsession; i watched superman 2025 back in july when it was in theaters and loved it. i even got so invested that i wanted to start reading the comics, make a fan account, and watch smallville. the thing that i’m worried about is that i only started crushing on superman after watching smallville. i genuinely can’t remember if i was crushing on him after watching the movie or the show. the reason why this concerns me is because although the actor for clark kent in smallville is a 24 year old man he’s still only playing the role of a high schooler since this series focuses on his time in smallville. it would be really weird if i started having a crush on the 2025 version superman after watching a “teen” version of him. i don’t even like the teen version of him, i think the adult actor is very attractive but the fact that he’s playing a kid obviously makes him unappealing to me. i would like to keep liking superman 2025 but i feel scared that this crush started out strangely… could it be that i just gained a stronger appreciation for superman after engaging with more superman related media? also how do i stop ruminating about such things when it always feels like life or death?

I was in a relationship for over a year. This was my first relationship and that’s how my OCD started. I have never been diagnosed, but I often found myself feeling guilty about having thoughts about other guys to the point where I would have to tell him. If even got the point where I started picking him apart and guilty spilling everything little thing i didn’t like about him to his face. We broke up in February. We had a pretty messy after breakup. He has told me now that he needed to break up with me to find himself again, he was graduating high school and was very busy and couldn’t deal with me. At the time, I wouldn’t leave him alone because i wanted to fix everything. After a while of him being nice, he began to be very rude to me and ended up blocking me. Now he is back in my life and has basically told me he is open to a relationship again. I told myself that if we did this again it would be so different especially with my OCD. Well it’s back and i feel like it’s just as persistent as it was before. The ten months we were broken up i was so happy and none of this OCD stuff bothered me which makes me think it’s specifically connected to my ex which makes me super frustrated but it’s to the point where i can’t even think about anything else and im not in the present moment. Has this happened to anyone else?

I was doing so good, but of course I got triggered on Tuesday right before the holidays and I haven’t felt peace since then. I’m dealing with ROCD, which is what I always deal with. It’s the same intrusive thought too; it’s difficult for me to interact with men, whether it be employees, men in public or friends because I always get the intrusive thought that what if I kissed them and I don’t remember. Simple interactions cause me to get this intrusive thought. On Tuesday a worker from target brought my order to my car and when he walked away I was hit with that intrusive thought and have been dealing with it since then. I’m in a happy relationship and I know OCD attacks the things we love so it makes sense that this is my strongest theme. But it’s debilitating and it’s ruining the holidays for me 😢 any word of advice or encouragement from anyone who has dealt with this same intrusive thought/theme?

Hey everyone , so about 2 months ago my partner and I had decided to mutually split up, on my end it was due to my inability to fully manage my relationship OCD symptoms due to circumstances and my tendency to believe that they were really my desires despite them causing me(and partner at the time) distress. Anyways after the breakup I found out that my ex partner held a lot of resentment towards me because of my actions during the relationship like my impulsivity and compulsive confessions which were hurtful and eroded trust over time. That I completely understand which that was a big reason why I decided to end the relationship as I didn't like how I was as a partner towards them and didn't want to further hurt them. However the way they went about their side of things really affected me. Not only did my ex partner become cagey with me but they also went behind my back and started to be very obvious with their involvement with a mutual friend of ours. I tried to respect their space as by this point in time we had already broken up but it had not even been a month since then, and they also knew I was able to see everything hinting at their new relationship on social media. When I called them out on this they proceeded to bring up everything wrong that I did during our relationship and they held on to stuff that I already felt immense guilt for and stuff that I had already acknowledged could only be worked on if I was not in the relationship. Moreover they brought up subjects that I had confessed during periods of OCD spirals and compulsive confessions, which they believed were true I guess. Saying that essentially "I hope you get to do those things". Furthermore they also said something along the lines of "I know you have OCD but OCD doesn't make someone say fucked up things to their partner over and over again". I thought I was on the right track by making it clear that I wanted to make things right by separating and dealing with my symptoms on my own time and not having someone I care about being involved, but them doing and saying all these things eventually did lead to me to acting out on my compulsions which involves sleeping with men even though I am a lesbian. In a way it was a form of revenge for them moving on so quickly but also a form of self punishment because of all the shame I carried after that relationship cut off. Does anyone else with ROCD carry this kind of guilt after a relationship ended, this truly sucks.

Okay, so this is not 100% just OCD, although it has been triggered quite a bit and I do need some advice from you guys if that's okay. -- So for starters, I have a 3 year old corgi and he is both great and sometimes another thing. I love him a lot and what I say doesn't mean that he's a bad dog, but sometimes I do feel a bit worried. For this year we decided to include my dog in for presents as it's Christmas and it was a really cute idea- both a blanket and a giant bone and we knew he'd love it. I love giving him stuff but there's a problem, he's also very protective over his things and I feel sometimes stuck for when it comes to his behavior. On one hand, he knows how to sit, twirl, stay, be gentle, paw and tricks- he does it almost instantly when a treats in hand but when there isn't he sometimes struggles or just doesn't listen at all. He also hates when people go into my room and jumps and bites them whenever that happens- sometimes even treats don't 100% work. Anywho, we gave him the gifts and he LOVED it, we were all super happy- and he was instantly all over it.. everyone was laughing and enjoying the moment, although knowing his protectiveness I did feel a bit skeptical, I tried testing the waters by touching the ends of it and petting him and he didn't do anything. UNTIL.. when he ripped a chunk out- I decided to get closer and tried to pet him and take the piece and he snapped and barked at me/growled. My dad instantly took notice and got up in concern for me- he scolded the dog and tried getting the piece of bone, my dog barked at him again and growled and my dad wasn't having it so he put him back in his spot (like his.. border thing? If you guys know what I mean- not a crate hut something like that) and he kicked the piece to the opposite side and took the entire bone away. My dog barked and snapped but he still listened. -- After that I tried to laugh it off, my parents said that he really needed to learn to respect which I agreed and felt at least a bit better that we were all in the same page, but I still felt uneasy and now excused myself for the night. -- I love my dog. I never want him to go away and I see him as my baby- but I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. He loves cuddling when he feels like it, he gets along with people and other pets in public, pet groomers love him, he's not a typical aggressive dog.. but he does bark when I jump around or stim, he barks when dancing is involves, he barks and jumps whenever someone tries to get into my room like I said earlier (which I HATE since I used to invite my sib to hangout there a lot) and my parents sometimes go inside to pass me something, he whines whenever everyone's out and he's very clingy, he whines when it's late at night and I want to hangout with my sib or he barks, (he also has a "bedtime" for himself so that checks out), and then there's the overprotectiveness over new toys he gets and stuff like that. -- I feel scared as well. I love him to death and that's why sometimes his behavior stresses me the heck out. My mind tells me that he'll one day snap and bite me or someone else really bad- or that he'll get more aggressive later on and that it's too late due to his age. My intrusive thoughts tell me that his behavior will lead to someone putting him down or something like that happening- that he'll run away since he doesn't listen sometimes and something awful will happen to him. That people will see as a horrible person or an animal ab*ser (I am NOT a perfect owner and sometimes I feel like I suck at some stuffs- but I really do try my best. : () But he's NOT an aggressive dog.. but I DO believe that he may have some aggressive traits. -- So this is where I ask you guys for help- or at least some advice.. what can I do for him ? Is there any useful tools that I could get for training ? What training tips is useful for these kinds of behaviors ? Anything. Just what can I do ? Let me know please !! I really do love him just UGH sometimes I just get so stressed about it. (Also if any of you guys have your own stories- let me know about that as well ! 🥹)

Some notes I thought worth sharing as I've delved into my OCD patterns with my therapist (and myself via journaling). Perhaps like others here, I oftentimes view my thoughts, ruminations, and OCD behaviors as simply pathologies. They just exist, I don't know WHY they exist, and they're simply "part of the condition." There may be value to this line of thinking, but I am also gradually understanding that my OCD patterns developed in response to specific traumatic life events. For example, I am a former binge-drinking alcoholic. In 2023, I had my first ever panic attack while driving while I was severely hungover. I thought I was dying of alcohol poisoning. One terrifying ambulance and hospital trip later, I was mired with horrible shame and an utterly terrifying fear of alcohol. My brain had learned that alcohol -> panic attack -> shame -> I'm a terrible person and I've failed. This is a big part of where my health anxiety stems from I've learned. I want to control what goes into my body to ensure I'm maximally healthy so I never panic again. Moreover, my brain learned to demonize alcohol and shame me HORRIBLY for ever indulging in it again. Drinking alcohol -> I'm a terrible person. Both these things in conjunction began a patter of OCD behaviors trying to perfectly optimize my food and drink intake while also feeling deeply afraid and ashamed for still wanting to eat junk food and drink booze. Point is, there is a root to this OCD. My ruminations and checking are not just "parts of a disease" they are an effort to assure I never have a panic attack again, and avoid behaviors that lead to feel intense shame (drinking booze). Similar thing happened recently after a traumatic relationship. She and I loved each other dearly, but I was constantly crippled by feelings of anxiety and feeling "less than" her. This again culminated in INTENSE shame, fear and anger directed at her (which fueled the shame cycle), ruminations to always "solve" my anxiety and be the "perfect" boyfriend who always made her happy and solved all her issues. Even after this relationship, I have ROCD behaviors and ruminations about family members and friends sometimes. My brain DESPERATELY wants to know that I'm "enough" and to avoid all behaviors it irrationally views as "shameful." Queue feelings of fear towards social interactions, which then reinforces the shame for wanting to avoid anxiety inducing social interactions. My point again is, these don't seem like meaningless compulsions and behaviors. They may (or may not) stem from genetic factors, chemical imbalances, etc. Who knows. But my OCD behaviors have pretty clear beginnings and they are PROTECTIVE measures that my brain learned to keep me safe from health concerns and fear. They aren't simply useless things my brain does on repeat. My brain is smarter than that and so is yours. They don't do things for utterly no reason. I am not a therapist and please do not take any of this as more than food for thought. You may also find that there is a deeper reason behind your behavior than you think. Happy Holidays, everyone here is "enough" just as you are and I feel your struggles. I hope you all can find some peace :) I need some peace and love too.

can somebody help me I’m currently having a panic attack I feel like such a bad person because while I was in a talking stage with my now current boyfriend I thought it was OK to leave my options open and kinda get to know other people and before I really got to lock in with my now current boyfriend I thought that all I would be good for was Situationships and friends with benefits and I didn’t really treat our early talking stage as really serious and I got really distant with him because I was scared that he would want a relationship out of me at that time, and it made me scared because whenever I got into a relationship in the past, I got this on waving feeling of guilt that I could never shake off until I broke up with that person so I just distance myself from him in the early stage because I was too scared and then when I decided I wanted to lock in with talking staging with him, I cut off all types with all the other people even though I kinda wasn’t really talking to other people at that point it was just him I don’t feel like I really don’t deserve him because the way I acted before I locked in with him and I got in a relationship with him. He is the first person that I’ve been in a relationship with that I never got the feeling of guilt like I did with my past ones and I don’t wanna mess it up. I know this is all sounding really erratic. I just wanna get my thoughts down and it’s hard to sound consistent when you’re having a panic attack, but I just need help. I know what I did was wrong and I shouldn’t have had my options open while I was talking with him because it’s a really shitty thing to do to talk to multiple people and then decided to lock him with one of them leave the other one behind. I don’t deserve him at all. Can somebody please give me their insight.

I hate to be negative Nancy, but I would love to know if anyone else has felt this. When starting therapy, I was so eager to get right into it. Lately, I find myself spiraling out about how it’s too much and I’ve bitten off more than I can chew. I worry that I haven’t made the right choice in approaching this and dealing with it rather than just putting it off. I’m not quitting and I remain transparent with my therapist but I have these bouts randomly. If you have any encouragement or words of wisdom, please share. ❤️

I need to rant to people who might actually understand. I am really freaking out. My boyfriend and I are long distance, and have been for most of our 1 1/2 year relationship. Every visit we’ve had so far I’ve felt has reassured me and made me feel more connected to him… except this last one. I gelt disconnected from him the whole trip, felt like he was distant or frustrated or something 90% of the time, and anytime we talked about it he got frustrated because he didn’t know what I was talking about, which ended up reenforcing my fear that he was frustrated with me. It was a very bad emotional trip for me, although he has told me he disagrees, and I am terrified for what it means for the future of our relationship. I was hoping to be able to have a normal conversation with him tonight on our nightly phone call and maybe push some of those feelings aside but something has come up to where he can’t call me at all and he’s in a bad mood. I know *logically* I’ve done nothing wrong and he is frustrated by something happening in his own life but I am CONVINCED I did something to upset him and I am trying really hard to not pester him with “are you sure you aren’t mad at ME” texts for fear of upsetting him more, and causing more of a rift that may or may not be there. Any time I try and talk to someone in my life about this cycle they tell me to talk to him but I think that’s the issue, he doesn’t understand anxiety or OCD and talking to him doesn’t ever seem to do anything good. It either makes him feel bad or me feel worse. At this point I think my only option is to cry and panic alone because at least it’s not a compulsion or affecting someone else’s life