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To anyone on here, what’s your longest lasting theme, when you finally got through it how did you feel? Also hope everyone’s having a great day

Really struggling with the SOOCD this week! I know I shouldn’t use reassurance or rumination but today none of my reassurance methods are even working. It just feels like I’ve been lying to myself and using OCD as an excuses to not be a lesbian 😭I really want to be with a man but any time I get close to dating I just feel sick like it’s not what I really want when it’s all I’ve ever wanted 😭 then I just think I only want to have sex with a man because I want the cuddles and intimacy and to have more kids but my brain js telling me cause I find same sex intimacy arousing that really I should be with a woman but I can’t imagine being with a woman romantically 🙈 I’m so lost I’m at the rock bottom where I just feel like I need to admit to myself I’m a lesbian because none of the normal glimmers of light that remind me I’ve been attracted to men before are coming through 😭😭😭😭 help!!

does anyone else get anxiety in the morning for no apparent reason? i wake up and feel so anxious to the point that i'm trembling, i feel cold but my palms are sweating, and my heart rate is so fast. i wasn't having many thoughts regarding OCD when i first woke up, but then i felt like i had to think them and caused myself more anxiety?? has anyone else had this experience?

Does anyone else have the subtype of false memory? Where their minds will try to convince them they’ve done something they didn’t. It feels so real and I can’t get this one false memory intrusive thought out of my head and I’ve been feeling the guilt of it as if it actually happened and I’m so spun up in it I’m like I don’t even know it I did this thing or not. Help :(

I’m the kind of person who hates to be inbetween. I want to be here or there. I’m very lazy with ocd and sometimes very okay with agreeing with the negative thoughts because at this point I don’t mind agreeing if it guarantees I stop spending my whole day questioning. I’ll rather agree my fears are real and deal with the pain that comes with it. Yesterday I panicked a whole lot and had to give in to the fear. I felt calm after, I convinced myself it was my truth and decided to stick with the identity especially because it’s a weird and specific theme that might not really be understood and will be judged by others if I was to explain it. I gave in and it felt really painful like really painful then I felt calm then it felt like the pain washed away. At this point I was confused. Wanted to continue to remind myself of the identity I chose at it started to feel like I was forcing it. So I thought “Maybe my fears are not what I think it is” started to relax into that realisation but weird feelings I didn’t understand came up, I didn’t care to analyze because I was exhausted. It was 3am in the morning and I just wanted sleep with the little calm I felt. I woke up this morning incredibly anxious. I’m back being uncertain. Ocd won’t let me pick a side. I don’t know what is true for me and my future and now I think I’m just forced to sit with uncertainty. I have to deal with it and not try to agree nor disagree. My memory are back to feeling incredibly negative and I’m really confused on why I have to sit with not knowing what is real or not even if negative feelings come up.

i was diagnosed this morning and i can’t stop questioning the diagnosis. i’m currently struggling with tocd and up until recently the thoughts have started to come with false emotions. i get butterflies a lot when i’m anxious and sometimes i get scared that the butterflies are actually me being drawn to the thought. so i just want to summaries my whole experience with this disorder. so, when i was only 4 years old i had a very strong urge to touch all of the corners in the room. nothing would feel right if i didn’t. when i was 10 i had to do everything 6 times, had to say “night, night” as my last words, and had to get to the door before the garage closed or i thought i’d die. when i was 11, i started experiencing what i think was existential ocd. nothing felt real. i constantly asked my mum for reassurance that i’m real. i remember avoiding going out because i felt so dissociated. i was so scared of developing derealisation and depersonalisation and frequently checked in mirrors to see if i recognised myself, and i would also type out the word ‘derealisation’ on a keyboard on my ipad to see if the word came up. if it didn’t come up, i felt okay. but i literally couldn’t watch movies like the matrix because i was terrified. now fast forward to when i was 12, i feared i was becoming a psychopath. i genuinely worried that i would grow up to be a murderer. i would have frequent intrusive images that would cause distress. i also had pocd around this age. for pocd in particular, i saved many tiktok videos to reassure myself that i wasnt becoming a pedofile. now i’m almost 14. yeah, i’m young. but my current theme tocd is really not questioning. i’m going to summarise my experience with it a little bit here. i use envy men a lot. like i always thought they got more attention, more power and people swooned over them more than women. i was introduced to a popular fandom at the start of 2025 which i literally loved. the main ship were two straight men. i shipped them. i admired the dynamic. their ship got the most attention in the show. i of course blamed that on gender. i got very jealous of the attention and wanted to be in a relationship like that. like i would try and act like one of the characters (i didn’t try to look like him i just wanted to be like him because he seemed cool) and imagined myself being with a boy (me as a girl though) and basically ‘wearing the pants’ in the relationship because the more dominant man in a mlm or even the most dominant person in a straight ship always seem like the coolest. i still imagined myself as a woman like i didn’t want to be in a gay relationship, i wanted to be in a straight relationship. but in july last year i saw a video that resonated with me. it said “i want to be in a mlm relationship as a woman” and the top comment was “this is how i found out i was trans btw” and that dont scare me. but then i got curious. i didn’t feel like a boy and i still don’t now. so i went onto chatgpt… yeah i know. not the best. but i told it about what i was going through and it said all these different labels which i didnt understand. demigirl however, resonated with me. at least i thought it did. i few weeks later it kinda just wore off. but i started to get involved with political matters and yada yada i was an alt girl. i was very accepting of the lgbtqia community. i wanted a future in human rights or politics. i think i kind of tried to push labels onto myself as the alt community is very diverse. so i just left that aesthetic because again, it wore off. but in november i had a dream of me wearing a suit and tie. it freaked me tf out. like i was asking chatgpt why i had that dream. this is where my tocd started. (i have a history with ocd). i basically got really scared and started compulsively checking my memories, my feelings and i had so many uncomfortable intrusive thoughts of me as a boy. god it’s scary. this ocd subtype ruined my holiday, my christmas and more. i start school tomorrow and i’m nervous as. all of the things i wrote here are extremely hazy as ocd kind of gives me false memories. so, yeah. i don’t feel like a guy. never have. i literally had pinterest boards of feminine clothing i wanted to wear when i was a mum/older. all i ever wanted was to be a beautiful, feminine woman. i forgot to mention that the other night i did my makeup and felt so happy. i was happy with what i looked like and for a moment, i felt absolute certainty in my gender. but then the doubt came back in 😒 so, that’s it! thanks for reading. what are your thoughts? do i sound like i have ocd or was my psychologist wrong?

Hello! I am new to NOCD I am coming on here to share my experience, a few months ago I was having a ROCD issues and I thought they were pretty bad to the extent I decided to look into this type of therapy for it then. It took a while for me to finally decide to do it but now that I have I haven’t had any ROCD symptoms in a month or so and I’m wondering if anyone else experiences this with their ocd where sometimes it seems like you don’t even have it anymore? It’s making me wonder if I even need therapy for ocd? Thanks!

I am seventeen, turning eighteen in a month, and things in my family have been rough for the last couple years. I have a few subtype of ocd and most likely autism, though my family doesn't want an evaluation. I'm not the best at phrasing things or noticing my tone, and a lot of the time get asked why I look sad, even if I'm not. Emotions aren't easy for me to express, and I struggle with noticing things out of place around the house, and certain compulsions are inconvenient, mainly when I cook or wash my hands a lot. Anyways, things started getting worse a couple years ago. I started keeping up with politics and ended up despising both of the major political parties where I live. I respect everyone's right to an opinion, but I am the only one not aligned with the party they support, so I normally get told to stop talking to avoid a fight, even if I'm asking questions to genuinely understand. Like I said, I struggle wording things less bluntly, but I've tried to explain my intentions. We got into a fight after I mentioned an assignment to my father and he turned it into a race and politics issue. Now, my faith has always been important to me, and that is a large part of why I disagree with the people they support. I mentioned something about how avoiding generalizations and viewing everyone the same, as children made in God's image, and was told that I don't have enough experience for what I say. I am a sophomore in college and live at home, but I don't think that means I can't say everyone deserves the same respect. He started talking about how my "ethics and morals" (to which I corrected my faith) would get me killed because I was stupid. I said that defending my faith even with my life was quite literally one of the things Jesus talked about and would not go directly against His teachings and got seriously yelled at for and told that it didn't matter in the real world and then, as I tried to leave, that if God was so important to me to respect my father and mother. I said that I do, but not more than God. So that also got me yelled at for, and I finished the housework and attempted to workout and then journalled for a few hours. When my mother got home, I tried to explain that I do respect them both but wouldn't go against God, the same way I argued when my father defended Nazi ideas and Nazis. So she said that he didn't mean it and that it was months ago, so why was it a big deal? I said because it was a moral issue. She asked why we couldn't agree to disagree, and I said that didn't apply to genocide. Then I said it was against the religion that they had raised me in, and that it made me feel unsafe. She started yelling and said if I felt so unsafe she could call someone and put me in foster care, but that they wouldn't tolerate my ocd. I said I just wanted to know it wasn't true, so my father came and it still took a few minutes to convince him to say he didn't believe it, and that I hurt him by saying he was a bad person. Also, he mentioned again that I b could just move out when I turned eighteen. He said I should get a dorm in the fall. So now they are both saying what I said was hurtful and my mother asked me earlier to apologize, which I didn't, but I don't understand how what I said was more hurtful. I called other family members just so I wouldn't spiral and have been on this app for a while. Does anyone have any advice? I genuinely don't know what to do.

Does anyone else have these problem and you just lay in bed thinking about all the bad things?

Thoughts? Do y’all ever worry about that or self isolate?

Yesterday i had that heart dropping feelings again and then my heartbeat just felt off. I didnt go to the ER and even though i haven’t shown any weird symptoms today, I feel like i want to go now. My boyfriend stayed home from work yesterday in case anything happened, and I took like a 5 hour nap. I also have been sleeping really deeply lately. Im worried my heart is off beat or irregular or something, but the only way I have been checking is by feeling my pulse on my neck which i am trying to stop because it only leads to no answer really. I feel anxious about it but i am trying to move on with my day. I have a gyno appointment on the 4th, maybe i can ask for an ekg then?

Like awful thoughts and scared you’re gonna act on them. Like what’s stopping me? Besides the fast that the last thing I want to do is something awful!

Not really associated with the ocd like I have always been sensitive as a kid but sensitivity like if you call my shirt ugly or said something offensive I would cry and I never had autism or like anything no offense to anyone I’m saying I was just sensitive because I was and it could be from growing up my house wasn’t to big as now but was a big house and then now anything to do with my ocd I get triggered as well but like yeah but can anyone relate everyone is like I’m an empath so my emotions are drained and I have always been a good person but the thing is I don’t even think I was such or anything as kid I was builled when I was a kid I went through normal stuff and big stuff and I’m still sensitive can anyone relate to being sensitive not only the empath like if you get what I mean

I’ve had depression since I was a teen and it really affected my attraction towards men even if I used to be a hopeless romantic. I just felt really numb and I went on with life not dating or even doing anything with anyone but kinda had it mind I was either straight or asexual at that point . My friends would always wonder if I was attracted to men by which oh well I wasn’t but I knew why. It was so easy for hocd to get me😂 So here’s how hocd got me. I was on a phone call with my friends and we started talking about a particular fashion brand. I was scrolling through their instagram and thought a model was genuinely cool (I wanted to be as cool as her because I wanted to be a model too) so I told my friends I thought she was cool. They laughed and said they knew I was gay. I was confused and tried to tell them it wasn’t anything like that and they kinda brushed it off. The call ended and I started to think about what they said and suddenly I panicked real hard! “WHAT IF I’M GAY??” Now I’m not homophobic but this was a huge identity threat. From then on it was something. I checked and checked. I felt those feelings. I had groinal responses. I thought about an old close friend from highschool and my memory convinced me I liked her and didn’t realize. Everytime I saw a woman I was convinced I was attracted to her. At a point I got scared I was attracted to my mum HOW SILLY IS THAT. My TikTok search was filled with gay couples because I kept checking and feeling and checking. The feelings felt way too real and I spiralled and even got more depressed. I searched on google and somehow It led me to knowing what hocd was. I did everything I could to accept the thoughts and not engage. I tried to reach out to a therapist from my country and he said “if you don’t want to be gay then don’t be?” Huh??. Atp I had to find my way to do erp myself but how real the feelings felt still made me scared. I really tried but I was too weak for ocd. It was too much and It was starting to really convince me so I surrendered. I accepted everything that came with it. Infact I was totally convinced I had a crush on a friend. I got so tired of fighting and went about my day and accepted my reality for a while. If I was gay so damn what? Who’s gonna check me? Until someday I randomly realized I wasn’t actually attracted to women. I didn’t go for any woman or care about them more than friends. I actually thought I was gay until it started to feel like I was lying to myself. I suddenly realized I wasn’t and shrugged it off like it was nothing. I really didn’t care. It didn’t matter anymore if I did or didn’t. My actions weren’t really replicating those thoughts and feelings. I thought “I guess I’m not” I wouldn’t say you should go about it the way I did because I realized ocd healing is very different for everyone. And me actually deciding to believe it can cause someone else to spiral badly. What works for everyone might not work for you. For me not engaging those thoughts made it hard to even do things in my day to day life. I couldn’t do anything else. I was rock bottom. Maybe me accepting was some form of long term erp. But I found my way to healing unknowingly. It’s been years and ocd recently focused on some other theme that was really serious because it involved my partner( A man btw) and I’m backing here trying to heal and I understand my feelings better now about the relationship and it wasn’t what I thought it was. I’m sure this also something I’ll overcome. I guess I let fear and panic get the best of me in the most random moment. Also hoping to work on emotional regulation so I don’t panic in ways ocd loves in future. Stay blessed. I hope everyone here finds their way to healing.

I sometimes worry my intentions are not always good when trying to do something nice for others I feel like a horrible person my relationship with my husband was starting to struggle due to my ocd ptsd and it was putting strain on our marriage and his patience was starting to run thin with financial stress plus work all with our home life understandably I was upset and also frustrated because we had to postpone our honeymoon and frustrated over the arguments we we where having he wanted to get eye surgery done but was reluctant because over not knowing if we could afford it or not but I felt bad and wanted to make it up to him after a difficult night with me obsessing again I was very depressed and thought if I could set up the consolation around the time one of my back payments from social sec would come in I could surprise him and maybe even pay for it so I called and set it up i don’t know though if it was around that time or a little after though I started feeling upset with him again either remembering the disagreement the night before or sometime later that day during or after the call I realized it was also something I could hold over his head which is awful I really wanted to so something nice for him though but I guess still felt upset over everything going on during that time he was excited for the consolation and went came home said it was pretty expensive and wasn’t sure if it was the right move which I kinda felt the same but didn’t wanna tell him no either and also did believe GOD would work it all out which I said and told him to go for it once again same thing you could hold it over his head and was hoping he might change his mind because how expensive it was mixed emotions wanting him to be happy but feeling upset still too he said he would think about it and I asked him if he decided yet I think a day or 2 after he didn’t know yet I guess I kinda thought he decided not to well one dumb ocd filled night I looked through his phone something I also feel guilty about and saw that he had a appointment scheduled and I felt upset because I thought he would have let me known he was going to do it after all and gotten into it with him again he said he could cancel I told him not to once again that horrible idea of I could hold it over his head I was just so angry and depressed at the time and after he got it done he was complaining about bills and everything else I was upset and and mentioned his eyes surgery I feel like a awful person everything was just very hard and we both where getting on each others nerves I feel like a horrible Because now he is starting to say he failed us randomly today and I feel awful because it’s my fault I feel like I put that in his head for complaining about the eye surgery I told him to get I feel like I’m the one who put us in a financial bind and now making him doubt himself I really wanted to him to be happy and get it but that part of me that was angry and wanted to hold it over his head feels like a part that I can’t get over my intentions may have started out good but now I feel like a bad person for the mixed emotions like is this awful am I a horrible person 😭

I had a date with a girl some years ago. We went out, drank a lot with her friends, and ended up at her place. We kissed a bit, but didn't have sex as she said not on the first date and that was no issue with me. There was some cuddling and I recall rubbing her leg and breast a bit briefly during it. There was indication that I crossed a line from her, no push back, no “no” or “stop”. I barely slept. I want to say that firstly, I would never engage in something non-consenual sexually. I understand how important consent is. The added blurred lines of drunken, and borderline hungover at this point, hook up and cuddling are confusing to me. I keep thinking me touching her was unwelcome, that she may have been falling asleep or that was she wasn’t awake during the moment. She was draped over me with her leg for some of the night and I was obviously into her, but I cannot shake that I did something non-consensual, something I wouldn't do if I didn’t think it was warranted or OK. The day after all this, we exchanged a couple messages but she was busy with her friends so I left her be and mentioned my interest in a second date and if she was up for it. I didn't hear from her until about two days later, she never acknowledged the question. She dry texted and infrequently communicated, which is fine. I didn’t want to push for a second date again or try to continue a one sided chat. That said, I felt that broaching the subject of our drunk semi-hookup/cuddling was a difficult task at the time. Because I could tell there was no interest in further talking, I didn’t bring it up. I'm thinking back on this now, really struggling, and realizing my relationship with alcohol isn’t healthy as I’m a weekend warrior at heart but have convinced myself it’s fine to get belligerent most weekends once a night. I’m not sure where to turn. I’ve talked to a therapist about it, but I’m struggling to move on. I’m looking for any advice on how to do so.

I do not come on here much anymore but this app was extremely helpful to me during a very hard time in my life. With that being said, I am experiencing a significant flare up. It’s my first in quite a while. This happens to everyone. Even those who have reached recovery. Recovery is linear after all! Be kind to yourself, practice self-compassion, stay hydrated, eat balanced, practice your ERP and your ACT. We will get through this together.😊

Has anyone ever had a weird moment we’re you feel calm and you get a urge like what if you just went and became bad anyway or acted on it anyways and it feels very urgent like you would do it and it almost feels like you want it and that your bad, i felt no anxiety and it comes randomly when I’m calm and sometimes I bring it on myself and I don’t know how to deal with it but it feels extremely real and like it’s my own desire

My boyfriend used to be friends with this girl before he met me. He told me they were friends for about two months, and they sat next to each other in a class they shared. They had each other’s numbers, but she never had social media. I’d see them walking around together sometimes but never cared because I didn’t even know who he was or anything. I did know who she was, though, because she was friends with my best friend and she was briefly in my Spanish class. I was very jealous of her because she was so naturally pretty. Anyway, my boyfriend had liked me for a while until he finally approached me and we started talking. He stopped being friends with her because she “played with his feelings” and confused him. I guess she made it seem like she liked him or something, but then he heard from one of his friends that she was a lesbian, idk. He said he never saw her in that way to begin with and that he just wanted friends because he was new. He told me they never hung out outside of school. He said they planned to go eat somewhere by our school one time but never did. He also said she would ghost him. Anyway, I never questioned her or anything like that for the first year of our relationship. I never felt insecure either, and I fully believed I was the only girl in the world to my boyfriend. He told me he had been cheated on in the past, and someone very close to him had been cheated on as well, so I never believed he could do that to me. I also know his mom would be very upset—he was raised around mostly women in a Hispanic household. Some months ago, he sent me a screenshot of something on Instagram, and her account was in his suggestions, even though they had no mutuals. She had just created a social media account, which, as I said, she never had before. That’s the day I started overthinking. I stalked her a lot, and I was so incredibly jealous—still am. I want to be her so badly. I began questioning my boyfriend about her. I’d ask him about their relationship and whether he liked her or found her attractive, and I’d do it all the time. He always said he’d never liked her and that he found her very ugly. Some things he said were that she always had eye boogers, was performative, anorexic, and ugly. I already told him the anorexic comment was weird, and that was a while ago. I think he thought that if he overly insulted her, it would make me stop being stubborn and believe him, but that wasn’t the case. Anyway, a mutual friend my boyfriend and I used to have said he would give her snacks sometimes and would black out all the nutritional information since she had an ED. She also said he made a pros and cons list about her and that he liked the idea of her. This mutual friend lies a lot, though, apparently, but my boyfriend said the snack thing was true. He also had another girl friend who I know posts Gracie sometimes, which makes me insecure because he sees her on that friend’s stories. Her name is Gracie, so I’ll call her that to avoid confusion. He went to a friend’s birthday party about three months ago. This is the same friend who posts Gracie sometimes, so I knew Gracie would be there. I didn’t feel comfortable with my boyfriend going and being around her because I was so insecure. I told him to ask the girl friend if Gracie was going to be there. At first, he made it sound like he texted her to ask and that she hadn’t responded yet. Then the next day, he said he had called her in the morning to ask, but she hung up and said she was busy. He then called in the afternoon but didn’t get an answer. The morning call wasn’t even in his call log, though. I feel like he knew Gracie would be there and didn’t want to ask, or maybe he did ask but didn’t tell me because he wanted to go to the party and knew I wouldn’t let him if she were there. He ended up going to a different girl’s house than the one whose birthday it was (the girl he had called to ask if Gracie was going). The girl whose house he went to is named Nicole, who’s best friends with Gracie, and he knew that. Nicole was hosting the birthday party for the girl friend. He told me he had no clue it was going to be at Nicole’s house. He said he saw Gracie briefly, but that she was in Nicole’s room all night. I saw some pictures where she was out in the living room. There was even one picture of her lying down with the girl whose birthday it was (my boyfriend’s friend), and my boyfriend’s jacket was hanging on a chair right next to her. He said he had just left it in the living room. He never took pictures showing all of his surroundings, but maybe he didn’t want people to see he was taking pictures, idk. I’m scared he actually was around her, though, but he swore he wasn’t. Anyway, I kept stalking her Instagram after that. Last week, she posted pictures of herself to “Beetles” by Aphex Twin. I saw that same song on my boyfriend’s Airbuds seven hours later. He had never listened to that song before, so it was weird that the same day she posted herself to it, he happened to listen to it. He said he saw it in an edit on TikTok. He went through his watch history but couldn’t find the video, so then he said it might’ve been on YouTube or Instagram, but he couldn’t remember. That song isn’t popular at all, though, and only has around 100 videos on TikTok and Instagram. I couldn’t even find a video with that song on YouTube. He told me it was an original sound, so it wouldn’t be under the sound on Instagram or TikTok. Idk, it’s just so weird to me. He also switched between calling her Grace and Gracie. He told me “Grace” was just a typo until he said “Grace” on a call and I questioned him. Then he said Grace is her real name and that he doesn’t call her that on purpose. I also asked him one time if she has lip filler because she has amazing lips and I was jealous. He said, “No, she just pouts a lot.” I asked how he knew that, and he said that’s what he remembered from two years ago (the last time they were friends). I also found her Spotify and stalked it, which I know I shouldn’t have, but they both listen to some not-so-popular artists. She had a lot of Steely Dan songs on her playlists, and she also had the Twin Peaks theme song and a whole Twin Peaks playlist. My boyfriend had a Steely Dan song on one of his playlists along with the Twin Peaks theme song. I’ve felt so sick for the past few days because of their similarities in music. A lot of this stuff is just what-ifs or theories. I think the only thing that is actually fishy is the whole “Beetles” thing. My boyfriend has offered to give me all of his socials, and he’s sent me some of his messages, but he could obviously just delete things. I always decline the socials because that feels toxic to me. He always tells me he would never cheat on me because he knows how horrible it is and that he could never do that to me. He also always says he doesn’t have a car, doesn’t have a job, and is always at home, so how would he cheat—which is weird to me, idk. We’re long distance, by the way. We were in person for about six months and then long distance. I’m 19 and he is 20, and he’s planning on moving here next month. I don’t know what to do, but I feel so sick. He also won’t give me reassurance anymore. He said he’s been doing research on ROCD and that reassurance is bad. He never cared before, so I thought it was weird that he cares now, but he said it’s because every time he gives reassurance, it’s not enough for me. He also started following and listening to a new artist maybe a week ago, and he added one of her songs to his playlist. Gracie just made a playlist yesterday and added the same song. The singer isn’t very popular—her name is Cece Natalie—and the song has 1,020,106 listens and around 800 uses on TikTok, so it’s not popular. He cried to me a few weeks ago saying he’s so tired of me bringing her up and being insecure over her because she’s so irrelevant and he doesn’t understand why I am like this. He sounded just really exhausted and sincere so I think this is all in my head but it’s so hard to tell sometimes.

I have harm ocd and false memory ocd and last Saturday night I was in a pub and I had to go to the bathroom, on the walk there, I saw a woman standing close to the bathroom on her own and I got an intrusive thought to attack her, when I got back to my table, my knee was really sore and I had a small bruise on it, didn’t think much of it at the time, I was just confused as to why it hurt cause I couldn’t remember any impact. Later that night when I got into bed, I realised my knee started hurting just as I got back to my table and then I remembered the girl standing at the bathroom and my heart sank, I’m now worried that I had sex with her and can’t remember all the details or worse committed a crime and that’s why my knees are bruised and sore, I don’t drink because of my ocd so surely I’d remember every detail right?, the last few days have been horrible, I cant eat and all I want to do is find answers. Any tips cause it’s taking over my whole life?