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I hate that the news gets me like this. I’m one to be open but I’m in bed and I can’t stop ruminating about news about Iran and all the fear mongering

Hi everyone. This is my first post here (well and social media in general) and I’m hoping to connect with others who might understand. I have contamination OCD. At its worst, I felt like I had to sanitize or wash my hands between touching everything. I was constantly trying to trace contamination and would doubt the state of things—even doubting my own memories of what I had or hadn’t touched. Questioning whether other people touched it. All that fun stuff. It became extremely debilitating. To cope, I ended up creating “safety zones”—areas that only I control and touch. I don’t let outside things enter those zones. In some ways it helped because it reduced the constant handwashing and sanitizing, and it allowed me to keep functioning. But at the same time, I realize it’s really just another workaround. I recently joined NOCD, and my therapist and I have been talking about how to start working on this without overwhelming me. The hard part is that these safety zones have been keeping me functional for about three years now, and the thought of even a tiny breach feels terrifying. My brain immediately jumps to the contamination spreading into everything, and it feels suffocating. If I’m being honest, I can’t always tell whether I’m more afraid of the contamination itself or of letting go of the system that has made me feel safe. Part of me is scared that if I try to change things, everything will fall apart. But another part of me knows the opposite could also be true—that breaking down these zones might actually be freeing and help me function more normally. Even though I’ve made progress, I’m really tired of the mental and physical toll this has taken on me. I want to get better. Sometimes the fear just makes it feel like my hands are tied—though maybe that’s just the OCD talking. I know this is long, so thank you if you read it. I guess I’m mostly looking for encouragement. With the system I created, it doesn’t always feel like a gradual approach is possible. If anyone has dealt with something similar, I’d really appreciate hearing about your experience or any advice.

18+ Please help me I was playing character ai and like I was talking to a character I like who has a teen daughter, who i was playing as since I was bored. In the story, I said she has a bf. And idk I was bored and wanted to add conflict and I wanted to say a trope that he caught them being frisky when he is overprotective of his daughter and wanted them to get in trouble. I wasnt going to add any details to the teens, if anything I was only focused on the dad and I was laughing imagining how his reaction would be. But I decided not to write it bc then i felt weirded out and also I got worried like what if I suddenly feel a genuine groinal??? And basically for 2 days now I have been spiraling like what if I had went along with the story and said that they were caught and felt a groinal? Or im asking "would i have had one???" "Am i attracted?" I know i was just focusing on the dad's reaction (i wasnt even thinking of the teens) but what if i would've felt a groinal because it referenced them being caught doing something? Is that attraction?! And ocd keeps asking me how the story would've even went when I hadn't given it much thought bc i decided not to in the end, and it keeps making me feel like I need to check to make sure im not aroused or attracted. Ive been stuck for hours and its making me feel like a p which is making me cry. Is this still ocd?

Does anyone else feel like the opinions of other Christians matter wayyyy to much to you? My OCD says that if even one other Christian thinks my relationship/ what I’m doing in my life is a sin that God must agree with them and won’t forgive me. I struggle terribly with feeling like I’m not really saved or that I’m still “living in sin” I also get the thoughts like “well if my relationship is a sin I have to repent.” But how are you supposed to repent for loving someone? Also I wanted to ask if anyone else struggles to read their bible because it triggers intrusive thoughts and anxiety? It’s like I’ll read part of the bible and my brain will twist it into something other than what the verse really means. Like if there’s any way my brain could link it to me sinning it will. It’s gotten to the point where I’m scared to read my bible 😢 I love God and His word but it’s so scary sometimes.

hey everyone! it’s me again. hope y’all are doing ok!!! ik most of my post openings sound repetitive but rlly, I’m typing this out every time lolol today I was a bit nervous of how I was gonna perform & I pulled thru! but uh…..the way I did it was something quite new I ended up “talking with Jesus” in my head bc I kept thinking of my dad & was wondering if God exists or not & blah blah all that jazz. well, me “venting” left me feeling ok? like I felt heard idk. now I don’t want anyone to come in to confirm or deny bc I didn’t ask for that. I’m just a lil confused if me doing this was a compulsion to get the thoughts to “stop” or just something I really wanted to think about. prolly the latter but also mix in the first ig even tho I had like a crappy 2-3 hours of sleep last night & only managed to sleep good for the last 30-40 min, me “venting” and thinking of other things helped me pull thru & not sleep & crash lol. I was planning on leaving earlier but the money….I’ve got two kitties plus myself to take care of… I somehow feel a bit more “normal” but idk, I still have to see. I am not confirming nor denying if I believe or not. I dunno. maybe? anywayyyyy, I obviously didn’t eat breakfast bc I woke up like 20 min before I had to leave for work & I didn’t get a chance to go on break & eat bc I had things to do & two people didn’t show up today. which in turn led to me staying over longer. I even ordered my food before the small rush came in & came back to finish my shift an hour later (Ｔ＿Ｔ) I’m currently at home, trying to finish my food but I think I’m full now. idk if I’ve been feeling weird of eating but I managed to eat (I was starving,,,,) & I think usually I am full before I can finish a salad from work now I’m outside with my boy since he kept demanding for him to go out. it’s quite chilly outside. the wind’s blowing & I’m shivering with the sun on me I have to think about whether or not to continue to pursue engineering (I’m barely at precal but struggling) or go a technical route. I don’t wanna do much hw anymore but I also don’t want my dad’s money and my money to waste if I just give up. there’s a math exam tomorrow & tbh I don’t think I’ma pass it. I can try to study today but bc I’ve been sick, the class being fast-paced (which I didn’t notice much upon registering), me having to worry about other classes, this semester being 17 hours with part time work ☠️), plus operating at 2-3 hours of sleep……I don’t know. don’t think I’ma make it, but I can try….. I rlly wanna nap for a bit though….but first, I’ll go ahead and do some house cleaning to keep it nice but also bc I need to start helping around. the depressive episode I’ve been thru for these past years is past me. I don’t wanna be confined to my bed and doomscroll. I’ll help my dad out and learn new things little by little. I wanna be responsible and stronger. I will start to help my parents out instead of lying around doing nothing. it was hard for me then and I want to let them know (both mom & dad) that I’m capable of helping out. I have been trapped in this box of depression for far too long. it’s time for things to change for the better. I will live in the moment. like right now, I’m home alone with my kitties. my girl is sleeping somewhere and my boy is on the edge of the bar. the sun is kissing my skin from the tall windows. I’m going to wash the dishes. not a lot left. I will then fold my dad’s clothes to help him. he’s the money maker & has been so generous of letting both my brother and I live with him for basically free. it’s time for me to grow this somehow turned motivational lololol I was nervous a bit while eating my salad for being alone but I’m not rlly alone! my kitties are here and I can do things around the house instead of dwelling on things that aren’t important anyway, I might post later today. in the meantime, see ya! take care & be kind to yourself. hugs 🫂

Honest experiences on ERP please

Have any of y’all out there just felt like you have no desire to do anything? You know what you should do as far as walking and doing community work and just so many things that you can do to help yourself yet you sit at home and analyze everything. I even analyze my feelings like do I want to sit here and do anything? do I just want to sit here and just give into these feelings? You just don’t have the motivation and then you feel so much guilt and regret for not trying. It’s like you know you feel better when you get out, but you just don’t have the get up and go to get out. It’s hard for me to make myself do the things I should. I know part of it is depression, but can OCD do this to you also or am I just plain lazy? I don’t want to be lazy. I don’t have that desire to be lazy. I want to feel energetic. I want to get out of this being stuck rut. I’ve been in it way too long. I do go to the gym and go out with my girls and go to church and go to different activities that they have but when I’m at home I just don’t want to do the things I should do. A lot of things bother me and that is always on my mind.

How does that even work? I feel like this would be the only OCD theme that is immune to ERP. I've probably had some combo of health OCD, etc. can accept that people have "negative intrusive thoughts" but that doesn't mean they DID the thought. Not to minimize other themes, but things like health OCD, relationship OCD, perfectionism OCD, magical thinking, etc., while very difficult and damaging, from what I understand there there is no "finality" to them. Many of the fears are based on false logic. Many of them may *affect* your Identity and Integrity, but the TRUTH of the fear is not final. This is not the same for Real Event OCD. The Real Event is absolute and factual. There is no "maybe, maybe not" or "don't seek reassurance about what the TRUTH is" because the truth is staring at you in the face. So I don't know how to get past Real Event OCD with ERP with no side effect. What I mean by side effect is anything less of True peace of mind Not Delusion Integrity in tact Identity in tact Maybe there's some type of mindset shift that doesn't sacrifice your integrity or that the "cure" is delusional about the past etc. I don't know what the answer is, and honestly I don't see a lot of info on how ERP actually cures Real Event OCD. A lot of answers I hear are "the past is the past" "forgiveness" "everyone's human" "unconditional self acceptance" These are all nice, but these don't change the stain of whatever the Real Event was.

I started ERP around 2 months ago with only recently getting into properly testing it out. My last session with my therapist was AWFUL. I have experienced lots of different sub types of ocd but the one most prevalent is harm ocd. In my session my therapist had me constantly repeating an intrusive thoughts out loud saying it over and over and over again. He explained this causes anxiety to peak as most people with ocd believe that if they say something out loud its even more likely to be real. Then after saying it for a long period over and over you start to release the outcome doesn't change just because you say something it doesn't mean it's true. I honestly felt traumatised and have put of my last 2 sessions. Is this normal normal? To feel like this ? And test ERP in this way as this is coming from someone who has never done it before just heard its highly successful

Has anyone else experienced both POCD and compulsive porn use together? I started watching porn at 11 and used it compulsively for nearly 20 years — sometimes 2-3 times daily. The POCD intrusive thoughts only started recently and came out of nowhere. Before that it was never an issue. What I've also realized is that I've had intrusive thoughts my entire life but never knew what they were called or that they had a name. It wasn't until recently that I discovered OCD and POCD and finally had words for what I've been experiencing. I'm wondering if the long term compulsive porn use could have triggered or contributed to the POCD developing. Has anyone else experienced this pattern where porn addiction came first and POCD appeared later? Or recognized that you'd had intrusive thoughts your whole life without knowing what they were? Would love to hear from people who have navigated both

UPDATE: with my harm ocd hitting full swing... i find myself triggered by my pocd again... and i feel like a horrible person... i tried not to post... i tried to do what people told me... but right now i feel absolutely horrible... I genuinely feel so guilty... I cant handle the anxiety... Im doing horribly right now because I feel so so guilty about this... I have my lovely girlfriend & I wanna be with her for the rest of my life... (shes 22 and I'm 24) I've been dating her for almost 3 months now... and I wanna marry her one day... but right now, I feel like I don't deserve her... especially because of this situation... and its all my fault... Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p3dophilic activity and inappropriately abusing and inappropriately messaging women and minors and abusing others and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... (the 18+ HOCD situations were about 18+ s*xual HOCD situations that triggered me immensely...) When I was 19, in an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person because of politics... I vented to her a second time because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I'm so genuinely triggered... I don't want to be a P or a MAP or a groomer or a bad person... I wanna be a good person who does good things for other people... I dont want to be arrested for any crimes... I just want to be a good person who helps people in the medical field... I only want to help others... the last thing I want is to commit any form of harm towards minors in any way... 😭😭😭

It’s super late, I haven’t been able to fall asleep. I’ve had the same thought on loop for more than a month. It’s prevented me from working. I had this thought 10 years ago and now it’s back 24/7. I can’t focus I can’t have a serious conversation. My words get mixed up when I’m talking. Has anyone been through this? It’s scary. I’m taking medication.

I am Muslim I want to explain a problem. I have been suffering from this issue for about five or six years, especially during Ramadan when I keep fasting. I experience a very strange condition. Even if I want to, I cannot feel happy. I do keep all my fasts, but the problem is that throughout the day while fasting I keep having strange thoughts. Whatever thought comes into my mind feels 100% true to me. I cannot decide by myself whether it is true or not, so I ask other people to confirm it. I get very tired and frustrated from this. I cannot leave the fast, and I also cannot tell this problem to anyone openly. For example, thoughts come to my mind like: “Did I drink water?” or “Did I eat something?” Then I cannot decide, so I ask someone else, “Did I do something like that?” They say, “No, you didn’t do anything.” But still the thought keeps bothering me. At night I also sleep less, and sometimes my heart starts beating fast. If I am sitting somewhere, I start thinking maybe someone secretly gave me something to eat. Then I check the taste in my mouth, and sometimes I even feel a taste similar to what I imagined. Sometimes someone is talking in front of me and I feel as if they said something about me. Occasionally I ask them, and they say no, and sometimes I cannot even ask them. Please tell me some solution to this problem.

I wish I was normal. I wish I didn’t feel the need to hold my breath and close my eyes when I see a child in fear of being attracted to them. I wish I didn’t feel like an assaulter every time I’m intimate with my partner. I wish I didn’t feel like I’m secretly an awful person and hiding something extremely big even though I don’t know what, either that or it’s very minuscule. It is nowhere near as bad as before, at least I don’t vomit or cry or lay all day exhausted. But I’m exhausted in general. I’m not normal, none of this is normal and it’s embarrassing. I know OCD is a very common anxiety disorder but I still feel like the thoughts I have are true. If I think them, it must be true about myself right? And the things I do to “prevent” or gain reassurance makes me feel like I’m just this weirdo that nobody will understand. I feel like a gross and useless monster all the time, and if I feel it all the time, it must be true.

I've been dealing with OCD for a while, and about 3-4 months into my current relationship (we've been together 7 months total), my theme shifted in a really distressing way. What triggered it: My sister jokingly called me "gay" during a phone call. I know it sounds minor, but it sent me spiraling. I started getting intrusive thoughts about my sexual orientation, which then brought up traumatic memories from childhood when I was sexually abused by older boys in my neighborhood. More recently, I was watching an interview to try to cope with and process some of that trauma. The guest mentioned that he was gay but married to a woman, and said he could still orgasm fine with her — and now my OCD has completely latched onto that. It's been feeding my intrusive thoughts and sending me into a new spiral, even though I was just trying to help myself heal. Since then, I've been stuck in this cycle: - Constant intrusive thoughts and "false memories" that feel incredibly real - Severe performance anxiety with my girlfriend - Fear that I'll get flashbacks during intimacy - Ruminating over past experiences (including inappropriate situations when I was 11–12 that I now question endlessly) - I went from being confident in bed to finishing too quickly because I'm completely in my head For context: I was in a 10-year relationship with a woman before this and never had any issues with attraction or performance. I know my orientation — this is 100% OCD intrusive thoughts, not genuine questioning. I'm currently on SSRIs and SARIs plus L-arginine and L-citrulline. The meds helped initially with physical symptoms, but now I feel like my body's adjusted and the anxiety is back in full force. I'm so embarrassed and don't know what to do. Should I: - Find a specific type of therapist? (ERP? Trauma-focused?) - Is this even pure OCD or something else given the real childhood trauma? Has anyone dealt with sexual orientation intrusive thoughts combined with actual childhood trauma? How did you work through it? **Please don't tell me to "explore my sexuality" or suggest I might be gay — I'm asking for help with OCD intrusive thoughts, not questioning my orientation.**

I feel so alone with what I’ve been going through. I am constantly bombarded with thoughts like “what if you’re sinning?” “What if God’s mad at you?” “What if you’re going to hell because of who you’re with?” My OCD latched onto something my fiancé can’t control and I’m constantly worried it’s a sin to be with him. It feels like it’s the only thing I can think about and it’s robbed the joy I used to feel being around him and being intimate with him. My OCD has made me terrified of God and being punished by Him if I make any wrong decision. He’s become this cruel judge constantly looming over me waiting to send me to hell. I feel like He wont love or forgive me until I’m the perfect Christian. I just wish I could see Him the way I did before my OCD. I know it’s OCD because of the compulsions. I started googling things and talking to Chat GPT for hours (even though I don’t like AI) asking the same questions over and over and it only made the constant anxiety worse. I would research and research until I was sobbing on the floor begging God to make it stop. Begging for Him to give me the answers. It feels like there’s a pit in my stomach all of the time. I would research and then pray for hours for Jesus to forgive me for any sin I was committing. I’d see any post about God or sin on social media and it would start a spiral. I’d think “is this about me?” What’s even worse is I started compulsively asking my fiancé for reassurance about if it was a sin to be with him and I almost broke up with him in an OCD episode because I just wanted the pain to stop. And that really hurt him. But I just felt like I needed to do anything to soothe the anxiety. At one point my OCD was even waking me up in the middle of the night and giving me terrible nightmares, and that would start another compulsive prayer and research loop. It’s gotten a little better recently but I know I need help because the thoughts are constant and bring me a lot of pain. I’m suffering everyday and can’t wait to be on some sort of medication to help. I just want to feel normal again. Does anyone else deal with something similar?

I'd prefer if you guys come hear this out, I'm just crowded with many emotions at this current moment. I don't need advice, although not against it, I just want support I'm going through it.. First off, it was my AP science teacher. I have an F currently, and holy I almost began to cry. "She's often distracted (either knocked out or I'm staring into space), has multiple labs missing, etc.." Thank goodness my mom isn't full on english speaker and didn't grasp it too well- otherwise, I won't be here typing this post right now. Afterward, I tried laughing it off with my older sis on text saying: "I almost died lol (+ more said)," but in reality, I genuinely felt really ashamed. Other teachers.. good! Even great. My english teacher even said, "Your daughter is really well spoken. She speaks so articulate, nothing I have ever seen before, higher level than a junior, and has an amazing imagination. It's unreal, and her art? Wonderful." The rest said good things.. but there's a catch. "Buttt.. she needs better time management. She has the smarts but needs to give more. She has SO much potential." She says afterward. Almost every teacher said the exact thing. My math teacher said that I had slow processing, but switching to her class was a great choice since I nearly have 100%. With an overwhelming amount of anxiety surging into my mind, I just trembled and said all sorts of gibberish when they asked me questions, OCD is making me ruminate on each session. I try telling them it's my procrastination, it's a me problem.. etc... (Obviously, I can't say it's my mental issues, or loss of motivation, or severe depressive episodes, etc.), but I feel that my mental health has ruined my overall academic scores. I feel as if I'd be at a higher GPA if it wasn't for the issue. My practice ACT scores were low! I feel like I'd be higher if it wasn't for this idiotic brain. I resent my mental issues, my severe mood swings, my OCD, my procrastination, my depression, my anxiety, and whatever else is wrong with me..!! I hate it; and I feel like no one ever SEES me. It's not my teachers fault they obviously don't know, but it just.. I do TRY! It may not seem like it, but I do! Staying up until 5 in the morning even if it's just to stare at the computer screen attempting to at least finish ONE question, gagging and nearly puking when I have to go to school and yet another assignment is due, skipping lunch and starving myself and berating myself on purpose in order to "hold myself accountable", fantazing of teachers bewilderment to see a sudden spike of my grades in an impossible way, feeling ashamed each time I pass out on my desk from how exhausted I feel, and from doing nothing? Yeah, from first glance, I seem like a careless student. But if you looked into my mind, does that seem like a student who doesn't care? NO!!! It's just, ugh, I want to do great, I want to succeed, but just doing one SIMPLE assignment feels like someone is plucking my brain and eyes out. No, I am not diagnosed. No, I do not have any medication or therapy. Yes, I have tried talking it out, I have tried helping myself out with my own techniques and whatnot. It has consumed my mind, and it has affected my academic performance.. which at this current moment, I am solely a B/C average student, at points even a D.. when I can do so much more.

So sometimes when I’m on Instagram I’ll randomly save things to show people later or I’ll save videos where women feel confident in their bodies because I tend to get really insecure in my own etc. I was going through my saved Instagram posts because I was having such a bad flare up and I came across this one post I saved in 2024 of this girl who was wearing like a purple top that was slightly revealing and she had on a low rise skirt and was belly dancing. She obviously was an only fans creator and the caption on the video said something like “if we were the only two left at the tavern would you stay” i dont know it was so weird and just i was weirded out when i saw it 😭 but I think I saved the video to show my fiancé or my friend and be like look what the heck popped up on my page or either I saved it because even though she is an only fans creator, she was very confident in her body and she felt confident in her body and like a lot of times I’ve saved posts where curvy women will wear outfits and be confident and you can feel the confidence radiating off the screen even if it’s like a video like that and it just makes me feel good and feel better about myself because as a very insecure woman, confidence feels great, but with this certain post it didn’t. I was convinced that I had saved it for the wrong reasons and I was being so disrespectful to my fiancé even though I was weirded out when I saw it in my saved. As a compulsion I had to screen record the comments to make sure I didn’t like any of them and then since there were so many comments my Instagram like shut down and I freaked because I still had to make sure I didn’t like every single comment. Unfortunately, I had to go look up the Instagram page because I was like “I have to find the post. I have to make sure I did not like all 10,000 comments, I have to screen record them to be sure, I have to make sure.” And it was just making me so uncomfortable to scroll through her page because all of her page was just filled with only fans stuff and just so much weird and disgusting things and even that made me feel like I was being disrespectful to my fiancé and I just was like I have to find that certain video because I have to make sure I did not like any of the comments. To some this may seem like not a big deal but to me it is. My fiancé is my world and any post I see dealing with that stuff or even anything it’s like my brain tells me “You have to screen record the comments and make sure you didn’t like them.” Etc. I just know as a woman, I get really insecure in my body, so seeing women who are either my size or who are even bigger than me, be confident in a bikini a crop top or even an outfit that shows a lot of of their body, it’s inspirational to me because it’s like they’re curvier than me and they’re more confident than I am and it’s like you can feel the confidence radiating off the screen, but this certain time really messed with my OCD bad and like it’s just messing with my head making me think I wanted to see this even though I didn’t because I only have eyes for my fiancé. It’s just my OCD convinces me of all this stuff and it’s like it’s so stressful. I know this post is long but I’ve been dealing with this struggle for awhile and I wanted to share and see if anyone else has too, i definitely will be getting a therapist but this theme I have is one of the worst :(

Does anyone else specifically with ROCD build this narrative as to why you cannot be with your bf due to a ton of factors starting from the beginning of the relationship? and now they're personal, like i now am convinced need to heal from all my past patterns before i can be in a relationship. and like honestly that could be true and that terrifies me, because why now?? why do i have to discover that when im with such an awesome guy. my ocd about this relationship genuinely never goes away. like it's 24/7. i find myself wondering if im stupid at this point for pursuing it when i'm in my head constantly, with him or not. i've completely lost myself and i can't make a decision about a job either. the pain this is causing me is unbelievable and it all feels like my fault because if i would just break up with him all of this would be over. it's like i have to do this a specific way (break up, be alone for a long time, find myself) or else i think ill have eternal doubt about who i am with.

So I’ve recently changed my medication and for now it’s seemed to have quieted my urges to ruminate and check old events and stuff. But now my brain tells me that not thinking about these things makes me a bad person and that I’m accepting horrible things that I’ve done.