Welcome to
the NOCD Community

What do you do when your intrusive thoughts are so bad that you couldn't answer them?

ABOUT SPACE. dont read if youre spiraling, even if your mind tells you to read it, you’ll be okay if you don’t. this is also a good test for YOURSELF to know that you can be uncertain about whatever I’m gonna write and be okay! :) i’ve been feeling very iffy recently about space and this is even scary for me to write down, but I keep constantly feeling like I’m gonna fall through space. we’re not, even if you’re reading this right now we’re not gonna fall through space, me & you both rationally know that we’re not gonna fall through space. I went through a really big rabbit hole the other night over gravity & whatnot & it’s just not gonna happen. i understand that we’re in a very controlled environment, but for some reason, it just won’t leave my head and it’s starting to affect my work life. I actually need to save money at the moment, but over this past week I’ve been giving up all of my shifts, and that is disappointing me. I’m also scared to go to work because what if I have a panic attack? it is a struggle, but we will all get through this. I just want some advice if anyone can kind of give me some ;) you don’t have to prove my thoughts wrong cause I know that the way that I’m thinking is irrational. I just want to feel a little bit more grounded. thank you!

I’ve recently been diagnosed with OCD and experience a few sub categories. Harm and responsibility are the biggest. For example, I worry that something bad is going to happen to my house that is going to be catastrophic. Like, so bad that it causes us to be bankrupt and homeless. This week I was outside in the middle of a storm vacuuming water because I was terrified of water seeping in through the walls and damaging the foundation. I checked the basement upwards of 20 times. I check my roof everytime wind blows. I look for leaks of it rains. I catch myself listening to the walls trying to find the source of little creaking noises. I worry about something happening to me and my daughter not having a mother. I worry that I will do something irresponsible and harm will come to my daughter (such as taking her on vacation to somewhere unsafe, getting in a car accident) Heck I worry that I will leave something on the counter that my dog will eat that will cause harm. To the point that I check the counters multiple times before leaving and will have to turn around to do it again if I question if I checked properly. It’s exhausting. I believe I have had some form of ocd my entire life but it was labeled as anxiety. I was on an anti depressant that I have come off of, which I believe has exacerbated my symptoms. I am just about 3 years postpartum, and have noticed mental health changes with that as well. I’m in therapy, very early in my journey. If anyone has any books/podcasts/suggestions for coping, I would love to hear them.

I don’t like myself. I’m a 20 yo man and OCD has stripped everything of moral value I held and I don’t even know who I am or what I want to do anymore. I feel extremely lonely because I want a girlfriend and can’t seem get one. I’ve tried so many things and it never works out. I don’t even know if I like sex because I’ve never had the opportunity with someone I actually like. I know I want the romantic aspect of it but when I try to imagine having sex I get nervous and it kills my libido. The fact I’m unsure of this holds me back from truly searching for a gf because I don’t wanna drag someone down with me if I cant even have sex. Having game and being able to have sex are 2 very important things in my mind that would make me proud of myself, but I have neither of those things and I don’t know how to figure them out.

Hey everyone, I'm a 40yo single father of 2 teenage men ( soon to be 20yo and a 18yo ) my oldest son have blessed me w/ a granddaughter. And honestly since my boys have gotten older and there own lives, I've been so lost. My grand baby is the closest thing to me having another kid. I see her 3 to 4 days a week but when she leaves I'm lost all over again and have no idea what to do w/ myself. She reminds me so much of her dad it's scary at times, the little princess has stolen my heart 😢 and I can't help but notice how my depression takes over when she leaves! My kids have always been my life and now that they're adults I have no idea what to do with myself. I feel lost and confused on where my life is going. I've been unable to work for the last years and 10 months but when she came last September a new life flashed before my eyes and I saw a new path for me. My separation anxiety is also triggered by her absence and I can't figure out how to move forward without having someone else to take care of. As a grown man is this something negative or because I'm lonely I cling to things and people to fill whatever it is I'm lacking? I honestly feel a obligation to protect her as if my son wouldn't and I can't help feeling like this. I know the world is dangerous and my kids also give me this same anxiety but I can't talk to them about this stuff because they already know. And I dont want to come off being overly emotionally and sensitive because it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. I love so hard and w/ all my heart, I get emotional. Any way my life has fallen apart at the seams after losing my job and my health in 2024. I only wish to gain my health back and a job to afford everything I've worked to obtain these last 6 years. I lack direction and that's the absolute worst feeling as a man. To be lost without direction has broken me down to this emotional man who's easily effected by his surroundings. Any and all feedback is appreciated greatly, I've overcome so much before and pray to overcome whatever this is keeping my down. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference 🧎🏾‍♂️🙌🏾 Amen⁉️

This has been my biggest obsession for the last few weeks, to the point where I can barely even get out of bed. There's like, one big memory that keeps popping in, with a bunch of other "what ifs". All involving my nephew. The big memory in question is, at one point, my mom was forcing me to clean my nephew because she was busy, and I normally refuse to clean up children. I wasn't able to touch him to actually clean him, so I ended up putting him in the shower to try and spray him off in a panic, which didn't work either. I broke down and cried in the bathroom. But now I keep convincing myself that I did something bad to him. Accidentally or not. I keep getting an intrusive image of me touching him badly that I don't think is real, but I can't prove it. In addition to this, my mind just keeps asking "what ifs" "What if you enjoyed it when he'd climb all over you when he was a baby?" "What if those accidental touches and brushes weren't accidents?" "What if you're looking at him inappropriately on purpose?" My mind has pretty much turned every memory involving him into a POCD soup. I legitimately cannot tell you what the truth is. The truth I WANT is that I'm just overreacting, that I hadn't actually enjoyed or wanted any of these things. But my mind has so thoroughly convinced me I'm a monster that I can't calm myself down. What makes everything more confusing is that my nephew loves me, and my family doesn't see me as a threat to him, hell, they've even said I'd make a great dad, if I ever wanted kids. (Which I don't, regardless of POCD.) So now I feel as though I'm "lying" somehow. That I've put on a front to make everyone think I'm safe so I can do more wrong. Even though that's... Not what I want at all. I just don't know what's real anymore. I don't think I had done anything wrong, but my brain keeps telling me that I'm lying to myself. Any time someone tells me I didn't do anything wrong I end up telling myself that they're lying.

I usually feel really lonely bc I need someone to vent to, and ig what I really want is for someone to fully understand me. The problem is, I think I compulsively vent but idk for sure if it’s OCD. Sometimes, I just need to vent, no OCD attached, because I feel lonely. That’s why I vent here, but I can’t vent all the way bc, you know, too many trigger warnings. I usually vent to my best friend, but I put too much on her and I lowkey think I may have traumatized her. She even said it’s hard to be around me because she knows all the pain I’m in. I feel so so so guilty and currently can’t get up because my guilt is sort of paralyzing me. I can’t tell if the guilt is ocd or not, but we’ve been bffs for 9.5 years. I just feel horrible and I decided to have a talk with her to make sure she’s setting clear boundaries with me, but she’s not ready for that yet (she’s a people pleaser). It’s also difficult because my ocd is like empathy ocd where it targets others pain (don’t know if that’s the right term but yk what I mean). I’ve tried journaling (I have OCD compulsions with that) and talking to myself and talking to my therapist but none of it feels the same as regular venting. I feel like I have no complete way to vent without hurting people… and there’s a lot of guilt.

I’m realising that so much of the taboo stuff I consumed in fiction was influenced by so many things that have affected me as a child. My grooming being one of them, and the content I consumed in fiction shows me that I really tried to cope with being a victim to that through this stuff, weirdly enough I still can’t accept the fact that I am a victim, even though there’s real things that happened to me back then that influenced what I consumed I’m still thinking about it now, about the content, the ideas… for how much I may hate my younger self for a lot of stuff I also feel so bad for her. I wondered why, and I think I’m slowly getting the answers as to why she would’ve indulged in a lot of these things, but my brain can’t accept the logical explanation for this.

Hi all. Does anyone feel like the decisions they made as a teenager are irredeemable? I'm in my early 20s now and for the past 4-5 years (since I was 16) I have just felt crushing guilt, anxiety, shame, and fear surrounding these decisions. I feel like a horrible person + monster despite my therapist and others saying some things are part of natural development. I know I've made mistakes but I've grown up and I feel horrible about them. I just feel so isolated because whenever I hear people talking about real event OCD, my brain tells me that my situation is worse than theirs and that I am a terrible person who deserves punishment

I'm reminding myself, but I thought it would be helpful for others to hear: - You do not have to disclose your real event to *anyone.* You're not violating anyone's boundaries or faking who you are by not disclosing it. If it's not compulsive or reassurance-seeking then feel free to, but you are under no obligation whatsoever to do so. As long as you have learned from and no longer engage in the same behavior, you do not need to tell anyone! - Accountability is recognizing your mistakes and apologizing to those who have been directly hurt by them. It is *not* deeming yourself a bad person because of past actions. People may choose not to forgive you for your actions and that's fine, but anyone else who expects you to suffer forever for them—especially if they weren't impacted by them—is expecting the impossible. Being the person you want to be in the present is the best possible thing you can do. - The Internet is not a reflection of real life. You should not define yourself by the opinions of strangers who don't even know you. Offline, people are most likely to be much more understanding of your real event than those online anyway; they don't have the anonymity to hide behind. Take a breather. Go outside and connect and find the life and community you would like to be apart of as the person you are now. You are loved.

I'm a teacher and off for summer which is a trigger too much time to ruminate. Yesterday I thought I was managing and in control because I wrote down themes to discuss with therapist and tossed themes I wasn't thinking about. I wasted 2 hours doing this making me late for an appointment. I was so mentally exhausted I took a 2 hrs nap in afternoon and missed spending time with my sister. When I woke up spent an hour or more thinking about how I wasted time ruminating that morning and napping. Couldn't sleep last night and woke up this morning ruminating that I will ruminate. OMG OCD is ruining my life. What's the ERP response to this? New to ERP and therapist was sick this past week. No support groups today. Do I just say I don't know and go for a walk or do dishes and be mindful by feeling soap on hands or payment on feet

Thoughts feel out of my control. I’ve been EXTREMELY stressed for the past month and I’ve developed some strange new symptoms. Lately I’ve been REALLY DEEP in the psychosis fear/theme rabbit hole, obsessing over thinking I might be in the prodromal stage of schizophrenia or something. Having panic attacks over it. During the day I’m having random gibberish strings of thoughts that make no sense or have any relevance to the task I’m doing. It is just completely random phrases or words or even songs snippets that I don’t even feel like I was consciously thinking of, they just come out of nowhere. It’s exactly the kind of nonsense thoughts you get just before you fall asleep or when you wake up. It is literally word salad/disorganized thinking. It’s terrifying me. They feel completely out of my control, I recognize that they are my own thoughts but they feel very alien and strange. It’s not 24/7 but it’s happening often. these symptoms are really freaking me out. On top of all this I’m getting intense depersonalization/de realization. Any kind words? Or anyone can relate?

I know I should spend time in Gods word to get answers but I worry so much every second. Then I feel like oh Gods got me and see something comfortable but then I feel like I’m running away from conviction when I spiral cuz I feel like everything is bad and then will see something and then it must be confirmation abt that certain topic and then my brain wants to like refuse it and be like that’s not true or whatever. Like the truth should set us free even if it’s hard it should cost us something or I will ignore it and feel anxious cuz if I’m being disobedient and that’s why I’m the back of my mind I feel guilty cuz it actually is wrong but I want to erp cuz my mind tells me not to. Then I will try and forget abt it and be okay then bam hit with a spiral and then don’t be deliberately keep on sinning or following my own desires. Like we should suffer for God cuz it’s not about us

Guys I have this really bad habit of asking chatgpt for reassurance even if its about my health anxiety or seeking reassurance for my ocd thoughts in general does that make my ocd worse?? Cause I feel like those months I am on my worst phase I could ever be like ruminating and worrying 24/7 plus I have eating disorders

I’ve been noticing a pattern that I truly hate and feel so guilty for even to the point to where I believe I don’t deserve anything good. I’m off and on google,ChatGPT,TikTok and reddit. I don’t believe I’ll ever be loved and I don’t believe I deserve it but it’s so easy for me to believe that in someone else. I see couples and one day want a little family of my own but then I fear losing myself,depending on someone else and not having my space. I have even prayed for God to take away my desire to be in a relationship if it’s not meant for me. I feel like marriage and relationships are just a scam and that it’s a fantasy in my head. I feel horrible for times I’ve talked to guys and then change my mind that they’re not the one for me. I have prayed over every talking stage I’ve talked to and I’ve hurt 4 men because I didn’t see them being for me. I feel absolutely disgusted with myself. I overthink so much. I’ve had this guy I’ve been friends with since 2018 well him and my sister used to be together but he said they never dated. I notice I started to have feelings for him and it’s because I was drawn to his character. We haven’t talked in years because I didnt have his socials and my sister seen him again on a friends/dating app and I loved his jokes and spending time with both him and my sister.well they both had issues between them so I guess they just stopped talkings much with each other. He snuck my number in his phone (he was helping me with my Credit Karma and seen my number) he texted me but I felt guilt because him and my sis had talked. Fast forward to this year a few weeks ago we would talk more (I still felt guilt and that it wasn’t right because he use to talk to my sister) I told him many of times how I felt but last week we both had s*x and before this he made the comment “how would your sister feel if me and you dated” and I said probably hurt. I felt like I liked him and even thought what if me and him got together one day in the future. Well yesterday I told him I didn’t want to do what we did anymore (we had it once). I told him it felt wrong. I believe in not talking to someone your family once talked to. I feel like I hurt him and he was telling me I’m an avoidant and that I will never change. There’s more to what he said but I think it’s best to stay away from people for good and for the rest of my life. I sincerely apologized and I messed up what I thought was a great friendship

I thought I conquered pocd yet here it is again. I am super proud of myself for getting this far with my journey. I’m able to be outside & even found a job! But today this strange weird son of a b* started questioning me. You know how weirdos want to catch a flaw when your a beautiful girl w a pure heart & personality. They want to know what is wrong they want to find out because everyone has a flaw mine just isn’t visible. But he managed to find it! by mentioning things that triggers me & he noticed my trigger & i refuse to explain why im triggered/pocd to a weird stranger that wants to find my flaw I simply walked away but this has been the worsy day when I was doing so great i am crying. Do you know how many years I missed out on my niece & nephew life because of pocd. I almost killed myswld i thought my brain & intrusive thoughts meant i was turning into a monster like the same monster who molested me when I was a child. I would’ve ended my life if I didn’t find out it was ocd all along & I’m still a good person. But to know how far I came & a weird f4ggot ssa man come around trying to find a flaw was very strange. He’s a weirdo & I’m so upset! Then nocd app is charging me for a missed appointment my stupid therapist scheduled when. I never told her to schedule me cause I was busy now I have to wait until i get paid to speak to a professional! thanks for listening

So, I haven't been on this website in a while. I posted once before. Yeah, things have gotten better for me since my last post like I believed. I don't go to therapy or anything. Can't afford it on a weekly basis so I learn on my own. Always self sufficient pretty much. Yeah, I know... I'll feel weak if I went anyway. It's hard for me to trust anyone these days with all the stuff going on too, you know what I'm saying? But I got thinking again about how OCD behaves and even to the level of crippling for some. I was borderline crippled myself after experiencing the loss of a close one. It created a rippling effect within me. And I know how that feels with all the sleepless nights that came with it in the past for me. But I found a nice analogy for myself. I was thinking late at night when I came up with it. So here we go: Look at yourself as a kind of legislator, writing down these OCD laws for yourself which were set forth to help give relief for your own compulsions toward certain things. You believe these OCD laws are good because they provide a sense of comfort and protection for you as long as you 'behave accordingly' AKA doing the compulsive action. You think these laws are your safety net and that it's for the best. But you forget that these laws are really only giving you a false sense of security to your well being. Your laws don't actually make you free if you live by them. They just create the illusion of freedom and only serve to oppress you in the end. True freedom comes from being the outlaw, and not being afraid to break these OCD laws which you ultimately created for yourself as a defense mechanism for your compulsive behavior. If you really want to take back your freedom, start breaking these laws. And just like real outlaws from the wild west days, you will start getting used to breaking these laws without the fear or thought of the consequences. You will then start to realize that the laws you enacted were of no real benefit to you all along. It's ironic, but now the legislator, you, has to finally start breaking your own laws because you learned it was all a mistake and not helping you live the life you truly desire. You're finally getting a glimpse into what true freedom is like, you've awakened. But now, how will your brain react to this defiance of the laws which were already written down and passed by you? The real wild west outlaws feared the sheriff, but you fear how your brain will react to your conscious decision of giving up this false sense of freedom. It's like if you break these OCD laws, then the 'sheriff,' AKA your brain, will try to arrest your psych for it and get you back into your compulsive cycle again. This is what I describe as 'the battle with the self.' You may very well end up in a tug of war between your conscience and your brain along the way, but if you persist in resisting this illusion of security, then your conscience and mind will once again reconcile with your brain's response and peace will ensue, a unity will take place. This is true freedom. The brain will recalibrate and your mind won't feel the struggle anymore. That is my analogy and how I look at OCD as a whole now. I just want to say a couple more things. Your mind and brain are separate properties. OCD shows this to be true and makes you aware of this. They both work together but they are certainly not one of the same. But if there is no equal balance between the two then there is disorder, just like tug of war. Now you see your mind fighting with your brain. You have the ability to make the conscious decision to react or not to react to your brain's response to your urges or anything else for that matter. I know it's very hard but not impossible. It's just easier to react and give in because there is no effort needed to make any changes for yourself, and that's why you do more wishing but without much effort if any. And that can be said for any problem in life like drug addiction, alcoholism, video game addiction and let alone obsessive compulsive disorder. All of these have something in common and that is building resistance to them. Anyway, hope you like my little analogy of the 'sheriff and the rogue legislator' interesting or at least thought provoking. I'm just some 28 year old guy going through the motions with my own life. My somatic OCD is still there but it's far better than before. See you around.

Would love to read your book recommandations about intrusive thoughts and overcoming phobias such as hemetophobia <3 I just started my lexapro journey (20 days ago) and would love to have more tools as an extra help

Im struggling to identify what exposures I can do. Most of them have stopped making me anxious so I need to amp it up. Problem is I can't think of anything. Like I know for sure theres definitely exposures I can do but I can't remember them for the life of me I guess it makes sense. If you live most of your life in autopilot and fear, your brain wont retain much information other than the ones to survive. If you have POCD, Harm OCD, or any relating to morality please lmk what your exposures are (if you feel comfortable) :,3 I need inspo

the biggest thing that holds me back, esp when I make any progress/start moving forward is the weight of the past. I think many times I’ve been faced with feeling like I have to figure this thing out so I can keep going. And I’d spend however much time thinking it through until I could come to some sort of conclusion that felt ok. Then it’d come back up and I had forgotten what conclusion I came to. I’m trying not to figure out things that come up, and to remain hopeful about the future. Really hard though. Sometimes the negatives feel a lot louder. I’ll feel completely delusional for believing what I hope for is attainable. Like everything I’ve ever done and the weight and reality of it all just really sets back in. And feels like the things I’m most scared of is the future I’m facing. And I think it’s also hard because I often feel so separate from everyone and like nobody actually knows me. So that’s another thing, is even though I do find a lot of comfort in knowing I’m not doing any of these things anymore and I’m a different person, I think I just feel worried I’ve just like permanently damaged my future. And have to choose to always be alone or something if that makes sense. Like too heavy to share with someone and too heavy not to, where I’d feel I’m taking advantage of them by withholding this information. I usually like to tell people on here like your past doesn’t have to be a bag of rocks you carry around. You can let it be there and feel the uncomfortable feelings, and learn to move forward. And the people that love you or people you’re friends with, whoever comes along whatever, they love or care for who you are now. I’m just kind of having a harder time with it lately and that’s ok I think. One day at a time :)👍