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what’s your main obsession? and what’s the longest one obsession lasted? how’d you get over it

Ok I am finally getting insurance July 1st. It's been my plan to start therapy, but I wondering whether the level of potential progress I can make would justify the money spent. Up until now I have just been relying on medication. I’ve been excited to try therapy for my OCD but now I am skiddish and unsure. Has anyone had some dramatic assistance from therapy? Does online therapy work? Thanks

I’ve read all kinds of retroactive jealousy cases, and none of them talk about my specific scenario. Most if not all cases always talk about their partners past which essentially is what I’m talking about here, but the problem is her and I were together all through high school until senior year, we broke up for two years and both dated other people and were sexually involved with said people. We did decide to get back together and we shared that information to each other. I think I buried it for 20 years because it’s now it’s 2026 and this break up happened in 2018, and out of nowhere right after she said yes to me in November 2025 to be my wife… this flare of intrusive thoughts since seeing what they did together in my mind will not go away. I remember the heartbreak I felt when I found out that she was sleeping with him (he was her bf now DUHHH right?!) but we were still very emotionally attached to each other. We never stopped, loving each other. She was there to all of my hardships as a child since we were together since we were 14 years old. And we both were extremely attached to each other because we survived together. It’s not just thinking about my new girlfriend’s past. It’s seeing a timeline of two people who grew up together and attached so hard that I still felt like someone got MY GIRL… why did this show up 20 years later?! and why can’t I separate these timelines in my mind because every time I see what’s happening it’s always the version I have in front of me doing those things 20 years ago. Either way it’s the woman of my dreams since I was a kid and even now, that’s why I’m marrying her. I was doing the same thing with my partner at the time so logically I know it was OK but my mind doesn’t stop playing it and showing me high definition videos of what I think unfolded and it hurts me deeply every time so it’s like a rolling effective depression because every time I see it the same pain hits again. She doesn’t judge me for it so how does she live there in that mindset? I’m sorry for typing so much. It was just hard to give you a reference because most people talk about their new partner’s past, and this was my ORIGINAL partner and my current partner OF 20 YEARS again… these intrusive thoughts and movies playing of her doing all positions and while she’s next to me. It’s just so heartbreaking every time I see them and it thousands of times a day. I just want to be closer to her again like we were three months ago. I feel for anyone that’s going through OCD in general. But wouldn’t wish this RJOCD on my worst enemy. I hope this treatment will help here.

Just wanted to get some things off my chest. I have a lot of “essence contamination” intrusive memories that just come out of nowhere and I feel it taking over my mind. It makes me feel sick to my core and I don’t know what to do. I need some advice!!

Recently I’ve been struggling with what I think is a subtype of OCD. More specifically, ROCD. However, I’m having doubts that my symptoms and thoughts actually align with what’s considered OCD, and rather I’m “just being dramatic and everyone has these thoughts.” I’m most familiar with Scrupulosity, which I’m managing very well thanks to the help of therapy and medication. But ever since that’s died down my mind has felt free to wander and latch onto whatever it pleases. I know that oftentimes OCD takes over the things you care about, so I wouldn’t be surprised if what I’m dealing with is OCD. I feel like my mind always needs something to focus on and worry about. I’m so used to utilizing it as a “motivator”, so when things are okay, I get very uncomfortable and mentally panic. My first instinct is to quickly latch onto something because it gives me a sense of purpose and direction. “If I achieve this thing I’ll finally be okay.” “If I find this kind of person I’ll finally be okay.” “If I’m certain about my salvation I’ll finally be okay.” So unfortunately I’ve been thinking a lot about the relationships in my life. I’ve been having thoughts like, “What if this person is the one?” “What if they leave and you’ve missed your chance?” “What if you make the wrong choice?” “What if you’re destined to be alone?” “What if you have to settle?” “What if you aren’t psychically attracted to your partner?” “What if your partner isn’t sexually oriented towards you?” “What if the relationship isn’t fulfilling?” “What if you’re not good enough for a relationship?” It doesn’t help that I struggle with comparing myself to those I can’t have. It’s like a defense mechanism, “Wait, why would I be sad? I’m better than them.” Like that. And I don’t like that. I don’t like picking people apart to make myself feel better. And so maybe these thoughts are thoughts that everyone has. I just think what classifies it as OCD or OCD-like is the inability to let those thoughts go. That’s the issue I have, letting it go. I NEED to figure out this person before I can feel okay. I NEED to know someone loves me before I can feel okay. I NEED to solve my life before I can feel okay. Maybe this isn’t ROCD because I’ve never been in a relationship, but I figure that since it follows an OCD pattern, where running away doesn’t help and arguing with the thoughts doesn’t help, sitting with the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings is something that might help. This is just one part of the story. I also have a really, really, REALLY bad habit of latching onto the idea of others and fantasizing about them (not sexually ofc). I assume the best about them and compare those parts to the worst of myself. I subconsciously tell myself that if I can be with them, it’ll say something about my worth. Maybe I’ll be okay. And so with that in mind, I’ve been trying to ground myself in reality. “I don’t actually know who they are.” “I don’t actually know if they’re the one.” “I don’t actually know if they’re this person I make them out to be.” But the thoughts WON’T GO AWAY. I’ve even tried telling myself, “maybe this is ROCD.” But then I have thoughts like, “What if this isn’t?” “What if this is just the way you are?” “What if you’re going to be like this forever and nobody will ever choose you?” “What if you aren’t growing “what if you’re lying to yourself and you’re gonna be in the same place you were a day ago?” So I’ve been trying to tell myself, “Maybe, maybe not. I don’t know.” To EVERY thought that seeks certainty. But even still, just the idea of getting better is hard because I’ve always felt like I was living for something. I need to go to school so I can be successful. I need to work hard so I can get a lot of money. I need to be the best person I can be so I can finally be loved. And it’s hard to do that for myself because I’m so used to doing things and living to prove something. But what if I just existed? And that’s uncomfortable, but it’s good to feel that way. What if I wasn’t working on myself so I could be with someone? What if I didn’t go to school to prove something about myself? What if I just lived day by day? But then I feel lost and sad, and what am I to make of that? Is this OCD and I just constantly need something to think about? Or am I just a miserable human being with a victim mentality? Either case, what should I do to fix it?

I am curious if anyone in heterosexual relationships have related to multiple points in the “lesbian masterdoc”. If so, what did you relate to, and how do you navigate it? A little background on myself and how I relate: I never really had a crush as a kid, I faked one to fit in with my friends, but the first man I had interest in was senior year of high school, I was set up with him for prom. Guys from my school didn’t like me, lol. I’ve only dated men, but often felt I didn’t quite experience attraction/desire so strongly. I never really got the “sparks” thing. I can get aroused and get “there”, but in doing so I have to focus very closely on what I am feeling, if that makes sense. At the same time, in the beginning of the relationship with my current boyfriend we were doing it ALL THE TIME. And since this flare up of fears/concerns we’ve been having a lot more intimacy again. Not from a place of compulsion, I don’t think. I just want to be close to him. When out with friends, I enjoyed scoping out men and if they approached, I’d harmlessly flirt. It felt good to be wanted, even if I was in a relationship and knew nothing would come of it. But I was hardly ever the hook up type and did not want to have sex until I was official with someone. Alternatively, I like to be wanted by my partner, and always ask if he is okay with the amount of intimacy we’re having. He always says yes, and asks me not to initiate if I’m not feeling it (I’ve done that a lot, but there was no contempt or coercion behind it) I am the “chill” girlfriend. Cheating has never crossed my mind with him. I can’t even imagine my reaction if he did, but the idea of him being with another woman makes me sad. I want to be the one to love him. I’ve had curiosity to kiss gay women when out with friends a handful of times. And have been intrigued by a couple of gay women but the feeling made me confused/uneasy. I notice a lot of what women wear, and think that the female body is more interesting than a man’s aesthetically, but I don’t really fantasize about being with either men or women unless I will it to come to mind. I don’t fantasize about weddings. I have thought logistically about things but I don’t daydream. In pornography, I only ever focused on the man in more sensual videos. I am not turned “off” by women, but it’s not what my eye goes to in that setting. What does all this mean? I don’t know! But I don’t want speculation over my identity to sabotage a loving relationship I have with a man right now. I can’t say with certainty that leaving to try dating women would bring me more peace, safety and comfort than this (when I’m not spiraling about how I feel…. Which has been going on for a bit). But at my worst, I know love is there.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my first boyfriend a lot the past day or so and I’m really anxious right now We started dating in the fall of 2022 when we first started college. The whole thing started off pretty quickly, like we moved in and not even 2 weeks later we were dating. Soon after this he began to be pretty mean to a girl we knew of and a few times I had tried to get him to lay off on his comments about her a little bit and he would always have an excuse to justify why it was OK that he did what he did and would be rude towards me for saying something as well, like it was ridiculous that I would say something about it. As time went on this type of behavior continued but focusing on other people, and he would find more and more things to say about people behind their back. If I didn’t support his opinion I was treated like I was being absolutely ridiculous. About 6 months in we became sexually active and it quickly became something that he would use against me, by saying that it made him depressed to not do things with me and that it was the only thing that made him feel OK because he was so miserable all the time. He went as far as to say that it physically hurt if he were to get aroused and not get to orgasm, and sometimes if I decided I didn’t want to engage in anything more after we had started to do things together he would get angry and make me feel bad for not continuing. After we broke up in the spring of 2024 I started being friends with some other people I had lost contact with through the duration of the relationship and they all told me they were glad I was out of it. I was told that it seemed like we just argued all the time, and I found out from my ex’s former roommate that he used to call his friends and talk about how exhausting I was to be around because of my mental health conditions. I am now friends with this roommate, but at the time was only acquainted with because my ex would tell me bad things about him that I’ve come to find just aren’t true. The relationship ended right after our spring break in 2024 when I had a bad situation with my brother because of a toxic home life that I have since moved out of. When I went to my ex for support, he told me that I was to blame for what my brother did to me and then ghosted me for a week before reaching back out to tell me he was done with our relationship. I was generally just very unhappy through the entire relationship and was embarrassed to bring him around people because I was scared that he would be rude and say inappropriate things around them. I have been wondering if this type of behavior was actually abusive? As I said it’s been on my mind and it occurred to me that it feels like he might have been manipulating me but I don’t know for sure. I’d feel guilty putting a label as severe as abuse onto someone if that’s not truly what was happening.

I’m new to this app, and this is a really big step for me. I’m 19 and as I get older my anxiety about death has been increasing in unimaginable levels. I can be on my phone, at work, or when it’s at its worst, when I’m trying to sleep. It’ll hit me like a train and send me into a spiral and it’s truly something I feel like only I go through. Would love to hear any other viewpoints or if anyone potentially relates.

I realised I was basically only using it for reassurance when I felt really anxious about real events. However, I have realised that in principle I don’t agree with AI, and I also don’t believe it should be a replacement for therapy or talking to someone. Since I have morality/ scrupulosity OCD- it was really unhelpful and could never give me a good answer. Deleting my account permanently seemed like a good step in OCD recovery. If anyone has any thoughts about this etc. feel free to start a discussion in the comments!! ❤️

I love my friend so much, but I can't stop looking back on my past with her and realizing I've either had inappropriate behavior towards her, or have potentially done something bad and can't remember if that was my intention. Once, she turned on her camera to let me see her dog and I believe accidentally flashed me. Disgustingly, I tried to shoot my shot and asked her repeatedly to turn her camera back on. I have since realized that this might have been coercion and I can't cope with it. Then, once, while we were swimming, she yanked me close to her and I accidentally pressed my hand against her chest. I apologized, but now I'm convinced that I meant to do it and even tried doing it again. I don't know what my intentions were. Beyond this has just been numerous moments where I make comments that I shouldn't, try to engage in sexual things when she hasn't felt quite ready to. A specific thing I worry about is how many times I've video called her while she's at home barely wearing clothes and it feels like that's the only reason why I would do it. I had tried talking to her about it recently, and wasn't able to talk about any specific things out of fear I'd create new problems. But I at least told her that I was horribly afraid that I had harmed her in every possible way, sexually. To which she responded that I hadn't done anything of the sort, and she said that she had been groped while we were in highschool and she'd remember if I had done something like that. She tells me that I'm such a good friend to her, that she feels safe around me and is becoming more and more comfortable with sexual topics around me. She even says I'm very respectful in regards to sexual things. I've tried cutting her out of my life before because I'm so afraid I've wronged her, and that just ends up hurting her more. She just begs me to stay in her life despite how many horrible things I feel I've done to her. I'm so tired of being on the phone with her and feeling undeserving of her. Every time I speak to her my brain reminds me of what I've done/may have done and I just feel like I have to run away from her.

This is kind of an OCD thing, but also a rant that I really don’t know the answer to. I reconnected to an old friend, because I really needed some advice after my break up. I had ROCD regarding if I secretly liked him, and proved myself wrong but I still felt a type of way once I saw him. He showed me the apartment I missed out on, because I was never able to see him during the relationship. We talked and I laughed so hard like I hadn’t in months. My face turned red when he paid close attention to me. He talked about his upcoming career in medicine- my ex had no clue what he was going to do, and was spiraling into 🍃 problems which I absolutely despised. I realize that I was having so much fun with this friend, I genuinely wanted to ask him out. After all the advice he had given I felt so much more free, so much more understood, and like I could laugh about this problem that was weighing me down. He knew how I felt regarding my ex, but said yes, and tried to plan something with me. The problem is when I went back to his apartment the next time, I felt weird. We talked about the one time that we got together the summer after high school (we have a TINY bit of backstory) and how funny and unserious it was. But I was hit with a pang of absolute anxiety and sadness. I liked these conversations with my ex, and I was having them with a whole different person. I didn’t want to be intimate with anyone but my ex. And I was sitting there having a great time with this friend, feeling awful as I spiraled into what could’ve been. I stayed talking with him until very late at night because we were still having a great time, but when he suggested I stayed I declined quickly, even though I had my work stuff sitting in my car prepared for that option. Now I just feel empty.. and confused. My ex tried reaching out during this whole thing and I declined thinking that I found something better and needed to not give it more attention.. I was wrong. I really don’t know what to do now.

So is thought action fusion connected to the feeling of also feeling like the thought is ur own desire and feeling? Then feeling the absolute worst and yk the usual. All the emotions of hating the feeling and thought.

I’m trying to remain calm and not frantic. I’ve been doing really well with compulsions but spiraled a bit this week and it may be from pregnancy hormones. I got married in March and a week after had a “memory” that I cheated on my husband with his friend. This was distressing especially because I got pregnant and of course I did the deed with my husband (sorry tmi) but still convinced I cheated and it is his friends. A few months later in May I found out my best friends fiance cheated on her and they called off their wedding. I was so mad at first and honestly wanted to message him something mean but was never actually going to. Then I suddenly latched onto the idea that maybe what if I cheated with him instead and now I feel like there’s evidence. 1. I told my friend of my cheating fear around same time (like a week or two before her fiance confessed to his cheating) and convinced she told her fiance (while they were still together) because shortly after he admitted to her about his affair and I’m convinced what if he lied about who it was with and it was actually me. 2. I also added him on Facebook around the same timeline when I told her my fears and am scared between me adding him and him finding out I’m pregnant/thought I cheated that he had so much guilt he had to tell her because he though I knew 3. Pretty sure he blocked me and my husband on fb or at minimum deleted my husband (I deleted him myself) 4. We saw them the morning after the wedding and now I’m like was he having a weird vibe? 5. He apparently ended the affair right before my wedding because the girl he was hooking up with wanted him to not go and to call of his own wedding. Then she went and hooked up with his friends/coworkers and I’m like well what if he wanted revenge too. 6. He lied and said it was a nurse at first and later confessed to it being his partner at work. Am I crazy or is this truly false memory ocd because I feel like it’s a different feeling than previous false memory ocd events.

CW: Mention of Kink I just got back from a week long vacation with no internet. I don't really know how I feel about the trip yet, as I was dealing with intrusive thoughts the entire time, but the physical things I did on the trip were fun. I did experience a slip-up, and had some very distressing urges come about due to constant triggers, but I think I handled it okay. Probably... Regardless, now that I'm back, I feel like I have changed somewhat, and my physical and mental responses have become much less intense. But, as I enter this new mental phase, I can't help but wonder what life will be like if I have to worry about if I'll ever experience an intense mental storm like this again. In the recent past, I was a part of a kink sub-community that I have recently realized that it was wrong to be a part of. Now that I'm changing and trying to make it to where I only want to indulge in the ethical parts of that kink community, it makes me question if that's even possible. The community has blurred the lines of what's okay, and there are only a handful left who have been vocal about their intolerance of the problematic part of it, which makes it difficult to enjoy when the part of the community that wants to remain on the safe and ethical feels like the smaller portion now. And even if I stay in that safe part of that space, I have to make sure what I'm enjoying never crosses a problematic mental boundary, otherwise it's all for nothing. On top of that, I can't erase my past and just pretend I was never part of the problem, because I was. I felt pressured because all my at-the-time friends were just okay with it so I tried to be to, and I thought I was up until when the spiral kicked in and opened my eyes to my wrongdoing. Now I have that mistake etched into my history forever, and I don't know how to forgive myself for it when I know a lot of others won't if they ever found out that used to be me. Hell, I can't say it isn't part of me now because it feels like part of my brain wants to go back still. I'm not sure if that's my ocd or some twisted nostalgia, but either way, my emotions feel very fickle about the topic and I can only trust my values right now. The point of this post being, how do I go on when it feels like I don't have a place in the world because of what I've done and what I am? How do I move on and not want to look back?

i think i’m just freaking out over nothing again, but whenever i consume any type of NSFW content, i get so worried about if it’s problematic, because i’ve made mistakes before reading problematic content when i was younger. i don’t want to get super into it, but i read a NSFW writing recently where it had some vague parts of “puppy play” which was really just the character’s attitude towards the other, and some nicknames. now i’m wondering if puppy play or general submissiveness is bad to like or bad to be into. is this overthinking? i do think certain porn is very destructive to some communities, but this is so vague that i don’t know how to answer it.

i was told somatic excersise are better for ocd than medications (luvox) could this be true????? this was told to me by a therapist who does both but specializes in somatic exercise.. idk what to do now i have false memory and contamination ocd

So I was better for 1 week probably but thoughts attacking eachother when Im stuck on one I convince my self or feeling them less my brain Jumps to another bulls*it I feel like trapped and wanna confirm everything by asking to the people that around me in that thoughts or scenes like forgettin and act like nothing happened is hard for me cause I feel guilty in my head my heart even in my lungs I have false memory, ocd, rocd so should I forget and keep going what should I do ?

i think i’ve had about every OCD image or thought imaginable. It really does suck. My worst OCD thought i latch onto the most and then i go into a full blown panic just shaking.

Im realizing over and over again that everything leads back to Erp, DBT, and CBT. Ive been really hyperfixated on this one witch youtuber and binge watching her videos to test the waters of witchcraft and shadow work research (I have adhd so my version of "research" is binging one youtuber, writing whatever I feel is important, search whatever I don't understand, hop to another YouTuber, get even more info, rinse repeat, often going back to youtubers before as well) Anyway. So through working on Shadow Work and how all of that works im realizing a lot of it also applies to ERP. Discover the shadow -> OCD's notice the feeling. Talk to it, find out where its coming from -> acknowledge its ocd and feel where these feelings are (head, heart, etc). Then, for both, begin to break the habit. For example that was used in the video I'm watching: If you're a people pleaser, your shadow may be scared to upset people, so your shadow will convince you to stay put when you want to leave. Acknowledge its fears, begin to leave anyway. Disclaimer : this is not to say at all that your ocd is just shadows wrapped up in a false diagnosis. For some, theres no shadow involved at all. But for me, my ocd was developed through trauma in combination with BPD. For me it's a mixture of the two.

For the first time since OCD set in for me 10 years ago, I have gone 6 months without partaking in any compulsions purposefully (I have caught myself starting to a few times and stopped as soon as I realized it). I am living my life as a normal person and I am happy, but, in part because my recovery is so fresh and I am about to leave home for college, I am dodging doing compulsions for thoughts coming at me left and right. The thoughts are not nearly as prevalent or scary as they used to be, and I am by and large proud when I dodge them, but they are a reminder that even though I am out of the metaphorical room of crazy, I am standing right by the door on the other side, hearing the thoughts knock, and I would rather be at least a bit farther away from the door. I believe that over time, I will mostly attain that, but I don't like still being this close to the dark scary spirals and thought loops that I used to consume me. Can anyone relate?