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the NOCD Community

OCD colored glasses. This morning I woke up with a good attitude, I have been making progress with resisting my compulsions and was ready to start the day resisting more. When I open my bedroom door my cat as usual was at the door scratching to get in, next to her was sitting a piece of Poo. It must have got caught on her fur and dropped off as she was cleaning herself while waiting for me to come out of my room. I close the bedroom door, retreated to my room and felt extreme anxiety, struggle to breath, intensive crying, you know the drill. It took me half an hour to work up to starting the decontamination process I knew I would have to do because of the cat Poo. “ I don’t know where she went with the poo still on her, it might have spread over the entire house, I can’t see the poo partials that may have dropped off her, I have to decontaminate everything and then chuck out the mop, the mop bucket and my slippers after I have finished, then I can have a shower. Then and only then will I feel like I can be in my house again and move in with my day” I pulled my self together, I got the order right in my head of what I needed to do, I pre prepared my bathroom opening the shower door so I didn’t have to touch it with contaminated hands. I walked out of my bedroom to face the next 6-12 hours of decontamination. IT WASN’T POO. IT WAS A SEED POD. As soon as I knew it was a seed pod all of my anxiety evaporated instantly. I felt relief, I felt calm, I felt happy. When my brain through it was poo the world felt like it was over. When my brain new it was a seed pod I could automatically go on with my day not being effected by it. My aunty who is a trauma psychologist who also studies the brain told me I was seeing the world through an OCD filter. Just like all of the filters that we see every day that people put over there lives on instagram. Majority of what we see on social media is through a filter. It’s so easy to edit photos and post a unrealistic version of your self that you want the world to see. Suffering from OCD is permanently looking through our eyes at the world with a OCD filter. If we can start to understand our brains better we may be able to lift that filter and see world and let it effect us in a different way. A positive way. The way I was able to move on with my day because of the seed pod compared to how I could have let it debilitate me if it was cat poo. Even if it was poo. A person not living with OCD would not have suffered from a panic attack and had to endure 6-12 hours of cleaning. I’m educating myself on the brain and how it makes us think and function. I do not want to spend the rest of my life with OCD Colour glasses.

What was everyone’s first theme? Mine was fear of STIs/contamination. Just wanna connect with you all.

I feel like I should be a boy but I don’t want to be. Is this trans ocd?? Could hocd slowly shift to trans ocd? It’s like I’m supposed to be a boy and like a girl and I don’t want to be with a girl or be a boy. But it’s like my thought process has completely shifted from being boy crazy to being girl crazy and it feels like a guys mind and not mine and I hate this. I feel like I’m going crazy. Is this all normal for ocd?

I was diagnosed with just OCD but I was reading an article last night about Hyper-Responsibility OCD and most everything is exactly what I am experiencing. I started to cry because I couldn’t believe others have experienced exactly what I feel daily. I am always afraid of someone dying or being injured because of my actions. I do drive around the block because I think the bump in the road was someone I hit, I do become ill for days from worrying about the same event and how I might have hurt someone or not done the best job. I’m just starting medication and hopefully therapy soon because I can barely get out of bed, I’m so anxious I’m sick and my mind is never clear. Does anyone else suffer from this form of OCD? How are you coping?

People with hocd I have a question

(Porn related topic) I really fear at the fact that I can only get off to lesbian porn and also some gay male porn. But that’s about it. I fear it , like why does it turn me on so much?? Am I the only one?

Iemand NL?

i don’t mean any harm, just trying to understand.. i know someone who is hocd but i think he might actually be gay. I don’t know how to help him bc i want to support him and his diagnosis but i also want him to just be free and not afraid to be with whomever he wants to be with. I personally believe that sexual orientation isn’t black or white. I don’t believe that anyone is gay or straight. I believe that we can have preferences but i also believe that sexual orientation was built off of generations of what society and religion says due to procreation. And bc of that i feel like hocd exists. Again, i mean no harm.. just trying to understand and help my friend.

Please help me figure this out I remember when I was in 11th grade I had my first crush on a girl. I would say she was my first crush. because I would always love to go to school just to see her face lol . I always was so nervous on the bus ride to school. because I knew she rode the bus just like me . I would want to go to school just to see her . Long story short I never got the chance to tell her how I felt about her because my social anxiety. I start watching Porn a lot in that's when I got this Sexual Orientation Ocd . I don't really know what I want right know .when I did have that crush on the girl I just was attracted to women and girls . Now that I've got this SOCD stuff I fine man attractive but I don't wanna do anything sexual with them I just find them. P.S I'm a girl

Hi i'm new here (30yo male). I suffer from pocd. I stumbled over child porn when i was 14 my life is ruined ever since and i can't wait for God to end it and take me home.

This is something really weird to share! When I was 12 I was with my dog on my lap and the touch of his paws made me aroused! I was naturally watching TV! Then I thought what if I used him to have sexual pleasure? And then I felt really disgusted by that thought! Like I was an animal pervert but I think it was a pretty irrational thought and totally a thought not a want to do! But now I remembered that moment and I can't stop feeling that I was horrible by having thought about it and asking myself if I had done it would I be nowadays a dog rappist? This scares me! Do you feel that this was a normal thought considering the age and situation or am I a disgusting person?

I haven't been officially diagnosed but I believe I have pocd. I have a therapist though. I have intrusive thoughts as bout my son. They cause anxiety and I have a bad habit of just ignoring them. Unfortunately though, there are also times I get aroused by these thoughts. I've also been pushing my son away because of it. I also had an incident happen last night that scared me and caused severe anxiety. My son was laying across my lap and I realized our privates were close to each other and I got aroused then anxious. Today my therapist suggested an ERP situation. She told me to go to a quiet room, preferably a bedroom, lay down and relax and think of my son hugging me and let myself get anxious then try to relax again. I tried but I didn't get anxious. Anyone have any advice that could help?

Ahhhhhhhhhhh I’m looking at pictures of my sorta gf and my pupils aren’t dialating but I was smiling and happy I dunno what this means help

i cut my lexapro/cipralex dosage in half (to 2.5mg) 7w ago and have been experiencing paresthesia (prickling, burning, cold, puns-and-needles feelings) on my scalp. i was on this ssri for 10y, and i am aware that i am going to have a tough time coming off. i am wondering if anyone else has had experience with antidepressant withdrawal syndrome and if you have also experienced paresthesia. if so, how did you cope? & how long did it take to resolve itself? thanks ?

Guys and gals, i here just few days but i want to say that im very happy to see how well we are coping with our demons. The community here is great! Ill share with you my story in short: I suffered from OCD most of my life. It didn't developed until 12 when i first experience really frightening thoughts that were devastating for 3 years. My period of in middle school was hellish, like every time the devil himself giving me a stab in my soul, hourly. I was so struggled with bad thoughts, false memories and poor self esteem. It was too much for a young guy, that was what i thought. I knew its ocd, but i tried not to put labels on it, but i felt so damaged. Slowly, i start to try to develop some techniques that were very helping me, because i could find my self going back and forth in the house at 3am, try to figure out those thoughts! I feel that I'm not them, but they're really strong! But in 2011 i start go get better, and better, and better - until i got 7 YEARS BREAK of those layers and and had such a peaceful mind. 7 years clean from intrusive thoughts. People didn't knew from where i came from, with all of the things i got my the last episode - its like working out hard everyday and after the thoughts are not longer there, you get a mirror and you can see how freaking strong youre. Now, this is just 1 part of my personal story and here im going to give you my advices: 1. Try not to 'treat' it as an illness, try to figure out what's going on in your mind. For most of the people ERP is amazing, and it is! But you can also try to think about "from what i am scared?", "what's going on deeper?" Those are very questionable things, but for every obsession there is core of realization. Were very, very smart creatures. Ocd use fake fear to affect our lives! Would we let it be? No! Were strong! Were warriors! Were smart and were worthy to be calm and peaceful! So therefore, it can take part of ERP - some obsession can be cured from this sight only, from my own experience. Its very hard, demand alot of focus, but its worth it. 2. The moment of the realization kick in immediately after we see that there is no real thing to worry from. It make us to "forgot", to be stressed, to feel scared but when youre after a decent therapy time - you feel that the thoughts was just a layer that is no longer exist, just because its not real! 3. If there is a doubt, there is no doubt - its ocd. When you got this idea, you treat 50% and start to cure yourself. 4. DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR YOURSELF! As 12yo i discovered that i love to write. I became really talented and really professional with it and today i writing songs, poems, scripts, stories and I'm a proud wrestling booker (: do something that you can be focused on because this is the strength that you have to not letting ocd rule you. Art is really suggested because with it you can express yourself. 5. Try to minimize everything toxic in your life - bad job, bad people, bad programs, bad reactions. Try just to minimize it. 6 ..... its the bigger one - DO NOT AVOID YOUR FEARS! i remember myself get the realization at 14 that i can't avoid things in the name of ocd or in any name because this is the way the bed demon get heavier. Once you learn it - youre free from ocd. 7. Dont forget practice until its became something that can be separated from you. Dont worry, its just another tool of wisdom we hold. Thank you!

anyone else on prozac/fluoxetine?

For all of the people out there battling hocd- im here for you anytime. For years since I was 14 (im 20 now) I thought that I was gay and I was just lying to myself. It gets better! You can tackle this!

When i get a gronail response im like pshh:))) okk man this hocd stuff again. Ill just masturbate thinking at a girl and itll all be gone. (Man image comes in my head) me : ? ok da fac man. Me: what if i actually am sexually attracted to this . And sorry if anyone grossed or somthing but I fap myself thinking about a homosexual scenario but nothing happens it feels like idk just beating the meat and im thinking (yo man da faq is this :)) so i stop. I really don’t know why i still get gron responses .. i think it s also a problem of porn and masturbation addiction .. i masturbate daily idk what do you think?

I have contamination ocs. This morning while putting away dishes, (the sink that i wash my hands most frequently in is the kitchen) a tossed a knife in the sink and the water splashed out and into my mouth. I can't wash the inside of my mouth! Now I'm freaking out! If it's not one thing it's another... My specific fear is emetophobia. Like i want to cry.

WARNING: POCD I need to know your thoughts... I'm panicking and feeling horrible This is probably one of the first events that made me wonder if I was a "p". (I'm female, 20s) Two years ago, in the summer, I went to a friend's house and I met her younger sister (8, at the time). She was very sweet and adorable and I liked her so much! She showed me her toys and she was always around me... I feared I was feeling some sort of attraction to her... And now that I am recalling the event, I'm getting so afraid that this attraction was, in fact, real. I'm on the verge of tears right now ... Because it was so strong... Believe me, this felt like attraction. I'm thinking about her as I'm writing this and I'm remembering the warm feeling I experienced (like I was developing a crush) - I just want to cry because I don't want to be a "p". I spent the whole day in panic and wondering If I was "p" and if I was attracted to her. I tried to dismiss the thoughts and enjoy the day. I've always wanted a little sister and one day (at that time), I wanted to have a daughter someday. I've played with her and talked with her. Later that day, we went to the pool and I played with her again and even gave her piggyback rides (which now, I know it was a mistake - because I am getting flawed (false) memories that I touched her butt but I'm almost sure that I only touched her legs when giving the piggyback rides but I'm afraid that I touched her butt on purpose too to be deviant! I feel like I would be capable of doing such a awful thing). I remember enjoying her company and wanting to be more time with her... But now I'm so scared that I had bad intentions, because "p" people want to be around children. I feel like there was more than "having a child/sister for a day" because of my strong feelings for this girl. I regreted this whole dayAnd when I went back to her house, I avoided the child at all costs. What do I do?? I feel so hopeless... I am crying like crazy, not knowing what to do. I feel like a "p". I am so scared that I was attracted to her and now I have this new false memory that scares me... Please help me... I'm in despair..This particular story weights on me. I'm reviewing it over and over (taking the false memory off) and I don't think I did anything wrong BUT I cant help but to feel uncertain about it... Even if I didnt do anything wrong, I still feel bad for not avoiding it. I felt like a "p" the whole day... I had these intrusive thoughts the whole day... Yet, I wanted to be near the child and play with her?? I was trying to dismiss my thoughts - I tried to fight them! but I can't help to feel that what I did was predatory! Or wrong! I have been crying so much about this subject... I have high morals... And everytime an adult plays with a child is usually a "p" or a predator... I am so afraid that my "desire" to be with this child was an indicator that I'm a p or a bad person in general. Please... I want to know your opinions (I also have another question. I also felt "dirty" all day. Are all of these symptoms normal in ocd? Do people with ocd can like being with children? Are even these questions making sense?) I can't help to reinforce this! I felt terrible afterwards - I regret it so much... I felt dirty during that event, after that event and even today! This was my first time (or one of the first times) dealing with with pocd... I thought it was my brain trying to get me... So I tried to fight it! But... I feel like shit for not avoiding her... I'm so afraid I actually felt attraction for her because it was so strong the affection I experienced for her... I feel like a p... I'm so done...