Welcome to
the NOCD Community

This is Rizwan Hanif, i am in 37 th year of my age, suffering with OCD since 2009 approximately. Taken Paroxetine for 5 Years and upto 50mg approx At start paroxetine made some difference but still i was struggling to recover, tried many other herbal treatments but not recovered. Near about three montha ago i quit taking Paroxetine and surprisingly it didnt effect noticeably but not recover either. Its about 10 years of OCD, it ruined my life, quiting paroxetine has not much noticeable effect, its like same as i was taking so i am not taking it Hoping that may i will find some solution of it. 10 Years of my life ruined.

I have anxiety from a past mistake I made. I tried a sugar baby site with a friend, only to be used like a prostitute and not paid anyway. I deleted my account shortly after. But I was bought to motel rooms by one and bought to the basement of a bar by the other for sexual favors. I was drunk so I didn’t think anything at the time. I even went to NYPD special victims unit about this 3 years later and since i consented there’s nothing but a police report I can put. Anyway, years later I have obsessions that I’m secretly taped and that the bar had security cameras in the stock room basement. The bar has since closed and has sister pubs but I became agoraphobic being in NYC and can’t live happily without reassurance that there’s nothing wrong and everything is perfect. I’m working with my therapist but it’s hard just sitting with uncertainty about things. I always have the urge to go to great lengths for reassurance. Even though I’ve never been blackmailed and never saw any videos of me, I fear the worst case scenarios. Most likely even if there was s security camera it’s nothing that would be leaked. But I still have that ocd reassurance seeking inside of me.

Now I’m starting to worry I’m asexual goodness gracious

Can someone explain what this means or use an example, I'm a little confused. "Ocd hijacks feelings, if you're trying to workout what you feel, or feel a feeling, remember ocd is in the control room."

Hey guys, I just wanted to mention this as it seems to be an important point in recovery. I’ve noticed that doing exposures only when you get the chance isn’t always helpful, it helps a bit but then you have to wait for the next trigger to come along so you can do an exposure. Deliberate exposures help me, so putting yourself in those situations daily is good because you will recover quicker. ??

Real event OCD. I have this real event from 2 years ago, that when I begin to fall back into a pattern of intrusive thoughts this is what tortures me. Its about me failing to flag/report something on an adult website I was on because I wasn't sure if the content was appropriate or not. I didn't click on it to check or anything, I was just scrolling past and saw it briefly for a split second so I could have been mistaken. It still bothers me to this day. I sought so much reassurance after the event and everybody told me websites regulate themselves in line with the law so they will have taken care of it if it was anything bad. But I still can't get over the feeling that I failed to do a moral duty of mine and that makes me a bad person and feel so much guilt for it even though rationally I know I'm not responsible for anything and it's not my fault. Please help. It's starting again...:(

I'm afraid that I might all of a sudden turn a pedophile! I would never hurt a child and I'm so afraid that all of a sudden I turn into one of those monsters! I feel like I'm near the end of the world! If I notice a kids voice I think that makes me a pedophile! I'm so scared! Today O was having sex with my boyfriend and every type of the intrusive thoughts came into my head and I didn't let it affect me! I remembered saying to myself ok than I quit I'm going to be a old lady which like 17 year olds! And I kept with my sexual intercourse! But at the end I felt bad for thinking that and keep going! I felt like I should have stopped the sex immediately! It doesn't even makes sense my boyfriend is older than me and I'm constantly asking myself are you looking at him because you think he is a little kid!

I try to have sex but i feel nothing. Does low sex drive come with ocd? I don’t obsess that much, but i have no sex drive. Triggers my HOCD.

Can I talk to somebody? It isn't OCD related but I feel very irritated, can somebody help me? :(

HUGE scary moment. Please help me calm down? So just a bit ago , I was taking my antibiotic pills when one pill “went down the wrong way” and I went Into this HUGE panic because it was essentially stuck and scraping my throat. I know logically I shouldn’t freak out because I could breathe. But my body went into fight or flight and went into emergency forced vomit mode. I dry heaved as hard as I could for like 10 minutes on and off. I was so scared because nothing came out. It was too far deep. I started shaking and forcing myself to throw up. But I also kept swallowing a lot. Then it finally went down and now my OCD is FULLY ACTIVATED. My existential thoughts are clouding my brain. And I’m so upset. Because I was having a good evening.

Question for men: would you care if your girlfriend tried a sugar baby site in the past? I tried it with a friend when I was in deep credit card debt and I got out of a bad relationship. I was in a self destructive mode. I ended up getting taken advantage of and not given anything and deleting my account after a month or so. I realized after that these men treat women like prostitutes and it’s not like dating at all. I guess when I was in a bad place and naive I believed such things. I now obsess that no one will love me and I have to confess my past. I was raised to be classy and not promiscuous so I get a lot of guilt over this time in my life from a. Few years ago. Nowadays I work full time during the week and part time as a cashier on the weekends to pay off my debt and I wish I always did it this honest way.

Hi OCD members, My Name is Dylan Moss. I am constantly struggling with severe ocd. I am unable to leave the house because of all the ritualizing, perfectionism, and checking compulsions. Do you guys know of any support groups to go to or a community where others with ocd meet to share their experiences and or what type of ocd they are struggling with and ideas on how to improve and get better for the treatment process and living a more normal life. From, Dylan Moss

Should I go to the hospital if my head hurts after repeatedly slapping and punching my forehead? They were all because of compulsions. I feel fine now although it hurts a little bit, Ive read you can still do serious damage to your brain from it though.

Help: How do you manage to feed yourself with everything else happening? I hope it’s not just me, but I can get really depressed! Anxious thoughts get the better of me, and then I’m exhausted. Next thing I know, I’m sleeping anytime I’m not at work and nothing is done at home - including groceries, cooking, or washing up. Down leads the spiral... Has anyone found useful habits or tricks that help them get through at least prepping food for themselves? Hours of meal prep is probably out of reach for me.

Guys, I feel like I am depressed tho. Like actually. When my mom hugged me I didn't even smile. I have had no like expression all day. I feel like shit. At home mom goes to work early and comes home late. Then it's only me my little sister and my dad. Who does everything? I fucking do. I clean, do the dishes, make sure my sisters eat, make everyones bed, puts up games when we play, watching my sister to make sure dad doesn't do anything, and am nice to them. I don't know what more I can do. I feel so much stress every fucking day. I don't tell anyone this but.... Yes I fucking cry everyday, every night. I am just a fucking kid and I do shit like I'm a mom. I haven't told much people about this. I have only told maybe 1 person but... When Kaige( my ex)called me a hoe and everyone was making that a huge joke, I did something I shouldn't have. I cut.i cut myself. I felt I deserved the pain. I deserved everything. That I wasn't worth it. Nobody cares. I let myself hurt for what other people have done to me. And right now at home. I feel like nobody appreciates me. nobody cares. no body knows what goes through my head except me

I was just wondering if this is normal. I’ve had OCD for a year and 4 months now. When I get a thought, like what if someone does something to me (to do with my obsession) then I think if they did it to me what if I went along with that, then I will start to analyse myself and my body and think well if you move your head or body a certain way that means you want it now, then I’ll actually do it? And I feel terrible. I don’t know if this is just me or if I’m crazy. Then I’ll feel the need to confess it. For some reason my mind just thinks it should analyse my action in that moment as soon as I’ve had the thought, even though it has nothing to do with it. Sorry this may be a bit confusing ?

Please, can any of you find it in your hearts to read this and help me? Okay so here’s the situation, I went through a traumatic experience a couple of years ago and have since deleted and gotten rid of everything that has reminded me of it. However, that also includes emails that I’ve sent to people. There was one specific email that I sent to my teacher in high school that I’ve gotten rid of, but the thing that’s really bothering me is the fact that it’s still sitting in her inbox. I want so desperately to remove it, but obviously I can’t. Would it be weird if I reached out to her on Facebook and asked her to delete it? I graduated almost two years ago. And I don’t know if it’s considered crossing a line, but it’s really driving my anxiety through the roof. If I were going to message her about it, how do you think I should go about it? Even though the thought of asking her also cause me anxiety.

So I’ve heard to get over your triggers you need to expose yourself to them, well I have harm ocd and whenever I listen to metal music which is my FAVORITE usually it triggers my ocd realllllly bad. Is it a good idea to keep exposing it to myself to get over it?

OCD colored glasses. This morning I woke up with a good attitude, I have been making progress with resisting my compulsions and was ready to start the day resisting more. When I open my bedroom door my cat as usual was at the door scratching to get in, next to her was sitting a piece of Poo. It must have got caught on her fur and dropped off as she was cleaning herself while waiting for me to come out of my room. I close the bedroom door, retreated to my room and felt extreme anxiety, struggle to breath, intensive crying, you know the drill. It took me half an hour to work up to starting the decontamination process I knew I would have to do because of the cat Poo. “ I don’t know where she went with the poo still on her, it might have spread over the entire house, I can’t see the poo partials that may have dropped off her, I have to decontaminate everything and then chuck out the mop, the mop bucket and my slippers after I have finished, then I can have a shower. Then and only then will I feel like I can be in my house again and move in with my day” I pulled my self together, I got the order right in my head of what I needed to do, I pre prepared my bathroom opening the shower door so I didn’t have to touch it with contaminated hands. I walked out of my bedroom to face the next 6-12 hours of decontamination. IT WASN’T POO. IT WAS A SEED POD. As soon as I knew it was a seed pod all of my anxiety evaporated instantly. I felt relief, I felt calm, I felt happy. When my brain through it was poo the world felt like it was over. When my brain new it was a seed pod I could automatically go on with my day not being effected by it. My aunty who is a trauma psychologist who also studies the brain told me I was seeing the world through an OCD filter. Just like all of the filters that we see every day that people put over there lives on instagram. Majority of what we see on social media is through a filter. It’s so easy to edit photos and post a unrealistic version of your self that you want the world to see. Suffering from OCD is permanently looking through our eyes at the world with a OCD filter. If we can start to understand our brains better we may be able to lift that filter and see world and let it effect us in a different way. A positive way. The way I was able to move on with my day because of the seed pod compared to how I could have let it debilitate me if it was cat poo. Even if it was poo. A person not living with OCD would not have suffered from a panic attack and had to endure 6-12 hours of cleaning. I’m educating myself on the brain and how it makes us think and function. I do not want to spend the rest of my life with OCD Colour glasses.

What was everyone’s first theme? Mine was fear of STIs/contamination. Just wanna connect with you all.