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the NOCD Community

My ocd theme is currently centered around the extreme fear of my boyfriend or a loved one dying ?

How the fuck do people NOT worry all day everyday about being dumped? I feel I’ve gotta do something to stop him ever leaving me 24/7 I feel it has to be to myself, like break a bone or something so he cares more? Or have something bad happen to me that won’t kill me or anything but like make him scared HE will lose ME? I don’t understand how it’s possible people simply, *dont* fear abandonment? To me that’s absolutely insane. If he leaves me I feel I have no options other than hope I die in my sleep too

I feel like I need something bad (but not life threatening or permanently altering) needs to happen to me, to get people to start caring about me and loving me the way I want and need? I feel like everyone needs to have some kind of like wake up call or something I really don’t feel I have any value and that’s the only way I will ever get it if there’s risk to me

Do any of you have experience with Buspar? And if so do it work for you?

I’m panicking so hard over my life My job is a dead end job I HATED from day one I wanted to leave on my lunch hour and my ex wouldn’t have been happy so I stayed. Been here four years now and he threw me out with no warning after ten years but I’m still stuck here. Ive been bullied there by my manager for a year, used my mental illness against me and I have been feeling trapped and isolated. When I apply for new jobs. I hear nothing. I feel powerless and nothing is in my control. I can’t leave because I won’t have money and I can’t work out what to do with my creativity. Everyone reminds me constantly I’m wasted at a job I already despise so it makes me spiral into “oh god I’ll never make my life worth anything” Also My ocd is wrecking me My anxiety in general is wrecking me I feel low I think I may also have undiagnosed bpd My partner’s mother is ill will cancer and he’s shutting me out, triggering my abandonment fears I feel no security or direction in my life at all. I feel I’m on shaky ground 24/7 and I have no control over anything Panic please please say someone else feels this way I feel a complete failure and disappointment running out of time

I’m super anxious because my hocd is focused on one girl now and whenever she stands super close to me or touches me I get this weird anxious feeling and o find myself leaning away from her. I’m scared that it’s really actual feelings because it’s just one person.

I have bad OCD pertaining to sexual intrusive thoughts in many sub categories. But the thing is is I am just a regular straight male. Nothing more nothing less. I hate these thoughts and they dominate my life 24/7 and everything is a trigger.... Everything everything. Seriously, literally everything. Whenever I get "triggered" (I hate that word) my heart skips a beat and I freak out and mentally start spiraling out of control with a single episode that can last anwhere from minutes to literal months of 24/7 hell. I'm not triggered by seeing, hearing, or the touch of women as I actually like them and view that as normal healthy behavior. But the other stuff, nope. Don't like it. Never have and never will. And its literally because my brain says "don't think that" so it then in turn says some very very gross, scary, and undesirable thinga then my body gets triggered. Then that "Dont think that" turns into "Dont look, dont stare gross!!!" And other stuff along those lines. And soon everything gets me. But I know who I am and I'm not these things and dont like this stuff!!! At all! Nope! Never!! I go to therapy, practiced mindfulness, etc which honestly makes stuff worse because I dont want to let these thoughts flow and "not judge them". I understand the concept of the more you fight and resist thoughts the more the recur, but I'm also NOT okay with being okay with those thoughts. And I hate when people tell me that crap. Its not a matter of me not wanting to freak out, these are gross thoughts and considering they're sexual thoughts, I'm not okay with them and I dont want to be okay with them. Everything and everybody except women are a trigger and I DO NOT like this. These are not my desires or fantasies or wants. These thoughts are gross and bad and even if they weren't considered bad to some, they still are me. I just want to get out of this hell and become the real me again that doesnt think this garbage at all and doesnt freak out and label myself bad and gross things due to the fact that I have thought them... even though I am not those things! Then I can't get out of this unhealthy cycle and it is deterioating my personality, self esteem, and makes me question everything that I dont actually have to question or wonder about because Im already secure about it and know the answer. Then everything in every part of life and my head gets fucked up along with the other OCD topics and I literally feel panicky, crazy, and psychotic just stirring up new fucked up things to freak out on usually but not having some relation to the above topic. I just want to be me again! The real me. The confident, noncrazy feeling, funny, social, nondepressed, non crippled by anxiety, masculine, honest, hard working, not perverted, and well I still am straight like always but not think these gross thoughts anymore. I just want to live my life, be happy, be a good person without having to think about it, have good friends, good women, make good music, have a good career, be close to God, and die peacefully and happily. That's all I want! So that leads to my question: Healthy or unhealthy, advised to do by professionals or not, how do you handle unexpected visual, audible, and mental triggers when it comes to sexually instrusive thoughts and topics? And what effectiveness does it have on you and how long do those effects last?

Do any other women here find themselves sexually aroused by images of other women? I get aroused by descriptions of females being sexually used in erotica and I’m afraid that’s evidence. I also love boobs, but mostly my own and what my boyfriend is capable of doing with them. I’m confused and tired and I need help. Anyone please

I really can’t tell if this is ocd anymore. Like I don’t even get other ocd themes just sexual ones and they haunt me. I get seriously turned on by things that I don’t want to be and then I think that’s really just me not ocd. :(

I don’t know what the point in my existence is anymore I don’t feel secure I don’t feel loved I don’t know where o stand with my partner cuz he keeps pushing me Away then pulling me back I love him and I’m so confused why I’m not receiving the same level of certainty I always give him I’m currently crying at work cuz two girls are engaged and know they aren’t gonna be abandoned. One girl just said she’s going on a date with her fiancé while I’ve just been told he needs space and for me to go back to my own place, a few days after he asked me to fucking move in ALL I WANT IS LOVE AND SECURITY WHY DONT I FUCKING DESERVE IT WHEN EVERYONE WLSE GETS IT

One minute he’s asking me to move in, the next he tells me to go home

The caudate nucleus is part of the basal ganglia, located deep in the center of the brain. The caudate nucleus controls the filtering of thoughts. Sensory information is sorted here. Normally, unnecessary information is disregarded. In people with OCD, the caudate nucleus isn’t as effective at filtering, so they become overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts and urges. The caudate nucleus of a person with OCD is like a doorman who does a poor job keeping out the undesirables. The above paragraph is an excerpt from: The OCD Workbook:Your guide to breaking free from obsessive compulsive disorder

Advice for a POCD sufferer? I know I would never harm a child in any way. The thought of being capable of doing that disgusts me. Am I asking for reassurance? Probably. But you know what, I need it and I’m being honest about it :( this “uncertainty” thing is very weird for me especially bc it’s POCD . I just want the thoughts to stop

How do you combat doubts about something so nuanced, like sexuality? For me, it’s not as clear as turned on by one over the other. I’ve only felt physical attraction toward one sex but can feel aroused by another when viewing sexual images/material. I do not doubt that this is common. I just want some help with fighting back against these thoughts.

ROCD: I keep getting thoughts that my partner thinks he’s better than me and that I am not seen for my complete worth in this relationship. I keep analysing my boyfriend like ‘he hasn’t given me much attention tonight’ or ‘he’s only hugging me tonight from behind whilst I do the dishes because it’s a typical thing to do. And thoughts like am I being manipulated? And my boyfriend is already a very know it all kind of guy so this triggers my ocd and when I talk about something he always knows more about it or my mind says can’t I just have this moment for once? Why does he always have to be better? Any help here. My ocd is definitely making this harder for me.

I don’t really post that often, but I have been really struggling lately. My struggle is with Health Anxiety (Health OCD). And lately with this coronavirus situation going on right now has thrown me down a rabbit whole and fear. I feel so helpless and vulnerable. So alone. I feel lost. I fear becoming ill but I also fear compulsions, as medical professionals recommend frequent hand washing, sanitization, etc. I don’t know what to do anymore. Waiting listed for ERP.

Contamination OCD sufferer here. It bothers me to no end that almost everywhere in the world they have normalized bidets except here in the US. I can keep our home bathroom stocked with flushable wipes but my husband says a lot of the time he goes while at work. I want to give him some wipes to bring to work but I know he won't carry a package of wipes into the bathroom with him because someone will see! Lol. This is bothering me maybe more than it should. If you had s**t on your arm you would use water to clean it, not a flimsy bit of paper! It's really upsetting me to think about the germs. We need to catch up to the rest of the world

At a point in my life where I don’t know what to do with it. I quit my job for another job, I’m not sure if I want this job so I’m currently unemployed. I have no motivation and am constantly looking for “the meaning of life” in an existential OCD type of way. I wake up, I skate, I eat, I sleep. I don’t understand the meaning of that? Life is 12 hours awake & doing stuff until you just have to go to sleep again how do I get my mind out of this loop?

It’s interesting and frustrating how OCD tries so hard to keep a hold on your mental process once you are going through recovery. For example, I told a guy on Instagram that he looked handsome and I immediately was overcome with guilt. My brain was telling me that I had cheated on my boyfriend, that I had ruined our relationship, and that id never feel right again when my boyfriend was showing me affection/love. He knows about my struggles with POCD and I have started letting him know when I get overwhelmed with it. So this morning after beating myself up and nearly breaking down in tears to him, I told him that I had told a guy on Instagram that he is handsome and that my brain told me that was cheating on him, etc. He was not angry at all, gave me a “seriously? Come on!” and assured me that he was not angry in the slightest and I had nothing to worry about. OCD will try it’s hardest to maintain its hold on your mental process. Recognizing this is half the battle when going through recovery.

I don't know what to think of my thoughts anymore. I am still having a lot of intrusive thoughts about my cats and dog, even in my dreams. It feels like my mind is telling me that I secretly enjoy these thoughts. I don't know what's real anymore.