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the NOCD Community

Guys I am concerned about something which doesn't have to do with OCD, but I could use a clever opinion, just like yours. I have a boyfriend. I love him. We are in love, I think. We've talked about getting married. I really think and want hime to be the one. Imagine how much the guy means to me. Last night we discussed the possibility of going abroad to study, because one of our friends is doing so. We are not young, we are about to reach our thirties. We both want to study abroad too. And although we haven't started going after it, it did make me wonder what would happen to us if I started working towards that goal. Should we break up if one of us decides to try to study abroad? What if we don't work as a couple in the long run and we refrain each other from achieving what we want in life? I al sad and anxious even though none of us is searching that possibility just now. Any tips?

Can Suicidal OCD make you reach a state where you believe that you really want to die and in turn feel complete hopelessness and depression to the point where you are unable to function at all? I’ve reached this point and the thoughts still cause me so much distress and I feel like I’m in great danger.

I am trying to understand that just bc I don’t always wanna spend time with my bf and hat sometimes it’s boring that there’s something wrong in the relationship how do I deal with these thoughts!!

I’m trying to not let my pocd get to me today but it’s hard. I’m p much a kid at heart and I age regress to feel safe but I feel like I’m not ALLOWED to now and it’s killing me inside. My dad will talk to me like a kid (ik I’m 23) and instead I just feel guilt, like I’m not able to just let myself be. What’s rough is a lot of people don’t understand this part. So like idk. :| I just want to exist. Its causing me to get depressed too. Doesn’t help I had nightmares last night. I keep feeling like i don’t deserve to be around people, like I’m a danger to society. And I keep wanting to confess the stuff I did in my teen years. I hate it I really do. I feel tainted and I just want my innocence back. I just wish everything was ok bc it doesn’t feel ok.

NSFW WARNING!!! Hey this isn't a reassurance thing, more of a general curiousity thing. People with sexual taboo OCDs - We've all been there where we're masturbating and all of a sudden a gross image pops up (maybe of a relative you're scared of being attracted to, a pet, someone of the same/ opposite sex or the worst of them all - a child). Gross shit I know but we keep it real here because we have to live with this shit. My question is - when the gross thought or image or whatever pops up, what do y'all do? I usually hit the brakes HARDDD and stop dead in my tracks like "ok listen i dont wanna see this gross shit ok? Can I have this please?" and I kind of readjust and then I keep going at it. It doesn't trigger me nearly as much cuz I'm post therapy and it's more of a "not this shit again" type thing than a "OH GOD MY LIFE IS OVER" type thing like it used to be. I don't wanna keep going at it because a. that's gross and fucked up, b. I don't want it to turn into a "checking if i can get aroused" type of compulsion because that's just horrifying and c. THAT'S GROSS AND FUCKED UP! Is pausing and readjusting a compulsion? Should I just keep going at it with gross intrusive images fresh in my cranium? That shit's scary, I dunno if I can. I'd love to hear y'alls thoughts!

I'm so scared it feels like the thoughts are pleasurable. I know I don't want to be with women but it feels like I enjoy the thoughts. I can't anymore

I don’t know if the fact that my anxiety is gone and the thoughts are still here but I’m bored is a good or bad thing

Heey I've been accepting uncertainty about my real event ocd and POCD and it's been a really useful and productive day.? But how are you guys today?

I thought I was doing well, but now my anxiety is going insane. I was having a pretty good day, and then I read something about how lesbian sex is better than straight sex and now I’m freaking out. I hate this so much and as soon as I’m feeling better my thoughts find another way to knock me down

Is anyone middle age out there? 45 years of this??? It has come and gone, but now, as I age, I hate that I wasted my life and continue to do so... ..it has to be a sin...I just want to live this beautiful existence and I can't.

really have whats considered to be ROCD. I was in a relationship with this really amazing guy. Everything was going amazing, I was in love and he showed me how I was supposed to be treated. He did everything right. He would rush to me whenever I felt sad, wanted a hug, and mad. When he found out I had anxiety and panic attacks he researched more about it to help me cope better with it. He would do anything and everything to make me happy, even if that meant letting him go. I recently under went through a really bad spiral of emotions these past two months, kind of when this whole pandemic started as well, and I knew it would effect my mental health but I didn’t know how severely it would until one day me and my boyfriend were fighting and obviously due to so much stress with what’s going on right now we would fight often or I would misinterpret a lot of things that it got to the point where I started remembering my past abusive relationship and started connecting it to my healthy one. It got soo into my head that I started researching if I even loved my boyfriend and I just felt so detached from him and reality and I had such a huge fear of not loving him enough or what if he wasn’t the right person for me or even if I was better off single and I started to feel trapped and I started to realize that us fighting triggered things from my past relationship which then triggered what I think were obsessive thoughts. I would think for like an hour straight and just compare my ex and my bf and in my heart I knew I loved my boyfriend I just couldn’t understand why I kept bringing him up in my head and comparing the two when my ex doesn’t even compare to the man my boyfriend is. I thought in my head that I was hurting him simply because I’m thinking of someone else while being with him and having doubts about him that I got fixated with the idea of breaking up with him. I went over and over and over just thinking I should do it cause it’s what’s best. I had the biggest mental breakdown yesterday because I felt so in my head for so long that I had enough and called it quits with my boyfriend. It’s been a day but I already have such a big weight on my heart and miss him dearly and he knew everything I’ve been thinking and going through which is why I felt it was best to let it go because I didn’t want to hurt him or ruin the relationship with me constantly crying and talking only about me (it got to the point where I was even acting selfish) so for the sake of us getting back together in the future I broke it off thinking that was what’s best and now I know it wasn’t. I called him earlier today and he always tells me that no matter what happens he’s wait for me he told me all he wants is to see me happy and to take as much time as I needed and he understood. We always told each other that regardless of what happened one day we knew we always would go back to each other and once I made that decision it was almost like my ocd calmed down and turned off, I know it’s cause I’m scared of being in a healthy relationship due to my past. He’s a great guy though and I’m scared to lose him.

I’m reading the Book of Luke right now and the intrusive thoughts and feelings I get from it is driving me crazy! I can’t pray because of guilt, now I can’t read the Bible? Worst part is, I feel like God is hearing my thoughts and that is ruining my chance of getting into Heaven :(

my mom said do you wanna stay here or go to walmart, and the first thing i thought of was kids and if there was gonna be any and i didn’t feel guilty ?, am i a monster?i feel like if i’m not guilty from these thoughts, i am a monster and i don’t wanna end up like a nasty pedo ??

Hi everyone. I just wanted you to know how my progress is doing. I've been doing well. Really well, actually. I've been suffering from HOCD since almost a year now and I've been feeling much better. The OCD symthoms have decreased significantly within the last weeks, and although I wouldn't say I'm 100% recovered, this is a huge progress for me. I still get the thoughts, but they don't give me as much anxiety as before and I don't get them 24/7. I feel free and grounded. I'm still learning and trying to get even much better, but I'm really happy overall. Now I can recognize the OCD cycle and stop it easily. I just wanted to thank you all, because without this beautiful community I wouldn't get to where I am now. And just remember, IT GETS BETTER. It really does. You are not alone. One day, you'll get out of this nightmare. And if you fall, you'll rise up again. Thank you very much, for everything❤️. I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to.

I’m a little confused on accepting uncertainty. If I answer an intrusive thought with “maybe, maybe not”, am I supposed to truly believe what I’m saying? Truly believe that I could REALLY SERIOUSLY do ____? For example, if i get the intrusive thought “I’m going to act out and hurt someone”, am I supposed to say “maybe I will hurt someone” and then continue with the triggering situation? Because I can’t tell if I’m actually putting someone in danger because the thoughts feel real or if it’s false alarms and I need to push through it. Does anyone have any experience in this? I’d like to make sure I’m understanding this right

It just feels like I like it I want help and to get better so bad I can't fuck I just want to be normal and not worry all the time

This place really is gonna just be a place for me to express everything wow. Looking back now i see how fucked my thinking was and i feel like a lot of that stemmed from insecurity. I remember seeing some of my friends and in my head i would pick them apart thinking that they didn’t look pretty or that there clothes weren’t cute and stuff like that and i don’t think i even realized that thinking those things about your own friends is wrong and i was bringing them down to make myself feel better. If anything i’m the ugly one because they are all so genuine to me and nice but here i am thinking these things behind their backs. Like my one friend is literally pretty but i remember one day she wasn’t dressed that cute and in my head i was like yeah she’s not even pretty i don’t know why people think that and that’s so mean and wrong. I feel like i only thought that to make myself feel better. Or the other day i was watching a tik tok where they were saying they didn’t find any of their friends ugly and in the vid they said to think about it and i thought about it and one friend popped into my mind. She’s one of my closest friends and is the full package she is pretty, has a great personality, and is smart, yet i still thought of her. And it still felt like in my head i was just thinking i’m prettier than her even though i feel ugly all the time. And i just feel so bad that i’m thinking so negatively about others when they only think and say nice things about me. I feel so fake. I genuinely love my friends but it just feels like i think subconsciously i’m better than them when in reality it’s probably the other way around. Like i want to change this thinking but it literally feels ingrained in my mind. Like i know it’s wrong but it’ll still be the first thing i think. I just want to be normal and not compare myself and bring others down. So now i’m questioning myself if i even really do think my friend is pretty, i was looking at her pictures and things and telling myself that she literally isn’t ugly but my mind is still thinking oh you’re prettier. LIKE WTF. I wish you guys could see inside my brain so i could explain this better :/ but as you can tell i’m a 0/10 friend. Is it bad for me to think i’m prettier than her? I feel like it is. And i know looks don’t even matter but i’m only asking cause that’s what it seems like this stems from. Like do i think i’m prettier than her because were the same ethnicity and i have more of the “conventional” beauty standards like a small nose and small eyes and is this just me thinking westernized features are the standard of beauty. Like we were at a party and there was this really cute guy and she ended up being with him the whole night and i feel like in the back of my mind i was surprised he chose her and not me but that’s so fucked cause i’m literally nothing special why do i think i’m better i literally hate this so much i wish i could just go brain dead. Me and this friend used to be the “ugly” ones in our friend group and i had a little glo up and started getting more recognition, and it wasn’t until this year really that she started talking to guys so maybe i feel threatened? i don’t know. basically i’m just an insecure bitch that can’t be happy for her friends and needs the spotlight or to be chosen by others to feel satisfied and good about myself, and feel the need to bring others down to justify and make myself feel better and i can’t accept others are better than me even though i don’t even like myself as a person.

Something triggered my anxiety. I did the breathing and for some reason I was having a hard time with this. Even doing something else to take my mind off of it and stop ruminating didn't work. I passed out from exhaustion. Woke up and my anxiety just picked up where it left off. I've tried mindfulness and grounding. What do you do that helps when this happens?

My OCD that I am a bad person, a racist, a homophobe, etc. is ruining my life because literally EVERYTHING is a trigger. This has been a hard quarantine because I am unable to escape my thoughts.

Being GAY STRAIGHT BI LESBIAN IS NOT A CHOICE