Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I have panic attacks because of my ocd - I’m an ivf baby and people say bad things about me, that I have scar and don’t have a soul - when I have soul. It makes me paranoid and I have to do more compulsive things. Can someone please tell me how to deal with them?

If you choose to read this could you please comment*** 5 years ago I went on a date with a coworker. We both ended up getting quite drunk and went to his place. He offered to call me a cab, but I denied. I know we smoked some weed and watched a show in his room... I know I kissed him, and he started to initiate sex. I remember him touching my pants and saying “is this okay? Is this okay?” And I said yes and unbuttoned them but then somewhere in the time we started fooling around I blacked out. I started to remember the end of our interaction. I know he was very drunk too we had spent about 5 hours drinking, and he actually left his door open to his room and his roommate was home and we were both mortified the next morning??‍♀️. After the incident I didn’t feel worried or scared or taken advantage of, I just felt like holy, that was a lot to drink what a crazy night. We continued to go on dates and hook up completely soberly and I never saw a scary dark side of him or felt pressured into anything. We actually decided to pursue a relationship in the next few weeks after spending every day together and 5 years later I am still with him. We have a daughter, he’s a great father and boyfriend and treats me so great, but tonight I am having stomach curdling ocd anxiety. I’m riddled with all of the horrible “WHAT IFS” .... WHAT IF, I was raped? WHAT IF, he wasn’t as drunk as I thought he was? WHAT IF, he intentionally took advantage of me? Honestly in my heart I do feel we were just two drunk people who got carried away, he did offer to buy me a cab, he did ask multiple times before he even touched me if it was okay and I urged him on. But you know how it goes, you find one thing with an ounce of uncertainty in it and ocd sets a bonfire on it in your mind. I just need to vent this, I don’t know where else I could talk about it.

I saw a bug in the house, downstairs, today. Now I am scarred to go down because I am afraid if it lands on me. I don’t want a dead or alive bug on me. That’s my constant fear everyday, but now I have seen a bug.

Guys I was watching a really sad movie and everyone watching it was crying but me. I’ve struggled with ocd where I think I’m a psychopath and this feels like confirmation and I’m really stressed and panicking

I can’t stop feeling like what if a naked woman was in front of me?? Would I be turned on!? And I feel like the answer is like of course you would be! So I’m getting super anxious and I feel like my anxiety is trying to protect from the truth that I would want to hook up with a naked woman. I’m so anxious and upset over this thought, I can’t

Has anyone here ever told their parents about having HOCD? What was their response? I want to tell my parents that I have HOCD but I'm scared to because they might think I'm actually coming out to them as gay or bi, or that they'll think I'm in denial.

I'd like to share my story and it may trigger someone still doesnt know how it works, I believe I have OCD (HOCD and ROCD), like I dont even know anymore. Id appreciate some feedback to know if i am just delusional. So I met this girl from spain during summer and i fell in lover with her but were at a camp and its was soon over and we didnt really do anything else besides kkissing. Month after i went to spain for my exchange year ( 800km from where she lives...) but on new years with got in touch and went to her city by train. I was breaking several rules of my organization by this travel risking being kicked out to my home country and was pretty stressed. When i got there i got pretty nervous/stressed (idk anymore) probably due to the fact i never got intimate with anybody. Long story short i had problems with erections even tho she is really beutiful and atracttive. I started douting everything and thought i was gay. From that point up until now i have problems wirh erections and i thought it was penis problem ting.I just cant get properly horny and erection dont last really anything. But i started having these gay thoughts and became extremely anxious. I started doubting my love for here ( that started already when i was with here there, and the gay thoughts as well). Had some periods when i was feeling better but had these compultions in my head imaging some gay stuff and trying to figure out if i enjoy it. Never got actually erect from that then and now. I have always wanked off to the idea of being with girl or normal hetero porn. Ou and also started staring at my friends trying to see if i am interested in them or smh. Or put on gay porn to see if i get erexted and when i didnt which happened always i felt kind of relieve for a few minutes after. Always noticing people around of the same sex (male) to see if i see them atracttive or paying atttention to my dick to see how it reacts to gay stuff compared to hetero stuff. Still talking with this girl from spain even tho she lives like 2800 km from me..... Periods when i was like yes i love her and then that i am not sure. I based everyrhing on my level of arousal. The more i wanted to be aroused by the thought of being with her the less it worked. I think that this became on of my compulsions as well. Btw went to doc and my testosterone and everything is alright. When found out about hocd i got instant relieve for like 5 days. Gay thought disapeared.I wanked off like 3 times a day and got normal erections. ( druing those good days i wasnt tslking to her and neither now bur from other reasons) But when i reaaly focused on the idea of being with her it was hard to jerk off and it scared me that she wasnt atractting me enough or smh and the gay thoughts came back with doubting everything.... i fell like sometimes when i stop feeling anxiety its because i got to the conclusion, either i am gay or i dony love her anymore. Even tho i dont think i can be gay when i havent masturbated a single Time in my 18 years of live to a boy and never got hard from one neither. And when i stopped being anxious thinking about those bad thoughts I got scared that its because they are true and got bsck again in to the cycle....... I dont even know whats happening anymore. Last 2 weeks i dont do my compulsion really much but i still feel like shit and my dick its pretty much dead. And last thing. Everytime i told the girl i was not sure about my feelings i bursted out crying like i didnt want to tell her what i was telling her but my thoughts were saying otherwise, always day or 2 after i wanted to ,,be,, (ldr...) with her again. I based everything on my level of arousal. Sometimes i feel like i dont want to hurt her by making her be with me cause maybe i am gay or idk. Really fucking anoyyed i cant fucking jerk off properly and i miss her so much but i think i Would be scared to have something too sexual with her(or maybe with anyone rn) even tho i want to, because of being scared that i dont get proper hard. Well i dont really think anyone will read this Would appreciate some feedback cause i feel really confused.

Anyone ever have Real Event OCD over something that they did that isn’t really wrong? I’ve heard of people having it over mistakes they’ve made in their life, and OCD hangs onto it. With this, it’s like the feeling, idea or worry I did something wrong. Some background.. I had a stan Twitter when I was younger. (Basically a fan account for those of you who don’t know.) I still check on it quite a bit even though I don’t really tweet on it. It’s easier because everything is all in one space. I guess someone like me, someone who has what some may refer to as an “obsessive personality” could be prone to OCD. Anyways, recently I recalled I saw a video of a celebrity I like mentioning how she has a Facebook under a different name so she can keep in touch with her family. I never tried to look for it (even though I wouldn’t follow or like or do anything) because that felt wrong. Although a few days ago, I looked for it. I found it. It wasn’t that hard to find. I knew her sister’s name from Instagram and I searched the name and found it from there. Not much was on her page, so I started browsing through other family member’s pages. I feel like such a stalker. I feel terrible and weird and obsessive. I can’t enjoy anything. :(((

I’m having a really bad day with OCD so I just need to get all this out. I wonder if there’s some deep underlying cause that triggered my ROCD. I had these thoughts about other boyfriends too, not just the one I currently am with. So, here’s some of what I experienced as a young child/teen. My parents never hugged or kissed and I never really saw them interact in fact. My dad would work all the time and he’d fall asleep on the couch when he got home. One time on Christmas when I was like 7 years old, I asked my mom “why don’t you and daddy ever kiss?” I would see them fight a lot and I’d see one of my brothers also fight with my dad a lot. It always made me very anxious. My parents got divorced when I was 8 years old. They kinda just acted like college roomates who never got to know eachother instead of a married couple. (I just wanna say everyone in my family are AMAZING people that I admire, but they do make mistakes just like everyone else) When I was 10/11, my mom got remarried to my step dad. They love eachother very much and got along real well and we had fun. But a few years later, we learned he’s an alcoholic and I’ve heard and seen things that were heartbreaking from him. The things he’s said to my mom just are absolutely awful when he’s drinking. He’s a great guy when he doesn’t, but I don’t think our daughter-step father relationship will ever be the same. I guess all of the toxic things I’ve seen my mom go through with my dad and step dad affected me more than I ever thought. I vowed to myself I’d never get a divorce or get in an abusive relationship and I think my mind took that inter overdrive and that’s where my ROCD was born. (Ps, I did end up getting into a really mentally/emotionally abusive relationship which probably also influences the ROCD thoughts about my current boyfriend) So, I guess if anyone has any advice or kind things I’d really appreciate them. I hope you guys are all doing well ??

Do you remember your first intrusive thought?

I'm so scared of my therapist reporting me for my real event :( wish me luck everyone

I've been told by a few people they think I have Real Event OCD..but before I go to speak to someone about it (I'm still anxious about doing so and don't know if I have OCD) I have a question. Can you have real event ocd if you did said events more than once? And its more than one event??? Or am I just a horrible person??? ( Sorry if my spelling or grammarIs bad!)

You know what I'm done with everyone in my life. No one understands and worse they dont want to take the time to understand. So I'm taking a vow of silence. I'm done talking with no one listening. This is officially my only outlet and even then I'm too scared of offending someone. I'm not brave enough to take my life because of the catholic guilt of going to hell so here I am.

Today my OCD is worst I feel I lost the battle I can’t take no more Is impossible this contamination is all over in my house I can touch nothing no more Way I’m so worthless This is not a life I say God take me

Going to start nofap today... can't hurt at this point...

I'm reading the scripts over and over but I'm not getting anxious Is that a problem?

It’s so hard to deal with this theme (Suicidal OCD) because the slight chance that I may not have OCD and be actually suicidal is frightening. This is my whole life at stake. I’ve been diagnosed multiple times with OCD but I just can’t believe it. I think I’m truly suicidal and in grave danger. I truly feel like I am going to do it and that I just don’t want life anymore. I feel bored of existence and disconnected from everything. People keep telling me to be patient but they just don’t understand how hard it is to be fighting this on a daily basis. Quarantine is truly making everything worse. I can barely grasp onto the little bit of hope I have!

Hey guys I’m feeling very down right now I could use some support. My dads an alcoholic and today he told me I was faking my ocd and was just dramatic. I feel like I have no one and I’m just feeling like there’s no purpose anymore. Like everything is just so dark. The thoughts are bad and I’m feeling worthless and like a terrible person. I don’t feel like anyone cares. I don’t feel like anything can help

I don’t want to delete all social media’s, but since tik tok is my main trigger I deleted it. And as for twitter I’ll just block hashtags I don’t want to see, Instagram isn’t a problem and neither is Snapchat. So I guess I should be good here. I’m deleting tik tok until this whole thing cools down and if they just stop talking about race and if it doesn’t then I just won’t have tik tok at all. I’m rlly tired of going on my fyp just to only see stuff about racism. Tik tok was supposed to be the escape from my anxiety, not cause it.

I can’t even handle this anymore, on Instagram there was a post with the names of black men that were killed and I had a thought that said my brother (who is 2) is gonna be on that list. I’m actually sobbing right now, what the actual fuck...I can’t even handle these thoughts right now....??.... its not even the brutality that’s triggering me, it’s just the thoughts that make it seem like the things that are happening are my personal issue, which they are not, I get it this is sad and terrible and needs to stop but at the end of the day, ocd is turning this into something that it’s not? I don’t wanna talk about this anymore... I’m done