Welcome to
the NOCD Community

huge ocd spike during a make out. The thought I had while I was turned on felt gay and now I’m crying again. When does this end

Hey I'm feeling pretty hopeless right now. Before I get to the main point I'm gonna give some background info: I'm going into my third year of University and it took years of constant denial to get treatment . I originally came in for my skin picking but after multiple appointments I was told I have OCD. I never thought I perfectly fit into having it because I was never organized nor am I a "germaphobe". I later learned everything made sens From being afraid to interact with little children (afraid I would assault them just from staring too long), all the way to staying up all night convinced someone would kill me if I didn't hide all the knives in the house. It took me just one month ago to sleep in my bed alone (after I stopped my rituals with my stuffed animals as a kid I was convinced they will harm me when I least expect it, and sleep beside my mother). It even explained why I had somatic rituals when I was a child (constantly balancing the right and left side of my body with repetitive touching until it felt right). Finally, after switching from cipralex (did not help) to Zoloft (currently on 150mg) I feel as thought my life is coming back. The reason I'm feeling distressed is that my main psychiatrist referred me to a CBT waitlist in a hospital. Well I just had a virtual meeting with him today... And he basically asked if I have cleaning rituals. I said no, I told him about my previous compulsions the first time I talked to him and told him the medication has SIGNIFICANTLY reduced my anxiety and compulsions that I only do two rituals a day (~3 hours). At the end of the appointment he told me that I DON'T HAVE OCD or anxiety and suggested I go off my meds. Now I'm doubting if I have OCD to begin with, even though I fully know I do as my main psychiatrist has been so caring and making sure I recover. It really sucks because I feel pretty invalidated?? Am I overreacting or in the wrong? I don't know how to feel right now. Any input would be appreciated. Thank you

I have a question. How are you guys been feeling with whats happening in the united states? I have been very very sad, i ve been crying a lot and i feel powerless. I am fr Mexico and there are things i think i can do to help (like open up conversarion groups with friends about the racism Mexico has) but i am afraid of people’s responds. I dont like to read negative comments they really affect me even though i don’t want them to.

As the anxiety goes down is the attraction supposed to go down too? My anxiety has been reduced but my attraction to the same gender is still there which still bothers me and makes things more scary.

i really don’t wanna go on medication but i’ve been in therapy for 2 months and i don’t seem to be getting better. i don’t know if it will get better with time or if i’m going to need to go on meds. i’m scared i’ll become suicidal, worse, or even become dependent on them. does anyone know if my intrusive thoughts can possibly go away with time if i really try or does that require meds? the thoughts are present all day long over basically everything i do. also for anyone who’s on meds how has it changed you with your ocd?

I have such a hard time with the Kinsey scale. It is so hard for me to accept that getting turned on by women in porn or like sexual materials doesn’t have to mean I’m gay. But that knowledge is what keeps me from getting up in the morning, being with my boyfriend, and having a satisfying sex life. I’m so paralyzed by the idea of being gay or bi that I don’t even live my life. I’ve suffered with HOCD for 5 years, had moments of recovery, and am now back to square one. In the recovery time, it never even crossed my mind that I like women. I wanted to hook up with men and have sex with men and date men. Now that I’m back in OCD, it’s like all that progress is gone.

hello all, does anyone have any advice for false memories? like you know in your heart you wouldnt/didnt but your mind is telling you otherwise and creating the feelings/thoughts that you did do it.

Hello How does anyone deal with family members that know you struggle with real event pocd and they treat you horrible for what you did? I have to always excuse myself when something is said or a stare to see if I’m okay around kids. It’s a horrible feeling because it makes me think I will be alone foreverrrrrr and a pedo. I would appreciate any tips.

forgive yourself. you know more now than you did then.

I called a mental health provider today and had a short interview to see if they could treat me. When I tried to explain what kind of outcome I'm hoping for she kept interrupting me, saying how my wording was wrong. Apparently I had to state it just right so it aligns with their treatment objectives or something? By the end of the call she said she would bring my case up with her colleagues at the next meeting and get back to me, but now I feel like I did something wrong, like I should have expressed myself more clearly and done more research beforehand. I feel so ashamed, and so invalidated :(

My theme is HOCD but, I just read the bible and had an intrusive thought of me st*bbing Him. I hate myself for that. Religious OCD is taking over me now too. It's just that after I had the thought, the wind started to blow and the rain came. I asked for forgiveness but, I'm still scared He is dissapointed on me. I'm having thoughts like He is going to send me to h*ll or I may not be able to wake up tommorow. How can I cope with this? I'm thinking He is dissapointed on me because it startd raining and it's getting stronger. I hate myself, and I feel like I don't deserve Him ang His love.??

Does anyone know how to be calm during what's going on in the world rn? I live near a city and shit is going down. Police are being too violent and so are the rioters, I just dont see how this situation will be resolved. Trump is already bringing in the military (?!?!?) and I feel like the next step he wants to take is a civil war, because the man always resorts to the extreme in situations. I feel like we need a leader from both sides to stand up and have a plan to work things out, everyone is just running around in mass chaos without a set of goals they want to reach. I want the police charged as well, and I want justice,but after they're arrested what will we be pushing for? I'm just confused as to where everyone stands, and am terrified that it's only going to get worse from here. What is going to happen...

Is racist ocd a thing? I've been having thoughts a lot lately if am I a racist? Or do I not like black people? Am I against them? I just want it to be know that I'm not against them, black lives matter! But I just keep on constantly having these thoughts and they are causing me distress cuz I don't want to be a racist. I even get feelings of not liking them even though they have done nothing wrong. I feel like a horrible person and want these to go away.

How to tell the difference between normal relationship doubts and ROCD? Im going on a rant now: I have avoided relationships for the most part over the last 10 years. as soon as I get past the 2nd or 3rd date I feel like if I dont know that they have the potential to be “the one” then I worry constantly about wasting my life and theirs. I had 2 relationships that lasted about 3 months but the whole time, I just wanted to get out even though they were both good guys. In November, I had my first panic attack and soon discovered what I was dealing with (and still managing it) is SO-OCD. Then I learned of ROCD and wondered if that is something I have struggled with since my teens. As soon as I get into a relationship I have these strong urges to break it off for minor stupid things. Things that honestly make no sense. Like a weird freckle or chin (real examples). Not to mention I am afraid of getting intimate because Im super paranoid of getting pregnant... I started talking to a guy during quarantine and it’s slowly turning into more than friends. I really like him and enjoy spending time with him but I am constantly worried. Being aware of ROCD has helped me be mindful of the present but all my old habits are trying to come back full force and I find myself trying to avoid him. Ive read as much as I can find on ROCD and I can check off almost all the obessions and compulsions that are associated with ROCD. But it doesnt affect me the same way SO-OCD did. Like I felt like I couldnt breathe, and I could barely be in public. I wanted to escape so bad all the time. With this ROCD (if thats what it really is) I dont feel that panic, I just feel worried, stuck, and distracted. Not to mention, if I can manage to stay mindful, how on earth do you even tell someone you just started seeing that you have ocd, let alone so-ocd and rocd. It just adds to me wanting to avoid him. Also, how do you go from being dateless and single for 2 years to starting a relationship in the middle of a quarantine while you’re learning that you have OCD.

****warning a couple years ago i got into porn, a lot of it. i started watching taboo stuff, my OCD is linked to one of them, but right now i’m having horrible thoughts because i used to get off to incest stuff. i knew it wasn’t real, and i never wanted to do anything like that in real life. it was mainly my father i would think about. i hate it so much. i love my dad. he’s done so much for me in my life, and i’ve never seen him like that, it’s disgusting. yet i still got off to that kind of thing, i would think about him in that way, in the moment, while masturbating. but never any time else. i hate myself for it. i cant even watch porn anymore because my brain can’t think of anything but my father. it’s so disturbing. i wish it would stop. does anyone have any idea how to help this?

How can I cope with real event ocd, with some terrible mistakes Ive made in my past? I also am paranoid and delusional pretty much about everything. I am obsessing lke a paranoid. I just want it to stop.

Do you ever look at a picture of a guy and a girl and this thought pops up" would you rather date a girl or guy?" I immediately started trembling and I was so stuck. The girl was really pretty but I don't want a girl and the guy was average looking but I also didn't know him well so I can't possibly date him. Then I suddenly got society thoughts "since the girl is prettier would you date her?" "Are you saying the guy because society forced this on you?" OMG :(( This is so twisted :( I care more about personality than looks and I've only ever liked guys. I have a few beautiful female friends and they have amazing personalities but I don't have feelings for them. My HOCD tells me that I do and I've always liked the same-sex since I was little and that I've always "felt different".

This is gonna be a long post as I’m gonna vent my feelings, please if you could offer me support or encouraging words that would be so helpful because I feel so alone and sad right now? I’ve never officially been diagnosed with OCD, but I feel as though I’ve had it my whole life. When I was younger, about 10 or 11, I had so many fears. I feared no one truly liked me so I had to keep asking my friends whether they actually liked me about 20 times for reassurance, but even when they reassured me I still felt as though no one liked me. I kept getting scared that I was going to get hurt, for example I had a fear that my neck was bleeding and I would die so I had to keep rubbing the back of my neck and checking my hand for blood and I kept being terrified of stepping on or sitting on something sharp. In the more recent years, I’ve had my mind convinced me of so much. My mind convinced me I didn’t actually like my best friend. It’s made me believe I don’t care about death and anything violent so whenever I listen to a sad story on the news for example I feel so numb. It’s convinced me I’m not actually a nice person and I only pretend to be nice in order to get a good reputation which is completely not true at all. For a few weeks I had a fear i was going blind so I would have to keep checking my eyes in the mirror before I went to sleep to see if there was anything wrong with them. I also have to keep re-reading messages, cards, emails, social media comments etc because I keep fearing I’ve written something horrible. For example, if I comment something nice on a friend’s Instagram post, I get fears that I’ve written an insult to them so I have to keep reading over the comment over and over again before and after sending it. The obsession I currently have at the moment is about a band that I love. I’ve been a massive fan of theirs for years, they honestly mean the world to me and bring me so much happiness. If you were to ask my family and friends they would tell you I am their biggest fan. They bring me so much joy. But ever since I’ve been into them I’ve had thoughts doubting my love and enjoyment for them. It made me feel numb to them and it’s upset me so much. However, for those years I realise now that I had merely forced the thoughts away. I made myself not think about them which at the time seemed like a good idea because I didn’t really get the thoughts, but I still felt numb towards the group because the thoughts were always at the back of my mind and I believed them. The past month or so I’ve realised that I need to accept the thoughts and try not to react to them but it’s been so hard. I feel so upset because they mean the whole world to me, but these thoughts bring me so much doubt. I can’t stop thinking “what if you’re truly just losing interest in them and can’t accept it?” which i know is not true but I just feel so doubtful and it’s horrible. I can’t stop crying. I’ve felt so alone with these thoughts because theyre not as severe as what other people may have and I’ve been so scared of people saying to me “why are you so upset over that?”. But I can’t stop obsessing over them and it’s hurting me so much. I feel guilty for being this upset because ik people have it worse than me, but as I said this group mean the whole world to me, but now I feel as though I can’t even enjoy them because of these thoughts and I just feel so down. I’ve read that OCD can be caused by trauma which has made me wonder whether the trauma I suffered from when I was young has been a factor towards it. My mom has OCD and there’s been a lot of anxiety disorders in my family so perhaps it’s genetic as well? As I said though I’ve never officially been diagnosed with OCD, but the symptoms seem to point to it. Thank you to anyone who has read this long post, I could really do with support right now?I just feel so down and so alone, I feel hopeless?????

Has anyone thought about something and have it come true? So for instance I thought about suicide and then one of my cousins committed suicide. I Think about something bad and then next thing I know it happens to me or someone I know. Now I'm having such bad anxiety about all these bad things that may happen to me and my family that I obsess over it causing me to extensively pray. It's exhausting and idk what to do or how to control it. I feel like every thought has or will come true that I'm having a hard time.

My ocd was having unwanted hurtful thoughts about my boyfriend that are not true, i said "ew" once in reaction to the thought because of course it is not true, and then i think it told me to say it again if I believe they are true and I don't remember if I did or not.. there was in instance where I said it before hand with another untrue thought and I don't know if my mind is mixing it up, if I said it again it was a reaction and definitely not to agree with the thought, I remember being calm and then questioning after but I just don't remember for sure... it's killing me. I don't know if I said it or not I have no memory and it's killing me I don't know I don't think it's true, I don't want this to ruin my health and happiness in my relationship and it currently is on my end. please help me !!!