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I just need someone to talk to. I feel so alone and scared and I’m constantly triggered and I just want to stop fighting this daily battle

Regarding false memories, do you think deep down we know they’re false and just struggle because we can’t prove it? Sometimes I’ll think of a real memory,something that I don’t feel that great about but I just somehow “know” it’s true. I think there in lies the difference. Not looking for reassurance but wondering if others have noticed this ?

I have a very strong obsession of wanting everything I do(even though I am doing it privately and no one is watching,everything I think of to be known and recognized by every people I know and people I see as I pass by.and as a solution since this thing isn't realistic my mind start to think about not doing anything usefull when get severe to the extent of not eating so that to make sure I did noting not recognized by others.as u can guess this thing is making my life a mess.can anyone help me??

I'm so sick of this I have real event ocd And I ruminate from the minute I wake up I've discussed on here befor e about one memory I have but now I'm getting another about touching my dog down there, it's not very clear but I feel like I might have tried to rub him in some way to satisfy him. I was an adult and I just cant justify this I cant get my head around if this actually happened but it feels so real And if it is real why did I do it. I'm just so sick of this.

If ERP is supposed to work for any OCD theme, no matter the content, why is ERP actually focused on the content. I understand the therapy method of experiencing your intrusive thoughts/not doing the compulsion, but I'm having a hard time seeing where ERP follows this method.

tried to watch porn as an exposure and now I just feel guilty and like a terrible person

Hi im here to share some of my experiences with hocd in hopes that maybe this will help you.I know this might sound stupid but ive only experienced these hocd symptoms 2 weeks ago and it honestly it ruined me.It all started when i talked to a stranger on the omegle website(sounds stupid i know haha) and they asked me whether or not im gay.That sentence somehow broke me and made me wonder the whole day whether or not i might be bi.Soon after that those thoughts manifested and ended up ruining my whole week.They keep coming up by themselves at random times of the day it felt like it wasnt even me who was thinking of them.Everytime they came i can feel my anxiety and risen and to that point i ended up crying the whole week.I wasnt myself i hated those thoughts all of it didnt felt right.I kept going on online quizzez to reassure that im straight it worked on the first few hours i felt fine but when the next morning came everything got even worse.It was just an endless cycle of 'what would i feel if i kiss a girl?', 'straight people wont question about their own sexuality why are you questioning youself?' 'you felt something when u look at that girl that must meant something'. I felt like everything is so wrong and i wasnt myself.Until one day, i ended up searching for those sexuality quizzez again and i stumbled upon a article about hocd.In the midst of reading it i burst out crying.the article described all my feelings perfectly.Ive always thought something was wromg but i couldnt pin point it out.I got a sense of relieve after it idk whether its reassurance or it felt like finding a solution to a question in exam that makes you couldnt answer when your first read it, but after a while u came back and finally thought of a solution to it.After that i found this app and after that ive cut down of the times im doing compulsions.Even right now i dont feel the need to do any and theres no point to doing it.I felt better.Of course intrusive thoughts still pop up out of no where but i just accept it and let it go.I have a tip idk whether its useful or not but i tried to imagine hocd as a person.A very insecure ***** that was just trying to take away your identity and happiness.So everytime they came i would just tell them that maybe i am bi who knows and just tell them to fxxk off and mind their own business.It felt better for me.Dont let hocd fool you into thinking something you are not.You are the only one who can tell yourself what you are not hocd.And even if u are very confused right now just let it be u dont need an answer right now u already got that answer its just hocd playing tricks againts ur mind making you think that the answer you have right now isnt valid.This was so long omg but i hope it helped you. Dont let hocd take over you you will get out of it soon dont worry ok.Have a nice day :)

Need advise- so I’m 24 have a long history of ocd mostly superstations and worry with obsessive thinking. Under treatment I was able to control it but now it’s been back like another wave. I recently stared going to therapy again. My boyfriend (23) has his own struggles with anxiety and depression but he gets really bad. Like it affects him physically so much. Any one has experience in this? Relationships and dealing with mental health issues? I feel like it’s been a major factor in our relationship. Many times it has been me and my ocd and he is not really good about expressing himself but he is really really depressed (can function) but struggling a lot emotionally for a long time now

does anyone else have this problem where you feel like ur intrusive thought is a “intuition” thing or something “important” or it “has to mean something that im thinking that i did this” even though when there is clear evidence you never did said thing or no memory of it? and then when i try to get over the thoughts my brain just tells me im a bad person for “ignoring” the problem. or that my brain is going to suddenly remember what happened in the future and im just “repressing it”. im so sick of this, i just want to fucking move on with my life already

I need advice on something because I’m freaking out. Anxiety is sky high and I’m on the verge of a panic attack. I was taking my kids to get soMe ice cream and my 3-year old son was being super goofy and silly. He’s in a stage where bathroom humor (poop, pee, butt, pee pee) is just his favorite thing. He said, “Grandpa showed me his pee pee!”and he was laughing and giggling. My daughter is 6 and said, “No he didn’t!” I asked her again when we got home and again she said her brother was just being goofy and it never happened. I immediately spiked because sexual abuse of my kids is my nightmare. Add to that that my dad (their grandpa) is my best friend, one of my biggest supporters with my mental health and just a really decent man. This does not fit into who he is at all; he’s basically the opposite of a predator. I told my husband, who immediately said, “This sounds like your OCD acting up and playing on your biggest fears. This doesn’t fit your dad or his values,” I took my emergency anxiety meds and I’m trying to sit with it and let it go. Should I talk to my dad? Should I chalk this up to OCD trying to mess me up?

Ugh so i truly feel like I’m in denial. My friend came over and we were talking about stuff and it sounded like she was about to say that she was gay, and it’s like my body got this urge for her to come out because if she did then I could as well. I dont know why, but it’s like my mind is telling me that if more of my friends came out then I should; and the thoughts feel so real that I don’t know anymore. But the thought of kissing my female friends makes me want to vomit (literally I was with my friend and imagined kissing her and I almost yakked). But it’s like being straight doesn’t feel right either. I think I’ll probably have this weird feeling forever and just have to deal with it.

I know everyone is different and I was lucky enough to catch that it was OCD early and get the help I need. But I'm starting to be concerned that my anxiety is calming down to fast after an exposure. I know some people can take an hour or so but I can in 10 to 20 mins. Is that too short? Am I not exposing myself long enough? How long should I let my anxiety spike?

I’ve booked an appointment and nobody is calling me at the scheduled time. Is the company always this unreliable and should I go elsewhere? Any experience here anyone?

Sorry in advance for the long post Having to take a deep breath here.... I ask myself "was my childhood THAT bad??" Alot. Trying to force myself into thinking I just developed all my issues from my own accord because I have and always feel like a piece of trash that can never be good enough for anyone. My family...the ones who should've been there at my downfall, were the ones standing there ready to push. I was sexually abused for 7 years by an older sibling. Grew up in a very strict Christian household so you are forbidden to speak of sex in a non educational way. I was labeled a whore by my mother and father when they discovered that I had been watching porn and speaking to people I shouldn't have on the internet, sending pictures back and forth. I started at the age of 11. Men that were clearly in their 30s talking to me and showing me attention, listening to me talk about my problems and telling me I was beautiful and had a beautiful body and how shitty my brother was for ever hurting me and that I should run away. But all along the way, was it really THAT bad? We didn't always have money, my dad didn't even go to college until I was 5-6. He mopped floors at a paper mill just to keep us going. My mom was a stay at home parent homeschooling us, giving us fun projects all the time and encouraging craftsmanship and artistic talent. My home was ideal to anyone who came over. So why did I dread being there. Ask anyone, they would've much rather came to my house because we were able to bake cookies and paint and make different crafts. But for me it was still..terrible. I finally had the chance to not be isolated at home around my abuser when my parents decided to send me to a Christian school. I thought it was amazing because I could hang out with friends without being around my parents... They knew about my brother when I told them because he tried a few times on my neighborhood friend at the time who ended up disassociating and saying it never happened when I told my boyfriend at the school who then showed the entire football team. (Private school, super small 100 people max including the teachers) So I was forced to leave the school due to causing drama. My mom I'm pretty sure spoke to the councilor assuring her that what I said never happened and that I'm a problem child. Well my mom quit the job she started in order to stay home so we couldn't possibly "explore" each other again. (He literally blackmailed me into doing it and admitted this) I was self harming...suicidal and angsty. I downed a bottle of ibuprofen and sat in the bathtub hoping I'd drown when I really just threw it up before it could do anything and hated myself for being such a failure. While I was withdrawn from the school, my brothers tuition was anonymously paid.. rubbing salt in the wound for me. I begged my parents to take me to therapy and to get medication. But my brother was better when he went to Bible camp so my parents said no. And added that it was dangerous because if I tell them what happened my parents could have me taken from them and my brother put in jail. And it wasn't fair that my parents worked so hard to get where they needed to be only for ME the failure of the family to tear everything apart. So I internalized that as me being the problem, maybe I did allow him to do things to me because I was just a messed up individual from watching porn (he started this as far as I can remember since I was 6-7) My dad on the other hand has a track record as well. My half sister has document proof from the court case where he was forced to give up parental rights or her mom would expose him for molesting her. Yeah this goes beyond just that. My sister barely saw us, my dad made sure we would understand that she would only believe the "lies" that were fed to her and she'd never see him as the father he was. So he would get angry and refuse for us to give her gifts sometimes, go to her wedding, he refused to have anything to do with his grand children. Because I was refused treatment for my issues besides you know. Being anointed with oil. My issues worsened and so my parents both deemed me a whore and a pill popper because at one point I was so desperate I asked a friend for her depression medication so I wouldn't be suicidal anymore. I was determined to change myself. Fast forward some more of me picking the wrong guys including one who molested his 5 year old cousin and blamed it on me and called me from jail cussing me out because I wouldn't have sex with him (I was 13). Well for 8th grade and highschool I was enrolled in a public school system. It was crazy that I fit in with everyone there so much better. Fast forward a little more past me going through typical bullying and suicidal friends who ended up in the hospital and other horrible guys (a couple okay ones and some chicks) I find who is now my husband, at first he didn't believe a word that came out of my mouth and thought I was lying for attention, until he met my parents. I refused for him to meet my brother and he still hasn't to this day. Well before my parents met him, I kept him a secret and snuck out to see him, my mom ended up thinking I was having sex with my best friend and not a guy cuz she saw a hicky and demanded that I would find a friend to live with and leave. Well I did but that was a stupid move cuz the friend I tried to at the time didn't tell her grandmother and she cussed me out driving me back to my parents house drunk as shit and my mom denied the entire thing. She was so relieved to find out that it was a guy who gave me a hicky and not my friend. He was the only thing keeping me sane while my mom would come in my room throwing fishnet tights at me that she went out of her way to buy just to come home and call me a prostitute but still she refused for me to get help because they could go to jail. I got very rebellious, snuck out of the house many times especially when I had my car but I had to hide every single phone I ever had because my dad would freak out if I even listened to a non Christian band. One day I tested him too far and he smashed my phone into the corner of the table which sent me straight to the bathroom my mom at the other end banging on the door telling me I better not kill myself. I finally had enough of this shit when I was 18. I had a job and a car so I thought I was totally independent enough to leave. I moved in with a friend and her large family and family friends living there too. Welp that worked out well. Me and my husband broke up with each other at the time because I was going crazy wanting to drink and smoke pot all the time and have sex. I was definitely not in the right state of mind. Not to mention my mom was calling me threatening to get me fired, expelled and locked up. Meanwhile experiencing first hand what happens when someone falls down the hole of addiction to heavy drugs, stealing and running from the police. Our neighborhood was completely surrounded by the police. They came in and swept the house not knowing that the person ran and hid under a mattress and in an abandoned house. Days of running and no sleep. Basically I told my husband I couldn't take it anymore there either and begged him to move in with me and have a baby. So we did, same neighborhood, different friend. They ended up kicking us out when I had about 2 months left of highschool or so. I was desperate, looking for a place to live we rented the cheapest place we could find and after moving all the clothes in, I instantly had a meltdown and decided I could not do it. I wasn't going to be pregnant living in this filthy run down home. So we moved again...finally finished highschool miraculously graduating on the honor roll during all this ontop of living hours away from the school (able to do online work) Me and my husband lived with his dad for a while and had alot of issues fighting with each other and battling mental health ontop of all this plus my parents trying to chummy up to me because I was pregnant while simultaneously downing me and also getting mad that I refused to invite my brother and his wife to my baby shower "his wife forgave him for molesting you so everything's fine now, you need to get over it". Later while visiting my mom she even took me to my brother's house when my first baby was only a couple months old to "drop something off" while on the way to taking me home, but it was a sly attempt at letting them see my kid. I moved states eventually after living with in-laws for a while we got our own place but also his brother is here too instead of his other siblings. And we are doing fine now but....i still talk to my parents after a while of distancing myself from them. I want my children to know them but something deep inside hurts so badly and I keep remembering my dad saying "what did I do that was so bad that made you want to leave"...you weren't there for me in the time I needed you the most and instead made my brother the hero of the story....the straight A student who had a 4.0 when I only had a 3.8 I got yelled at for having a 95 on a test one time because my brother wouldnt have missed those questions. After all that. One part of me wants to expose them for what they did. I'm still pissed that my parents and brother are living the life of luxury, being lucky enough to make it big and get engineering money. When I'm over here living paycheck to paycheck. I can't entirely blame them..I could've stayed home. I could've went to college. I could've waited to have kids. None of that was on my parents. I did all those things myself. And I feel like I'm absolute garbage because I made those decisions. I don't even know the point I'm trying to make anymore. I'm 21 Married, and I can't even have sex without intrusive thoughts. I developed severe pure OCD (internalized where your compulsions aren't the same as washing your hands 5 times in a row) I also developed DID. A mild form yet it's still haunting. I'm living through it. I stay strong for my babies because they deserve someone who gives a shit. Someone who's not going to let their minds crumble and fall apart because they can't wrap their minds around such a horrific chain of events. They need someone stable and strong enough to show them how to stand in the midst of intense darkness. But I still fight myself every day. It creeps up no matter how many projects I give myself. I don't know why I made this post.. I wanna expose them for what they did to me but I still feel like I'm the piece of trash who needs constant approval because after all. They're the ones who are living their best lives. For anyone who took the time to read this...thanks ❤️

Does anyone feel as if they need to have a sexual experience with someone of the same sex to make sure it’s just an obsession? I fell down this rabbit how of late in life lesbians and now I feel like throwing up. I identify as asexual, as in I feel sexual attraction very very rarely, but I keep reading about lesbians who also identified as ace before having sex with girls. I know that it’s different for me because I’m genuinely never been sexually attracted to anyone, regardless of gender, but now my brain is full of ‘what ifs’? One of the stories I read mentioned that if you need to look up signs of being gay, it probably means you are and that only scared me more.

POCD sufferers: does anyone else have thoughts that they agree with pedophelia? My brain is telling me that pedophiles can’t help who they’re attracted to, so we should just allow them to be with who they want to be with? It’s horrible. And I feel like if I allow these thoughts that I’m going to start believing them. Someone please help, my anxiety is through the roof.

Lord I can't take this :(. Today my thoughts feel so real, I literally remember a few days ago I was obsessing over guys and I was literally imagining stuff and it felt so good but now my anxiety is back with full force. I feel helpless and confused just like I was initially but this time I'm 100× more helpless and confused. It feels like ive lived my whole life as a lie that I only love guys. Somebody told me my childhood crushes don't matter and what matters is what I like now. Like literally I can't tell what I like now cause they got me more confused. I don't want girls romantically or sexually but my brain is making me think of phrases and things that make me feel like I do want it. I also developed magical thinking ocd from all of this :(

So I am slowly, slowly accepting this but I'm struggling. When i used to watch porn i came across lots of daddy-teen type roleplay themes in porn. I remember role play scenes of like "step dad" or "mums boyfriend" and things of that nature. I am aware it was acting between adults and everything is consensual, but there is still an unethical nature to roleplaying such fantasies in my opinion, things like sneaking into her room etc. I really do get that it's fake, but it doesn't seem right to me to allow fantasies like that to exist. I have a problem coping with memories of scenes like this that I saw in the past. I dont even watch porn anymore, I havent in like 2 years. I also remember some scenes with what seemed like men filming with prostitutes, and I cant help but wonder if the women had all the rights that a porn actress would have? What if they didn't? What if they didnt sign contracts etc before? I know I'm thinking far too deeply into it. This is why I find porn a disgusting industry, and I'm sad that as a young teenager I found porn and regularly went on it, because it's so unethical and I feel that I'll never be able to wipe the shame of it away. Memories of these kinds make me ruminate. There is no clear answer, I cannot be sure of anything so all I feel is shame and ruminate feeling like a bad person for ever viewing porn in the first place.

I got the intrusive thought "What if you unknowingly ran into your kitchen, pumped soap in your hands & rubbed it on your TV". My compulsions now are trying to figure out if I did that, looking for potential soap rubbed on the TV. How would you apply ERP to this scenerio? I'm confused about how it works to break the cycle.

I really try to refrain from posting a lot but this time I have to at this point my anxiety feeling is gone and all that remains is the thoughts still bugging me constantly and turning everything sexual and it bothers me so much, I honestly feel like it’s me in denial like 100% I’ve lost my identity and my heterosexuality, everything was simpler a year ago this day and this was never a thought in my mind at all, my mind is convincing myself it’s not ocd and I’m actually gay and I’m not getting the same anxiety reaction I usually get and my groinals responses are off the chain right now I can’t go anywhere without getting these impulses. I wish i could go back and time and stop myself from going to the party where this all started and I was high ash and this thought comes out of no where.