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This is a weird? But does anyone know if a vitamin d defitiancy cause ocd too be worse i found out i was very low on vitamin d started taking it and been feeling better thoughts and anxiety more mild also been exercising lots

im so caught up in the past. im really scared that i thought about doing stuff with my cat. i cant even say for sure that i did or didn’t but my mind is making me feel like i had the thought. it’s making me so anxious i can’t stop obsessing over it

this stupid beastiality theme is so anxiety provoking. i remembered the two times i was laying down and my cat was sitting on my tummy and for some reason i thought “this kinda looks sexual” cause his tail was between my legs but i NEVER was aroused by it or thought “this is hot” or anything like that. i just had the thought of “this is kinda sexual” but in a funny way. and now my mind is obsessing over it like why did i even think that? why didn’t i get him off of me when i thought that? why did i let him sit there?

I did ERP today for Harm OCD and i was shocked that yes it helps... so yes maybe it's gonna be long, but life is not a run, it is a marathon! I have a question. Not so long ago i started to make music, and yesterday i posted on youtube. And i had that bad anxious thought, that what if i get bad replys? What if i get famous and end up being mentally unstable becouse of the fame and i become alcohoolic, my life falls apart and even i kill myself? (Yeah... i'm stupid i know...) And the question is that is this OCD or just anxiety? I totaly understand that fame is not a good thing, and i don't want to fall on that, i probably will have a mask, and my life will be private... i'm not that stupid, to share everything with everyone. But i have this thoughts like what if it will be to much stress, and so much negativity will destroy me, like not so long ago a women kill herself because of cyberbullying, and what if i will be like that? I don't know why i think like that, I know that i'm talented and i want to share that, but everytime i get this anxios thoughts and feelings... I don't even care what people say, if they don't like me, it is what it is, i don't care, my life is much more important then peoples negativity, but I always get these thoughts and compare myself to those who got destroyed by fame and ended up killing themself... so this can be OCD or it's just anxiety?

Do you ever feel like your mind is making you turn gay? Like it’s just so odd that during this time in my life is when I started to question. Never felt anything towards women in the slightest, but my mind all of a sudden is almost forcing me to do it. At first, I knew what I wanted (which was men) and could fight off the thoughts. But now it’s to the point where I really do feel like in order to be happy I have to enter a lesbian relationship. I would think if I were truly gay this would make me happy, but I almost feel indifferent to it. Idk why this happened to me and I wish that I had figured it out sooner because I just don’t want to stop giving up on men. If I had this when I was younger I might have been okay with it but fantasizing about men has always been a fun topic for me. It’s just typical for this shit to happen to me because I have the worst luck in the world, and of course my OCD and anxiety ruined one thing that made me happy

Hi! I am Mario, a 30 year old guy. I am an OCD sufferer, like most of you on this app. I was recently introduced to this app by a good friend. I have been contemplating sharing my own story with everyone for a few years now, in the hopes of providing support and giving strength to people that suffer with OCD and mental illness in general. I wanna start by saying how inspired I am by each and everyone of you! You've all been dealt a bad hand in life. However, you are still here, fighting for your lives and surviving each day, no matter how hard it is. To me, YOU are the real heroes, you are MY heroes. You are a living proof that anything can be achieved with true effort, resilience, persistence and help from specialised professionals. My story with mental illnesses and other adversities go back to my early life. I had the bad luck to live in a house and raised by an alcoholic parent. That alone was challenging enough. As a result of a difficult childhood, trauma, mental and physical abuse, I ended up developing depression by the age of 10. Chemical imbalance in my brain didn't help either. My tough childhood also triggered my OCD, which manifested in having contamination fears and checking rituals. I would disinfect every area in my house that had been touched by anybody else, wash my hands excessively, take long showers and check doors and switches repeatedly. As the years went by, my depression and OCD got worse, but I could still manage somehow. Then, at the age of 18, I came across another traumatic experience. I served in the army, which is mandatory in my country, for two years. Two years, I had to deal with everything that army implies; I had to live with many other soldiers, having to clean filthy common areas and be in a very dirty environment. I could see "dangers" everywhere around me. My OCD started becoming really severe. I even experienced PTSD because of my military service. That's when I first seeked professional help. Two years later, as my service in the army came to an end, I was a different person. I would wash my hands for several hours consecutively and take showers that would last up to six hours. My skin would get very irritated and bleed. It was so painful but I couldn't stop doing my compulsions. Nothing was more painful though that my mental pain. I was tormented by intrusive thought every single minute of the day; trully disgusting and disturbing thoughts, thoughts that were unheard of. I would very often shake, cry and scream while washing my hands and showering; all I wanted was the thoughts to go away, to find peace. During my early twenties, I enrolled in 3 different university courses abroad. Every time, I was forced to drop out, since I was not able to study, go to my lectures or look after myself. OCD would take up my entire day. There were times I was unable to leave my room, after trying to lock the door for an hour. Many times I would attempt to cook something, only to give up after a while because I thought that I had contaminated my food. From the age of 18 until the age of 30, my life was a living hell, the worst nightmare. I tried every kind of therapy. I was on many medications, I did psychotherapy, CBT, ERP, hypnotherapy, acupuncture etc. The last couple of years I tried TMS(transcranial magnetic stimulation) and therapy with ketamine. None of these changed my situation to the slightest. I am still on medication, after 12 years. In addition to depression and OCD, I also developed Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Suicidal ideation and panic attacks were very frequent. I had given up. I had been contemplating suicide for the last couple of years. I would think of ending my life every single day. I didn't want to end my life, I wanted the pain to stop. I hated everything in my life, even myself. I thought I had hit rock bottom so many times. But every time I fell, I stood on my feet again and kept trying. A few days ago, I had a major OCD episode. I had had enough. I begged my mum to set me free, to let me take my own life. At that moment, I knew that I was drained emotionally, I had nothing more to give. Then, I asked myself; what has been your purpose in life all these years, what kept you going? The answer was so clear; I wanted to survive everything in order to help other people that go through hardships. I wanted to make a change in the world, at least do my part. Make this world a safest place for everyone. I even wanted to inspire others through my story. If I could make it, so can you! Eventually, I realised that I had no option but try once again. And that is when I saw some light at the end of the tunnel for the first time. Today, more than 20 years later, years of pain and torment, I see the future with hope and positity. Now I am ready to move on. I am ready to fulfil my goals. I am ready to fight alongside other OCD and mental health sufferers, having the insight of my own experience. I will do my best to love myself, and be grateful for being alive and so should you. Never lose hope, never give up. You can all live a healthy life. It does get better! This is my story in a nutshell. There are so many details that I will disclose in the future, in order to help people that haven't experienced what me and all of you have, get a better idea of mental health. I am here for anyone that needs someone to talk to. I am available to LISTEN to you and do my best to alleviate your pain. Please don't hesitate to reach out to me. Feel free to message me anytime. Let's aspire to have the life we all deserve to have. And never forget that you are special and lovable. Try to find the answers in the depths of your soul. Speak out, ask for help. That is what psychologists and psychiatrists are for. Thank you for spending some time to listen to my story. I hope to have managed to make one step closer to you. Now it's your turn! Let's be OCD survivors and not sufferers anymore!

Can I talk to someone please? I'm anxious about my homosexual ocd :(

When you've given it your all, tried therapy many times & taken meds, but find no relief, what are the next steps? I'm tired of time passing me by while I'm in a tremendous amount of physical/emotional pain on a daily basis. Part of me wants to take to the streets screaming for my life, as dramatic as that may sound, it's what I'm feeling inside.

I want to be dead but I don’t want to be dead. It’s a dilemma ? I have so many goals and things I want to become and do in the future. My teenager years have gone down the drain. Now I’m questioning if life will ever get better for me ?? Like it used to be before this hell storm intruded me (3 years ago). When I was younger I saw myself married and growing a family, now I don’t. Idk if it’s a form/theme of ocd but today I kept thinking, “what if I never like anyone ever again or catch feelings for anyone and I’ll stay alone forever” I feel so numb toward everyone and don’t feel attraction to anyone. Before, I’d be crushing over so many guys and now I don’t have interest in anything...can this also be a result of not enough serotonin ?? Anyways I’m not looking for reassurance I think I just needed to vent my late night thoughts and write them out...

Any advices of how to accept your negative emotions ? ( not necessarily emotions from the intrusive thoughts) I feel like I dont accept my emotions and pretend to be fine but it makes me angry and irritated and I feel like I should pretend to feel awesome cause nobody cares anyway or some people care but they have their problems to care about so they dont pay attention cause like idea of having friends is just to have fun. I hope it makes sense .

Is there a chance to be 100% cured?

For all the HOCD suffered out there ? Today I’ve finally started to feel like myself again because I’ve realized that these thoughts came out of nowhere, they mean nothing. You can control how you react to them. They popped up out of no where and it reacted to them. You control how you react. Remember that the thoughts popped in randomly, and they don’t have to have any meaning or hold on your life! It’s definitely made me feel a lot better ?

I know this might be reassurance seeking but how do I KNOW it’s just ROCD. I feel so strongly like I need to break up w my bf and that I’d be happier if I was alone but I also know that’s just me wanting to get rid of the anxiety not necessarily get rid of him. But my mind keeps telling me I’m lying to myself and I don’t actually love him and it all feels so real and true. I don’t get what I’m supposed to do. I just wanna feel how I felt when I wasn’t anxious and I was so happy with him.

"ROCD" Can I ask your opinion on something? It's about some thoughts I regret about having when I first started my relationship with my ex gf. It was on the first week to two weeks that this lasted. I never had a partner before... And at the time, I didn't know these symptoms were ocd nor that I had ocd! It was before I was diagnosed (long before) I had thoughts like "am I attracted to her?" ; "do I deserve better?" ; "is she the one?" I felt so detached of my feelings when our relationship began that I felt miserable... But when I understood that I loved her, I felt so guilty for having those thoughts... I'm not a person that is "shallow" and cares about looks. In fact Ive liked people that others found ugly but I found really cute... I think I have different likings than most people... For example, I thought Zac Efron was pretty but I didn't ever had a crush on him, instead I liked better other characters like the brother of the "villain" of high school musical. I once thought she looked ugly in a Pic (it didn't kooked like her - she's much more pretty in real life) and at the time, I still didn't saw her a lot so I only had a few pics of her (we met online) but I didn't feel like she was ugly! Does it make sense? She was never ugly but I had conflicting feelings about her appearance. I was "obsessed" with this subject. I **felt** she was neither pretty or ugly! She was neutral! And it bothered me for sometimes finding her ugly. - I felt not attracted to her and it felt so unfair to her! But like I said, this was in the past! These thoughts were only during those first few weeks! She is beautiful! She is!.... I don't understand why I felt like that... And I was ashamed (still am ashamed) I felt that way, you know? I hated those feelings... I thought my brain was being unfair for obssessing over her looks, when she is super pretty and attractive. But back then, I had contradictory feelings and I didn't felt attracted to her because of her appearance... Which I knew deep down that my brain was tricking me... I wanted her since the beginning and I felt so miserable for having these thoughts... One day, just two weeks after we started dating, I thought about if I should breaking up because I didn't know how I felt about her! I was so scared of this new experience and I didn't know what to feel. I battle my mind so much because I didn't want to give up! Part of me knew that these thoughts were fear and something unknown (that now I know it was ocd) For the majority of the rest of our relationship, I always felt guilty about these early thoughts and I felt like she deserved better... I felt so guilty that I'd spend nights crying for being so unfair to her in my thoughts... That Id pray to God to not take her away from me... To forgive me... (and I'm not religious) Please know that I was never mean to her. After these 3 weeks of a Rocky beginning, I fell deeply for her... I was attracted to her, emotionally and physically... She is beautiful inside and out... I never had a body/face type so this would happen to everyone. But I feel so bad that it was with her... My question is : do I deserve forgiveness? And didi/do I deserve her?

Hi! I’ve been struggling with HOCD for a while now. It all started after a break up with my ex boyfriend about 2years ago, and I was so heartbroken that I decided I was done with men (lol), despite being attracted to them my whole life. I was scared for a while as I felt my attraction to men was gone, but I slowly forgot about it and moved on to have loads of crushes and heartbreaks. Now, it’s 2 years later and I have found the best man, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. For sure. And the HOCD has come back, it’s taking over every one of my thoughts. I can’t do anything without questioning if I’d rather be with a girl, which I know I wouldn’t. I’ve had really close girl friends all my life, and I have never had any feelings for them. Even now when I see them, I have no feelings for them as I am deeply in love. I fear I am in denial and I always will be, even though I have no evidence that I might be bi or lesbian. It makes no sense in my world, and I’ve always been into guys and crushing over guys but my HOCD has made me question all of it and it’s tearing me apart. I am so happy in my relationship and up until about a month ago I hadn’t even thought of HOCD again. Please can anyone help with methods to overcome this and go back to my normal life.

I've wasted the best years of my life 19-25 dealing with HOCD. time I'll never get back and live in regret. I just truly hate my life.

My HOCD is insisting that I have gay sex and that I'll like it, however I've previously always been disturbed at the thought of engaging in it. Idk wtf to do anymore. I'm so over it.

I'm starting to really doubt myself :(

I know I’ve been posting too much. But I have an important message for all my ocd sufferers: do not do ERP before bed. I wanted to do good, but essentially all that anxiety caused a ton of adrenaline so now I’m anxious about never being able to sleep again. I am panicking so bad right now. Does anyone have any advice? No reassurance, just advice. Everytime I lay my head down, I start to panic all over again.

i feel like i obsess over the slightest things that don’t even matter but i feel like life won’t function perfectly unless i catch every little detail.