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the NOCD Community

Hi guys, Firstly, before I share what troubles me, I would like to thank you for all your support and kind help. It is very much appreciated! Also, I would like to add that I feel really disgusted with what I'm about to share, and I apologise beforehand if my words will hurt anyone, I really don't mean it. I don't know if this Is OCD but here goes: For the last few days I have felt ignored by my boyfriend (I'm sure he didn't ignore but that's how it felt to me). It made me feel down and weird. I know he loves me but the feelings (of being ignored) were real and quite overwhelming). That's when I started to get thoughts of wanting to punish him for ignoring him. (I know, I have no limits!) The thoughts were not the only thing I experienced. I also got the troubling and worrying feeling of actually wanting to carry out the action (of punishment). In addition, the feeling almost came like a desire. It felt, and still feesl, like it would feel/be nice/satisfying to hurt my boyfriend. To make everything worse, the thoughts and feelings don't seem intrusive at all. I feel absolutely terrible. I saw him today at work (we work at the same place) and he was really sweet and nice to me. And all I wanted was to scream because I felt like an imposter. This is probably even worse than my POCD. I don't know why I'm like this. I'm really sorry. Can anyone help me with this, please? I really feel like I'm becoming a monster because it feels that I like the thoughts and feelings I get, and also because they are not intrusive. I'm really sorry again!

OCD related to yelling something inappropriate in public? Lately I’ve been having intense OCD and subsequent anxiety that I’m going to say something extremely inappropriate to a stranger when I’m in public, either when I walk past them or drive past them. A lot of times it’s related to horribly intrusive thoughts that make me extremely uncomfortable and anxious. For example I’m afraid I’ll yell something racist, or homophobic, or shame someone based on their looks, or something misogynistic etc. I am none of these things, I’m actively against all of them. But I keep having these intrusive thoughts pop into my head and then I obsess that I will, or already have blurted them out to a stranger or group of strangers. Then I obsess about “well, if I would never say that, but if I had of I would definitely know, I wouldn’t just forget. but what if I did say it and what if I did actually just forget that I said it. Or what if I have Tourette’s syndrome but I just don’t know it and I actually have been blurting these things out?” Gosh it’s exhausting, 15 years of ocd and it seems like there’s no end in sight.

How r u even supposed to tell a girl, hey I like girls but have constant gay intrusive thoughts about men want to be my girlfriend lol it's a mindfuck and embarrassing

My HOCD is stuck on the theme, what if I'd enjoy gay sex more. I don't even know what ERP I could possibly do for this

Sometimes it feels like therapy is pointless. I like my therapist and she’s ocd specialized, but she always tells me things I already know. Sometimes it feels like nothing will actually help bc I feel like I know what I need to know but that doesn’t change how I feel

does anyone else feel like they’ve completely lost themself and don’t know what they really feel like or who they are anymore. i have no idea what i should have as morals or if i even care about anything, i’m really stuck, i don’t even know my sexuality anymore, it’s really tough.

This day has been on of the worst in my entire life. It started with having HOCD. Around the mid-day it changed to POCD. And now I'm back to HOCD. The whole day ruined by looking for reassurance on Google. I get urges of killing myself. I can't take this anymore

I'm scared of having internalized homophobia. It would mean l don't have HOCD. I really don't care if people are gay, bi or whatever. If that makes them happy, that's good for them. I don't care what people do. I think it's also very wrong of treating gay people as inferior. But I'm really scared I'm deep inside a homophobe. I don't want to be, but what if I am? I just don't want to be gay or bi. If anyone wants to be, I think that's totally fine. I hate this

When I was in my teenage years 17/18/19 I was attracted to older men and the idea of dating older men, I never did but I always wanted too. I even watched porn with older men in it and had a mild "daddy kink", but now that I'm in my early 20s I can see how strange/wrong and predatory that is even if someone is over the legal age of 18. Even now, in my early 20s I'd question why an older man would want to date me. Maybe that's because I developed pocd. But now OCD is making me feel so guilty for fantasizing about being with an older man like that. Like there is something innately wrong with me for wanting to be with an older man. Maybe it is linked to not ever having a present father figure in my life idk, I just feel like a creep for fantasizing about having a relationship like that for so long in my teenage years (for a good 3 or 4 years).

Most of my compulsions now people have to do for me, do you have too make people do compulsions for you?

i really want to start recovery but i am unsure of where to start. i have suicidal ocd and i’m on a waitlist for therapy as well as being on fluoxetine but i want to start recovery now o just have no idea how to. any advice?

Is overthinking , scrutinized behaviour a type of ocd ? One more thing what to do about unproductivity , want to study but can't bcz of lack of motivation n drive , any medication for study or productivity (my OCD is ok now)

Hey, does anyone have any experience with fluoxetine/Prozac and doesn’t mind sharing how it was for them? I understand though that medication works differently for everyone:) Thanks!

My false attraction or whatever you call it seems so real. It targets mainly my female friends, but there are times when I get super anxious looking at an attractive famous person or a female I don't know personally online. I'm so scared because when I talk to them or just enjoying a regular friendship, I feel like I secretly like them. I'm so paranoid... I get images of them sometimes, but it's always their names that appear in my head. And when I smile at text messages or during a voice call, I get weird feelings ..... almost like I like them. These are the girls that I admire or envy, but not in a weird manner of course. I admire their beauty, intelligence, and talents but somehow my brain misinterprets those as "liking them." I'm so scared, I feel like I'm attracted to my friends. I also get these weird sensations: "butterflies in my stomach" and this weird tightness in my feeling. I'm so paranoid around both genders, to be honest :/ If I don't like a guy back, I'll get thoughts about "that must be a sign." Someone, please help ... :((((

When I was around 13 I remember putting black nylons over my face and making "comedic" videos. I hate myself for doing that. Absolutely hate myself. How could I have done that? How do I move on from that? It's been five years, I've grown from it, but I still feel bad. It was racist, but does it make me still racist?:(

Hey guys, I need some really help on this one. When I am out of the house I constantly feel like I want to pee even though I had already peed. This gives me great anxiety and I can't think of anything else. If someone has experienced something like that or has some advice, please let me know.

I feel so empty, so tired, so defeated. This is by far the worst I’ve ever felt in life. I hate being me I’m trapped in my own body and there’s nothing I can do about it. I want so desperately to live a normal life which I feel is impossible. At this point in my life I wish I was dead . I would no longer be a burden to my family.Every morning I wake up I hate it I hate living I just want to die in my sleep. There’s nothing I like about myself I feel two years old mentally and everyone can see it. I wish I could run from myself but I’m stuck being me for life. I’m just at a dead end . Life is so complex. I wish there was a button to press to end this miserable thing called life.

Please someone talk to me I'm suffering from pOCD and false memories regarding a real event that happened 3 years ago. The event was my interaction with a child, the false memories are... Well.. Gross and disgusting... I don't know what to think. Maybe I'm just being paranoid and not thinking logically but when you have ocd, anything is possible because doubt plays the main role here. I fear to have done inappropriate things to a child when I don't remember them... Does it make sense? I have the relief that she liked me! So it's highly probable I didn't do anything wrong but... I still have those false memories lurking... "did I flirt?" ; "did I grope her?" ; "did I put her in my lap?"; "did I touched her to get sexual gratification?" I don't remember a lot because my memory is fried. I don't know if I should k-ll myself or not

help? my brother found my journal without me knowing, and read every. single. page. i have severe ocd so i write down all my thoughts in there, which my thoughts are kind of gross and weird. i have no idea what to do. i feel like this is my fault. i left my journal in my room where i thought nobody would look. well, i guess he goes in my room because he found it, and shopped through everything. i’m thinking about just stopping journaling and burning all my books, i can’t do digital either because phone checks. writing was one of my only escapes, and it was taken away from me. (keep in mind these were thoughts not even my therapist knows.)

Can I talk to someone please? I'm anxious and very scared rn :(