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the NOCD Community

Anybody married with ROCD?

Guys, how to distinguish the OCD thought and the real ones? ??

Is there anything such as suicidal OCD? This sucks because I’ve also developed bad depression ? I’m scared that I’m gonna lose control!

Hi everyone! It’s been a while! For anyone that doesn’t know me, I’m Daisy :) I’ve been a part of this forum since it first opened and boy has it come far! I’m 18 and live in Australia ?? I’m currently 8 weeks into an inpatient hospital stay due to the severity of my OCD. So believe me when I say, I’m very, very familiar with OCD and how truly horrendous it can be to live with. I just wanted to let others know that I’m here to listen if they need someone to vent to. Sometimes it’s hard to open up as an obsessive-compulsive because our thoughts are so terrifyingly intrusive. Our friends and family, although supportive, can be unfamiliar with the mechanisms of these horrific thoughts and how to approach them. Feel free to ask me anything! I’ve taken dozens of medications, seen many specialist and engaged in multiple different therapies. If anyone’s interested in life as an inpatient, I’m more than happy to answer some questions ? Hope you’re all wonderful ? d a i s y

Anyone else dealing with Suicidal OCD and want to chat? Xx

Guys I’m sorry I feel so defeated, I just want to give up. I’ve lost all joy and every thing that used to give me purpose to fight has lost meaning. OCD has stripped everything from me and I don’t know what to do. I hate feeling good and then feeling bad. This cycle is terrible

Was watching a show called atypical with my girlfriend the other day and one of the stars has a boyfriend but she starts getting infinite with her best friend who is a girl. Triggered me like crazy. I don’t have a problem with a couple girls getting intimate lol I just got spiked that her sexual orientation was then uncertain as she was sexually active with her boyfriend and still kind of experimenting with a female of the same gender. I’ve never experimented with a male and I don’t want to. I’m aware sexuality can be fluid and that’s scary. Im in love with my girlfriend and am Sexually active as well. I don’t want to leave her for anyone whether that be male or female. My intrusive thoughts always give me great anxiety when I come across situations like those presented in the show. The biggest thing I did was just accept that I can have thoughts and I don’t need to label them or judge them. I have a choice for what I want to do. I know who I am and what I want deep in my heart and I won’t allow intrusive thoughts to manipulate me. Just accept your thoughts as they are without black and white thinking and breathe. Live through your values.

Does anyone else struggle with trichotillomania and dermatillomania? I have since I was in high school and my trich has vastly improved since then (I used to have no eyebrows, eyelashes, bald patches on my head) but now that I’m in college my derma has gotten so much worse. Even just going to the movies can be a trigger for me. Does anyone have any advice on how to address these compulsions? Xx

Still suffering from pocd and its really kickin me around right now :( I feel as if due to the traumatic events that happened when I was young I can imagine the same awful feeling sitting in my stomach from events that haven’t occurred in the present. Just scenarios that play on loop through my head. Can anyone help ? I hate this

Does anyone struggle with depersonalization? I often feel like I am a ghost in the world. Ghost girl, Or detached from my surroundings. Wondering if this is common with other OCD heads ?! Hope u are all having a lovely weekend ! Try to take care of yourselves and focus on the positive:) we are all lucky in some way and everyone u meet us struggling so be kind :)

Does anyone else suffer with Sensorimotor OCD ? I am dealing with blinking obsession don’t how to accept the thought.

The main reason that I don’t want kids is that I don’t want them to live a life full of anxiety. I have OCD and my boyfriend has anxiety and PTSD. And even thinking about how stressed a child would be with mental illness in their family breaks my heart.

CW for food-related OCD Hi there everyone! I’m very new here and it’s nice to meet you too all! Please excuse the block of text asking for advice but I really hope it’s helpful to at least one other person. Has anyone ever had problems with food and contamination? When OCD gets bad for me, I cannot eat anything meat/dairy because the idea that they’ve been contaminated is just overwhelming. This is weird because typically I have checking and hoarding tendencies, rarely anything related to contamination. The first time it hit, I was eating ice cream and I was grossed out to the point I got physically sick. Now it’s back and it hasn’t dissipated in two months :/ I try to keep it to myself but don’t want to make everyone in my life miserable by needing veggie foods all the time/being skeeved out around meats. Has anyone else had this happen with types of food specifically? I’ve never tried exposure therapy, but are there any steps that have worked for folks to get back to eating normally? I don’t need meat, but I would love to be able to eat ice cream and cheese again. Thanks so much for reading to this point! -Kelly

Trigger warning?? I can’t go near anything red usually because of a severe fear of blood. Worried it’s there and blending in. If I see any marks on stuff thats red or messes of something red I would automatically assume it’s blood and avoid it/can’t clean it up. For the longest time I wouldn’t even wear red clothes. Still can’t do red lipstick or nail polish. Does anyone else have this? Any suggestions on what I could do?? Red, strangely enough, has been my favorite color for a long time and OCD takes it away from me

Question, does anyone else experience real life event ocd? Like they have a lot of guilt about events that happened in the past and can’t seem to move on from it. It is related to my suicide ocd and I wish I could just move on from the past but I have so much guilt for it even though everyone is telling me to move on! I read that this could be considered real life event ocd but am just wondering if anyone else feels the same.

Anybody on here who has depression to go along with their OCD, as well as anxiety, and trauma? I’m just trying to not feel so lonely with this shit smh.

My OCD is HIV phobia. I’m not sexually active, use drugs and/or needles, and I have not received a transfusion, so I should understand that there’s no way I could get HIV. However, my mind manages to come up scary scenarios. Recently, I was at work, and I left my food in my backpack, at lunch time I took out a smoothie juice bottle and started drinking. Once the juice was finished I started to think that perhaps the teacher I work with might have opened my backpack took out the bag in it, found the juice and then proceeded to put HIV infected blood into it. And why did she do that? Well because I had been late in the last few days, so I wasn’t there to help her with the first class, as a result she decided to get revenge by adding HIV infected blood into my juice. And that’s what I’m obsessing over now. Could this teacher be capable of that? Would that be possible? Is it logical? I don’t know anymore, I’m afraid all the time. I see HIV on door handles, faucets, buses, windows and restaurants. I can’t stopped being scared from it and the fear is horrifying. I’m about to give into my compulsion of taking blood tests, and the only thing stopping me is the fear that the lab might use contaminated needles. I don’t know what to do. And I wonder if maybe I’m insane, maybe I’m the only one that’s this crazy.

Pure OCD Or Psychotic Episode? Medication Advice? I can remember suffering with a form of OCD back to childhood. Repeatedly checking things for safety like the gas on the cooker and locking doors. It first became a problem of more severity in 2001, then again in 2008 and has been ongoing but maintained ever since. I have done CBT, Mindfulness and Counseling more than once and the main drug of choice for me has always been Clomipramine. The form of OCD I have had since 2001 I believe to be referred to as Pure O and in particular my issues have always been horrific thoughts containing great detail about harm I would do to my loved ones. Compulsions and rituals would help to ease that anxiety but as CBT teaches us, it is not the productive thing to do. Following my spell in 2008, I was off work for 2 years and on benefits. After getting settled on Clomipramine and doing therapy, I managed to get the condition under control. I did a lot of research about OCD and mental health in general and like to think I am pretty clued up about it all, I then gained new employment as a Support Worker that did include Mental Health Advocacy so I am always kept on top of my training. I managed to travel to see the places in the world I wanted to see, find a Girlfriend, get married and buy a house. This time period throughout 2010-2016 wasn't comfortable, but I was well enough to get by. In 2016 we decided we wanted to have a baby. Unfortunately, one of my main side effects apart from fatigue and excessive sweating was sexual dysfunction. The medication now had to be reviewed and adjusted to enable us to do this. We do now have a 1 year old but since withdrawing from Clomipramine things have been very dark. For replacement, I have tried all the SSRI's, all the recommended vitamins and supplements such St Johns Wort, 5HTP, CBD Oil etc, I have tried eating the right foods, having a well balanced diet and have always exercised anyway but I have had no luck in getting anywhere near the relief I had whilst taking Clomipramine. Since discontinuing with it in 2016 I have also been diagnosed with ADHD (I am apparently part of a missed undiagnosed generation) and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which I think is a long-standing side effect from using Clomipramine that never went away. Since My Son was born a year ago my Harm OCD thoughts have really re-manifested themselves, and are mainly aimed at him. Its almost as if the more joy and love I receive from him, the more intrusive and horrific the thoughts are. Due to this not being my first instance of these symptoms and I am well trained and researched, I know what it is and have been really good at managing the compulsions and rituals. On Clomipramine that would normally be enough to erase the thoughts but unfortunately not this time. Its as if it is more psychotic, like I am now having these images without expecting to do anything to relieve the anxiety. Like I said, I have tried most of the SSRI's including earlier this year, Sertraline which did help with these thoughts but gave me unmanageable fatigue and insomnia, which never eased after 12 weeks. 8 weeks ago, I was then switched to Fluvoxamine, 50mg for a month then 100mg for the second month. I can confidently say this is the worst drug I have been on, bringing more sleep deprivation, returning the intrusive horrific thoughts and culminating last night when I had terrible adrenaline rushes that nearly pushed me towards acting on the thoughts towards my Son and Wife and my response to that was writing a suicide note and planning to end myself before I did anything to them. Luckily my Wife intervened, I broke down and called the Crisis Team. It didn’t get as for as going to A&E for sectioning but it was a possibility. Before taking Fluvoxamine, I was in work (now signed off long term), the thoughts were not there (now they are) and I had never even thought about suicide before. It literally felt a lot more than OCD and I feared I had developed a more psychiatric disorder. I don’t think I really need to go into any greater detail on here as I am sure people are aware of this terrible illness and if you have read all of my very long story above it is much appreciated. I suppose the reason for my contact is for tips around medication and side effects, what people have found affective in these times of crisis and if anyone has had results with counteracting side effects. I have today been given a prescription to restart the Clomipramine. I have got to taper it up slowly as I taper down the Fluvoxamine. I have also been temporarily given Lorezepam in case I get any high states of anxiety like last night. I am hoping I get as good as relief from Clomipramine as before but if anyone can share any tips around counteracting side effects such as sexual dysfunction, excessive sweating, fatigue and basically just being less lazy it would be greatly appreciated. The one good thing I will say about the Fluvoxamine was that it was the first time my social anxiety and sweating improved, but after last night that’s nowhere near enough. I hope my post might help others also. Kind Regards.

Pure OCD Or Psychotic Episode? Medication Advice? I can remember suffering with a form of OCD back to childhood. Repeatedly checking things for safety like the gas on the cooker and locking doors. It first became a problem of more severity in 2001, then again in 2008 and has been ongoing but maintained ever since. I have done CBT, Mindfulness and Counseling more than once and the main drug of choice for me has always been Clomipramine. The form of OCD I have had since 2001 I believe to be referred to as Pure O and in particular my issues have always been horrific thoughts containing great detail about harm I would do to my loved ones. Compulsions and rituals would help to ease that anxiety but as CBT teaches us, it is not the productive thing to do. Following my spell in 2008, I was off work for 2 years and on benefits. After getting settled on Clomipramine and doing therapy, I managed to get the condition under control. I did a lot of research about OCD and mental health in general and like to think I am pretty clued up about it all, I then gained new employment as a Support Worker that did include Mental Health Advocacy so I am always kept on top of my training. I managed to travel to see the places in the world I wanted to see, find a Girlfriend, get married and buy a house. This time period throughout 2010-2016 wasn't comfortable, but I was well enough to get by. In 2016 we decided we wanted to have a baby. Unfortunately, one of my main side effects apart from fatigue and excessive sweating was sexual dysfunction. The medication now had to be reviewed and adjusted to enable us to do this. We do now have a 1 year old but since withdrawing from Clomipramine things have been very dark. For replacement, I have tried all the SSRI's, all the recommended vitamins and supplements such St Johns Wort, 5HTP, CBD Oil etc, I have tried eating the right foods, having a well balanced diet and have always exercised anyway but I have had no luck in getting anywhere near the relief I had whilst taking Clomipramine. Since discontinuing with it in 2016 I have also been diagnosed with ADHD (I am apparently part of a missed undiagnosed generation) and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which I think is a long-standing side effect from using Clomipramine that never went away. Since My Son was born a year ago my Harm OCD thoughts have really re-manifested themselves, and are mainly aimed at him. Its almost as if the more joy and love I receive from him, the more intrusive and horrific the thoughts are. Due to this not being my first instance of these symptoms and I am well trained and researched, I know what it is and have been really good at managing the compulsions and rituals. On Clomipramine that would normally be enough to erase the thoughts but unfortunately not this time. Its as if it is more psychotic, like I am now having these images without expecting to do anything to relieve the anxiety. Like I said, I have tried most of the SSRI's including earlier this year, Sertraline which did help with these thoughts but gave me unmanageable fatigue and insomnia, which never eased after 12 weeks. 8 weeks ago, I was then switched to Fluvoxamine, 50mg for a month then 100mg for the second month. I can confidently say this is the worst drug I have been on, bringing more sleep deprivation, returning the intrusive horrific thoughts and culminating last night when I had terrible adrenaline rushes that nearly pushed me towards acting on the thoughts towards my Son and Wife and my response to that was writing a suicide note and planning to end myself before I did anything to them. Luckily my Wife intervened, I broke down and called the Crisis Team. It didn’t get as for as going to A&E for sectioning but it was a possibility. Before taking Fluvoxamine, I was in work (now signed off long term), the thoughts were not there (now they are) and I had never even thought about suicide before. It literally felt a lot more than OCD and I feared I had developed a more psychiatric disorder. I don’t think I really need to go into any greater detail on here as I am sure people are aware of this terrible illness and if you have read all of my very long story above it is much appreciated. I suppose the reason for my contact is for tips around medication and side effects, what people have found affective in these times of crisis and if anyone has had results with counteracting side effects. I have today been given a prescription to restart the Clomipramine. I have got to taper it up slowly as I taper down the Fluvoxamine. I have also been temporarily given Lorezepam in case I get any high states of anxiety like last night. I am hoping I get as good as relief from Clomipramine as before but if anyone can share any tips around counteracting side effects such as sexual dysfunction, excessive sweating, fatigue and basically just being less lazy it would be greatly appreciated. The one good thing I will say about the Fluvoxamine was that it was the first time my social anxiety and sweating improved, but after last night that’s nowhere near enough. I hope my post might help others also. Kind Regards.

So. This is a bit of a word vomit, but it very much feels like a revelation to me. Especially after reading many of your posts and looking through symptoms of OCD. I really don’t mind if no one reads this caffeine induced rant. It just feels good to get it out somewhere. I have already re-written this several times. I find it hard to finish most things because I edit them (even before I speak to people) over and over again. Often, I drop things all together because I lose energy that “they aren’t good enough.” Mind you, these things are important. For example people’s wedding /promo photos or design projects. I freeze up under pressure if people are watching me and it feels like I’m having an out of body experience. I have always been very fearful, yet shown impulsive behavior. I don’t send texts to my friends for days or weeks or months because I’m worried about what to say-that they won’t like me or I will say stupid things. People think I have it together on the outside until they really get to know me... which not many people do. I did a “great” job of hiding it for a while, I worked as a hairstylist for 7 years.. but I became mentally and physically exhausted. I left my job because I felt so paranoid and practically immobile. (I switched careers and I’m now a nanny for the time being while I’m working on my issues.) My partner is kind and supportive emotionally and financially, but she is constantly telling me nothing is wrong with me. Although she notices that I obsess with things. Like looking in the mirror and cutting my own hair, almost constantly. I ruin things because I obsessively prod and pull and try too hard with them, even after they “Look good,” to others. When I’m on an energy high, I can’t stop arranging or rearranging things. I’ve never been diagnosed with ocd. However I have been diagnosed with chronic depression, anxiety, ptsd and dissociative disorder. Bipolar runs in my family and I thought because of my mood swings and that I seem to have extreme highs and lows, that was a possibility too. Now, and after taking an online assessment, I’m wondering why it’s never been brought to my attention that OCD could be the source of my struggle? Especially when the main them being brought up in all of my therapy sessions is that I live in a state of panic to be perfect and it’s followed me like a cycle my whole life. I am not perfect in the least. I am extremely messy and disorganized. Often no matter how hard I try to stay focused, I get thrown off balance. I wouldn’t rule out that I have adult ADHD, except that I have obsessive thoughts that I have to very consciously work myself through. Namely, that other people will find out how bad I am or how terribly untalented. Anyway. I deal with most of my symptoms through stream of consciousness journaling, mindful meditation and getting out in the sun/nature. I also try to maintain routines and rituals. I expose myself to things a lot, as sort of tests. I make lists and lists and if I can’t finish I beat myself up, until I realize that I’m doing it and I start back at square one. Sometimes I think I am making progress and I know progress is not linear, just as emotions come in waves. Other times I wonder if some things are getting worse with age. I suppose I need to save a little money and invest in a therapist, to find out what my deal is... I’m realizing now that I have always hidden things from my therapists because I thought they would find out how bad I am. Thank you for being a safe space for getting this out. I’ve never told anyone all of this. Except for my partner but it seems too much for her so I journal as much as I can to get things out of my head. I hope you all are finding peace in your self care and by helping other people. I have to push send now because this post is becoming extremely too long. Lol. Sending Love and space of mind to all❤️