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Why do I feel doubtful like if I get intrusive thoughts it bothers me but when I say like my thoughts don’t defy me and I know I’m straight I get like a weird panic attack and feel doubtful even writing this makes me feel doubtful but I know what I am and I know what I want and know who I want to be with now I feel doubtful but I don’t like this feeling it makes me sad can anyone relate ???

So today I have been really, really tired for some reason and I was just filled with this thought about giving up the fight and just accepting that I'm gay. I was then filled with anxiety because of this thought which is why I know it's just the OCD talking. But I've just been so tired today and been on my phone almost the entire day because I've had no energy to do anything and I just feel like giving up the fight. Is there something I can do to help me win this thought? I slept okay last night and I have exercised and ate okay. I just want to know the reason behind the lack of energy because I feel tired every day no matter how well I sleep. I know this battle against OCD is tireing but I haven't even felt so anxious lately. I've been handling my OCD quite well actually. Today I've just felt like everything is pointless.

Hi guys, I wanted to share something with you. But I would like to apologise beforehand for writing and being like this. I never thought I would be such a terrible person. Well, here goes: For the past days, I've been feeling evil. Truly EVIL. I've been feeling like a person with no empathy, remorse or conscience. I can't recognise myself anymore. I feel like I am truly mean and rude. I really wish I were kind and understanding, and not just a few times a month or year, but all the time, every single day. I wanted to be a person who doesn't judge others, gives love unconditionally to others, respects everyone and everything, and never dares to hurt ANYONE. But I guess that wasn't my destiny. My destiny was to be an awful, disgusting and perverted person with a horrifying mind. I've noticed how I'm more irritated, especially with my boyfriend, even when there is no reason to feel that way. I've also noticed how I'm jealous of my friends, how I criticise and analyse people's behaviour even more often, even though I really don't want to do it because you don't know anyone just by looking at them, and how also sometimes I don't care enough, neither for the big things nor for the small ones. I've always had this bit in me but I hoped that I would change. I hoped I would grow up and be a better person. But, unfortunately, I haven't changed. I actually transformed into something worse. Much, much worse! I really feel like the core of my character is filled with traits of a monster. And I don't know how to change it. And that's all on top of my disgusting and terrifying thoughts about children and every single important person in my life. I just don't know how I got here. I just wanted to be normal. I just wanted to have a peaceful, happy life. I never wanted to be like this. Why can't I be a good, caring friend, girlfriend, daughter, sister, and the most important of all, a human being?! I just don't get it. I'll always be evil no matter what. People may think I'm a sweet, nice person (yeah, right...) but they'll always be wrong because they'll never get to see what's actually going on in my head. Anyway, I'll stop now. I'm sorry for venting. I know how pathetic it all sounds. I promise, I do. But I really needed to do it. Please forgive me if you came across this post and had your day/evening ruined because of me (I'm not saying I'm special, I just really think sometimes words like these can cause a lot of distress). Thank you if you've read this. I hope you don't hate me. But it's fine if you do, I deserve it.

so long story short, i developed symptoms of OCD (with themes of being transgender rather than gay) after i was mentally abused by a guy i was friends with for 3+ years. i considered this guy my best friend. he would make a lot of offhand comments about me looking like a man, some i now realize were probably motivated by jealousy (he’s a transgender guy, i’m a cisgender lesbian on the “butch” side). he would always praise my looks for being boyish. i remember he used to make a lot of comments about my body hair, and how it was “cute”. my clearest memory of him messing with me was when i was in a fitting room, trying on dresses for a party i was going to later that day. i sent him pictures of me wearing them, and asked which ones he liked better. he immediately started talking about how strange it was to see me in a dress, and even got his friend in on telling me that i looked too muscular or masculine to wear it. i didn’t think much of it at the time, but i think that event really kicked this into high gear. in late february i outright asked him, “do you think i’m transgender? i like being a girl. i like using she/her pronouns. i’m insecure about these parts of my body, does this insecurity mean something?” i put all my trust in him. he told me that he thought i was a trans man in denial from “the moment we met”, and that when i came out to him as a lesbian, he “never believed i was attracted to women”. this still shakes me up to this day, though my obsessive thoughts have been getting better. i had to start going to therapy again because of this. even after all of my coping and getting better, i can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong with me. i’ve never had OCD-like symptoms before, and i’ve been tomboyish all my life. when people say my name or call me she, i tense up a bit now. it’s a stark contrast to january, when i was the most confident i ever was in my womanhood, femininity, and status as a girl who liked other girls. i’m so scared that i’ll never have my name or my pronouns back. what are your thoughts on my situation?

can someone pls talk to me.

If we are to ever manage (or dare I say, conquer) OCD, here are a few suggested statements to write down on a piece of paper and carry in your pocket that we all need to be comfortable with doing. 1. "I want to kill my spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend", 2. "I hope my parents die in a fiery car crash"; 3. "I love the Devil"; 4. "I am sexually attracted to children"; 5. "I want to stab my children while they are asleep"; 6. "I want to drown my kids in the bath tub"; 7. "I am in denial about being gay"; 8. "I want to go to Hell"; 9. "I am attracted to my brother/sister/mother/father"; 10. "I love the number 666 (or some other bad number)." These are just some examples. The point is to habituate to these kinds of thoughts that disgust you and, more importantly, learn that thoughts are not facts or an indicator of one's personal character. They are just passing thoughts to be acknowledged (not ignored) but not engaged in any way or given meaning or your valuable time.

ERP for pure o. Does it just mean not responding to the thought and carrying on with whatever you’re doing? I can’t imagine deliberately trying to imagine the thought is true ( like I’ve read about some exposures) Surely this would just make my brain believe it’s true even more?!

How do you deal with meta-type obsession thoughts like these : - Am I sure I find this act morally wrong? - How can I be certain I don’t want to do this? - What if ERP makes my fears come true and I act out? From what I understand, the ERP is to shrug and say maybe ??‍♀️, but it feels so real. I’m scared maybe I really don’t find illegal acts immoral enough and I could do something bad. Any tips?

Obsessively looking at every interaction I have with people I speak to and interact with even close long friends because I always see call out posts with ex friends or people who have spoken to the person getting called out and have these stories of what the person was like. I hate being terrified all the time. I never feel safe anymore and I’m depressed.

I have a feeling Im experiencing a bit of depersonalization/derealization, I feel numb, like Im just coasting through life. Ive had so much anxiety and oanic attacks that all that is left now is this weird feeling. Im anxious, but not anxious at the same time. Like Im just here. Has anyone expereinced the same and what was your experience?

Struggling with taxes. I worry about making mistakes, cheating, committing tax fraud. Trying to just get it done and submitted. So many details I could get stuck on. Pushing onward feels like ripping off a bandaid. I survive it every year, so I’ll probably get through it this year, too. Lol. Imma hafta to treat myself to some chocolate after this.

Being scared that it might not be ROCD, probably means it’s ROCD, right? Like I wouldn’t get scared if it was a sincere doubt versus an OCD doubt.

MY LAST HOPE PLEASE HELP ME These thoughts feel like I like them, I constantly imagine if I would like gay anal sex,! I feel like giving up and accepting I’m gay, ( I don’t want to be gay) but I just can’t fight it anymore, if I’m gay what can I acc do, I remember how fake and how unreal these thoughts felt at the start, but now they feel real, and I caught up with how I get aroused at the thought of gay sex I just don’t feel myself anymore, I’ve always had crushes on girls and only girls, I’m 16 and even when I went to a all boys school I didn’t have any attraction to boys at all, The first months of having hocd( I think it’s this) I was so upset and wanted to die, I lost my attraction to girls overnight and I was in a relationship, I beat these thoughts and developed harm ocd and thought I would hurt my girlfriend. This all went after we broke up and now hocd feels like I like it and want it, Like I acc used to hate the thought of being in a relationship with a guy, I still do but my loss of attraction and false attraction/urges just feel so real towards men! What’s the point fighting this anymore, I really don’t want to be gay but it feels like I’m gonna end up being it, I don’t get how sexuality can change against your own will I use to watch bisexual 3 soms ( two men one women) but I still came over the girl I just don’t get this shit anymore, I have been diagnosed with hocd/ ocd but it feels to real and like I like it, please has Someone been through this l

Ok. Here it goes. I’ve had OCD (one theme or another) my whole life. It would come and go. I have a wonderful and devoted husband and two beautiful little kids. Around my 35th birthday (6 weeks ago) I snapped. My panic and intrusive thoughts broke through the medication I had been on since I was 19. I got hot and tingly, couldn’t stop crying, felt like wretching all over the place. I called a crisis hotline and they gave me Ativan (.5mg) as well as 40mg of Prozac. The first few weeks I felt like I was winning the battle. Some days I would just be able to scoot by with 3 Ativan, other days 5 or 6. I was figuring I only needed the Ativan until the Prozac took effect. Fast forward to a week ago, my anxiety and thoughts (which would only spike at mid afternoon or evening) began as soon as I woke up. I called my psychiatrist after it became so bad I couldn’t take it. The nurse then dropped my Prozac down to 20mg and prescribed me busiprone at 10mg 2x a day. I spent a few nights at my parents’ house thinking the triggers would be less and I could clear my head. The thoughts kept coming. “You don’t love your husband, you should leave. You’re trapped. You don’t love your children. Your life is a lie.” Over and over. I’m trying to wean myself off the Ativan as I know it can be addictive. So far I haven’t taken any today. I haven’t eaten more than a piece of toast (that I have to choke down). I’m shaking and feel sick. My OCD has now morphed into harm/self harm ocd now. I had such a great conversation with my husband last night where I was honest and open about my thoughts. I cried the whole time while he held my hand and said, “I’m not going anywhere.” I felt better for about an hour or two afterwards but then it all came roaring back at 10:30 before I tried to go to bed. It’s gotten so bad I’m afraid to be around my 4.5 year old and 12 month old. My NOCD diagnostic appt isn’t until Thursday. I feel like screaming and tearing my skin off. I don’t know what to do. I love my family and would rather die than not have them. I have been googling to satisfy compulsions and texting my mom incessantly for reassurance. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Why can't reassurance help me? If somebody tells me with good arguments that I'm not a pedophile, I can let it go, right?? I really can't take this anymore. I rather give myself a painful death than being a pedophile. I hate my life..

everything feels so forced in my relationship with my boyfriend. our love. our sex. our kisses. just everything. i overthink everything. like i know i wouldn’t be having sex with him if i was lesbian. and until these thoughts emerged i was loving our sex i was addicted. now it feels like i’m forcing myself to do it but i don’t know. our kisses feel different now, the thoughts always say “you should be kissing a girl not him” and it messes up the mood. i question if i do even love him at this point. i had a good relationship the first 2 months and then it just went downhill from there, it’s just so difficult i don’t know what to do. i feel like breaking up with him every single day and it makes me so sad i can’t even get up. what if i’m so depressed because i should be with a woman instead?? but why would i hate these thoughts. i don’t even get aroused by them as much anymore. but i can’t masturbate unless and actually cum unless i’m thinking of lesbian sex. it’s awful. i’m lost.

Hi, I'm so, so sorry for my second post in a day but I really felt like I need to share this with someone. So, I usually have questions about POCD. But this time it's about something different. Okay, here goes: I've started work 3 hours ago and since then I have thoughts about hurting people that I work with. I know, I absolutely know that what I'm going to say will sound immature, but for some reason I have this feeling that some of my colleagues have started to dislike me. I really hope that this is just my social anxiety playing with me but it truly feels like they've changed their behaviour towards me; they seem to be colder to me and treating me like I've done something really bad. Again, I am probably wrong but there is a gut feeling that I can't ignore. Well, for some reason, in my head, it feels like I want to hurt these people for not liking me anymore. I know, this is just so stupid! Makes no sense! None! And the worst thing is that it feels absolutely true. There is no anxiety. I feel like a serial killer. I'm really panicking as I don't know what all this means. I just want to go home and cry but I can't, I have a few more hours to do. I don't think that having the thoughts is my problem. The feelings similar to desire and no anxiety are my problems. Also, the thoughts were not intrusive at all. It's like I was planning crimes in my head. I'm really, really sorry. I feel really ashamed. I'm currently on my break and I have to go back in 2 minutes but I'm too scared and ashamed to do so. Please, be honest. If you think there is a chance that this could be something more than OCD, please let me know. I will accept the truth as it is. Again, I'm really sorry. I don't know why I am like this. Thank you for reading this, and I really hope that you can help me!

What is it like to be a parent with OCD? Is it hard to focus on the kids? (not pregnant and won’t be anytime soon, just genuinely curious)

Linking thoughts to every day actions. This is something I have been unable to find much information about. My OCD attaches to every day actions. It started as I’m worried I’ll deliberately act out a thought and then moved on to that I now imagine that *ordinary action* is doing the *OCD fear*. Linking the thoughts with actions makes it feel so real and like I have “done something”. Examples - Intrusive thought - canibalism Link to every day action - thought that food I’m eating is a person Intrusive thought - touching someone inappropriately Link to every day action - any movement with fingers - thought that the action is like touching someone Intrusive thought - oral sex Link to every day action - any movement of tongue is like performing oral sex Does anybody have any exposure suggestions? Many thanks in advance.