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the NOCD Community

Not gonna lie guys but I’ve had a pretty up and down day. It’s not even having an unpleasant day but more like shifting pleasant and unpleasant moments as the day goes on. This whole weekend I’ve felt my anxiety shoot upwards as I’ve been having to deal with new intrusive thoughts surrounding my family. I’ve been working on pushing pass these fears by hanging out with my family regardless of what the thoughts say, doing my ERP practices, and learning to be less judgmental of myself for having the thoughts. The thoughts are not my own and have recently shown up, so I’ll lightly remind myself it’s OCD without diving into compulsions. I still struggle with compulsions in regard to my main theme of suicidal OCD because well it’s the scariest one I have. Any other intrusive thoughts I have lead back to this theme and really scares me that it’s someone a secret desire of mine or that I’ll just give up one day when that’s NOT what I want. I’ve even put the idea of starting medication back on the table since the fear and anxiety reaction can get overwhelming. I’m hoping that once I’m able to start a medication that works for me, as well as continuing my ERP, I’ll be advancing even more beautifully. But for now I’m working on combating the new thoughts surrounding my family (btw F you OCD for bringing my family into this - obviously OCD will attack what you care about and being with my family is my safe haven so now I feel like I’m freefalling a bit). However I know this is temporary and will pass. I have the resources available to me and I won’t allow OCD to win, no matter what. I am strong and have God on my side. Hope everyone is doing okay and I wish you all a blessed and peaceful night ?

Does anyone’s hocd get worse on or around their periods? I’m on mine rn and it hit me like a fuckinf truck, I actually was doing better and now I’m back to being certain I’m bi and I have to check out girls butts and boobs and I get groinal and it feels like I like it. I have to imagine having sex w girls constantly to check and it feels like I would really want and enjoy it but I have a bf and love him and that’s all I want ? does anyone relate to this, also does anyone think I could just be bi in denial bc when I think abt “coming out “ as bi I get this excitement feeling like it would be fun and I could be myself but that’s not what I want??? it feels like I want both genders yet at the same time I just want men

I'm having a hard time understanding "overcorrection" in ERP therapy. For example, one of my obsessions is "What if I've smeared soap across my TV/ my body & don't know?" And my compulsion is to check. From what I understand, ERP is about letting myself have the obsession and then not do the compulsion. But for overcorrection, wouldn't you actually smear soap on the TV / your body and habituate to that. At the same time I like not having soap smeared on myself/the TV, so it gets really confusing about what ERP wants you to do. I've heard that for contamination OCD, patients are encouraged to lick toilet seats, and put their hands in a toilet and habituate to that. So if I'm not smearing soap on my TV / body, wouldn't I be doing something wrong according to overcorrection ERP?

I don't know how to do it anymore. I have these constant urges to replay and revisit certain moments (where I think I hurt someone) and analyse them. I also want to confess to everyone I know... about everything. All I feel at the moment is disgust which has been growing more and more for the past weeks as I've been constantly feeding on tremendous levels of shame and disgust. I wonder how I could ever act on an urge and hurt my brother (even I never would intentionally because I love him more than my life, and because I don't want to be a person that causes pain to anyone in any way or shape). I wonder how I got here. It all started with thoughts. But it all ended in a huge, huge disaster with me as a monster in the centre of it. I'm really tired. I'm also scared because I'm convinced I will fail ALL my exams, therefore I will not be able to complete my second year at uni. Everything is getting worse and worse, and I barely have any energy left. I know I sound dramatic, which I apologise for, but I honestly feel like this is the end for me.

When I was younger I remember I used to masturbate to the thought of my sister, or sexualise her. I was around 10 or 11, and I feel terrible about it now... the problem us that my body still reacts to the very mention of sex so now when I get intrusive thoughts about her or another family member I get a groinal reaction and I'm worried it means something more :(

I dont think I deserve love. I hate myself. Want to hurt myself-- just a slap to my skin or pulling my hair. Just to ground myself, or maybe as a punishment for all the shit I've done. So much goes through my mind. Too many thoughts that I cant disprove. I truly am a monster. Fuck. Yall might try to say I'm not, but have you seen my other posts? I'm a disgusting, hurtful person. I hate myself so fucking much I hate my brain.

I’m 27 and have lost most of my best friends over the years. I was like the life of the party and very popular in college and right after, but it seems like the older I get, the more falling outs I have, the more I drift apart from people and I have to start over making friends. As of a few years ago, I don’t even have someone to call a best friend. I have some close friends, but not a best friend. And now in this pandemic especially I feel lonely.

My son, who has OCD, wants my husband and I to wash our hands before we go can be in his apartment. (Which we are helping him pay for) I also want to wash his bed sheets as he has not done so for literally months and months. He won’t allow me to do it. He wipes things down, including himself, with paper towels soaked in alcohol. He will do this in front of us. I told him to not let the OCD tell him what to do. He told me to back off. What can/should we do???? Please help!!!

My dad knows I have been having a super hard time of it and am basically at my wits end with my ocd. He sent me this tonight. This is why no matter how much I want to give up, I never will: "Just wanted you to know that I am sitting here in the living room and am looking at that absolutely magnificent picture of you and me at the wedding. It is so beautiful! Honey, I want you to know that I am here for you and that I will fight hard for/with you to overcome our concern. We have to dig in and really battle this. I am right here with you. You can't give up; I will fight with you. It would kill me if you ever give up! We CAN'T GIVE UP! Remember, there is nothing we can do that can't be done I will take you ANYWHERE to get help. I love you and I need you. Always, Dad."

I feel that I have lost connection to my life and myself. My life seems to be lived through compulsions and senseless thought & my emotions are not in line. Has anyone experienced a feeling of emotional detachment where your emotions are out of wack? Is there anything you have done to combat that?

I’m sad. I keep thinking about things that have gone wrong in my life. The job I loved that I lost. The girl I tried to save but couldn’t. The fact that I’ll never be a therapist like I wanted to be. :/

Has anyone ever dealt with false memories after a night out drinking with friends? Thinking you may have done something so against your morals?

Any HOCD sufferers around? I’m sorry for posting so much but I am in a dark place. I just got married and my HOCD has flared dramatically. I try not to post to lower my anxiety but I had a sex dream with a woman and have started once again to doubt myself. The idea of hurting my husband bc he’s my best friend not someone I love bc I’m gay is haunting me. I don’t have it in me to fight anymore. I’m seeing a therapist but it’s so hard to do erp when I have been aroused by that stuff in the past. So it’s like confirming I’m a lesbian. I’m going insane. Any help, at all. Or advice is deeply needed.

ocd for 10 years is this too long to recover

I just read a gay story on Reddit linked to hocd and he said he turned out gay and at the start he would do tests and stuff like that and want to be with girls, this has triggered me and now I think I’m gonna be like that cause, the thoughts are convincing me that I like them ( gay sex) even tho it made me feel sick and disgusted

I’m having trouble again with when I find someone cute that I see in public I begin thinking that I dont like my boyfriend because of the fact that I find someone else attractive. I start to question the validity of my feelings and our relationship and man it sucks. Does anyone else experience this? What do you do to combat it?

How do y’all get over the dark days? Because it’s this constant anxiety and thoughts. The last several days have been bad.

When I say you want to be X, it doesn't feel right anymore. The thoughts made me so numb that it feels like I'd be better off with what my thoughts are telling me which sucks. At the beginning, I was like I want to be straight, but now, it doesn't feel right :(((

think one of the most scariest feelings is feeling like you want the thoughts or like them in anyway it’s awful and disgusting

I've been really struggling for five years with a theme after I received intensive ERP. OCD knows my weakest point and it's therapy & recovery. I do care a lot about beating OCD and the OCD knows that. It's throwing out demands in the disguise of exposure & it's really hard to know what's therapy & what's OCD. Sometimes I'll even question whether or not I have listened and following through on it's "exposure" instructions, which then I'll go back to check if I did listen. Of course that doesn't help. My character is being destroyed by this, constant instructions that if something bothers me as me, or I don't like it, that it's OCD and I need to habituate to it, when in reality, it's just something I don't like. I really wish there was a therapist in my area who could help me navigate through this. I agree that keeping it simple is key. I do wish somehow this were easier to convey to a therapist. No matter what the OCD content, it should be about letting yourself experience the obsession & not performing the compulsion. Not actually doing what's inside the obsession, which is where my OCD warps everything. Really struggling and really need help.