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When my HOCD really kicked in I feel like I was never attracted to girls, my brain makes me feel like it is a lie and that I will be better off gay. I am not a masculine masculine male I am more feminine I guess which my brain uses against me as evidence that I am gay. Anyone else experience the decrease in attraction and your brain using parts of who you are as evidence you are gay?

I'm having a hard time figuring out how to overcome the following problem with ERP. I don't know if I should tighten my shoelaces or leave theme loose. Here's what happened: When I was tying my shoes, I got the initial obsession "Your shoelaces aren't tightened enough." As a compulsion I retied my shoes once. This lasted for about 10-15 seconds. The above has triggered me and now I get caught in a loop of figuring out to properly overcome it with therapy. The OCD cycle is now as follows & the initial obsession/compulsion is no longer present. 1. "Since I had the initial obsession above ^ , that means you need to loosen your laces and habituate to that for exposure therapy." 2. "Now your laces are loosened because you might have listened to those instructions & done the above for 'exposure' ." 3. "You need to be just as comfortable with loosened laces as you would tightened laces" 4. "Letting myself experience the original obsession & not perform the compulsion is not enough therapy. You need to be doing an exposure to overcorrect the initial obsession/compulsion."

Hi everyone, I noticed some members are doing therapy in the US through NOCD, that's awesome. Therapy is the way OUT! Paying for therapy can be a barrier. I had face to face, one on one therapy in Australia for about 2 years. I didn't have to pay much at all for this because of Medicare so I want to explain how to access affordable therapy to all the Australians out there! The Australian public health system is fantastic. ? I got specialist OCD therapy through Medicare. I have finished ERT and I'm pretty much fine now and have been for a good while. (Yes yah!) I'm also off Sertraline now for over a year. No meds anymore. I took 100mg of zoloft a day for 3 or 4 years. (I still get some general anxiety but I find mindfulness and meditation helps and I'm pretty much under control. A psychiatrist I saw in Japan where I live now recommended this book to me: The Mindful Way through Depression by J. Mark G. Williams. I learned about mindfulness and meditation from here, its all relevant even if depression is not a problem for you, it never really was for me.) First I was diagnosed with OCD by a psychiatrist. For me I was referred to her by my obstetrician. I told him I had bad anxiety after my first baby was born so they kept an eye on my mental health second time around. I told her about my obsessions. I didn't know it was OCD. Then my GP was able to give me a Mental Health Care plan which allowed me up to 10 visits to a clinical psychologist each year. You get 6 first then 4 more later. My psychologist was an OCD specialist and he was based nearby. Once I met my general Medicare threshold for the year I didn't have to pay any out of pocket expenses. None! Make sure your family is registered for the Medicare Safety Net so you can reach the threshold as soon as possible. The organisation Beyond Blue can give you information about Mental Health Care plans. By the way prior to being diagnosed with OCD my private health insurer Bupa also gave me free, local face to face, one on one psychologist sessions. I had free sessions for around 6 months. I got this through their new parent programme so also check out your private health insurance. At the time I was treated for post natal anxiety. All the best everyone.

TW: suicidal OCD and self-harm OCD Hey guys! Quick disclaimer: my main theme is suicidal OCD. Unwanted intrusive thoughts/feelings/urges on the subject but they are completely unwanted and I’m not interested whatsoever in ending life, I love my life! even if it is difficult having OCD but who isn’t it difficult for! Now that that’s out of the way, I was scrolling through Facebook and saw that this site called The Mighty posted an article around OCD surrounding suicidal intrusive thoughts. I thought “hey! more awareness on this type of theme!” So I go read it and let me tell you I did NOT like what they were going on about. The author explained that they struggle with suicidal OCD. However! They said that their compulsions included self-harm and how dangerous it can be and quickly lead to real suicide if not kept in check. I don’t know about you guys but to me that just screamed that the author was actually suicidal instead of just dealing with suicidal/self-harm ocd. Of course it triggered me because this is a theme I deal with but I would never want to do any self-harm as a compulsion, couldn’t even fathom it! So now I’m scared and wish I didn’t read that article. Which sucks because I read an article from Made of Millions which explained suicidal OCD and didn’t make you worried that was a thing. Like at that point you’re actually acting on actions correct? I don’t know, all I do know was that I nope’d out of there real quick and had to remind myself that everyone’s situation is different. It also sucks because apparently there was another article on The Mighty’s site that talked about “suicidal OCD”, yet that person also self-harmed as a compulsion as well! That seemed like wayyy too much and having inched itself into a whole other problem outside of OCD. My compulsions are mostly just mental such as reassurance, checking feelings and thoughts, etc. Anything physical has been avoidance of things or places. Anyways, that was my rant that triggered me. Didn’t like that one bit. Gonna take a hot shower, get comfy, and let that article leave me be while I snack and watch tv.

My mom screwed up the washing and drying machine for me. She opened the garage door while both machines were open. Now, I am worried that a bug flew from the garage and went in both or one of the machines. I don’t want to use the machines anymore. What Do I do?

Not gonna lie guys but I’ve had a pretty up and down day. It’s not even having an unpleasant day but more like shifting pleasant and unpleasant moments as the day goes on. This whole weekend I’ve felt my anxiety shoot upwards as I’ve been having to deal with new intrusive thoughts surrounding my family. I’ve been working on pushing pass these fears by hanging out with my family regardless of what the thoughts say, doing my ERP practices, and learning to be less judgmental of myself for having the thoughts. The thoughts are not my own and have recently shown up, so I’ll lightly remind myself it’s OCD without diving into compulsions. I still struggle with compulsions in regard to my main theme of suicidal OCD because well it’s the scariest one I have. Any other intrusive thoughts I have lead back to this theme and really scares me that it’s someone a secret desire of mine or that I’ll just give up one day when that’s NOT what I want. I’ve even put the idea of starting medication back on the table since the fear and anxiety reaction can get overwhelming. I’m hoping that once I’m able to start a medication that works for me, as well as continuing my ERP, I’ll be advancing even more beautifully. But for now I’m working on combating the new thoughts surrounding my family (btw F you OCD for bringing my family into this - obviously OCD will attack what you care about and being with my family is my safe haven so now I feel like I’m freefalling a bit). However I know this is temporary and will pass. I have the resources available to me and I won’t allow OCD to win, no matter what. I am strong and have God on my side. Hope everyone is doing okay and I wish you all a blessed and peaceful night ?

Does anyone’s hocd get worse on or around their periods? I’m on mine rn and it hit me like a fuckinf truck, I actually was doing better and now I’m back to being certain I’m bi and I have to check out girls butts and boobs and I get groinal and it feels like I like it. I have to imagine having sex w girls constantly to check and it feels like I would really want and enjoy it but I have a bf and love him and that’s all I want ? does anyone relate to this, also does anyone think I could just be bi in denial bc when I think abt “coming out “ as bi I get this excitement feeling like it would be fun and I could be myself but that’s not what I want??? it feels like I want both genders yet at the same time I just want men

I'm having a hard time understanding "overcorrection" in ERP therapy. For example, one of my obsessions is "What if I've smeared soap across my TV/ my body & don't know?" And my compulsion is to check. From what I understand, ERP is about letting myself have the obsession and then not do the compulsion. But for overcorrection, wouldn't you actually smear soap on the TV / your body and habituate to that. At the same time I like not having soap smeared on myself/the TV, so it gets really confusing about what ERP wants you to do. I've heard that for contamination OCD, patients are encouraged to lick toilet seats, and put their hands in a toilet and habituate to that. So if I'm not smearing soap on my TV / body, wouldn't I be doing something wrong according to overcorrection ERP?

I don't know how to do it anymore. I have these constant urges to replay and revisit certain moments (where I think I hurt someone) and analyse them. I also want to confess to everyone I know... about everything. All I feel at the moment is disgust which has been growing more and more for the past weeks as I've been constantly feeding on tremendous levels of shame and disgust. I wonder how I could ever act on an urge and hurt my brother (even I never would intentionally because I love him more than my life, and because I don't want to be a person that causes pain to anyone in any way or shape). I wonder how I got here. It all started with thoughts. But it all ended in a huge, huge disaster with me as a monster in the centre of it. I'm really tired. I'm also scared because I'm convinced I will fail ALL my exams, therefore I will not be able to complete my second year at uni. Everything is getting worse and worse, and I barely have any energy left. I know I sound dramatic, which I apologise for, but I honestly feel like this is the end for me.

When I was younger I remember I used to masturbate to the thought of my sister, or sexualise her. I was around 10 or 11, and I feel terrible about it now... the problem us that my body still reacts to the very mention of sex so now when I get intrusive thoughts about her or another family member I get a groinal reaction and I'm worried it means something more :(

I dont think I deserve love. I hate myself. Want to hurt myself-- just a slap to my skin or pulling my hair. Just to ground myself, or maybe as a punishment for all the shit I've done. So much goes through my mind. Too many thoughts that I cant disprove. I truly am a monster. Fuck. Yall might try to say I'm not, but have you seen my other posts? I'm a disgusting, hurtful person. I hate myself so fucking much I hate my brain.

I’m 27 and have lost most of my best friends over the years. I was like the life of the party and very popular in college and right after, but it seems like the older I get, the more falling outs I have, the more I drift apart from people and I have to start over making friends. As of a few years ago, I don’t even have someone to call a best friend. I have some close friends, but not a best friend. And now in this pandemic especially I feel lonely.

My son, who has OCD, wants my husband and I to wash our hands before we go can be in his apartment. (Which we are helping him pay for) I also want to wash his bed sheets as he has not done so for literally months and months. He won’t allow me to do it. He wipes things down, including himself, with paper towels soaked in alcohol. He will do this in front of us. I told him to not let the OCD tell him what to do. He told me to back off. What can/should we do???? Please help!!!

My dad knows I have been having a super hard time of it and am basically at my wits end with my ocd. He sent me this tonight. This is why no matter how much I want to give up, I never will: "Just wanted you to know that I am sitting here in the living room and am looking at that absolutely magnificent picture of you and me at the wedding. It is so beautiful! Honey, I want you to know that I am here for you and that I will fight hard for/with you to overcome our concern. We have to dig in and really battle this. I am right here with you. You can't give up; I will fight with you. It would kill me if you ever give up! We CAN'T GIVE UP! Remember, there is nothing we can do that can't be done I will take you ANYWHERE to get help. I love you and I need you. Always, Dad."

I feel that I have lost connection to my life and myself. My life seems to be lived through compulsions and senseless thought & my emotions are not in line. Has anyone experienced a feeling of emotional detachment where your emotions are out of wack? Is there anything you have done to combat that?

I’m sad. I keep thinking about things that have gone wrong in my life. The job I loved that I lost. The girl I tried to save but couldn’t. The fact that I’ll never be a therapist like I wanted to be. :/

Has anyone ever dealt with false memories after a night out drinking with friends? Thinking you may have done something so against your morals?

Any HOCD sufferers around? I’m sorry for posting so much but I am in a dark place. I just got married and my HOCD has flared dramatically. I try not to post to lower my anxiety but I had a sex dream with a woman and have started once again to doubt myself. The idea of hurting my husband bc he’s my best friend not someone I love bc I’m gay is haunting me. I don’t have it in me to fight anymore. I’m seeing a therapist but it’s so hard to do erp when I have been aroused by that stuff in the past. So it’s like confirming I’m a lesbian. I’m going insane. Any help, at all. Or advice is deeply needed.

ocd for 10 years is this too long to recover

I just read a gay story on Reddit linked to hocd and he said he turned out gay and at the start he would do tests and stuff like that and want to be with girls, this has triggered me and now I think I’m gonna be like that cause, the thoughts are convincing me that I like them ( gay sex) even tho it made me feel sick and disgusted